Queen of the City

by Tamicka Higgins

  “Close the door, Loc,” Nas said as I walked in. He was breathing hard. The dogs were growling. The man was screaming through a gag that was in his mouth. Nas looked over at me.

  “See baby; this is what happens to niggas when I come home and find them snoopin’ around my shit. I don’t ask questions. I just fuck them up until I get tired, and if they still breathing, then we can talk. If not, then fuck it. Lesson learned the hard way.”

  He turned back towards the man who looked at me in horror. Open wounds and small gashes were all over his body as blood dripped from him like drops of water from a leaky faucet. The dogs growled, lunging for the man but getting yanked back each time. Nas stood up and walked over to him, sliding on brass knuckles. He raised his hand and struck him in the face three times as the man yelped out in pain.

  “Bitch ass nigga. I don’t know what the fuck he thought this was. Who sent you, muthafucka? Who sent you?” Nas removed his gag and blood dripped from his mouth.

  “Nobody! I… I swear to God, nobody!”

  “Oh, and you lying in God’s name? You're a silly muthafucka.”

  Nas raised his hand and struck him fiercely three more times, knocking teeth out as more blood spilled from his lips,

  “I’m not lying, man, I… I swear I’m not lying! I was just lookin’ for…”

  Nas grabbed him by the face and snarled, “Lookin’ for what, muthafucka!?”

  The man started breathing hard, hyperventilating, as Nas continued, “Oh, I know what you was looking for. You were lookin’ for death, you bitch ass nigga.”

  Nas walked away from him, grabbing a knife that was in his chair.

  “See baby, this is what happens to fuck boys like this. This is why I’m the fuckin’ king. This is why I’m ‘bout to run this city. This nigga right here? He is going to be the mouthpiece for everybody that tries to fuck with me or anybody in this set.”

  He walked back to the man and gagged him again, then began slicing him up with the knife. The man yelled out and tried to break free from his chair, falling over and into his own pool of blood. I covered my mouth and ran out the garage door, throwing up on my way. Minutes later, Nas came out to me. His eyes were filled with a bloodthirsty rage. I didn’t even recognize him. For the first time, I felt fear in my heart, and it was at that moment that I knew that this man was truly a boss. Somebody that you couldn’t just fuck with and get away with it. I was deathly afraid of what he could do but at the same time, it turned me on and increased my desire to want to be with him.

  “Come with me,” he said as I heard a single, silenced gunshot come from the garage. Nas kept walking like it was nothing, opening the door for me to walk in first. He took me up to his room, washing his hands in the bathroom as I sat on his bed, completely silenced. He came outside shirtless with a towel in his hand.

  “I’m sorry you had to see that, Mama. You caught me in my rage. I never wanted you to see that side of me, but one thing I can’t stand is a nigga creepin’ in my shit. That’s how muthafuckas like me get popped because we ain’t watchin’. That nigga thought we were gone but shit, he guessed wrong.”

  I remained silent as I sat on his bed. Moments later, he came to sit by me. “Baby, did I scare you? I’m sorry if I did.”

  “Nah. I’m… I’m good.”

  “You sure?”

  “I’m straight. I mean, I ain’t never seen any shit like that before, but I’m straight, though.”

  “Aight then. How that shit go with the bitch from the club?”

  I composed myself.

  “It went good. Her name is Keyonna. I got her number and shit. We supposed to kick it later on this week.”

  “Good.”

  He glanced into the mirror. The bloodthirsty look that was on his face just a while ago was gone. Now, I saw Junie.

  “We will be runnin’ this city in a minute. And when I say, we, I’m talkin’ about you and me. My down ass bitch. Every nigga needs one and I know I found mine in you. Right?”

  “You know it, baby.”

  “That’s what I like to hear.”

  Loc and Man-Man dropped me off later that night. The image of that man being tortured in the garage never left my mind. I couldn’t bring myself to accept the fact that he deserved it. Either way, I knew what kind of man Nas was, and that wasn’t something that he was going to let fly.

  The house was quiet when I walked in. I was still too shaken up to go to sleep, so I sat in the front room and turned on the television. I flipped from channel to channel until I landed on a spiritual station. TD Jakes was preaching about the prodigal son. The batteries in the remote died as I tried to flip past the station. I laughed and shook my head, imagining that Big Mama had something to do with that happening. “Nothing is a coincidence, baby,” she would say to me when things just seemed to happen at the right time.

  “And he came back to his father. That is the issue of the story; he came back to his father, and his father wasn’t mad that he left. His father wasn’t mad that he went and spent all his money on strippers and alcohol. He wasn’t mad at any of that. He was just happy that his son came home after it all. No matter what you have done. No matter what you are doing, you can always come back because your father is waiting for you. His love is still there, waiting for you. His forgiveness is still there, waiting for you. Redemption is still there, waiting for you. All you have to do, child of God, is come home. Just come back and you’ll see that the love that you thought was gone is still there, and it is as strong as it has ever been.”

  I felt a tug in my heart to pray. To ask him for help right then and there but there was resistance. I couldn’t go home. This was the same God that took away Big Mama. The same God that didn’t save Junie. I didn’t want to go back to that God. I didn’t want any part of him. I stood up and shut the TV off and just then, I heard a car running right outside my house. Curious about who it was, I walked over to the window, peeking outside. It was past 1 am, so I didn’t know who it could have been. I walked to Vinny’s room to see if he was there. I cracked the door open, and I was immediately hit with the sounds of his snores. I closed his door and went to the basement, checking for Uncle Stew. He was sound asleep. I went back upstairs, and the car was gone. I ain’t got time for this shit, I said to myself as I headed back to my room. That’s when gunshots rang out. I hit the ground as they pierced through the windows and the door. The barrage of bullets went off for what seemed like forever before the car screeched off.

  “Lyric!” Vinny ran out the room, shouting.

  Seconds later, Uncle Stew ran up the stairs. “What… what the hell was that?!”

  They ran into the front room and saw me laying on the ground, my hands covering my head. Uncle Stew helped me up as Vinny checked out the window.

  “It ain’t nobody out there,” he said, coming back towards us.

  “I’ma call the police,” Uncle Stew said after he helped me up.

  My first thought was to call Nas. I knew he would want blood for what just happened, but I couldn’t have him over here with the police. I sat on the couch, breathing slowly, putting together what just happened. Uncle Stew and Vinny were speaking, but I couldn’t make out any of the words. It was all going in slow motion, their words jumbled together. My heartbeat seemed to beat loud enough to echo throughout the house. Their words slowly became understandable,

  “Lyric, Lyric, you aight? Were you hit? Talk to me?!”

  Vinny said as he checked my body for gunshot wounds. Uncle Stew hung up the phone and ran towards me.

  “The police are on their way!”

  Two squad cars showed up as we all stood on the porch. Some of the neighbors stepped outside their houses, watching from a distance. The officers walked up to us lazily like it was just another shootout in the hood.

  The first officer, a tall and slim white man, spoke to us

  “So, what happened here?”

  I was uninterested in talking to him. “Somebody shot up my house.”

 
; “Well, do you know who it was?” He pulled out a pad of paper,

  I looked at him incredulously. “No. Do you?”

  He dropped the pen and paper to his side. “Listen, Ma’am. We’re trying to help you out here.”

  “How are you helping me by asking me to do your job? It’s your job to find out who did the shit, not me.”

  He began to walk towards me, but Uncle Stew stepped in his path.

  “Officer, she is just angry right now. I mean, sir, somebody just shot at her, and they shot up this house. They could’ve killed all of us, so please, just forgive her for that. Listen, if we knew who did it, we would tell you. But all we can do now is say that our house was shot up.”

  The other officer spoke. He was a short, round black man with a thin goatee. It looked as if he was the one black officer they sent to the hood to try to sympathize with those who lived there.

  “Did any of you get a good look at the car?”

  I remained silent, so Uncle Stew answered, “Sorry, officer. I think we were all asleep when it happened.”

  The other officer spoke up, “Well, how about this. Whenever you guys have an idea about who shot up your home, then give us a call. Until then, don’t waste our time.”

  The officer turned around and walked away as I stood up, ready to walk after him. Uncle Stew grabbed my arm and yanked me backward.

  “Don’t mind him. He can be a jackass sometimes.” The other officer chimed in.

  He extended his card to me, but I just watched it sit in his hand. Uncle Stew reached across me and took it from him. “Thank you, officer. I appreciate it.”

  He tipped his hat and walked away. I didn’t see the point of even calling them out there. There was nothing they could do about it, but on top of that, I thought I already knew who was behind it. I remembered Remy threatening me the night I interrupted her on stage. Top that off with me having another show tonight and it wouldn’t take a genius to put the two together. Uncle Stew tried to get me to come in the house, but I stayed on the porch. He was scared they were going to come back and finish me off, but at that point, I didn’t care. I was going to sit there and wait for them. Vinny took a spot next to me on the porch.

  We stayed out there for hours just chilling, not saying anything to each other. The crickets chirped in the distance. The moon glowed brightly above us and the stars twinkled back and forth with each other like they were having the battle to see who could outshine the other. I imagined that it was Big Mama’s spirit inside one of the stars. She was always watching over me, and I knew it.

  Vinny scooted closer to me. “You know what I love about you?” he asked, looking up at the stars. “You are fearless. You always have been. Even when we were little kids, it was always you that went first. Remember that time our ball rolled up on Miss Vanderson’s grass and we were all scared to get it? Then you were like, ‘man, forget her’ and walked up on her grass while she was standing right there and then threw up yo’ middle finger at her. That shit was too funny.”

  I laughed, “Hell yeah, I remember that. She cussed me out, too, and Big Mama beat the breaks off me. But then she went over there to that witch house and told her if she ever cussed me out like that again that she was gonna beat her worse than she beat me.”

  He laughed louder, “Hell yeah! Big Mama was a G, on everything. I know where you get it from now. But aye, I’ma get in here so I can get at least a few hours of sleep. You coming?”

  I took one last look at the moon’s glow.

  “Yeah, let’s go.”

  Chapter 16

  I sat in the lobby, watching women walk in and out of the offices. Somber, remorseful faces decorated the room like blue Christmas ornaments. I heard baby cries behind me, but when I spun around, there was nothing there but the same women I saw before. What the fuck? I said to myself as I turned back around in my chair.

  I could hear the faint chants of protesters just outside the door of the clinic. I walked through a swarm of them when I came in. They were holding up signs and trying to hand me pamphlets as I maneuvered through them and into the office. They did their best to detour me, but I was sure this is what I wanted to do. There was no way I could go through these next months pregnant if I was going to keep rapping and being by Nas’s side. Especially with the plan to set up Big Tuck. He wasn't fucking with any pregnant woman, and that was just common sense. I just didn’t want to take the chance and go through the aftershock of what something like that would bring into my life.

  “Sherita Thomas?” a short, white woman said as she came out the back office. Sherita stood up and headed to the front. There was a baby bump that was just becoming visible beneath her shirt. She rubbed her hand over her stomach as she walked to the front, her boyfriend right behind her as if he was prodding her to go forward. I did my best to block Big Mama out of my mind. I knew she would be sending every signal she could to get my attention, but my mind was set. This was something I had to do. The chatter of the protesters outside went lower and lower as time passed by. The baby cries started up again. This time, it felt as if the baby was right by me. I looked to my left and right in a sudden movement, startling one of the women by me. She wrinkled her eyebrows and curled her top lip at me.

  “My bad,” I said to her as she moved a few seats further down. The short, white woman came out the room again, “Maria Chambers?” She took a deep breath and walked to the front of the room as if she was walking her own green mile. This is for the best, I told myself as I sat in my chair. It wasn’t long before the white woman called me back to the room.

  I followed her down a short maze of hallways, turning to the left a few times and then to the right. We ended in a small room with one table and two chairs. She held her hand out for me to sit down. “So, Miss…” she looked down at her paper,

  “Lyric Sutton. I understand that you are about a month and a half into your pregnancy?”

  “Yes, that’s correct.”

  She flipped through a few more pages. “Ok. And you’re sure you want to go through with this?”

  I looked to the right, hesitating for a moment before I responded.

  “Yes, I’m sure.”

  A sharp pain shot through my side when I gave that answer. The pain caused me to squirm in my chair, and the woman reached out to me, “Are you ok?”

  “Yeah. Yeah, I’m good. I just felt a pain in my side. I’m good, though.”

  She looked at me with concern. “Ok, if you’re alright, then I will continue. Have you ever had an abortion before?”

  “No. This is my first one.”

  “OK. And are you familiar with the procedure?”

  “No, not really.”

  She went into the step by step process as the pains radiated through my side when she spoke. I held it in, careful not to alarm her because I just wanted to go through with the process. The way she described it all was hard to handle. As she spoke, I began to see visions of a baby boy being held in my arms, looking up at me. He had short, curly hair. It seemed like he couldn’t have been any more than five months but he was spoiled. Everything he had on was Jordan brand, and he looked just like Nas. Exactly like him. It was weird thinking that my son would have been Junie’s nephew. Either way, I felt like I would have had a piece of Junie inside my son and that’s what mattered.

  But what if it’s not Nas’s baby? I thought to myself. The pain shot through my side again, causing me to shut my eyes tight. The lady kept talking as if nothing was happening. The baby cries came back, but now, they were deafening. The woman’s words were drowned out, and I finally yelled out when it became too much to bear.

  “Wait!”

  She jumped backward in her chair, looking at me like I was some sort of anomaly.

  “I… I’m sorry, but I don’t need to be here. I shouldn’t have come in the first place.”

  I stood up and walked out the room.

  “Uh, Miss… Miss Sutton?” she called to me.

  Her words fell on deaf ears as I wa
lked back through the labyrinth and made my way out into the lobby. I felt the pain of some of the women there, the confusion. The encouragement from fuck boys that wanted nothing more than to get rid of their responsibilities. I walked out of the lobby with my head high as I heard the same white woman call the next victim in. Somewhere, I knew Big Mama was smiling down at me. I could only hope that I made the right decision.

  I called Nas and asked him to meet me downtown at the lakefront. The same spot where we met the very first time we kicked it. He was a little hesitant about being out in the open like that now since he was moving up in the game but he still came out. Man-Man stood outside his truck like a secret service agent as Nas walked over to me while I sat on the bench.

  He kissed me on the cheek. “What good, Mama?”

  “Shit. I’m just chillin'.”

  “I hear you.”

  He looked out onto the water as the waves moved across the lake.

  “I’ma kick it with that chick tonight.”

  “Word,” he said, his eyes still fixed on the water, “What yall gon’ do?”

  “Shit, I don’t know yet. Might just take her to a club or somethin'.”

  “Nah, Nah. I don’t like that shit.”

  “Why not?”

  “Cuz ain’t no tellin’ if that nigga is gon’ be there or some of his guys. Take her to a low-key spot, you know? Somewhere that niggas don’t show up.”

  “Aight. I know a place.”

  “Cool,” he put his eyes on me, “You aight, ma? You look sick and shit.”