Building Dreams

by Ginna Gray

  He took a long pull on the beer and watched Ryan's restless pacing. "So. You wanna tell me what's eatin' at you, Hoss? Or did you just come over here to wear out my linoleum?"

  Ryan halted and raked a hand through his hair. "It's Tess."

  "Somehow, I figured that."

  That earned Reilly an annoyed look, which he ignored. After a moment Ryan sighed heavily and started pacing again. "She was waiting for me when I got home.. ."

  In jerky, agitated sentences, Ryan told him the whole story. He left nothing out and was brutally honest about his part in both the quarrel with Tess and the disturbing kiss that had followed.

  "It was all my fault. I shouldn't have goaded her," he said reasonably, then ruined it by exploding, "But, dammit! I was upset!"

  He was more than just upset. Over the last few months Ryan had come to think of Tess and Molly as his. and the thought of them moving away, out of his life, was unbearable. The thought of that damned Charles sniffing around her made him feel murderous.

  "Are you worried she'll change her mind and take them upon their offer?"

  "Maybe. I don't know. No! No, of course she won't." Ryan absently took a sip of beer. "I'm probably just being paranoid. She said herself she was going to turn them down. When she does, that'll be the end of it."

  "Mmm. I wonder?"

  "What does that mean?"

  "Just that people like the Bensons can be tenacious as hell. And if this Charles is as interested in Tess as you seem to think, I wouldn't count on him giving up that easily."

  "If Tess turns him down, he'll have to."

  Reilly gave him a long, level look and cocked one eyebrow. "Would you?"

  For several seconds Ryan stared at him, his jaw clenched and working. Finally he bit out a curse. "Dammit. I've got to do something. And fast. But what?"

  "Ah, c'mon, Hoss." Reilly's deep chuckle brought Ryan's dark glare down on him, but he didn't turn a hair. Crossing his arms over his brawny chest, he smiled. "I think you've known the answer to that all along."

  ❧

  Tess was still awake when her doorbell pealed. She glanced at the bedside clock and made a distressed sound. At a quarter till five in the morning it could only be Ryan.

  She wasn't ready to face him, but she threw back the covers and reached for her robe. He would only keep ringing that bell until she answered it. As it was, the chime sounded two more times in rapid succession before she reached the entry way.

  "For heaven's sake," she hissed, jerking the door open. "Will you kindly remember that there's a sleeping baby in here!"

  "We have to talk, Tess."

  Tess gazed at him, her heart aching. He was unshaven and bleary-eyed and he looked as strung out as she felt. The blue-plaid flannel shirt beneath the sheepskin coat was the same one he'd had on last night, and with a pang, she realized that he had not been to bed.

  She gripped the edge of the door with trembling fingers and shook her head. "No. Please, Ryan," she pleaded in a shaky whisper. "Just go away and leave me alone. I can't take any more. Please."

  "Neither can I. That's why I'm here." He paused, staring at her, his vivid eyes burning. "I think we should get married, Tess."

  Chapter 10

  "What?" Tess's heart skipped a beat, and her hand fluttered to her chest. "You... you can't be serious."

  "I've never been more serious in my life. Now will you let me in?"

  Wordlessly, Tess stepped aside, and when he strode past her into the living room she shut the door and followed in a daze. In the middle of the floor he turned to her. Tess came to a stop behind the Queen Anne chair and gripped the high back for support.

  "Are you all right?" Ryan questioned, searching her pale face.

  "Yes. That is ... I don't know. Ryan... this is crazy. You don't really want to get married. You told me yourself that it wasn't high on your list."

  "I believe what I said was 'women' weren't high on my list. They still aren't, but you're an exception. And I do want to marry you."

  She could not doubt the sincerity in his voice or the serious look in his eyes. Still, she was confused. There was no affection there. No tenderness. Merely hard determination. "But...why?" I "This isn't a decision I reached lightly. I drove around most of the night thinking about our situation. Marriage seems the most sensible answer."

  "Sensible?" Tess ahnost laughed, except that she knew if she did she would start crying. She shook her head. j "There's nothing in the least sensible about it."

  "It seems to me to be the most logical solution to a number of problems. First of all, we can't keep ignoring this thing between us. We've tried that and it doesn't work. The chemistry is too strong."

  Tess blushed and looked down, unable to meet his gaze. Undeterred, Ryan came around the chair and stood beside her. She could feel him watching her but she kept her eyes fixed on her fingers, plucking nervously at the green-and-cream-striped upholstery.

  "Soon, Tess—very soon—we're going to wind up in bed together, married or not," he murmured almost in her ear. "All the good intentions in the world won't stop it."

  Her head whipped around. "Ryan!"

  "Why are you shocked? It's the truth, and you know it." He ran the back of his forefinger down her burning cheek, his eyes following the path. His voice dropped, becoming soft and gravelly. "When you walked out of the bedroom last night wearing that damned dress that showed off every delectable curve, I wanted to throw you down on the floor and make love to you on the spot. I still do."

  "Ryan!"

  "I hated watching you walk out of here with that damned snob, Charles," he went on in the same low voice. "I hated the thought of him hovering over you, touching you. I could see in his eyes that he wanted you, and I wanted to kill him for even thinking of you in that way."

  "Oh, Ryan!"This time his name came out in a breathy murmur, thick with feeling. Tess stared at him, her eyes wide. His words were so shocking, so full of primitive passion it took her breath away.

  "I don't want to have to endure another evening like that. I don't want to have to worry that you might move to Boston, or that some other man might come along and steal you and Molly away. I couldn't stand that," he admitted with such raw emotion and vulnerability that her chest contracted painfully. She felt as though her heart were being squeezed in an iron fist. She stared at him in amazement, scarcely able to breathe.

  "You're not the type for an affair. Even if you were, I have Mike to think of. That's not the kind of example I want to set for my son. So it seems to me that marriage is the obvious route."

  "I see."

  It was all that Tess could say; her mind was so numb she could barely speak. He could have no idea what he was doing to her. With each word he spoke, her heart broke a little more. What woman wanted a man to marry her because it was the ''logical" thing to do? She was in love with him, for heaven's sake!

  "Either we get married, or we have to part," Ryan went on. "And quite frankly, the thought of that tears my guts out."

  Surprise widened her eyes. Her heart pounded and hope began to soar, only to plummet with Ryan's next words.

  "Molly means the world to me. You have to know that. Maybe when you help bring a baby into the world, when you're the first one to hold that new life in your hands, a special bond forms. Hell, I don't know. All I'm sure of is, I couldn't love her more if she were my own. It would kill me to lose her."

  That startled a painful little laugh out of Tess. "You want to marry me because you love my daughter?" she choked in a disbelieving voice.

  "You know it's not just that. I.. ." Ryan looked away. A muscle in his jaw jumped. He looked back at Tess and scowled. "I care about you, too.''

  "But you don't love me." It was a statement, not a question, her voice toneless.

  It seemed to annoy him. He grimaced and raked a hand through his hair. "Love isn't something I have to give. Or want."

  "I see."

  "But I do want you, Tess. I want you very much." He stepped closer and touch
ed the side of her neck, trailing his rough fingers over the smooth flesh. Tess shivered.

  "Ryan," she said, faintly shocked at her body's powerful reaction to even that slight touch.

  "You see—you want me, too. Don't deny it."

  She didn't even try.

  "Look, Tess. You and I got off to a bad start, but somehow we've become friends. Good friends. Hell, I never even thought I'd hear myself use that word in connection with a woman. It's more than a whole helluva lot of people have going for them. Can't it be enough?"

  "Oh, Ryan, I-"

  "We can make it work for us, Tess. We like each other and we get along well. God knows, we desire each other." Tess blushed scarlet again, but he ignored her discomfort. "You know how I feel about Molly, and I think you like Mike."

  "I love Mike."

  "There you go, then. Molly needs a father and Mike needs a mom. We could give them that. We could be a family, Tess."

  It wasn't fair. It simply wasn't fair. With the instincts of a wily street fighter, he had zeroed in on her weakness, hitting her with the argument she found hardest to resist.

  Family had always been important to Tess, especially so after losing her parents. She and Tom had planned to have a large family of their own. Then she had lost him, too, and she had resigned herself to living alone, just her and Molly. Now Ryan was offering her another chance.

  In addition, there was Ryan's family. For someone like Tess, just the thought of becoming a part of the large and boisterous McCall-Blaine clan was an inducement. The strongest temptation of all, however, was her love for Ryan.

  She tried to resist. She told herself that he didn't love her, that she would be a fool to accept his proposal, that she was setting herself up to be hurt—worse than she had ever been hurt in her life. It did no good. Her head might urge caution, but her heart wanted Ryan.

  "Marry me, Tess," he urged, sensing her wavering. The hand at her neck slipped beneath her silky pageboy and cupped her nape. Giving a little tug, he brought her closer, and Tess's hands came up automatically to rest on his chest. He looked deep into her eyes, his handsome face serious and intent. " We can have a good life together. Give us a chance, Tess."

  She searched his face, her lower lip caught between her teeth. She couldn't bear never to see him again. Yet if she accepted his proposal she could very well be sentencing herself to a loveless marriage.

  No. Her optimistic nature would not allow her to accept that possibility. Ryan could come to love her someday. Anything was possible when two people shared a passion as strong as theirs. She had to believe that, because, heaven help her, she could not lose him.

  "What's your answer, Tess?" Ryan asked in his usual straightforward way.

  She looked at that dear face, at the fierce intensity in his beautiful blue eyes, longing and fear thrumming through her. Finally, gathering her courage, she sent up a silent prayer, drew a deep breath, and nodded. "All right. I'll marry you."

  ❧

  On Christmas day, they were married in Crockett, in the church that Ryan had attended all his life.

  The simple ceremony, which was held immediately after the Christmas service, was a private one just for family.

  They were all there, every last one, including a couple of old maid great-aunts, Eula and Clara Mae Monahan, who lived thirty-five miles away in Palestine. This time Tess even got to meet Erin and Ehse, Ryan's infamous twin cousins, about whom she had heard so much when she was there in August.

  Erin and Elise and their husbands. Max Delany and Sam Lawford, had intended to celebrate Christmas at their homes in Santa Fe, New Mexico, since they had come to Crockett for Thanksgiving, but the minute they heard about the wedding the sisters had started packing for the trip to Texas. When they couldn't get airline tickets at that late date, they talked their long-suffering husbands into hiring a private plane to fly them.

  "We certainly couldn't let one of our favorite cousins get married without us," Erin defended staunchly when the others razzed her and Elise. "Besides... any woman who could get Ryan McCall to the altar, we had to meet."

  The pair lived up to their reputations. Arriving in a whirlwind of commotion, they no sooner said hello to their family than they turned their attention on Tess.

  Elise greeted her with a smile and a warm embrace. Her lovely face was alive with curiosity but her gentle, unassuming nature held it in check.

  Erin was not hampered by such inhibitions. "So. You're Tess," she said, boldly looking her over. She shot Ryan a twinkling look. " Another redhead, huh? That's just what this family needs. And definitely a mark in her favor," she said with a droll smile. Erin and Elise's hair was the same flame red as their cousin Meghan's, a feature all three had inherited from their maternal grandmother, Maureen Monahan.

  With the pleasantries out of the way, Erin ignored her husband's groans and the reprimands of the rest of her family and proceeded to grill Tess with a series of pointed questions.

  "Hmm. I have to say, you're not what I expected," she said when done. "For one thing, I never knew my cousin went for wholesome beauty. It's good to know his taste is improving. You look about as tough as a spring lamb, but I guess you've got guts, if you're willing to take on this bad-tempered brute." She pursed her lips and studied Tess , through narrowed eyes.

  Tess shifted, uneasy under that penetrating stare. She had the feeling that, for all her feistiness and daring, Erin Blaine Delany was an exceptionally bright and perceptive woman. That steady gaze seemed to see right into Tess's soul to her innermost secrets.

  Evidently satisfied with what she found, she finally nodded and pronounced audaciously, "Yes. Yes, I believe you'll. do just fine."

  All of Ryan's relatives shared the sentiment, though most expressed their approval and delight over the match in more diplomatic terms.

  His parents were overjoyed. Maggie, who had made all the arrangements for the rushed wedding, was in her element, bustling around giving orders, organizing events and her family, not only for the wedding but the holiday. In between, she fussed over Molly.

  Reilly, of course, took full credit for the match, claiming he knew from the start that Tess and his twin were perfect for each other.

  Mike was over the moon. When Tess and Ryan had broken the news to him, he responded with an ecstatic, "Aw right!" During the trip to Crockett and the holiday weekend preceding the ceremony he was so excited, he drove everyone crazy, constantly getting underfoot during the frantic preparations, and cracking corny wedding jokes to anyone who would listen.

  The only person who had any reservations about the match was Amanda.

  "Tess, are you sure you know what you're doing?" she had questioned with obvious concern when Tess broke the news to her. "Have you thought this through?"

  "Yes, of course I have."

  "Don't you think you ought to at least wait a while to be sure this is what you want? Why be in such an all-fired hurry?"

  "Amanda, calm down. It will work out. You'll see. Why are you objecting, anyway? I thought you liked Ryan now?"

  "I do. I think he's a great guy, and I'll be eternally grateful to him for what he did for you, but... well... he's obviously still carrying around some serious baggage from his first marriage. That's bad enough, but you told me yourself that he doesn't love you."

  "I know," Tess replied quietly. "But the thing is...I love him."

  Amanda groaned. "Oh, Lord, I was afraid of that. But don't you see, that's all the more reason to exercise a little caution. You've been hurt so much already." She took Tess's hands, her eyes worried and beseeching. "Oh, Tess. Honey, I know you're a fighter, but I'm afraid if you get knocked to your knees again, all the optimism and determination in the world won't get you up this time."

  Tess was afraid of that, too, but she loved Ryan too much not to take this chance at happiness, no matter how slim.

  Amanda continued to express her doubts and concerns all week, but when time for the wedding came, she put them aside and stood beside Tess at th
e altar.

  Mike was Ryan's best man. Dressed in his Sunday suit, he stood tall and proud, beaming throughout the exchange of vows, while behind them, Molly burbled and cooed in her new grandmother's arms.

  Tess was so nervous she could barely concentrate on what Reverend Dixon was saying. Panic almost overtook her as Ryan repeated the solemn vows that would bind them together, his deep baritone firm and sure. Her own voice came out a quavery whisper, and during the exchange of rings, her hands shook as though she had the palsy, but somehow she got through it.

  Then, suddenly, it was over. As Tess went into Ryan's arms for their first kiss as husband and wife, she thought, "It's done" and she sagged against him, her heart caroming in her chest.

  The next couple of hours passed in an blur for Tess. They were immediately surrounded by family. The men thumped Ryan on the back and they were both kissed and hugged and showered with well wishes.

  From the church they went back to Maggie and Colin's home for a sumptuous combination Christmas dinner and wedding feast. Dorothy and Joe Blaine's dining table had been brought over and butted up against the McCalls. Together, the long linen-covered tables stretched from the dining room through the double sHding doors all the way into the middle of the parlor.

  Conversation around the table was lively and boisterous, with everyone talking at once—except for Ryan and Tess.

  He weathered the toasts and affectionate teasing of his kin with his usual stoicism, responding now and then with a raised eyebrow and sardonic look, an occasional terse comment. Tess was so nervous she barely heard a word that was said. She did little more than pick at her food and nod andsmile vaguely whenever anyone spoke directly to her. Had her life depended on it, she could not have said what was on her plate.

  Almost before she knew it, the cake had been cut and duly eaten, pictures had been taken, the bouquet had been caught—reluctantly by Meghan, who had been jostled into position by her sisters-in-law and cousins. Then it was time to go.