Complete Plays, The
Page 328
Gremio
I warrant him, Petruchio is Kated.
Baptista
Neighbours and friends, though bride and bridegroom wants
For to supply the places at the table,
You know there wants no junkets at the feast.
Lucentio, you shall supply the bridegroom’s place:
And let Bianca take her sister’s room.
Tranio
Shall sweet Bianca practise how to bride it?
Baptista
She shall, Lucentio. Come, gentlemen, let’s go.
Exeunt
ACT IV
SCENE I. PETRUCHIO’S COUNTRY HOUSE.
Enter Grumio
Grumio
Fie, fie on all tired jades, on all mad masters, and all foul ways! Was ever man so beaten? was ever man so rayed? was ever man so weary? I am sent before to make a fire, and they are coming after to warm them. Now, were not I a little pot and soon hot, my very lips might freeze to my teeth, my tongue to the roof of my mouth, my heart in my belly, ere I should come by a fire to thaw me: but I, with blowing the fire, shall warm myself; for, considering the weather, a taller man than I will take cold. Holla, ho! Curtis.
Enter Curtis
Curtis
Who is that calls so coldly?
Grumio
A piece of ice: if thou doubt it, thou mayst slide from my shoulder to my heel with no greater a run but my head and my neck. A fire good Curtis.
Curtis
Is my master and his wife coming, Grumio?
Grumio
O, ay, Curtis, ay: and therefore fire, fire; cast on no water.
Curtis
Is she so hot a shrew as she’s reported?
Grumio
She was, good Curtis, before this frost: but, thou knowest, winter tames man, woman and beast; for it hath tamed my old master and my new mistress and myself, fellow Curtis.
Curtis
Away, you three-inch fool! I am no beast.
Grumio
Am I but three inches? why, thy horn is a foot; and so long am I at the least. But wilt thou make a fire, or shall I complain on thee to our mistress, whose hand, she being now at hand, thou shalt soon feel, to thy cold comfort, for being slow in thy hot office?
Curtis
I prithee, good Grumio, tell me, how goes the world?
Grumio
A cold world, Curtis, in every office but thine; and therefore fire: do thy duty, and have thy duty; for my master and mistress are almost frozen to death.
Curtis
There’s fire ready; and therefore, good Grumio, the news.
Grumio
Why, ‘Jack, boy! ho! boy!’ and as much news as will thaw.
Curtis
Come, you are so full of cony-catching!
Grumio
Why, therefore fire; for I have caught extreme cold. Where’s the cook? is supper ready, the house trimmed, rushes strewed, cobwebs swept; the serving-men in their new fustian, their white stockings, and every officer his wedding-garment on? Be the jacks fair within, the jills fair without, the carpets laid, and every thing in order?
Curtis
All ready; and therefore, I pray thee, news.
Grumio
First, know, my horse is tired; my master and mistress fallen out.
Curtis
How?
Grumio
Out of their saddles into the dirt; and thereby hangs a tale.
Curtis
Let’s ha’t, good Grumio.
Grumio
Lend thine ear.
Curtis
Here.
Grumio
There.
Strikes him
Curtis
This is to feel a tale, not to hear a tale.
Grumio
And therefore ’tis called a sensible tale: and this cuff was but to knock at your ear, and beseech listening. Now I begin: Imprimis, we came down a foul hill, my master riding behind my mistress,—
Curtis
Both of one horse?
Grumio
What’s that to thee?
Curtis
Why, a horse.
Grumio
Tell thou the tale: but hadst thou not crossed me, thou shouldst have heard how her horse fell and she under her horse; thou shouldst have heard in how miry a place, how she was bemoiled, how he left her with the horse upon her, how he beat me because her horse stumbled, how she waded through the dirt to pluck him off me, how he swore, how she prayed, that never prayed before, how I cried, how the horses ran away, how her bridle was burst, how I lost my crupper, with many things of worthy memory, which now shall die in oblivion and thou return unexperienced to thy grave.
Curtis
By this reckoning he is more shrew than she.
Grumio
Ay; and that thou and the proudest of you all shall find when he comes home. But what talk I of this? Call forth Nathaniel, Joseph, Nicholas, Philip, Walter, Sugarsop and the rest: let their heads be sleekly combed their blue coats brushed and their garters of an indifferent knit: let them curtsy with their left legs and not presume to touch a hair of my master’s horse-tail till they kiss their hands. Are they all ready?
Curtis
They are.
Grumio
Call them forth.
Curtis
Do you hear, ho? you must meet my master to countenance my mistress.
Grumio
Why, she hath a face of her own.
Curtis
Who knows not that?
Grumio
Thou, it seems, that calls for company to countenance her.
Curtis
I call them forth to credit her.
Grumio
Why, she comes to borrow nothing of them.
Enter four or five Serving-men
Nathaniel
Welcome home, Grumio!
Philip
How now, Grumio!
Joseph
What, Grumio!
Nicholas
Fellow Grumio!
Nathaniel
How now, old lad?
Grumio
Welcome, you;— how now, you;— what, you;— fellow, you;— and thus much for greeting. Now, my spruce companions, is all ready, and all things neat?
Nathaniel
All things is ready. How near is our master?
Grumio
E’en at hand, alighted by this; and therefore be not — Cock’s passion, silence! I hear my master.
Enter Petruchio and Katharina
Petruchio
Where be these knaves? What, no man at door
To hold my stirrup nor to take my horse!
Where is Nathaniel, Gregory, Philip?
All Serving-Men Here, here, sir; here, sir.
Petruchio
Here, sir! here, sir! here, sir! here, sir!
You logger-headed and unpolish’d grooms!
What, no attendance? no regard? no duty?
Where is the foolish knave I sent before?
Grumio
Here, sir; as foolish as I was before.
Petruchio
You peasant swain! you whoreson malt-horse drudge!
Did I not bid thee meet me in the park,
And bring along these rascal knaves with thee?
Grumio
Nathaniel’s coat, sir, was not fully made,
And Gabriel’s pumps were all unpink’d i’ the heel;
There was no link to colour Peter’s hat,
And Walter’s dagger was not come from sheathing:
There were none fine but Adam, Ralph, and Gregory;
The rest were ragged, old, and beggarly;
Yet, as they are, here are they come to meet you.
Petruchio
Go, rascals, go, and fetch my supper in.
Exeunt Servants
Singing
Where is the life that late I led —
Where are those — Sit down, Kate, and welcome.—
Sound, sound, sound, sound!
Re-enter Servants with supper
Why, when, I say? Nay, good sweet Kate, be merry.
Off with my boots, you rogues! you villains, when?
Sings
It was the friar of orders grey,
As he forth walked on his way:—
Out, you rogue! you pluck my foot awry:
Take that, and mend the plucking off the other.
Strikes him
Be merry, Kate. Some water, here; what, ho!
Where’s my spaniel Troilus? Sirrah, get you hence,
And bid my cousin Ferdinand come hither:
One, Kate, that you must kiss, and be acquainted with.
Where are my slippers? Shall I have some water?
Enter one with water
Come, Kate, and wash, and welcome heartily.
You whoreson villain! will you let it fall?
Strikes him
Katharina
Patience, I pray you; ’twas a fault unwilling.
Petruchio
A whoreson beetle-headed, flap-ear’d knave!
Come, Kate, sit down; I know you have a stomach.
Will you give thanks, sweet Kate; or else shall I?
What’s this? mutton?
First Servant
Ay.
Petruchio
Who brought it?
Peter
I.
Petruchio
’Tis burnt; and so is all the meat.
What dogs are these! Where is the rascal cook?
How durst you, villains, bring it from the dresser,
And serve it thus to me that love it not?
Theretake it to you, trenchers, cups, and all;
Throws the meat, & c. about the stage
You heedless joltheads and unmanner’d slaves!
What, do you grumble? I’ll be with you straight.
Katharina
I pray you, husband, be not so disquiet:
The meat was well, if you were so contented.
Petruchio
I tell thee, Kate, ’twas burnt and dried away;
And I expressly am forbid to touch it,
For it engenders choler, planteth anger;
And better ’twere that both of us did fast,
Since, of ourselves, ourselves are choleric,
Than feed it with such over-roasted flesh.
Be patient; to-morrow ’t shall be mended,
And, for this night, we’ll fast for company:
Come, I will bring thee to thy bridal chamber.
Exeunt
Re-enter Servants severally
Nathaniel
Peter, didst ever see the like?
Peter
He kills her in her own humour.
Re-enter Curtis
Grumio
Where is he?
Curtis
In her chamber, making a sermon of continency to her;
And rails, and swears, and rates, that she, poor soul,
Knows not which way to stand, to look, to speak,
And sits as one new-risen from a dream.
Away, away! for he is coming hither.
Exeunt
Re-enter Petruchio
Petruchio
Thus have I politicly begun my reign,
And ’tis my hope to end successfully.
My falcon now is sharp and passing empty;
And till she stoop she must not be full-gorged,
For then she never looks upon her lure.
Another way I have to man my haggard,
To make her come and know her keeper’s call,
That is, to watch her, as we watch these kites
That bate and beat and will not be obedient.
She eat no meat to-day, nor none shall eat;
Last night she slept not, nor to-night she shall not;
As with the meat, some undeserved fault
I’ll find about the making of the bed;
And here I’ll fling the pillow, there the bolster,
This way the coverlet, another way the sheets:
Ay, and amid this hurly I intend
That all is done in reverend care of her;
And in conclusion she shall watch all night:
And if she chance to nod I’ll rail and brawl
And with the clamour keep her still awake.
This is a way to kill a wife with kindness;
And thus I’ll curb her mad and headstrong humour.
He that knows better how to tame a shrew,
Now let him speak: ’tis charity to show.
Exit
SCENE II. PADUA. BEFORE BAPTISTA’S HOUSE.
Enter Tranio and Hortensio
Tranio
Is’t possible, friend Licio, that Mistress Bianca
Doth fancy any other but Lucentio?
I tell you, sir, she bears me fair in hand.
Hortensio
Sir, to satisfy you in what I have said,
Stand by and mark the manner of his teaching.
Enter Bianca and Lucentio
Lucentio
Now, mistress, profit you in what you read?
Bianca
What, master, read you? first resolve me that.
Lucentio
I read that I profess, the Art to Love.
Bianca
And may you prove, sir, master of your art!
Lucentio
While you, sweet dear, prove mistress of my heart!
Hortensio
Quick proceeders, marry! Now, tell me, I pray,
You that durst swear at your mistress Bianca
Loved none in the world so well as Lucentio.
Tranio
O despiteful love! unconstant womankind!
I tell thee, Licio, this is wonderful.
Hortensio
Mistake no more: I am not Licio,
Nor a musician, as I seem to be;
But one that scorn to live in this disguise,
For such a one as leaves a gentleman,
And makes a god of such a cullion:
Know, sir, that I am call’d Hortensio.
Tranio
Signior Hortensio, I have often heard
Of your entire affection to Bianca;
And since mine eyes are witness of her lightness,
I will with you, if you be so contented,
Forswear Bianca and her love for ever.
Hortensio
See, how they kiss and court! Signior Lucentio,
Here is my hand, and here I firmly vow
Never to woo her no more, but do forswear her,
As one unworthy all the former favours
That I have fondly flatter’d her withal.
Tranio
And here I take the unfeigned oath,
Never to marry with her though she would entreat:
Fie on her! see, how beastly she doth court him!
Hortensio
Would all the world but he had quite forsworn!
For me, that I may surely keep mine oath,
I will be married to a wealthy widow,
Ere three days pass, which hath as long loved me
As I have loved this proud disdainful haggard.
And so farewell, Signior Lucentio.
Kindness in women, not their beauteous looks,
Shall win my love: and so I take my leave,
In resolution as I swore before.
Exit
Tranio
Mistress Bianca, bless you with such grace
As ’longeth to a lover’s blessed case!
Nay, I have ta’en you napping, gentle love,
And have forsworn you with Hortensio.
Bianca
Tranio, you jest: but have you both forsworn me?
Tranio
Mistress, we have.
Lucentio
Then we are rid of Licio.
Tranio
I’ faith, he’ll have a lusty widow now,
That shall
be wood and wedded in a day.
Bianca
God give him joy!
Tranio
Ay, and he’ll tame her.
Bianca
He says so, Tranio.
Tranio
Faith, he is gone unto the taming-school.
Bianca
The taming-school! what, is there such a place?
Tranio
Ay, mistress, and Petruchio is the master;
That teacheth tricks eleven and twenty long,
To tame a shrew and charm her chattering tongue.
Enter Biondello
Biondello
O master, master, I have watch’d so long
That I am dog-weary: but at last I spied
An ancient angel coming down the hill,
Will serve the turn.
Tranio
What is he, Biondello?
Biondello
Master, a mercatante, or a pedant,
I know not what; but format in apparel,
In gait and countenance surely like a father.
Lucentio
And what of him, Tranio?
Tranio
If he be credulous and trust my tale,
I’ll make him glad to seem Vincentio,
And give assurance to Baptista Minola,
As if he were the right Vincentio
Take in your love, and then let me alone.
Exeunt Lucentio and Bianca
Enter a Pedant
Pedant
God save you, sir!
Tranio
And you, sir! you are welcome.
Travel you far on, or are you at the farthest?
Pedant
Sir, at the farthest for a week or two:
But then up farther, and as for as Rome;
And so to Tripoli, if God lend me life.
Tranio
What countryman, I pray?
Pedant
Of Mantua.
Tranio
Of Mantua, sir? marry, God forbid!
And come to Padua, careless of your life?
Pedant
My life, sir! how, I pray? for that goes hard.
Tranio
’Tis death for any one in Mantua
To come to Padua. Know you not the cause?
Your ships are stay’d at Venice, and the duke,
For private quarrel ’twixt your duke and him,
Hath publish’d and proclaim’d it openly:
’Tis, marvel, but that you are but newly come,
You might have heard it else proclaim’d about.
Pedant
Alas! sir, it is worse for me than so;
For I have bills for money by exchange
From Florence and must here deliver them.
Tranio
Well, sir, to do you courtesy,
This will I do, and this I will advise you:
First, tell me, have you ever been at Pisa?
Pedant
Ay, sir, in Pisa have I often been,
Pisa renowned for grave citizens.