Reckless Curves: Bad Boy Autos (Drive Me Wild Book 1)

by Bronwen Evans

  Did he even know his heart? Was he simply confused about how he felt for her? He loved Connor that was not in doubt but he couldn’t have Connor as a family without her.

  She changed into her clothes, happy to shed the hospital gown. She hoped she’d never wear one again. She’d just slipped on her brogues when Stella waltzed back in all smiles. “Marcus is over the moon. He said he’d come around to your house tonight to see how you are. What did Tom say?”

  “He didn’t answer his phone, so I left a message.”

  “Chicken.”

  She ignored the truth. “Before we leave, I’d like to visit Tom’s father if that’s all right?”

  Stella nodded. “We just have to wait for your release papers.”

  * * *

  Kendra stood outside the glass window of room 5675. She took in the frail and yellow tinged man lying in the bed, and she could barely see any resemblance to Tom, except perhaps the shape of his eyes.

  Her mind couldn’t comprehend that this sickly man used to beat his son and make his life a living hell. It was hard to feel any empathy for a man who wasted his life. A man who couldn’t love his son enough and a man who left his son in jail. A father who did nothing to shape the wonderful man Tom had become. Why should she bother with him?

  With a start, she noted Vince’s eyes were open and staring at her. He gave her a tentative smile and she smiled back. He raised a shaking hand and beckoned her into his room. She didn’t have the heart to turn away. She turned to a nurse. “Is it all right if I go in? I won’t touch him.”

  “No physical contact and you should be fine.”

  He motioned her to take the chair by his bed. “I know who you are. I bet you’re Tom’s girl, Kendra. Connor looks like you and my son.”

  She nodded. Vince said the words so proudly.

  He looked her over. “My Tommie has taste. You’re a beautiful woman.” He kept staring. “My son said you might have cancer again. He’s so scared. You’ll have to be brave for him too.”

  “I don’t have cancer I have mono.”

  Vince’s smile could have lit up the whole city. “Tom will be pleased. I couldn’t bear to see my son have to deal with my death and yours. Not when he’s finally realized how much he loves you.”

  She looked away and swallowed hard. “He’s pissed at me.”

  “Yeah. He’s hurt you didn’t want him to be with you. I bet you feel stupid now? You pushed him away for nothing.”

  Why did the truth always hurt? She looked at Tom’s father, and with clarity she wondered if they were alike. They both tried to deal with life and loss their own way. His in a bottle, her by pushing those who cared about her away. “You wouldn’t understand.” Or would he?

  He laughed. Not really a laugh, but the crackling sound of someone who couldn’t get enough air. Someone who was dying. “You thought you were dying. I am dying.” He took a few deep breaths. “Our fears and regrets are private, aren’t they? He would have stood with you, fought with you, but I think you know that? I would give anything to have him by my side every minute of the day before I die, so I can tell him how sorry I am for being a terrible father. At least I showed him how to be a better father. He’ll never treat Connor the way I treated him.”

  “People look at you differently when you’ve been sick. And if I didn’t make it, I didn’t want him to remember me sick. I didn’t want him to fall in love with me and lose me.”

  “Bullshit. He already loves you.” He silently assessed her. “But you don’t believe him. Can’t see that I blame you, I’m not sure Tom’s forgiven me deep down inside. But you hurt him pushing him away like that. You were protecting yourself, but he’ll forgive you. I’ll tell you something. My son doesn’t lie. He never says anything he doesn’t mean—good or bad. So if he says he loves you, he bloody well does.”

  She looked at Tom’s father, and the coldness in her heart eased. “Then why did he wait until he learned about Connor to come for me?”

  “He is loyal to your brother, that’s true, but he also knew you were already struggling with a little boy on your own. He didn’t know he was the father. Did you ever stop to think he didn’t believe he was good enough to be in your life? That he might think you didn’t want him. After all, you had a son with another man—or so he thought. A man whose identity you protected from everyone. He might have thought you loved someone else.”

  Oh, my, God. She hadn’t considered that. “I’ve made a total mess of everything. Will he forgive me?”

  “He’s forgiven me a lot worse. He has such a big heart, my son. I don’t know where he got it from, not his mother, and certainly not from me. He’ll need you more than ever now because he feels guilty about it being too late for me. I blame no one but myself.”

  Kendra wanted to cry, but not in front of Vince. She’d taken Tom’s love and callously chucked it away. She’d walked away like his mother, and his father—when it had taken Tom so long to take a risk and love someone. She hoped he was more forgiving with her than he’d been with his father. “If there is anything I can do for you, just let me know.”

  He reached for her hand and gave it a squeeze. “Thank you. I want to talk to Tom about taking me home to his place to die, since I know longer have a house. The hospital says I can go if the place is clean, warm, and I have someone to look after me, but I know Tom is busy at work and—”

  —“Would you like to come home with me? I would never want to die in a hospital. I would like to be at home. Between Jackie, Connor’s nanny, Tom, and me, I’m sure we’d cope and we can hire a nurse too.” When she saw a tear form in Vince’s eye, she smiled. “Connor would love to get to know his grandad.”

  “My son picked well. Thank you, that’s most kind, but best we check with Tom first. I don’t want to cause any more friction between you two. I’ll ask him when he visits later.”

  That didn’t bode well. Obviously, Vince thought Tom would hold on to his anger. Not that she blamed him. Kendra stood and moved to the trolley by Vince’s bed. She saw a pad and pen, so she wrote her phone number on it. “Ring me and I’ll organize everything.”

  He nodded and closed his eyes as if the conversation had taken all his energy. She stood staring, wishing she could kiss him but best not given her diagnosis. His eyes flickered open. “Don’t let Tom use your fear to put those walls back up around his heart.”

  “I promise I’ll try really hard.”

  “You remind him you gave him a second chance so you deserve one too.”

  “You’re right. I did give him a second chance. Thanks, Vince, I’ll see you soon.”

  She didn’t look back as she made her way to where Stella waited outside the room. She didn’t know if she wanted a second chance. When she’d been lying in the hospital bed thinking about her life and if she had cancer again, the one thing that became really clear was she didn’t trust in Tom’s love. She didn’t want a relationship with him until she could fully trust him. It wasn’t fair on Tom.

  His father might think Tom loved her. Maybe he did. But until she was sure, things needed to slow down. Since he’d come back into her life, everything had changed. The new house, the nanny, the money he gave her… She struggled with the past. Struggled with the idea that he could suddenly love her when he didn’t before. Why had he never contacted her before he knew about Connor? If she was that important to him, why did he barely even know she existed.

  That’s why she’d pushed him away. She was scared that he could not handle her illness and it would all be too much. He would take Connor and run, because if she died he’d have everything he wanted. He’d have Connor and not be stuck with her. She was in self-preservation mode. If he ever left her again… Her heart would be destroyed forever.

  This would all end in disaster if she could not put the past behind her. She needed to forgive him for not being there when Connor was born, and she wasn’t sure she had. Fear was an insidious evil. She needed to conquer her fear before she destroyed everything.
r />   Chapter Twenty-Two

  Tom played the voice message over and over as he drove to Marcus’s house. When he’d first played her message and learned she didn’t have cancer, he’d collapsed on the living room floor and thanked the lord.

  Kendra had mono. She’d live, except if he bloody killed her for being such an ass. She didn’t have cancer, and the fear gnawing at his stomach like a jackal over the past few days, eased. He’d buried his fear for Connor’s sake, but now the weight of holding everyone together—his father, Sam, Kendra and Connor—the damn burst. He felt tears fall down his cheeks. He wouldn’t lose her to the dreaded C, but then he wondered if he’d really ever had her. She didn’t trust in his love. Or was it she didn’t need him like he needed her? Did she even love him? Had his abandonment cost him the love of his life forever?

  You’re being unfair. He knew it, but self-preservation was kicking in. How could he expect her to love him the way he loved her, when he’d ignored her for four years? It wasn’t fair to her. Would she ever forgive him and love him enough? Was he foolish to want to force her into being a family, when, if Connor wasn’t in the picture, she’d probably never want anything to do with him again?

  Shit, this love stuff hurt. But he already knew that. A mother who didn’t want him. A father who preferred a bottle of Jack Daniels to him, and then to hear Kendra might have her cancer back only to watch as Kendra decided she didn’t need him either…

  He wondered if love was worth it. No wonder he had always walked away from relationships. Should love be this hard? He’d done everything to convince Kendra he loved her and not just Connor. He’d thought she loved him too, but she didn’t love him enough or else she wouldn’t have pushed him away.

  The messaged played again. Where was the sorry for being a jerk? Where was the invitation to rush round to see her?

  His father didn’t have much time left, and he needed space to get his head on straight. Could he risk this pain again? He needed to give Kendra time to really think about what she wanted in her life. Did she want him to be a part of it or not? Not just the good times, but every day, the good and the bad. He could not leave his heart in her hands if she could so callously remove him from her life as if he didn’t matter.

  He pulled into the parking garage at Marcus’s apartment complex. He was here to tell his business partner that he would take some time off. Vince wanted his ashes taken and scattered somewhere in the world that was exotic, since he’d never gotten to travel anywhere in his sorry life.

  They had settled on the Australian outback. Vince thought the harsh, dangerous beauty suited him.

  Marcus answered the door on the first knock, a huge smile on his face and a beer in his hand. He pulled Tom in for a man hug. “Bloody happy day, T. Kendra told me she left you a message. She’s fine. She’s not ill. Come celebrate.”

  Tom pushed out of his hold and pushed past him into the living room and said, “Yeah, I knew she’d be all right. She’s one tough lady.”

  Marcus handed him a coke. “What are you going to do, to celebrate? I could watch Connor so Jackie can have a night off too, since she’s been looking after Connor full time.”

  He glugged down half the bottle; the bubbles making his nerves fizz. He held in a belch. “She hasn’t said she wants to see me. I simply got a message telling me she’s okay.”

  “Don’t be a dick. Of course she wants to see you. You were the first person she called. I got told by Stella.”

  His bandaged heart liked that news. “She’ll ring me when she’s ready to talk.” At Marcus’s frown he added, “I came to ask if you could spare me for a few weeks. Vince has asked me to take his ashes to Australia when he passes. It’s the one place he always wanted to go. I’d like to do that for him. Sam and the family might come too, and we might take a bit of a vacation around the world, head over to NZ and Asia.”

  “Shit, I’m an arsehole. I forgot about your father. I’m so sorry, man.”

  He shrugged. “I’m not too cut up about it. I’ve never been close to him but the last few days seeing him with Connor… I’m so lucky I got off the booze. If not for the booze, Vince might have been a half decent dad.”

  Marcus ran a hand through his hair. “Listen, I know I gave you shit about Kendra, but I was wrong. If I had known the two of you had such strong feelings—well, I’m sorry that my stupidity cost you the first few years with your son.”

  Tom simply sighed. “Regrets a terrible thing, isn’t it? But it’s not your fault. It was mine. I should have read the emails, but I ran scared. I didn’t believe a woman like her, beautiful, kind, clever, and from such a wealthy family, could love a man like me—a grease monkey. I used ‘not damaging our friendship’ as a shield to protect myself. We could’ve been together all this time. I could’ve seen my son born, Marcus. Do you know how much it hurts that I wasn’t there for any of that?”

  “I didn’t help. I guess I was a bit overprotective.”

  That made Tom laugh. “A bit?” Tom said. “I should’ve opened the emails and she should’ve told you, so you could’ve told me. I missed watching Connor grow inside her, I missed the first time he walked, and his first word. But most of all, I missed the joy of loving Kendra all these years. Of having a wonderful woman by my side. I can’t get them back and if she’d had cancer again—all of it was too much to lose.”

  “Train.”

  Tom’s forehead wrinkled in confusion. “What?”

  Marcus twisted the cap off another beer. “Connor’s first word was ‘train’.”

  “Train?” Tom smiled.

  Marcus nodded. “Yeah. From the first time he saw that movie, Thomas the Tank Engine, he was hooked. I don’t know how many damn times I watched it with him during the off season. I can practically recite it word for word.”

  The image of Marcus watching the kids’ movie over and over made Tom laugh. “I can just see that. Must be hell knowing that he likes trains instead of cars.”

  Marcus grinned. “One of these days, he’ll like cars. You’ll help me with that.”

  Tom’s smile faded as he thought of all he’d miss if he was merely a part-time dad.

  Not bothering to hide his pain, Tom asked, “Do you think we have a chance if we marry? Do you think she’ll ever let me into her life? I’m scared she’ll push me away again. Maybe we’d be better as friends who share a wonderful little boy. I never want to end up in a situation where she hates me.”

  Marcus sighed. “She’d never hate you. She’s loved you all her adult life.”

  “Then she doesn’t trust I love her. Why else would she push me away? I can understand why she feels like that. I wasn’t there for her and now she thinks I’m only here because of Connor. I’d want her even if there was no Connor. It took Connor to make me realize how unhappy I’ve been living my life all alone, when I really wanted her.”

  “You’re telling the wrong person. Go to her and make her believe in you.”

  “Got any great idea on how I do that? You can’t make someone trust in your love. They have to have faith in you.”

  Marcus didn’t have any answers. Tom stood. “Can I have the time off once Vince is gone?”

  Marcus nodded. “Go and talk to her.”

  He shook his head. “I’m not the one who walked away. If she really wants me, she’ll come find me. I need her to trust in what I feel for her, or it will never work. I don’t know what more I can do to make her see I’m a man madly in love with her.”

  Marcus stood too. “I have faith that you two will work it out, but even if you don’t, I’ll still have your back and I hope you’ll have mine.”

  They hugged again, both embarrassed by the emotions storming between them.

  “Let me know about Vince. I want to come to his funeral. Not for him, for you,” Marcus said.

  * * *

  Tom threw his keys on the side table just inside the door. Stella’s car was parked across the road outside Kendra’s place, so she must have come home. He had to fig
ht to stop himself from rushing over there, but she had to come to him this time. He had to know she would fight for them.

  He moved toward the living room and he scented her fragrance before he saw her. She was sitting on his sofa and she looked so beautiful. The look of despair was gone from her eyes, but they were still shadowed. He hated to think he might be the cause.

  He moved towards her and she stood. “No kissing, I have mono. I don’t want to make you sick.”

  He was already sick, love sick. “You should be home resting.” His words sounded stilted and a tad gruff.

  She bit her top lip and it sent a jolt to his groin. He wanted her so badly. “I’m here to ask if I can stay here and you stay across the road with Connor until I get better. I don’t want you, Jackie or Connor to get this. Would you mind?”

  “Of course not. I knew it would come in handy living across from each other.” He stood waiting for her to say something about how she’d acted in hospital, but she simply kept looking at him. “Can I get you a drink?”

  She shook her head. Tom nodded and he too stood there, as mute as a statue. How had it come to this? After everything they’d shared over the last few weeks it felt like they were polite strangers, not hot lovers.

  She didn’t move from the sofa where she sat rigidly, and said, “Stella’s packing some things for me so if you could move across to my place tonight, I can move in here.”

  Simmering anger reached the boiling point. “What the fuck is going on here, Kendra? Don’t treat me as if I’m just one of the mechanics at Bad Boy Autos.”

  Startled, she flopped back onto the sofa.

  “We’re lovers. We were talking of building a life together, and now it’s a polite conversation about babysitting arrangements. You owe me more than that. At least an apology for being an ass at the hospital.”