Deviation (A Defined Series Book 1)

by M. C. Cerny

  I think hard about what Shelby has said. Daniel’s attack was born of something vicious, rocking all of us. The foundation we thought we were building was ripped out from under us. The things we were worried about before no longer seem as important as hoping Edith made it through another day. It’s a heady responsibility because there is not much I can do for her other than wait and see. The more I think about this, the more I get angry…with her, with myself, with Daniel, and with the world, in general. It’s all so fucking unfair, and I have a difficult time curbing my own emotions.

  “Given how much danger she put herself in these last few weeks, I’d call it selfish and childish.” There’s a strange safety in being angry with Edith because then I’m not directing my efforts in hunting down Daniel and going to jail. She needs me out here more than she does in prison. I have a hard time grappling with the choice I make each day.

  “Right, and I suppose the mighty Jack Hamilton was never a twenty-two-year-old male who made mistakes. Just how old were you when you were a student teacher?” Shelby’s confrontation burns. I was twenty-three, but that’s beside the point.

  “That’s different. We were both fighting the attraction,” I grumble, heading back up the turnpike towards Newark airport. “We both knew it was wrong for so many reasons.”

  “Yeah, but you were twenty-three and she was what? Seventeen, eighteen? Barely legal.” I can see the wheels turning in her head, but that wasn’t what happened between us back then. I hate that I have to justify something that was an innocent thing up until the kiss. Emotions, desire, whatever you want to call it, took over and we both lost control. Granted, I should have stopped it, never put myself in that position, but I can’t take it back. Honestly, I don’t think I would even if I could.

  “Age of consent in New Jersey is sixteen, not that I was trying to do…that with her.” Shelby has a way of making you feel like an ass without even trying.

  “So you’ve been harboring this guilt for years over something you didn’t do?” Did do, didn’t do… I’m sure we could argue semantics all day about what happened, but the truth is that Edith and I were the only two there who can speak of what happened. “How did you even end up at her school?”

  Sighing, I know there’s no way around this. “I took the student teaching position at her school because it pissed off my parents.”

  “Whoa. Come again?” She turns in her seat, looking at me.

  “My parents have money, so I grew up able to do whatever I wanted. Call it a blessing and a curse.”

  “Same as Aiden and me.”

  “Something like that. I knew teaching in a poor school district would aggravate them, but I truly believed all kids deserved a chance at a good education. I was all set to apply to a graduate teaching program. I truly loved being in the classroom. So I picked an assignment at a school with the lowest math scores in the state.” I could feel that old passionate seed of teaching within me that I once made my peace with until Dean Andrews presented me with the opportunity to adjunct.

  “And then you met Edith.”

  “Yes. Even then, I knew there was something special about her. The way she held her head up high when kids teased her, bullied her. She really was a diamond in the rough. Then I followed her home one day. I saw where she lived and it…it affected me. For the first time, I realized that all the education in the world wouldn’t fix things like unloving parents.”

  “It’s bad, isn’t it?”

  Nodding is about all I can do without getting upset all over again. “Let’s just say she has a reason for never talking about her parents. Now that I’ve met her mother, I understand completely. Edith was dealt a shitty hand and worked hard to get out of it.”

  “I’m glad she has you, Jack. I hate that I’m leaving her right now, but I have to do this. I think she’d be more pissed if I didn’t go.”

  “You say that like there’s something else motivating you to leave.”

  Shelby avoids looking at me. I don’t want to overstep my bounds, but we’re all harboring things we shouldn’t right now. We formed our little foursome and we need to support each other.

  “Aiden wouldn’t understand, and I just need to do this.” The girl who usually says whatever she’s thinking is now as tight-lipped as Edith. She places a hand over her stomach before hugging her purse protectively. It’s obvious something is brewing.

  “Shelby, you’re Edith’s best friend. Just know that I’m here for you, too.” We exchange a smile and she mumbles her thanks.

  My phone rings, its screen lighting up. It’s Amanda, the constant pain in the ass. I was happy to be out of that relationship, wanting no reminders of the time I shared with her. I’m about to click the IGNORE button when Shelby’s quick fingers beat me to answer it.

  “Jack. I finally get you on the phone. Are you at the apartment? I just flew in from London. I’m dying to see you.” Her needy voice sounds nasally and irritating. Her demanding nature does nothing for me and I wish she’d just leave me alone. I tried to be nice but, apparently, that’s biting me in the ass.

  My sassy passenger seems to get her moxie back, winking at me. “Listen up, bitch. This is Jack’s new girl. Stop calling him, or I’ll beat yo’ ass when I see you hanging around the apartment. I’ve tossed your sex toys in the trash, cleaning out the apartment. Move on, or get ready for an ass whoopin!”

  Eyes wide, I stifle a laugh. I don’t think Amanda’s boarding school upbringing, sorority sisters, and ski trips to Lake Tahoe could prepare her for the wrath of Shelby, valiant best friend.

  “I’ll be here when he kicks you to the curb. I’m a woman of class. You’re nothing but that student slut making a move on my man.” I wonder where she learned so much about Edith, but I’m careful to not say anything.

  “Please, girl. I let Jack do that one thing you object to, so we’ll see who’s here a year from now. Roll out, bee-otch.”

  Shelby hangs up on Amanda, who is still protesting and screeching on the phone. I’m equally grateful and amused.

  “I, uh… I don’t really do that, you know.” I have no idea why I feel the need to clarify any of this, but I seriously feel hot under the collar right now.

  Shelby lets it go with a mild warning. “Just say thank you and clean out the apartment when you get home. Bitch still has a box of crap in the guest bathroom.”

  “How…?” I don’t even want to know how Shelby knows this, so I make a mental note to clean the place from top to bottom. I hope it’s nothing that Edith found or knows about. The last thing I want is to hurt her with my past relationships.

  “God, I’ve always wanted to do something like that. Totally killed that item on my bucket list, Jack. You’re lucky I’m getting on a plane and not going to kick that bitch’s ass.”

  I smirk. “Good to know.” And this is exactly why I love Edith’s friends.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Edith

  After my emotionally draining session, I head to my room, hoping for a nap. Something restorative to clear out my head. When I open the door, my phone is ringing. I’m lucky to still have mine. I don’t know if Jack made a special concession or what, but most residents here aren’t allowed a phone.

  Ignoring it, I grab the rubber ball Shelby slipped into my bag. I chuckle, thinking about how it ruined our roommate days. I would bounce it on the wall, catch it, and bounce it again. The constant thumping drove her nuts, so she would often hide it on me. When the stress of school and finances wore me thin, that repetitive action calmed me like nothing else.

  My roommate, Kayla, walks in and plops down next to me. She would be a pretty girl if she didn’t have the visible track marks trailing up her arms, or the scars of slicing her wrists open on more than one occasion. Scary shit I learned on my first day here. I don’t want to be that girl, but I don’t want to be the girl I am, either.

  “Nice. REM’s ‘Everybody Hurts’,” she says. It’s Jack’s new ringtone. I understand how perverse it is, but I have a shitty
sense of humor…which isn’t lost on me at the moment.

  “Yup.” I toss the ball again, hoping she’ll leave me in peace. I wonder if Jack chose her as my roommate to punish me. I wonder a lot of things when I’m in my self-pity mode.

  “You going to answer it?”

  “Nope.” I’ve gotten a bit of a reputation here for being a bitch. I can’t say I’m doing a good job of dispelling that myth, either.

  “Since you don’t answer your phone like the rest of us junkies would, that must be why they let you keep it.” I’m not a full-fledged addict like Kayla, and I’m not crazy…or I haven’t taken crazy to the next level at least. My counselor says I’m in denial.

  “Look. Let’s not turn this into some Girl Interrupted shit, okay?”

  Did I mention Kayla also stole money out of my wallet to get high here? Yeah. This place isn’t exactly roses, and I won’t be exchanging phone numbers with her when I leave. My goal is to get what I need out of this two week punishment, then get the fuck back to living.

  “Oh, so you’re just a bitch with a boyfriend who cares about you. Yeah, boo-fucking-hoo. We all saw the hottie in the slamming car drop you off so you can get your shit together. Poor little rich girl. Guess what? Rich girls have problems, too.”

  “I’m not a rich girl and I do have problems, but I’d like to focus on them without the sidebar.” I swear, if this girl jumps me, I’ll have to show her what I’m made of. As Aiden would joke, nobody puts karate kid in the corner.

  “You’re more like us than you want to admit.”

  “Well, I don’t belong here, so let me do my time in peace.”

  “You don’t belong here? Too good for us crazy bitches?” This girl must be channeling Angelina Jolie’s character hard core. “You haven’t thought about or tried to kill yourself? No itch of addiction when you think nobody is looking? Well, honey, give it a try. If you don’t get your shit together, this will be all you have to look forward to.” Kayla grabs my ball out of the air. She has surprisingly good reflexes for a girl who seems more doped up than most. Taking my ball, she walks out, leaving me to think about what she said.

  I don’t want to admit it, but Kayla has a point. I can say I’m nothing like them, but I am exactly like them.

  Jack

  I pick up Edith today. To say I’m nervous as hell would be an understatement because I’ve decided to take things extra slow with her. I moved a lot of my stuff to the apartment downtown, asking Aiden to temporarily move into the house with her. I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t the most painful thing I’ve ever done, but I think it’s for the best. I love our home, but she needs support and love right now, not me trying to jump her bones every chance I get because I’ve missed her so damn much.

  Driving up to the center, I see her waiting out front, her suitcase on the ground next to her. She looks beautiful and strong and is, surprisingly, smiling. I pull up next to her, park, and get out of the car. I’m tentative to do anything rash, like grab her in my arms. Fleur reminded me to let her do things at her own pace, but I can’t help myself.

  She looks at me. “Baby…” The words hang between us. Suddenly, she comes around the car, jumping up into my arms, ending any question I might have had about where we stand.

  “Silly Jack. Like I was gonna stay mad at you for more than a week.” She scrunches her nose at me, which I find adorable, and I hold her tight, afraid this might be fleeting. Trust is a funny thing. I want to give it to her fully, but I feel uncertain.

  “Baby, if I knew that, I would have picked you up a week ago.” She giggles and I lean back so I can look at her.

  “Jack, I love you. I’ve always loved you. Now, take me home. I’m ready to get outta this place.” I couldn’t agree with her more. Edith’s lips meet mine in a soft pulsing of need, her tongue darting out to touch mine. Our mouths connect and meet in a duel of wet strokes.

  I want this, but we need to wait. Groaning, I pull away. “Edith, sweetheart…”

  “Oh, all right. Tell me the bad news in the car.” Edith pinches my chest and gets in the car, while I place her bag in the trunk.

  When I get in the car, I turn to her. “It’s not exactly bad news, but I don’t want you take it the wrong way. I love you, but we’re both hurting, and trust is–”

  “Jack, I blew it. You trusted me to come to you, but I tried doing it all on my own. I get that. We need to rebuild the trust.”

  “Yes, which is why this is so hard for me to do.”

  “Are you breaking up me?” Whispered, it sounds so ominous, but that’s not all what I’m doing.

  “Shit. No. Is that what you’re thinking?” I look at her, seeing her watery eyes ready to burst.

  “You said I wouldn’t like it.”

  “I’m talking about me staying in the apartment, and Aiden moving in to keep you company while we work this all out. We don’t need to go back to old habits.”

  “And Daniel?”

  “Sam still has the No Contact order in place, and I have a list of his class schedule. He can’t come anywhere near you. You call the police and, boom, back in jail he goes.”

  “And Aiden?”

  “Actually, I asked him to move in more for him than you.” I see that Edith has no idea what went on between the two lovebirds and it’s not my story to tell…yet. However, if they don’t get their respective heads out of their asses, I will tell her and let Edith whip some sense into them.

  “You’re a good boyfriend and a good friend. All those times I thought about hurting myself, I never wanted to hurt you in the process. You understand that, right?”

  “I know that, sweetheart, but you scared the shit out of me. You can’t use sex, alcohol, or pills to distract from what you’re feeling anymore. I can’t tell you how sorry I am for bringing you to visit your mother. It was wrong and hurtful.”

  “I get why you did it. I know I’m nothing like my parents because I’m choosing something different for my life.”

  “That’s my girl. My fighter.”

  Edith laughs coyly and, in a small voice, asks, “Does that mean you’ll reconsider and move back into the house?”

  “Not until we’re ready.”

  When Edith sticks her tongue out and makes a raspberry sound at me, I know we’re finally on the road to recovery.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Edith

  The semester is passing quickly, January slowly slides into February, then February into March. April brings final exams and fittings for cap and gown. It’s been incredibly busy for all of us. Shelby has stopped calling Aiden, and is also avoiding answering my direct questions. If she’s not at the commencement ceremony in May, I plan to fly to Italy and kick her stubborn ass to get to the bottom of this.

  Date nights with Jack leave me panting, making my panties wet. If he wants to drive me nuts and get me on the verge of mauling his ass each time I see him, he’s definitely succeeded. Last time we went on a date, I dry humped him against the wall of the elevator after begging him to take me to see the new hot movie everyone was talking about. I think they dubbed it a worldwide phenomenon. I won’t say we are anything like the main characters of the movie, but show me a lot of naked actors and I’m liable to do anything. I even threatened to go commando next time we went out. Jack knows I don’t have the balls to do it, but I’ve been contemplating it with all seriousness.

  Driving up to the house is no balm for the torrent of emotions I feel. Each window glows with soft light, but I know the walls inside are empty because I let my foolish heart go. Jack continues to live at his apartment close to his office because he is no longer subletting, or maybe the realtor never got it going. I don’t ask. I know space is supposed to be beneficial for us right now, but I didn’t think it would suck so much. My only consolation is that Aiden is staying with me, so I’m not truly alone. I think Aiden needs me as much as I need him right now.

  Aiden’s beat up Mercedes sits in the driveway in the spot next to mine where Jack’s BMW should
be. He sleeps downstairs in the office, which we converted into a spare bedroom. Aiden says he doesn’t mind, but I know his heart is hurting for his other half, the same as mine is. Nothing has gone right since I dropped the charges against Daniel, and blaming myself for the strife my non-related family is feeling makes sense. Shelby still hasn’t come back from Italy. I don’t know what’s happened, but she is an ocean away and no sarcastic ribbing on my part is going to bridge the gap of thousands of miles until she is ready to talk to me. I feel like my best friend and the person closest to me is hiding something. Last night, I overheard Aiden on the phone with her. He was the shortest I think I ever heard him be with another human being, which is saying a lot because Shelby really does have the capacity to piss people off with her carefree attitude.