by J D Abbas
Elena’s arms hung limply at her sides. She glanced from Celdorn to Elbrion, unsure how to respond.
Celdorn stepped alongside her radiant form, undaunted. She was still their child, no matter her form. “Return the sword to his hands and graciously accept his service.”
She looked up at Celdorn, her human form slipping back into place. “I can’t,” she whispered. “I’m not worthy of this.”
Elena turned and fled into the antechamber.
Zarandiel rose. “I’m sorry, Celdorn. I didn’t mean to overwhelm her.” He retrieved his sword from the ground. “When I saw the vision of her true form, I was compelled to respond.”
“You have done no wrong,” Yaelmargon told him. “This is part of her journey.”
Celdorn followed Elena.
The master stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. “Let me speak with her first.”
Celdorn dipped his chin and moved out of his way.
~
Yaelmargon found Elena sitting on the floor next to her bed, still refusing to touch it. She was curled up, hugging her knees. He sat beside her, saying nothing.
“To go from being treated as less than dirt to having people pay homage to me is more than my shriveled heart can bear,” she said. “I can endure being called whore, harlot, slut or even worthless—but innocent and lady, I don’t know how to manage that. It’s too great a shift for me.”
“And yet it is the truth.”
“There’s more truth in ‘whore,’” she countered. “You’ve seen; you know the images that have finally broken into my waking mind.” Her lips quivered as she held his gaze. “One who’s innocent or a lady wouldn’t do such things.”
“The torture has done its work,” Yaelmargon said, his heart heavy. “The lies are deeply entrenched. What would it take for you to believe otherwise?”
“I don’t know.” She stared across the room and sighed. “I have a thousand proofs of what you call a lie and merely a handful of evidence to your truth. I feel as if all of you are looking at a different person, mistaking me for that one.”
“And you, Elena, are looking at the outward behaviors—behaviors you were forced to do—and not the heart. Your eyes need to be trained to see through the Jhadhela.”
“I feel like I’m going insane. These worlds are too divergent. It’s as if black is now white and white is black. It’s too much for me.” She rocked back and forth as her gaze drifted away. With each movement, her head banged against the wall, a steady, rhythmic thumping, which increased in force as her internal world grew more chaotic.
Yaelmargon placed his hand behind her head, cushioning the blows. He heard the doors flying open in her mind, saw the memories flooding the corridors, sweeping her away in their torrents. But he also knew there were many places still securely locked; he prayed they would remain so, for the time being at least.
“I will push you no more today,” he whispered, calling for peace to enter her troubled soul.
His tears fell freely as the pain of her torment filled his body.
Chapter 50
The day seemed entirely too long to Elena as she continued to wrestle with absorbing the things she had learned from Yaelmargon. Celdorn had dismissed the men early in the day and they would not meet again until tomorrow. She paced from Celdorn’s room to Elbrion’s unable to stop the flow of images from the past that assaulted her, reinforcing the perception she had of herself. She tried to see her heart, but the ugliness of her behavior made that impossible.
Celdorn, Elbrion, and Yaelmargon stayed close to her and kept her bathed in light, watching for any sign of her drifting away or injuring herself. She knew they were deeply concerned, but she couldn’t assuage their fears without lying.
In the afternoon, Silvandir brought Sasha to Elena. The dog was thinner, and her gait was not quite steady. Her ribs were bound with linen strips, and her snout had been stitched. Where before she would have loped to Elena’s side and licked her mercilessly, she now stayed next to Silvandir and approached at a walk. Elena was saddened she had lost some of her spunk.
They settled by Celdorn’s hearth, and Elena gently hugged the dog and kissed her head, so happy to have her friend back. Silvandir sat with them, massaging the dog’s ears. In turn, Sasha licked his trousers near the place she had bit him. They had made amends.
Elena stopped her restless pacing between rooms because Sasha, the dear faithful dog, insisted on following her. Elena could almost feel the ache in the dog’s chest when she pushed to her feet. She couldn’t bear to watch Sasha struggle. So she sat.
Later Celdorn joined her by the fireside, respecting her moody silence. Elbrion and Yaelmargon were at the table, deep in discussion about something she couldn’t hear. When it was time for her to retire for the evening, Elena decided to ask Celdorn something. She doubted he was going to relent, but she had to try. She fidgeted in her chair. “Ada, I don’t want any guards in my room tonight.”
He looked up with a frown. “I won’t leave you unguarded, little one.”
“Unguarded?” She laughed wearily. “There are guards everywhere on this floor.” She shifted and focused on the fire. “I don’t want to risk attacking anyone else in my sleep. I couldn’t live with myself if I seriously hurt someone.”
“My men are aware of the risks. They will take precautions.”
“And I have Sasha. She’s a wonderful guardian.”
Celdorn gazed at the dog curled by his feet. “In her current condition, that’s not the case. She is taking medicine for the pain, and it makes her sleepy.”
“Celdorn, don’t you think you’re being overprotective?” Elena leaned closer and lowered her voice. “It’s embarrassing to have men observing me as I sleep or when I’m troubled by nightmares. I’m a young woman in a keep full of men. I need some privacy.”
“I’m reluctant to make the same mistakes I made before—at your expense, no less,” Celdorn countered. “My men are discreet and respectful.”
“But your chamber is on one side and Elbrion’s the other. No one can access mine without passing through one of yours. You also have men outside the corridor and terrace doors, and the entire floor is under guard. How could I possibly be in danger with a battalion surrounding me?” She straightened and tried to look more confident than she felt. “Besides, I have my dagger and am now able to defend myself. I carry it with me at all times and sleep with it and my sword when I’m in the chair.”
She stopped and silently begged for his understanding.
“I hope I don’t live to regret this,” he said, shaking his head. “I will agree to your request with the condition that you leave the doors open on both sides of your room so Elbrion and I can hear you.”
“Thank you, Ada,” she said with relief. “I’ll be fine. Don’t worry.”
~
For the first few hours, Celdorn couldn’t sleep. Although he stayed in his bed, he was listening vigilantly. From time to time, Elena cried out with nightmares. Taking up his lantern, he checked on her to assure himself that she was all right. He found her sleeping in the large chair, clutching her dagger, the hilt of her sword resting against her knees. She had pulled her chair back against the sealed entrance to the corridor, so she could keep her back to a wall and watch both doors. Sasha was sprawled out on Elena’s bed, snoring loudly. Though his daughter’s sleep was fitful, she was resting—and safe.
Finally, in the middle watch of the night, Celdorn relaxed and drifted into sleep. His body was so weary that he fell into a deep slumber, haunted by nightmares. He heard Anakh cackling as a black mist surrounded the keep. Fingers of what looked like smoke slipped in through the seams of windows, the cracks around doors, reaching toward the antechamber. Muffled cries erupted from Elena’s room, but when he attempted to go to her, his body moved as if he were buried in mud. He tried to get his arms under him and push off the bed, but a weight held him down.
Celdorn’s eyes snapped open. He felt a blade pressed firmly into the side o
f his neck and someone on top of him, but lying on his stomach, he could see nothing. When he moved, the point of the knife pricked his skin and a knee dug into his back.
“Do not move,” a raspy voice whispered, the accented words spoken with crisp enunciation.
The man pulled his wrists and bound them behind his back. When he tried to pull free, the knife returned to the side of his neck.
After his hands were secured, the weight lifted. “Turn over.” Celdorn noted the exaggerated Rs in his captor’s words.
When Celdorn rolled onto his back, the blade immediately returned to his throat. From the light of the fire, he saw it was a woman who wielded the dagger. Holding a finger to her lips, she straddled him, pinning his arms to the bed with her knees. It was only then Celdorn noticed she was naked.
The woman had long black hair that fell past her waist. She was thin and dark, but her muscles were tight, her strength evident. She looked as if she could be a Rogaran Guardian, especially with the way she handled a weapon.
She drew the knife down Celdorn’s bare chest and, with the point, sliced through the band of his trousers, rending the waist. The blade poked into his belly as she used it to push at his pants.
“Mmm, you do have quite the lordly body,” she murmured, caressing his chest with her free hand. Celdorn worked to keep his breathing steady.
Who was this woman? He tried to place the accent. It sounded northern, but with the way she rolled her Rs and the odd lilt to her cadence, it was almost like someone who spoke the old tongues, Raphar or Dahlar. Was she one of the Alraphim? He’d never seen them in a human form, so he didn’t know what they looked like. But Yaelmargon had not sensed them nearby.
The woman purred like a cat as her hand groped lower, grabbing his attention. He sucked in a breath. “And you are certainly well-endowed.” He’d noticed the same about her. “A shame it is wasted on the Jhadhela. Hopefully, you are not too saintly.” The woman leaned forward and nipped at his chin.
Celdorn moved his arms, trying to free his hands. The blade immediately went back to his throat. She signaled for him to be quiet again as she shifted her weight to his hips. When her warm flesh pressed into his, Celdorn squirmed.
“You like that?” she whispered, pushing harder against him. “I can show you many tricks from the Zhekhum that will enthrrrrall you.” Her tongue slid down his chest and over his belly, loosening the blade from his throat the lower she moved.
“Elbrion!” Celdorn rolled, attempting to toss the woman to the side. She countered the move and stayed firmly planted on top of him. He felt the bite of the blade as it returned to his throat.
“I like a good ride as much as the next woman but no fair bucking. You… just… might… get… hurt.” She emphasized each word as she gradually dragged the knife across his neck. She pressed the point under his chin, breaking the skin. He lifted his head and lay still.
Celdorn heard the slap of Elbrion’s bare feet as he ran into the room and abruptly stopped.
“Check Elena,” Celdorn called. He didn’t care if the woman slit his throat; he had to know she was safe.
The woman leaned forward and slapped her hand over Celdorn’s mouth, digging the knife point into the hollow of his neck, drawing more blood.
~
Elbrion had been in such a hurry, he had not thought to look for Elena when he ran through her room. He stepped back to the door and glanced in. Unable to see anything but the outline of her chair, he chanted and his light pulsed more brightly. When the room lit up, he saw Elena’s sword lying on the floor, her blanket draped over an empty chair. Sasha slept on, undisturbed.
With his heart in his throat, he checked under the bed, behind her dressing screen and inside her wardrobe, but did not find her. Then a thought occurred to him, and he ran back to Celdorn’s room.
As he moved toward the bed, he spoke strong words in Elnar, and with a swirl of his hand, wrapped Celdorn’s attacker in a coil of light. When the woman heard the words, she relaxed her grip. Her muscles slackened while her whole appearance lightened. Celdorn gasped when Elena returned. Elbrion released the light coil.
As Elena came out of her trance, she looked down and screamed. The guard outside Celdorn’s door rushed into the chamber. He immediately stopped when he saw the girl on top of Celdorn.
“Get out!” Celdorn yelled. The man turned and left at once.
Elena froze in place, the dagger still in her hand. Her body began to tremble. Elbrion crept forward and carefully took hold of Elena’s hand, moving the blade away from Celdorn and pulling it from her grip. He lifted her off Celdorn and seated her on the side of the bed. She curled into a ball, staring forward.
Celdorn immediately rolled to the other side of the bed and hunched over. When he gathered himself and attempted to stand, his trousers fell to the floor. With a curse, he sat again.
“Elbrion, my hands.”
Elbrion reached across the bed and cut the bonds from Celdorn’s hands with the girl’s dagger. Elbrion pulled a blanket from the bed and sat beside Elena, wrapping it around her.
“What happened?” she asked. “Why am I here?”
“I do not know,” Elbrion replied, uncertain as to what had transpired. “I just arrived.”
Celdorn rose from the bed and lifted his trousers. Elbrion heard him take several deep breaths before he came around to face Elena.
“We did not… I did not… do anything to you, Elena. I”—his face reddened as he fumbled for words, appalled by what had happened—“I didn’t even realize it was you. I awoke and you were here… and… and I didn’t know it was you until Elbrion came in.”
“How did I end up… like this?” She glanced down at her naked body.
“I-I don’t know,” Celdorn stammered. “You were like that when I woke.”
Elena covered her face. “I didn’t… do anything to you, did I?”
“No, Elena. You did not.” Elbrion felt the lie when Celdorn spoke; he wondered what had happened.
“You’re bleeding.” Elena’s eyes widened as blood oozed from the nicks on his throat and abdomen.
Celdorn swiped at the drops.
“Did I do that to you?” Elena’s trembling hand pointed. “See, I am losing my mind.”
Elbrion put his arms around her. “I do not think so, Sheyshon. There must be an explanation for this. You were obviously in some sort of altered state.”
“Why would I do that to you?” she asked Celdorn, pulling back from Elbrion. “I don’t remember anything until I awoke… on top of you.” She put her face in her hands and sobbed. “I’m so ashamed.”
Celdorn sat on the other side of Elena and put his arm around her shoulders, kissing her gently on the head. “It’s all right, little one. We’re both safe. That’s the important thing.”
She stopped crying and looked from one to the other. “Was my mother right? Maybe I have been like this all my life, throwing myself at men.” Her face was the picture of horror. “What if it’s true? What’s wrong with me?”
“Elena, your mother was a liar and oh so very wrong about you,” Celdorn said. “I don’t know what happened here tonight, but I know that you are not a… that you do not use yourself to…”
“Seduce? Like a whore?” she completed his thoughts. “Maybe that’s all I am. Look at me!” She held out her arms and gazed down at her bare body.
Celdorn crossed her arms to cover her. “No, Elena, you were definitely not yourself when you came in here.”
“Was I little, like that first night?”
“No, you were definitely not little.”
Elena’s brow quirked at Celdorn’s tone. “What do you mean by that?”
“I just meant… that… that you didn’t look like a child,” he said, fumbling for words.
Again, Elbrion felt Celdorn withholding the truth. He stepped in. “The fact that you remember nothing of what happened should help you see that you did nothing intentionally.”
“But the fact that I remember
nothing seems to indicate I am going mad.”
“We will not be able to solve this mystery tonight,” Elbrion replied. “Let us move you back to your own room, so you can get some rest.” He escorted Elena to the antechamber.
“I’ll be with you in a moment,” Celdorn called behind them.
~
Celdorn quickly changed his trousers and put on a shirt before joining them. Elbrion had helped Elena back into her nightshirt and covered her with the blanket in her chair by the time he joined them.
Elbrion pulled another chair closer to their daughter. “I will stay with her tonight.”
Celdorn avoided his friend’s eyes. “Thank you.”
He leaned down and kissed the top of Elena’s head. “Rest easy, little one. We will sort this out tomorrow.” Though, in truth, he had no idea how they would.
Celdorn left her room and headed to the corridor. Mikaelin was the one on guard duty outside his door. Celdorn hadn’t seen who had entered earlier.
“Mikaelin, I need to speak with you.”
The younger man wouldn’t look at him. “Celdorn, you are the Lord Protector; you don’t have to explain yourself to me.”
“That was Elena you saw.”
Mikaelin’s head shot up. His lips moved as if to say something, but then they pressed into a straight line, jaw tight.
“It wasn’t what it looked like.” Celdorn shifted uncomfortably. “S-she was in some kind of trance or dream and climbed onto the bed without my waking, until I was already pinned with a knife at my throat.”
Mikaelin’s eyes drifted to Celdorn’s neck, unable to hide his disbelief. Celdorn lifted his chin to show him the cuts.
“I know. It sounds implausible,” Celdorn conceded. “I didn’t even realize it was Elena. She appeared… different at first—dark, like the protector part of her, but more… I don’t know how to explain it.” He felt his cheeks burning. “I didn’t know it was her until Elbrion called her back.” Mikaelin’s eyes narrowed, and Celdorn blurted, “I-I didn’t have relations with her.”
