Blue Jay

by A Zukowski

  and pink. Chris smiles and pecks the teenager’s

  cheeks. Alex has gone out earlier to travel to the

  competition with Coach and Devan and a few other

  kids from the club.

  Jess’s stepdad and mum are currently separated,

  and a social worker is working with the family. Jess

  receives some counselling and support. She still

  struggles a little with school. She continues to go to

  the youth club and she bonds with Chris, who

  carries on her voluntary work after starting college.

  Chris absolutely loves her voluntary work. Jess’s

  mum lets her go to see Chris and Alex every now

  and then. They’ve been to the cinema and gone for a

  walk. Sometimes Chris cooks a simple dinner at

  home when the teenager visits and they watch TV or

  a film afterwards.

  The community hall is packed with friends and

  families of the competitors, all aspirant boxers from

  different London clubs. It’s Devan’s first big match

  and he’s understandably nervous. Alex and Dex

  have intensified his training in the last few weeks

  until they are sure that Devan is in his best possible

  shape. This is a test for the whole club as though the

  matches will be a testament to both Devan’s skills

  and Alex’s training.

  Jess and Chris don’t know what to expect but

  they’re excited by the exhilarating atmosphere.

  “Is someone going to bleed to death?” Jess asks

  Chris.

  Chris smiles. “I hope not. These are boxers not

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  Roman gladiators. No, they won’t let them get to

  that stage. The referee will separate the boys if they

  get too heated and dangerous to each other. There

  are rules!”

  Jess grins, pleased to hear it.

  The boxers have already been through the initial

  rounds of selection, so Devan’s first match is the

  quarter-final. He’s against a kid who’s about the

  same size and build, but Alex recognises

  straightaway that Devan’s opponent is not as

  technically accomplished. Devan’s footwork is

  excellent, and his hooks and punches spot on, all

  thanks to his trainer. Devan soon dispatches the

  other teenager. Chris almost feels sorry for the kid

  who lost. The other teams are throwing glances at

  them, envious of Devan’s famous coach.

  Devan comes from a single-parent family. His

  mum and three younger siblings are all there to

  cheer him on. After Devan’s first win, Jess and Chris

  and Devan’s family all hug as though they’ve known

  each other forever.

  The semi-final excites the crowd just as much.

  After the previous match, Devan’s confidence comes

  in leaps and bounds. Three rounds to determine the

  winner. Devan makes good use of the short time

  and knocks the opponent down twice, completely

  dominating the fight.

  Devan’s final is more of a challenge since his

  opponent is a bigger and older boy. Alex calmly

  prepares Devan for the fight and reassures him as

  he talks to the youngster by the ring, whispering

  into his ear. Alex and Coach put the head guard on

  Devan and ensure his gloves are worn properly.

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  Chris has seen boxing matches on the television,

  though it’s not something that she paid attention to

  before. Jess is nervous and excited at the same time.

  She is so invested in Devan’s fight that, when he

  gets hit during an early round of the final, she

  winces and hides behind Chris, too afraid to see

  what’s going on. But after a few seconds, she comes

  out again because she has to see the rest of the

  match.

  Devan soon regains the upper hand. After more

  pep talk by Alex, he changes from being defensive to

  attacking. His quick footwork serves him well. He

  soon starts to strike out, using his powerful right

  hook with purpose and strategy to beat his older

  and more experienced opponent. His entire family

  jump up and down as though he has won the world

  championship.

  Alex has told Chris a little about Devan. Like

  many other kids who go to the free classes at the

  club, Devan’s mum is poor. She works part-time

  and has to feed four children, so it’s not easy. Being

  the oldest, Devan is most aware of the family’s

  financial situation. The teenager is truly grateful for

  Dex and Alex who have supported him through the

  training, showing how they believe in him.

  Alex has always said that training the kids is part

  of giving back. When Devan wins, he must enjoy the

  sensation of triumph, too.

  A total of nine minutes to decide between the two

  junior boxers. Chris thinks there’s something

  wonderfully simple in the game of boxing, a little

  like Alex Blue himself.

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  ~~~

  Why has Annette asked her to meet up in

  Hackney? The area is not her usual hangout. Chris

  rushes over in a taxi in case it’s an emergency. The

  café sits in the middle of a line of run-down shops: a

  corner store, mobile repairs and a small beauty

  salon. She walks in, braced for her mother’s usual

  antics.

  Chris does a double-take, almost doesn’t

  recognise her mum. Annette is immaculately made

  up but the pale pink blouse and pencil skirt are so

  conservative that Chris wonders for a moment if

  she’s looking at the wrong person.

  She pecks Annette’s face and slides into the

  opposite bench in the booth. “What’s up?”

  Chris considers Annette intently again. Whoa.

  She seems ten years younger and looks much better

  for it. Annette had her young, so she’s about forty-

  seven or eight. It says something that Chris doesn’t

  know her mother’s birth year.

  “I should ask you the same. Have you shacked up

  with Alex Whale and forgotten all about your old

  mum?”

  If Chris had been drinking, she would have

  spluttered. Mum? Annette hasn’t used the word in

  years. Or ever. Old mum?

  “Did something drastic happen?”

  Annette laughs. Her tongue is as acidic as Chris’s.

  “Fuck you, Chris. I found a job. That’s what.”

  Chris’s eyes widen. “Like a proper job?” There’s

  hope for humanity if an ex-porn star and glamour

  model like Annette can find work.

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  The waitress comes along and Chris orders a

  coffee. One kind. No choice of sizes, flavours and

  foams. It seems that gentrification has escaped

  some small corners of London after all. Chris

  smirks.

  Annette clears her throat. “I’m the receptionist

  next door: Molly’s Hair and Beauty.” A modicum of

  pride appears on her face.

  There really is hope for humanity. Chris stares at

  Annette with wide eyes.

  “Molly’s a friend and I’m on trial. I won’t mess

  up, though. I’m
not taking anything or drinking,

  either. I’ve been going to AA and that ‘twelve steps’

  programme since my stomach pump.” She sips tea

  from a mug, swallows and gazes at Chris, who waits

  for her to continue.

  “When you were at the hospital, I realised I could

  lose you, and you’d lose me. The two of us. It’s

  always been that, hasn’t it? Men come and go, but

  you’ve been there for me all along despite

  everything. I can see it now. I’m a useless bitch but

  I’m going to try. I really am.” Annette has her hands

  on the Formica surface and she stares at them

  rather than looks at her child.

  Chris glances away, aghast. She’s been waiting for

  this apology for a long time.

  Now

  that

  she’s

  started,

  Annette

  seems

  determined to get it all out. “Your face when you

  were in the hospital bed and we told you Alex wasn’t

  there. It jolted me out of my misery. I’ve never seen

  you like that. You learned to be cold and heartless,

  Chris, and it was all my fault. The desperation on

  your face showed that you well and truly love Alex.

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  You deserve to be loved. You’re fearless, Chris. All

  those times when you got roughed up and you just

  bounced back. My gorgeous, pretty, funny,

  incredible kid.”

  Annette stops, choked by her tears. She finds a

  piece of tissue and dabs at her eyes.

  “The only thing you were good at was you never

  questioned my gender or sexuality.” Chris’s voice is

  throaty, too, overcome by the emotive bubbles

  rising up. She was only bullied and misunderstood

  at school, but Annette always accepted her. “The

  rest of it, you fucking sucked.”

  Annette nods. “I know. Deep down, you’re

  beautiful, whoever you are.”

  With tears falling down her face, too, Chris

  mumbles, “Your make-up will run like that. Hope

  you get staff discount.”

  Chris has a little blue eye make-up on, but she’s

  too raw to worry about a small detail like smudged

  eyeliner.

  Annette smiles and shakes her head. “So, are you

  going to tell me what you’ve been up to? You two

  moved, right?”

  Chris tells her about their new apartment, smiling

  widely whenever she mentions Alex’s name. She

  talks about college and the youth club.

  By the time Annette has to get back to work, Chris

  has come to accept the fact that she is close to her

  mother. They are two positives. No wonder they

  always fight because they are too similar in so many

  ways.

  “Are you still taking clients?” Annette asks her.

  “Yeah, mostly regulars when I have to. Alex is

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  working three jobs. I worry about him doing too

  much.”

  Chris finds her packet of cigarettes, takes one out,

  ready for a smoke outside. She pays the waitress for

  their drinks.

  Annette considers Chris’s face again before

  speaking. “One of the reasons I asked you to come

  today—I don’t want you to transfer the five hundred

  to me every month anymore. I should be ashamed

  of myself, of living off you for the past twenty years.

  When Jimmy left me, he paid for the house and it’s

  mine now. So, I don’t want you to worry about me. I

  want you to have a new life with your man. Try not

  to sell yourself if you can. I’ve got a couple of

  thousands in savings. You can have it, too. It’s not

  much. Get that qualification and get out while

  you’re still young.”

  More tears are threatening to surge, so Chris

  closes her eyes to control herself. She opens them

  again when she’s calm enough. “We’ll be okay, Alex

  and me. We’ll look after each other. But I’m your

  kid. I won’t quit you, either, no matter how much

  you fucked me over.”

  Annette grimaces. “I know. I’m sorry. I’ll be all

  right too. Promise. That’s why I want you to think

  about yourself and be happy. That’ll make me

  happy, okay?”

  She reaches out and shakes Chris’s loose fist

  across the table. Chris looks away to hide her

  feelings.

  “You can come to see our flat if you like,” Chris

  offers outside the café before they part ways. “When

  you happen by, doing your shopping or whatever.

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  Don’t trouble yourself.”

  Annette says, cutting through Chris’s bullshit. “I’ll

  come by. I’d love to visit.”

  ~~~

  Alex remembers the smell of the hospital when he

  was last here. He was so scared that Chris wasn’t

  going to make it. Two partners would have died

  because of him. The shock of the events with Ryan

  Taylor stays with him, immersed into his

  nightmares. When he got the phone call today, his

  stomach sank. How many more times will he be

  visiting hospitals and be scared to death for his

  loved ones?

  Once they find Dex’s bed, the entire area seems

  too small because of the sizes and heights of Alex

  and Chris. Some of Dex’s numerous relatives drift

  off to leave, to give them some space, leaving

  Coach’s wife Paula and their oldest son Dael.

  Dex tries to sit up by himself but Paula rushes

  forward to help him. He eyes Alex and Chris.

  “What’s this? I’m not fucking dying.”

  Alex shrugs. “Can’t we come to see you unless

  you’re on the way out?”

  Dex laughs; his face has gathered more lines

  overnight. Alex glances over to Chris and frowns.

  “I saw that,” Dex complains. “I had a little funny

  turn. There’s nothing to worry about.”

  Dael tuts rather loudly. “Mum found you

  unconscious in the flower bed. I wouldn’t call that

  nothing, Dad!”

  “What did the doctors say?” Alex asks.

  Dex grimaces. “They’ve run some tests. Pre-

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  cautionary. They said it’s my blood pressure. I don’t

  think they’ll need to keep me in for too much

  longer.”

  Paula interjects, “Let the doctors decide on that,

  shall we?” She exchanges one of those looks with

  Dex—the kind that shows a private understanding

  between long-term partners. She regards Dael, too,

  for a moment.

  Coach clears his throat. Chris instinctively grabs

  Alex’s hand and squeezes.

  “I need to leave the club to you, Alex. This lot’s

  been telling me to retire for the past five years. I

  don’t want to, but I can’t die on the job.”

  Dael hoots. “About bloody time.”

  Alex swallows and gazes at Chris, who gives him a

  thumb up. Alex owes Dex and the children. He will

  make it work with Chris’s support.

  Alex promises. “Sure, I’ll take it on. I’ll take on

  the world if you ask me, Coach.”
>
  ~~~

  Chris steps into the sunshine after their class.

  They are itching to have a cigarette but they desist.

  It’s not good to have traces of tobacco around

  babies and toddlers. Fuck’s sake, the sacrifices for

  my career.

  Willpower, that’s what they need. As they’re

  pondering about a new life if they ever get through

  the course, a shadow appears in front of them

  blocking out the slanting sun.

  Chris glances up, their dirty blonde hair turns a

  shade lighter.

  “I’ve come to meet my boyfriend.” Alex’s beam

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  spreads, so deep in affection it makes Chris

  shudder.

  “Who’s your boyfriend?” Chris switches their

  messenger bag to their other shoulder and takes off

  walking. Their facial muscles strain from trying not

  to smile. They push up their black-framed glasses, a

  new addition to help them read. They make Chris’s

  eyes seem even bigger.

  Alex follows Chris and, with his long gaits,

  catches up in no time. “You’re not my girlfriend

  today. Shall I call you the person I shack up with?”

  He presents Chris with a single black rose. Chris

  has forgotten all about Valentine’s Day—it’s not a

  day Chris celebrated with anyone.

  Romance. Tuts.

  Chris laughs. “I don’t care. Boy and girl. I want to

  be your everything.” They accept the flower and

  glance at Alex sideways. Their insides melt at the

  sight of the big man.

  “Thank you. I love you, Alex.”

  There. Chris has never said the words before and

  meant them. They are walking so fast as if they are

  about to break into a run after that crazy

  announcement.

  Alex clutches Chris’s arm and stops them from

  walking. He pulls Chris into an embrace, surprising

  them. “You do?”

  Chris turns their palms up as if to offer themself

  to Alex. “Yeah, this tingly feeling whenever you’re

  around is irritating as hell. I know how fucking

  ridiculous I am, and how hard it is to be around me.

  If saying whatever I said a minute ago will make you

  keep me, then that’s fine. If not, there’s plenty of

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  fish in the sea you could love, Alexander. It’s a big

  world out there and everything—”

  Alex interjects, “You are my everything, Chris. I

  am in love with you. I don’t need other fish in the

  sea.”

  Chris rewards Alex with quiet laughter.

  Alex kisses them. “And everything’s going to be

  hard but I’m here. Let’s do it together, yeah?”