Other than him, there were a few maids, and…
My heart stopped. Perhaps I had hit my head too hard. I’d been thinking of him and here he was in front of me. He must be a trick of the mind, brought on by the fall.
But I could feel him, sitting there on the ground with me, pulling me into his arms in the most socially reproachable way.
He was telling everyone to get back, and asking again and again if I was all right.
“Yes,” I told him, finally, when I felt my head had cleared and I was convinced he was real. “Yes, I’m perfectly all right.”
And then his expression changed, and a hint of nervousness entered his demeanor.
“Good,” he said. “Then I have some things that I must say to you.”
Here it was. Here was when he would tell me that I had been cruel to him and he never wished to see me again.
“I don’t care,” he began. “I don’t care at all if I’m ruined. I don’t know if I ever would have been, but if I would have, I certainly would not be anymore. I am already ruined, don’t you see? And I don’t mean the money. Yes, all I have is the house anymore, and yes, without it I’d be lost. But I’m lost in my own way to begin with. I’ve forgotten everything I used to treasure. I didn’t realize how much I’d let go with you when you left, but you’ve brought it all back with you, and I can’t do without it now.
“Emma, I’m absolutely, completely, hopelessly ruined. And if I must be ruined either way, I’d rather be ruined with you. Let her do whatever she wants. Let her disinherit you. Let her tell whoever she wants to tell whatever she wants to tell them. We’ll find a way to get by. Together. As we should have been from the start.”
He spoke the words in starts and stops, as though he had to get up the courage for each new sentence. And then when he was done, he stroked my cheek with his thumb. I felt the intimacy then that I’d felt at our first meetings, when we were young and nothing of complication had ever come between us, nor had any hint that there was anything more than simple distaste between our families.
“I won’t be ruined,” I said, and immediately saw that my words were not understood the way I meant them. Henry began to draw back from me. But I reached up, and held him close.
“No, that’s not what I mean. I mean that I won’t have to be ruined. And you won’t have to be ruined. My grandmother has changed her mind. I won’t lose you, nor my inheritance. And whatever secrets she may know will go with her when she goes to rest.”
I could feel Henry’s chest heave beneath my head, in one great sigh of relief, years in the making. Then he laughed out loud, just a little. And then he bent down, in front of all the servants, and anyone who might care to see, and kissed me. He kissed me with his strong, soft lips, and it was all the sweeter for knowing that there would be many more kisses like this to be shared.
“Come, my love,” he said, “we’d best get you to the doctor.”
“I’ll go anywhere you take me,” I replied.
And we held each other’s gaze, and knew it was true.
The Duke’s Pregnant Peasant
Chapter 1
Ferdinand
“I so dread these dinners at the palace. It is so tedious to listen to everyone prattling on with their opinions. Half of them spend no time in their own lands to even begin to understand the troubles of their people, our people,” I said to my wife.
“It is true, Duke, that many of our peers do not have the same connection and affinity for the peoples under their rule as you do, but all are educated since birth on proper rule and making decisions for the good of the people. Love of country, title, and the monarchy is surely enough to motivate most to hold opinions that bear regard. Tomorrow evening will not be so bad,” Rosalind defended.
We both had a love of country, but Rosalind Lombard, Duchess of Vestavia, had more faith in the peerage than I, Ferdinand Lombard, Duke of Vestavia. I felt the plights of the people were best resolved one on one, with the people.
At the moment, we were talking before bed in the privacy of our chambers. I enjoyed our solitude and seized opportunities to relax and converse freely. Though there was never any romantic feeling between us, there was a strong friendship. I could tell she enjoyed our conversations, too.
We valued each other’s opinions, however, and were often in agreement. I had a “hands-on, change-one-life-at-a-time” approach to living. The duchess believed in those in power working together with good planning and strong, large actions. After discussing issues together in private, I was always able to present thoughts that were well received, with other nobility appearing to see the individual pieces of large problems and creating solutions that could be implemented on a small scale to fix things on a larger scale. Much of that could be credited to Rosalind. Our union held the support of the duchy and other members of the peerage.
“Well, I would be of differing opinion, but I’ll manage. The entertainment and food are always exceptional,” I replied.
“Well, why don’t you spend the morning in the duchy? If you return by lunch, I can have the carriage waiting. It is not such a long ride to the castle,” she said.
“That sounds very intriguing, but I was in town this morning. After spending some time touring with the disabled community I visited with my friend. I think two visits in a row might draw some attention, but how kind of you to think of my pleasure,” I said, touching my wife’s hand.
She gave me a nod and smile.
“Your friendships are important, dear. I would have a friend of my own, but in all this time I still feel I am waiting for something,” Rosalind replied.
Rosalind and I had been married for just over six years. She had proven an educated, well-mannered beauty, but our relationship plateaued at friendship. The friendship we were discussing was the romantic relationship I had with a peasant, Vivien. I had maintained this friendship for nearly two years now.
Rosalind did not mind. We were both content, because despite societal expectations, we felt with discretion there could be room in our lives for love, true love. My being able to spend more time among the public simply allowed me to find it sooner. Now, Rosalind was twenty-three and devoted to political stability, and I was thirty-five and more and more wanting to leave land and title behind for personal fulfillment.
“I believe your own romance could be nearer than you think, dearest. There have been whispers of someone of rank being disappointed that he did not have an opportunity with you, someone whose mind I know you admire and whose wit and good looks garner the admiration of other women,” I said.
“If you mean the Marquis de Beban, Lord Maxwell, I see why you would think that, but nothing could ever come of it,” she said, looking away.
“Why? He is widowed, as enamored with our peerage and duty as you are, and everyone has known for years he secretly coveted you,” I replied.
Even when his wife was alive, I saw his loving looks at mine. Everyone did. Everyone also knew he and his wife did not get along well. She did not possess the mental stamina he sought.
“There is no secret. Everyone being aware of his affections increases the attention that gets placed on us for even being in the same room,” Rosalind said, shaking her head.
“We are nobility directly in line and tied to royalty. There will always be some gossip about us,” I said with a shrug.
“Well, aside from that, I suppose the reasons to not associate would be limited, but it is just simpler not to. Besides, I am content. I like having a husband who discusses things and presents our opinion and considers me as an equal, as I entered our marriage of equal title. I have done much better than many women of equal station. Also, you have never been one to flaunt your lover. The fact that you have only one, I believe, is a credit to our relationship and the friendship we have grown to share. Most think you simply enjoy games, cards, and drink. A man who takes time for leisure among his people is not such a bad reputation to have,” she said, giving me a kind smile.
“True. I th
ink discretion has also added a certain degree of rebellious pleasure to things with Vivien. Still, I am grateful for you. I have been fortunate to marry a woman I can call confidante, friend, and voice of reason when I see none. More than anything, I wish your heart to know the light that comes from love and your body to know the experience of true pleasure. I will continue to pray that a total happiness and contentment is experienced by us both,” I said.
“Well, the happiness of our own choosing must be earned. For now, I have much happiness with what has already been given,” Rosalind said.
Chapter 2
Vivien
“You have been so slack in your duties, today. I don’t understand how you are so tired, Vivien,” my mother, Evangeline, said.
“I’m not sure either, Mother. I have felt hot and sluggish all day. Several days, in fact. Still, all my work is complete. There is little to fuss about so long as the job gets done, correct?” I asked, hoping Mother’s wrath could be spared.
“I suppose,” she said. “There is something to be said for the manner in which things are done. You have been distracted and keeping odd hours for some time, and now you are having to stop and start, such that a half day’s work requires a full day from you. You are never home in time to help with supper, meager as it is.”
“Yes, Mother,” I said.
Mother was in the mood to fuss, so I let her. If I had been able to discuss the reason for my odd hours the past two years, I knew Mother would feel we should take advantage somehow. Evangeline did not aspire to be wealthy by any means, but she did want more from life than the peasantry she was born into. She wanted more for me as well.
I was just happy knowing that I had a roof over our heads, food in my belly, and love in my heart – even if that love was from a man who could never fully be mine, the Duke of Vestavia.
“All your sluggishness is catching up to you as well. You are starting to look quite plump. Everything about you looks bigger. Wouldn’t you like to find a husband?” Evangeline asked, changing into her nightgown.
Vivien looked down at herself.
“A husband is certainly not my first priority,” I said. “Do you really think I am becoming plump?”
“Without a doubt,” was the response.
I ran my hands down my body. I had not yet changed into my nightgown.
“I’ll remove this bucket of dirty water and get some fresh for us to start the day with tomorrow,” I said, taking the large bucket.
I dumped it as I was walking. When I reached the spigot, I filled the bucket with fresh water and tried to get a good view of my reflection. It was a challenge, but I could see my face was more round and my bosom seemed fuller.
“Well, as long as my love thinks a little extra weight suits me, I have no complaints,” I said softly to myself.
I picked up the pail and made my way back into the house. I poured water in the bathing bowl in the bedroom and into the bucket in the kitchen. Then, I made one more trip. I needed to refill the bucket with water to have on hand.
As I filled the bucket once more, I let my mind wander to what the duke might be doing at the same moment. I daydreamt so long that the water spilled over the edge of the bucket at my feet.
“My water,” I gasped, putting one hand to my mouth and the other to my stomach.
I stopped the spigot and then, as I was leaned over, I really considered my body. I thought about the spill of water at my feet.
For two years, my secret romance had been filled with private meetings for quality time and lovemaking when possible. I tried to count how much time had passed since my visits with the Duke had been interrupted by menstruation. I wasn’t positive if it had been five weeks or six, but either was too long. Any lapse in my womanly calendar would only mean trouble for Ferdinand, if anyone knew he was the father, and struggle for me as an unwed mother.
Mother.
My own mother would surely seek compensation to keep or be rid of the child if she knew its father was part of the nobility. If I didn’t name any father at all, Mother would curse me and the child as a burden and kick us out of our modest home.
“Perhaps it is nothing, only a delay,” I said to myself.
I knew that was most likely wrong. The duke and I had not been as careful recently. He and the duchess had been unable to have children. More and more he blamed himself for them not having a child in their marriage. They had made efforts early on in their marriage, but he said they both lost the desire to try for something like that when they felt no romantic desire for each other.
“Perhaps this will be good news to him,” I said, continuing my debate with myself.
Then I remembered how some women I had heard of who had romances with the peerage disappeared when circumstances were not in their favor or became public.
“I don’t think Ferdi would do such a thing. Not to me. Still, perhaps I better visit a doctor. Until then, best not to say anything to anyone,” I said to myself.
I gave a small nod to myself and carried the second bucket of water back inside. I wondered if the type of work I did would cause complications if I was pregnant. I was a servant in the home of the Viscount and Viscountess Apogee, a scullery maid. My mother worked in the kitchen. She was one of the cooks.
Once the water was taken care of, I changed into my nightgown and lay in bed, across the room from Mother. I rolled to lie on my side facing the wall, and again tried to count the weeks and days since I last menstruated on my fingers.
It would be a challenge to find an excuse to leave work or have free time to visit a doctor. If my suspicions were correct, I would need to see a doctor who was known to keep a secret well.
Possibly a doctor who removed problems such as mine.
Chapter 3
Ferdinand
“Are you sure you would not like to spend the morning in town?” Rosalind offered once more.
“Yes, dearest, I am sure. The earlier we arrive to these things, the sooner I can imbibe. That, your company, and the entertainment are the only things that make all the pomp and circumstance of court tolerable,” I said.
We were having breakfast – the kitchen had prepared sliced ham, fresh bread, a large bowl of fruit, a few pastries, and cream.
“Well, I have just a few arrangements to make and we can leave whenever you are ready. If you want to go sooner rather than later, I can have a lunch packed for us and we can stop and picnic along the way,” Rosalind said.
“That sounds divine,” I replied sincerely.
We each ate a little more, then retired with attendants to bathe and dress. The carriage began the journey midmorning. Once we reached a nice glen near the halfway point, we stopped to eat.
“I think the problem is that I feel unfulfilled,” I said, thinking aloud.
She finished the bite she was chewing with a hand over her mouth, swallowed, and thought on my comment.
Then she asked, “How so, dear?”
“Well, I know there are improvements throughout the kingdom and our ideas, well, your ideas, have had a large hand in that, but something is lacking. I feel like I have not accomplished anything I actually want,” I said, setting my food down with disinterest.
Rosalind set her food down as well and waved an attendant to come clear away their picnic. She and I sat on our blanket a moment longer.
“What is it you would like to accomplish? What do you want out of life? We have station, wealth, pedigree, and influence. Whatever you want can be yours,” she encouraged.
“No, I don’t think it can,” I said with a shake of my head.
“Why not, dear?” she questioned.
“Everything you named, we both have by birth. It is all birthright. I want to feel I have earned something. I want to know the feeling a man has when a hard day’s work is appreciated and rewarded by the fruits of his own labors,” I said, giving the matter more thought.
I lay back on the blanket, folded my hands under my head, and gazed at the clouds rolling across the sk
y.
“Well, you have done a great many things that your people appreciate, but I do see what you mean. Of all my skills, there are days when I think it would be interesting to cook something for myself or even wash a bit of laundry and chat with other women over things as mundane as household chores,” she said, leaning on her elbow beside me, but looking at the ground.
“So you do understand,” I said excitedly. “You have wanted a taste of normalcy, too.”
“I did not say that. I have wondered what it would be like. Each time I have, though, I take a good look at a peasant woman or servant girl. I think of the troubles she experiences as well. I am content to only imagine. I feel I am better off having had a life of privilege. In some distant future, though, I hope for a day when women have more options and control in the lives they lead,” she said, plucking a few blades of grass.
She opened her palm and blew the grass away. Most of it fell quickly, but a couple of blades caught the breeze and rode the wind out of sight.
“You are so progressive. I think your ideas will come to pass, eventually. I hope they do, anyway. Women like you have been second players to men like myself for some time. You were born my equal in title, but if women like you, with strong opinions balanced by such empathy and understanding, could speak more freely instead of just privately with their husbands or regurgitating their husband’s opinions, things in our land might improve more rapidly,” I said honestly.
I sat back up and took a long look at my wife.
“I wish we could have fallen in love,” I said, looking at her still.
She had been looking at the nature around us.
“That would have been nice, but I don’t think we were meant to. We were meant to bring out something else in each other. I enjoy that just as much as the idea of any romance. A truly good friend in our circle is worth more than any riches. Besides, there are many types of love,” she said.
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