Conviction

by Joey Bush

“Anytime it is not in use you have to have the safety on. This is essential. Do not forget it.”

  The serious nature of his voice told me that it indeed was essential and I would do my best to not forget about it. I hated guns and never in my life would I have thought I would want to learn how to shoot one. But there were a lot of things in my life that had changed in the previous weeks, so shooting a gun wasn’t all that surprising.

  It was a novelty to have a gun in my hand, but I didn’t like the responsibility that would come if I shot the gun. It would mean I could potential take someone’s life. Obviously I would only do that if it was someone who tried to take my life. But I didn’t have a lot of confidence in my abilities and I still felt like the possibility of hurting someone who was innocent was always there. That was a really big deal and not something I took lightly. I doubted I would ever be able to actually shoot the gun off. But it did make me feel better to know how to use it, just in case.

  We remained in the backyard for a couple hours and I tried over and over to shoot the gun and hit the target, without any luck. It was just too hard to hold the gun up and aim. I needed much more practice. I probably also needed to work out a little more. My life consisted of working on my old house and taking pictures. I didn’t go to the gym and I certainly didn’t spend any time lifting weights or working out in the traditional sense. Of course, I got exercise when I walked around and took pictures as well as all the things I did around my house as I remodeled it. But that hadn’t exactly provided me with a large amount of muscles.

  “I’m never going to be able to shoot this thing,” I said out of frustration.

  “Trust me, at the moment you need to shoot this thing you will know how to shoot it.” He grabbed the gun from me, put the safety on it, and sat it on the table. Then he pulled me to him and let his lips crush down onto mine. He felt like home. When his arms wrapped around me, it felt like exactly where I was supposed to be.

  I hesitated to even think it, but I felt more comfortable with Chris than I ever had with Michael. Perhaps it was because I was older and more comfortable with myself. Or maybe we were just a better fit, but for whatever reason; I really felt like myself when I was around Chris. I felt like I could be the best person I wanted to be and he would be right there beside me.

  It wasn’t just the strength of his arms and his muscles that made me feel safe, it was him. It was Chris and the way he totally and utterly devoted himself to me when I was there with him. He wanted me to feel safe; he wanted me to feel like I could handle being left alone for a couple days. I could tell that he care about me and genuinely wanted me to be safe. That feeling was intense and drew me closer to him.

  Our mouths continued to play as we explored the depths of each other. His strong hands moved lightly up and down my body and sent shivers of delight throughout my skin. God, it felt so good to have his hands on my body. His fingers moved under my shirt and I wiggled with delight as they touched my bare back. They moved up and down my back and he pulled me in close to him. The intensity of his touch made me weak in the knees. Even after being together for several weeks, his touch was still so intense that I got wet right away. I wanted him, I always wanted him. Even when I was angry with him, I wanted him. There was no way around it.

  I let my own hands move under his shirt and felt the goose bumps on his back. It made me happy to see that my touch also affected him the way his affected me. He was a quiet man and kept his feelings to himself, but his body reaction was always something he couldn’t control when he was around me. I liked that. I liked being able to see his body react to my body. It was so inspiring. When his body reacted to mine, it made me want more. I wanted to see what else I could do to his body.

  He must have thought the same thing because he unbuckled my shorts and let them fall to the ground. We were out in the backyard still and I looked around to make sure there was no one nearby. The bed and breakfast was far into the countryside and there wasn’t a house for several miles. Only occasionally would a car drive by the road in front of the house. I didn’t know why I was so afraid of someone seeing us, there was obviously no one around for miles and miles.

  Then he moved my pink lace panties to the ground. His hand gently caressed my ass and he turned me around to face the picnic table. He pressed my head down toward the table and I felt him pull his cock out of his jeans after he lowered them to his knees. My as lay bare and exposed to the daylight of the warm summer day. I lay there in anticipation as his fingers played with me to ensure I was properly excited and ready for him. The excitement of the moment built up inside of me. I had never been outside like this when I had sex. It was intense and full of anticipation.

  His cock entered me and I let out a breath of excitement. I took another deep breath and felt him as he filled me up. His body fit perfectly with mine and we moved in time with each other. Each thrust made him harder and each thrust got me more and more excited. I had never had sex outside and the cool breeze against my body set every nerve on edge. My nipples hardened with the feel of the hard wood of the picnic table underneath them. It was rough and old and in total contrast to my smooth skin. My body relished all the new feelings as we moved together toward a climax.

  Each new thrust more intense than the last. I felt my knees get weak and I was glad there was a table under me to hold me up. There was no way I could have stood of my own free will at that moment. My leg strength was not there and I had nothing in reserve to keep me from tumbling to the ground.

  Chris held my hips with his hands and I felt his release and he exploded inside of me. He then reached around and moved his thumb against my clit in a pulsing motion and continued to thrust inside of me. His cock stayed hard until I finally exploded with my own orgasm. It was intense and different than any I had had before. This time I felt a satisfaction that moved throughout my entire body. I felt released from tensions I didn’t even know I had.

  “Well that was fun,” I said as Chris turned me toward him and kissed me.

  I still didn’t feel comfortable with him leaving me there. But I knew that he wouldn’t do anything that was going to put me in danger. So if he felt I could be safe, then I had to trust that I would be safe.

  Chapter 47

  He packed up an old truck with some things that he wanted to take with him and I stood there and watched. It didn’t seem real that he was going to let me stay there alone. After all the work he had gone to in bringing me to the bed and breakfast and making sure I was safe, I still didn’t understand how he could feel I would be safe there all alone.

  “I’ll be back in two days. There is nothing to worry about,” Chris said.

  “Famous last words,” I said with a smile.

  “Seriously, relax. Take some time to enjoy this place. Sleep in, moisturize your hair, or whatever else you ladies like to do when you are alone.” Chris tried to make light of the situation, but I just wasn’t able to go there just yet. I was scared and I knew he could tell. There was nothing he could say or do that would make me feel safe alone at this place. But I knew he had to leave. The situation was intense with him and whomever he worked with in Chicago. I knew it was getting close to being over and I longed for the day that we could comfortably cuddle in my house again.

  I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him. I needed to feel his body next to mine for just a little longer. I needed to feel like things would be alright. I felt safe next to Chris. I felt safe with him just being in the same house. I wasn’t ready for him to leave. I wasn’t ready for the uncertainty of being alone. He held me tight and didn’t let go. I couldn’t tell if he was nervous about where he was going off to or if he just wanted me to feel more comfortable. It felt nice to have his arms around me though, I felt safe at that moment.

  Chris kissed me and then got into his truck. He grabbed my hand and held onto it, pulled it up to his lips and kissed it again. His lips felt warm and soft and were still surrounded by the roughness of his beard. I watched as his truck pulled ou
t of the driveway and turned down the old dirt road. It went on for miles down that road and I stood at the end of the driveway and watched him until I couldn’t see anything more than a speck in the distance.

  I was alone.

  The sun was bright and I felt the warmth of it on my back as I stood there. For that moment, I didn’t feel as afraid as I thought I would. Perhaps it was because Chris had just left or maybe because it was daytime still, but I felt like I might be just fine.

  I went into the house and saw the gun that Chris had left for me sitting on the table. I had the safety locked on and I smiled. That was exactly where I would leave the gun until bedtime, and then I would bring it up to my room and leave it on the nightstand next to me. It felt weird to be so concerned about being alone. I had spent the last year utterly alone in my family’s old home. I had never worried about something bad happening to me. Often, I didn’t even lock my doors. But since Chris had moved next door to me everything had changed. I didn’t feel safe anymore. The bliss of the unknown had disappeared and now I knew what could really be out there. Now I knew that people who would kill someone really did exist.

  I wasn’t stupid; it’s not like I didn’t think that bad peopled existed, but I just didn’t think any of them would ever bother me. I didn’t think that the life I lived would be of any interested to people like that. I was a simple photographer from a small town in Missouri, I hadn’t hurt anyone ever and I didn’t participate in a lifestyle that would harm others. The more I thought about it, the more it made no sense that I felt in danger at all.

  Chris was the one people were after. Why on earth would they bother to even come after me? I didn’t know them and I didn’t know anything about what was going on. I didn’t have information that would benefit anyone. It would serve no purpose to anyone if I was hurt. My brain was overwhelmed with thoughts of the past few weeks and all that had happened. I really didn’t want to feel afraid in this house and the more I thought about everything, the better I felt. This would be a great time to concentrate on myself and relax. I did really wish I had my camera though, that would have made this time perfect. Taking pictures of this old bed and breakfast would be the perfect start to my next series of photos.

  I started to think about what all I could include in that new series. The idea to find old abandoned buildings and take pictures of their beauty was very appealing to me. I made a mental note to look more into that idea. For now, I would just have to learn to relax like the rest of the world did. I would have to actually sit and enjoy the calmness of the environment around me. I pulled a chair from inside the house out onto the front porch and put my feet up with an old book I found on one of the shelves.

  It had been years since I had sat in solitude and read, which was very sad considering how much I loved to read. But anytime I had spare time I often went to take photos. I was consumed with the search for the next best photograph and hadn’t taken the time to truly enjoy the other things in life that I had once found so pleasurable.

  It was a warm day and the heat of the sun seeped onto the front porch and I drifted off to sleep as the afternoon wore on. I woke up after the sun had set with the book across my chest and hardly any light at all around the house. Quickly I made my way inside the house. The darkness did not feel as safe as the light sunny afternoon had been. I locked the front door behind me and pulled all the curtains shut throughout the lower level. It felt much safer to have the curtains closed, at least in my head if felt safer. Obviously, if someone wanted to come after me, curtains would not keep them away I knew this in my mind but not my heart.

  I made myself some spaghetti and ate at the counter in the kitchen. The old house made a sound that I didn’t know at first; I froze still and waited to see if there would be another noise. It would be a long night of worrying about each noise, I was sure of that. I didn’t know this house well enough to feel safe with any of the unusual noises that I heard.

  Chapter 48

  When I went to bed, I pushed a dresser in front of the door to ensure my safety. It made me feel much better and I was actually able to get some sleep. I woke up to the sun shining into the room and I felt more refreshed than I had in a very long time. It was close to ten in the morning so I went downstairs and looked around to make sure everything was safe. I looked through each of the windows to see if anything unusual was going on outside, but I didn’t find anything.

  Finally, I felt safe enough to go sit on the front porch again. I picked up the book I had been reading and continued on with the story. It was a very relaxing day, one of the most relaxing days of my entire life. I watched as a couple cars drove by all day long, but none of them even looked over my way. The house did not have any vehicles parked there and I probably wasn’t very noticeable just sitting on the porch.

  After making lunch, I decided to explore the land around the house a little bit. Mentally I took notes of pictures that I would like to come back and take later. If I ever got back to this place, I would certainly enjoy taking some pictures. I looked through an old shed and played with some of the equipment that was around there. It all seemed like it was from another world, nothing like what people used in the current day on their farms.

  When the sun set, I made my way inside and locked myself into the house again. I checked all the doors and windows to make sure they were locked tight and I made my way back up to the room again. It was then that I realized I had left the gun next to the bed all day long.

  I smiled, I must have felt safe all day or I certainly wouldn’t have left the gun up there. It was good to know that Chris would be back the next day and hopefully done with all his work he was doing.

  I fell asleep with the dresser in front of the door again. It was the second night of great sleep and I had started to become familiar with all the sounds of the old house. Nothing bothered me at all and I drifted off to sleep without a worry in the world. The second morning I woke up with a feeling of excitement. Chris said he would be gone for a day or two; so he should be by sometime that day.

  I got into the shower and shaved my legs. I spent at least an hour blow-drying my hair and making myself feel pretty. I was so excited to see Chris again. I spent some time dusting the house and felt like I owned it or something. I cleaned surfaces and put things away to try and make it look nice for when Chris got home. Obviously it wasn’t home, but it was where we were staying right then and I wanted him to feel comfortable after his two long days of working.

  When I finished cleaning, I sat back on the porch and tried to reach through the ending of the book I had started. My mind couldn’t stop thinking about Chris and I looked up in anticipation at each car that passed. I went in quickly to grab lunch and later some dinner and then returned to the front porch. I wanted to be there waiting for him when he arrived. But as the day wore on and the night set in, I moved inside to the living room. I still went through my ritual of locking all the doors and closing the curtains, but instead of going upstairs I waited for Chris in the living room.

  When I woke up to the sun the next morning, I didn’t know what was going on. Chris had said he would be back in one to two days, this was the third day. Worry set in, but I tried not to let it overpower me. Instead, I went about my day again. Reading, lunch, cleaning, more reading, dinner and then locking up the house.

  But this pattern continued on for day after day and Chris never came back. Finally, after it had been a week since he left, I didn’t know what to do. I had plenty of food around the house, so I wasn’t worried about that. But I didn’t want to be stuck at this abandoned house for weeks or even months. If something had happened to Chris and his team, then there was no one that knew where I was. I would be stuck there forever.

  I wanted to figure out what happened to Chris or I at least wanted to go back home. One of those two things had to happen. So on the eighth morning, I packed a backpack full of food, water, and the gun that Chris had left for me. I set out down the dirt road in the direction that I thought was sout
h. I remembered there had been a major road a few miles down that way and I planned to walk to that road and then hitch a ride into Chicago.

  I didn’t know what I would do once I got to Chicago and I didn’t know how I would ever get back home if that was what I decided to do. All I did know was that I couldn’t just sit at this abandoned bed and breakfast and wait for someone to rescue me. I had to figure out what happened to Chris and I couldn’t do that if I sat alone in that house for another moment.

  Chapter 49

  About two hours into walking down the dirt road, I started to regret my decision to leave the bed and breakfast. I had air conditioning, food, water and a bed there. I had everything I needed and could have lived comfortably there for months. But instead, I was walking down a dirt road in the ninety-degree heat, waiting for someone to pick me up and help me get to Chicago.

  My mouth was dry from the hot summer day and as much as I tried to ration my water, my thirst kept getting the best of me. I continued to sip on the gallon of water I had brought with me and hoped I would run into a grocery store or gas station at some point so I could fill it up again. Admittedly, I had no experience in packing for long hikes and probably should have prepared a little better before I had taken off down the deserted road that I was on.

  When Chris and his team left the bed and breakfast over a week before, they had said they would be back in a day or two. It was clear that something had gone wrong with their plan and I needed to figure out what it was. Chris and I had grown very close and I knew he wouldn’t purposely leave me at the bed and breakfast without any word of how he was doing.

  A few cars had come past me, but they were all going the wrong direction. I needed to go south and make my way into Chicago. But at ten in the morning there were not many people on the old dirt road and the ones who were out were heading to their fields to work. The farm land around me was beautiful. It was filled with corn and soy beans and ripe for the farmers to start harvesting. It was a picturesque seen that I enjoyed immensely as I continued to walk at a slow, but steady pace. I couldn’t remember the drive into the bed and breakfast, but I knew there had to be a major road somewhere down this dirt road. I just didn’t know how far or how long I would have to walk before I found a ride.