JOSS: A Standalone Romance (Gray Wolf Security)

by Glenna Sinclair

  He paused with his hand on the doorknob.

  “Because, if it is, you’re going to miss a hell of a lot when it comes to those babies.”

  He stood there for a long minute. My heart was pounding as I wondered what he was going to do or say next. Then, he slowly turned and looked at me.

  “What do you want me to do, Ana?”

  “I want you to stay here, to tell me what this is, what we’re doing here. I want to know why you keep shutting me out, pretending that I don’t matter to you when it’s pretty clear that I must matter a little bit. I mean, come on, Nico, why am I still here if I don’t matter to you? You could hire some wet nurse or something.”

  “They don’t have wet nurses anymore.”

  There was amusement in his voice. I wasn’t sure how I should feel about that. I was laying my heart out on the table—or mattress—to him, and he was joking around.

  “You know what I mean.”

  He inclined his head slightly. “I do. But the thing is, it’s a little more complicated than all that.”

  “What’s complicated about it? Either you want me here, or you don’t.”

  His eyes darkened as he thought about that. And that made me feel suddenly vulnerable. Not just literally naked, as I was, but emotionally, too. I didn’t like it.

  I climbed off the bed and slipped my boy shorts back on, then lifted the tangled sheets and looked for my t-shirt. Nicolas came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist.

  “Where do you think you’re going?”

  His voice was deeper, rougher. And his hands, where they held my wrists, were shaking just a little.

  “I don’t want to have this conversation naked.”

  He turned me around and forced me to look at him.

  “I want you here,” he said, his gaze never wavering from mine. “I’ve wanted you here since the first time I set eyes on you. But I was afraid. I made a mistake with Aurora. I thought she was the one, my soulmate or some such nonsense. But all she wanted was my money and my name. She didn’t give a damn about me.” He tugged me closer against him, his face only a breath from mine. “Then I met you and she introduced you as our surrogate and I just…I wanted to be near you. I wanted to talk to you; I wanted to know everything about you. I had you investigated, and I poured over the file for hours, memorizing everything about you. I was obsessed and my sponsor—”

  “Sponsor?”

  “He told me I was exchanging one addiction for another. Alcohol and women. Those had always been my drugs of choice. And then I kissed you, and you stood up to me, and that just made it so much worse.”

  “Nico, I don’t understand.”

  He kissed my neck almost roughly, his teeth scraping against my skin. “And then you ran away, just disappeared. I didn’t understand why you would give me back all that money and just disappear like that. And when I found out you were pregnant, I thought, all you wanted was the baby because then you could go to the press and the tabloids would pay you so much more than the contract we had offered you. I thought you were just like Aurora, out to get whatever you could.”

  He kissed me again as my mind whirled, trying to figure out what I’d done to make him think those things. I left, yes, but it was never my intention to do anything to hurt him. Why would he think…but, of course, that was what people did to a man like Nicolas. They took what they could from him and rarely gave anything back.

  “I would never intentionally hurt you.”

  “I know that now,” he whispered against my throat. “How could you go through what you did and have those kinds of thoughts in the back of your mind? You could have died the night the babies were born. You were bleeding so badly…” His voice shook as he said it. “And then, when you woke, the only thing you wanted to know was how the babies were. You never asked about yourself, never complained about the pain, never asked for sympathy. All you wanted was to know how the babies were. And that’s when I realized that they were always your priority. That everything you’ve done, everything that’s happened, you did it all for them.”

  “For you.”

  He groaned, his mouth sliding over my jaw, searching for my lips.

  “How could I have ever doubted you? How could I imagine you could be like the rest of them?”

  He kissed me deeply, tugging me so close that it felt as though he was trying to merge our bodies the way our souls had already mingled with every touch. He lowered me carefully to the bed, his mouth moving from mine to my throat, my breasts, to the very top of my rounded belly. He tugged at my shorts, pulling them from my body again, his mouth exploring every inch of flesh between my navel and my thighs. And then he found my clit, his tongue teasing it just before his teeth emerged, drawing it into his mouth so he could suck at it. I arched my back, the pleasure that rushed through my body pushing me so close to that cliff that I thought for a moment that he would push me over with just that one touch. But then he released my clit and moved lower, his tongue tasting the flavors of our earlier rendezvous.

  I couldn’t stand it. I reached for him and tugged at his hair, pulling him back up the length of my body. He came quite willingly, his hands exploring my thighs, my ribs, my overflowing breasts. And then he was inside of me and we were rocking together in a rhythm that was ours. I pulled at his ass, drew him closer, deeper, my mind a kaleidoscope of pleasure that seemed never-ending. He moaned like I’d never heard him do before, his voice growing hoarse as we sailed toward ecstasy together. He swelled, his orgasm so intense that I could almost feel every twitch of his amazing cock. And that set off my moment, sending waves of intensity from the tips of my toes to the roots of my hair.

  “I love you,” I whispered against his ear as the waves settled and our breathing slowly returned to normal. “I’ve always loved you.”

  Chapter 30

  I couldn’t imagine life getting any better.

  Vivienne took to the breast like a champ. Even though she was still so tiny—barely five pounds—and she still had to wear an oxygen cannula most of the time and there was a monitor that alarmed if she stopped breathing while she was sleeping—she was allowed to come home a month after she was born. The nurses said her progress was phenomenal. They credited it to Nicolas and my daily visits.

  I thought, however, that it had more to do with her own fighting spirit and my mom, watching from heaven.

  I loved having her home. It was so much work, keeping up with two newborns. But Nicolas was there most of the time. His last project wrapped while I was in the hospital and he had yet to commit to another. And, with his legal troubles behind him—except, of course, Virginia’s suit for custody—he had no reason to be anywhere but here. Constance was helpful, too, answering questions I should have been able to ask of my own mother and providing extra hands when necessary. And then there was Adam. He was surprisingly gentle with the babies despite his outward appearance. Another clear example of the whole you can’t tell a book by its cover.

  Virginia was granted visitation rights by the court, but she had, thus far, failed to show up. But a week after Vivienne came home, she called Nicolas’ lawyer and insisted she be allowed to see them at home.

  “She doesn’t like hospitals,” Nicolas said.

  “Even for her grandchildren?”

  Nicolas didn’t answer, but his body language made it clear that he felt as outraged as I did. These babies might have come from Aurora’s eggs, but I carried them, I suffered through months in the hospital for them, and I was the one taking care of them, nursing them in the middle of the night, and worrying over every little sound. I was their mother. And I was mortified that a woman who claimed to be so concerned for their welfare would refuse to see them at their sickest but wanted to see them now that they were well and thriving.

  But, Virginia was their grandmother. And, since both my mother and Nicolas’ was dead, she as their only grandmother.

  “We have to let her come.”

  Nicolas nodded. “But only for an hour. Th
at’s all that’s required by the court.”

  I nodded. “Only an hour.”

  Vivienne was awake before the appointed hour. I was sitting out on the back porch with her, rocking her on a loveseat-style rocker in the shade. She’d already eaten and didn’t seem discontent. She just liked to be awake, to stare at the world around her. I had no quarrel with that. I loved to hold her as much as possible. It would never make up for the two weeks after her birth that we couldn’t hold her, but it helped ease the memory.

  I studied her little face, my finger catching curls in her fine, dark hair. She looked like Nicolas more and more every day, but there were other things about her that seemed so familiar. The slight upturn of her nose. The bow shape of her lips. The tiny dimple in her cheek. Her eyes were dark, as was her hair. But they say the hair falls out after the first few months of life and regrows in the color it would be as she aged. It was possible she might have lighter hair like Aurora. That she might have a wider jaw like Aurora. But right now…was it stupid of me to think she looked like I did at her age?

  “They’re here,” Adam said, appearing out of nowhere, as he sometimes had the habit of doing, his step purposeful as he headed toward the back doors.

  “Should I come inside?”

  “Stay there for now. I’ll come get you when Nicolas is ready.”

  I watched him go then turned my attention back to Vivienne. She made a funny little sound, and her eyes began to droop. Time for her nap. I pulled at the cannula in her nose, adjusting it a little. The tubing ran under her head to a canister propped up beside the rocker. It was flowing well, I could feel it against my fingers. And she was breathing smoothly, a positive sign. She had a doctor’s appointment next week. Hopefully they would reduce the amount of time she had to be on oxygen then.

  “Ana?”

  I looked up and smiled as Daniel poked his head out the back door closest to us.

  “Hey. I didn’t know you were coming.”

  “Virginia doesn’t drive much these days, so I drove.”

  “How’s it going? Is Nicolas being nice?”

  “Extremely polite. I think if he says please or thank you again, his head might explode.”

  “It’s an awkward situation.”

  “Yeah.” Daniel stepped outside and came around so he could see Vivienne. “She’s beautiful,” he said as he reached down to brush her cheek. Vivienne made a soft sound, but then she snuggled back down and fell into a deep sleep.

  I looked up and caught a small frown crossing Daniel’s face, but then he caught my glance and smiled.

  “I was wondering,” he said, “you wouldn’t happen to know where Kelly is right now, would you?”

  “I think she’s on her way to Kenya, but I’m not sure. Why?”

  He shrugged. “She might not have mentioned it to you, but we had coffee together that day after we left your hospital room. It was…quite nice, actually. I thought we hit it off. But every time I text her, she’s either too busy to talk, or she doesn’t answer.”

  “The curse of the flight attendant. She doesn’t always have service everywhere she goes.”

  Daniel nodded, a touch of relief crossing his face.

  “She’s supposed to be in LA again next week. She promised to stop by and see the twins.”

  “Yeah?”

  I smiled, unable to ignore the eagerness in his expression. “Yeah. I’ll let you know what day, if you’d like. Maybe you could come by and talk to her in person?”

  “That would be fantastic.”

  “But you should know, Kelly’s had a few bad breakups over the last year or two. She’s a little weary about guys right now.”

  Daniel nodded. “She told me about the sex fast.”

  “Oh, well, you must have really hit it off if she told you about that.”

  Again, his smile was irresistible.

  “Ana,” Nicolas said from just inside the living room, “could you come inside?”

  I glanced at him, instantly recognizing the tight expression on his face. It made my smile disappear as I carefully shifted the baby to my shoulder and gathered her oxygen canister, careful not to twist the lines. Daniel followed, his hand brushing the small of my back until he caught Nicolas’ expression and stepped aside, giving me a wide berth.

  Virginia was on the couch gazing at Cole in his little infant seat. There was a slight frown on her face as she studied him.

  “Hello, Mrs. Davis,” I said as I slowly approached.

  She looked up and did something of a double take when she saw the oxygen canister in my hand.

  “What is that? I thought both babies received a clean bill of health when they left the hospital?”

  “Vivienne’s lungs weren’t fully developed when she was born because of the lack of amniotic fluid. She just needs a little extra oxygen is all.”

  I settled down on the couch beside her and moved Vivienne so that I could easily pass her over. But Virginia raised her hands in refusal.

  “I don’t want to hold her with all those wires and things.”

  I glanced at Nicolas. He offered a slight shrug, but I could also see relief in his eyes.

  “Virgi,” Daniel said, “she’s your granddaughter.”

  Virginia didn’t acknowledge Daniel. Instead, she flicked the thin receiving blanket away from Vivienne’s face so she could see her clearly. A frown, like the one she’d had on her face when she was staring at Cole, crossed her face. Then she sighed and pushed herself to her feet.

  “Thank you for allowing this visit. We’ll get out of your way now.”

  “You’re allowed a full hour,” Nicolas said.

  “Yes, well, I saw what I wanted to see.”

  She marched toward the door, making it quite clear that she meant what she said. Daniel shot me an apologetic glance then turned to Nicolas. “Thank you,” he said politely. “I’m sure she’ll be in touch in a few days.”

  Nicolas didn’t say anything in return, but he nodded just as politely.

  As soon as we heard the front door close, Nicolas spun on me.

  “How do you know Daniel?”

  “I met him at Virginia’s.”

  “That—” He gestured toward the back porch—“didn’t look like a casual acquaintanceship.”

  “He came to see me in the hospital. He wanted to apologize for Virginia. He didn’t think she should be suing for custody and he was trying to talk her out of it.”

  Nicolas frowned, his eyes searching mine. “And?”

  “And…he’s a nice guy. And he hit it off with Kelly.”

  “Kelly? Your best friend, Kelly?”

  “Yeah. She had a layover at LAX right before the babies were born, and they happened to visit on the same day.”

  “So he came to see you more than once?”

  “Twice. I would have told you, but you weren’t exactly talking to me at the time, and then I went into labor, so it kind of slipped my mind.”

  Nicolas turned away, his eyes moving to the bar in the corner of the room. But then Cole made a noise and he turned back, his gaze moving over Cole and me and Vivienne. It was like someone had punctured his balloon with a tiny pin. The anger just slowly seeped out of him, and he came over to sit on the couch next to me.

  “I’m sorry,” he said softly.

  I leaned into him. “Never be sorry for caring.”

  Chapter 31

  In one of those rare moments when both babies were sleeping, I wandered into the kitchen to talk to Constance. It felt like we hadn’t talked to each other in weeks about anything other than the babies.

  “You should be sleeping,” she said the moment she saw me. “A mother should sleep when her babies are sleeping.”

  “Yeah, well, I feel like I’m either sleeping or nursing twenty-four hours a day. I wanted to do something different for once.”

  “I don’t know about that. You don’t seem to sleep much at night.” She winked at me. “I change the sheets on the beds in this house, remember?”
<
br />   I blushed. I’d spent every night with Nicolas for the last month or so, since that night he found me in the nursery alone with Cole. We hadn’t officially moved my things into his room, but they were migrating there, a stitch of clothing and a toothbrush at a time. I’d thought it was our little secret, but I forgot how much the housekeepers and maids and other household staff tended to see in a typical home.

  “You don’t approve,” I said.

  Constance shrugged. “It’s not mine to approve or disapprove, mija.”

  “Actually, it is. You’re the closest thing I have to family now that mi mami is gone.”

  Constance just nodded, dropping her eyes to the task at hand. She was washing dishes left over from breakfast while watching over the tamales she was steaming for lunch. The kitchen smelled like my childhood, so filled with Mexican spices that I wanted curl up there and live in the memories it conjured.

  I missed my mom.

  “You don’t approve.”

  “I worry, mija.”

  “Why?”

  She glanced at me. “There are things you don’t know about Nicolas Costa.”

  A blush burned my cheeks. “I don’t think we have as many secrets as you think.”

  Constance made a face. “I don’t talk about sex.”

  “We do other things, Constance. We talk.”

  “About his past?”

  “I know about this mother.”

  “Yes, because Adam told you.”

  I settled down on one of the low chairs set around the kitchen table, pulling my legs up underneath me. “Nicolas would have told me,” I said, watching her turn back to the dishes, a snort the only response to my comment. “He would have,” I added, a little wiggle of doubt waking up in the back of my mind.

  “He is not as perfect as he seems, and I blame myself for your assumption that he is. If I hadn’t told all those stories in front of you, maybe you wouldn’t be in this position now.”

  “My choices have nothing to do with your stories.”

  “Don’t they? Didn’t you volunteer to be their surrogate because of me?”