JOSS: A Standalone Romance (Gray Wolf Security)

by Glenna Sinclair

  Penelope glanced back at her. “He’ll have to stay until he finishes the course of antibiotics the doctor ordered. Probably three days.”

  There didn’t seem to be much more to say after that.

  A heavy silence settled in the room, unbroken despite the low volume of the television that hung on the front wall.

  Libby touched the back of my neck. “Can I talk to you for a sec?”

  Penelope didn’t even look up as I stood and followed my sister out into the hallway.

  “I talked to mom. She wants to go home in the morning.”

  I dragged my fingers through my hair. “I’ll call the pilot.”

  “I think I might go with her.”

  I took her arm and pulled her into my arms, resting my chin on her head.

  “I’m glad you were here.”

  “Me too.”

  She slipped something into my pocket before she stepped back. “I got everyone hotel rooms at that place where Julia and mom are staying. There’s keys for you and Penelope.”

  “Thank you.”

  She nodded as she reached up and ran her fingers over my jaw. “Don’t stay too much longer. You need to get some rest.”

  I kissed her forehead and turned her away, pushing her gently down the hall. Leave it to Libby to think of all the small details.

  I walked back into the room to find Penelope pretty much unchanged from when I left. I stayed with her a few hours more, watching as the nurses came every once in a while to check JT’s vitals. Penelope was clearly exhausted. She rested her head on the edge of JT’s bed, and her eyes began to close. I ran my hand over the center of her back and she immediately sat up again, moving over just slightly so that I’d get the message that she didn’t want to be touched. I dropped my hand to my lap, trying not to let disappointment and frustration turn to anger.

  “My mom and sister are flying back home in the morning. I need to make the arrangements, get a little rest before I drive them over to the airport.”

  She didn’t even look at me.

  “Libby arranged hotel rooms at Overton.” I took one of the key cards out of my pocket and laid it on the bed beside her hand. “You should get some rest. You won’t do JT any good if you don’t take care of yourself.”

  Again she didn’t respond. I lifted my hand to touch her, but let it fall to my side instead.

  I walked out, but stopped by the nurse’s station to make sure they had my number so they could call me if anything happened. I also left arrangements for a taxi should Penelope decide to take my advice. Then I left, feeling completely useless. It was not a feeling I liked.

  I lay awake for a long time, half hoping Penelope would come knocking on my door. It was a ridiculous thought, really. She didn’t know which room I was in. But I figured there were ways she could find out.

  It was stupid. I was driving myself crazy over a woman who clearly wanted nothing to do with me. And why would she? I marched into her life and turned everything upset down. I likely wouldn’t want to have anything to do with me, either. In fact, I would probably do everything I could to hurt the person who was ripping my family apart.

  Stupid, stupid, stupid.

  I finally fell into a restless sleep a little before dawn. When my phone’s alarm went off, I felt like I’d spent the night drinking instead of tossing and turning. A quick shower took care of a few of the aches and pains, but not all. Then I grabbed my keys and went in search of my mother and sister.

  “You should eat, Harrison,” my mother said the moment she spotted me crossing the busy restaurant dining room toward her. “You don’t take good enough care of yourself.”

  I ignored her in favor of straddling a chair beside Libby and stealing a few swallows of her hot coffee.

  “How’s JT?” she asked.

  I shrugged. The nurse I spoke to this morning said he was awake, but groggy.

  “And Penelope?”

  I shrugged again. I hadn’t asked the nurse that, but I wasn’t sure she would have told me anything, anyway.

  “Who’s Penelope?” Mother asked.

  I glanced at her, but I kept my thoughts to myself. I knew if I said what I was thinking, it would only blow up into this big fight and I really wasn’t up for that today.

  “We should go. The pilot should be waiting.”

  The drive was quiet, all of us lost in thought. I felt guilt for not being at the hospital. I don’t know why. I was restless when I was there, but I was restless when I wasn’t. I needed to be able to fix this, but I didn’t know how.

  “It’s going to work itself out,” Libby said, reaching over to touch my hand.

  I glanced at her, but I couldn’t agree or disagree. I just didn’t know yet.

  The plane was sitting on the tarmac, the flight attendant standing in the doorway as we pulled up. Mother stepped out of the car immediately, walking like a member of the royal family to the waiting steps. I watched, not sure if I should be offended by her lack of a goodbye, or not.

  “She thought she was doing the right thing,” Libby said softly.

  “I know. That’s what makes it so much harder.”

  I said my goodbyes to Libby, promising to be home as quickly as possible. I went out as soon as the plane was in the air, heading in the general direction of the hospital. But I remembered that I left my laptop in the hotel room, and I might as well get some work done while I was sitting at JT’s bedside. I only meant to rush in and out, but Julia knocked on the door, making my heart skip a beat at the thought that Penelope had finally come.

  “I’m headed out,” she said with a soft smile. “I just wanted to say goodbye.”

  “Don’t you want to see JT? Talk to him for a few minutes?”

  The bright smile that had lit her eyes began to fade. “I thought I wanted to,” she said. “On the flight down here, I was actually excited about it. I kept imagining what that moment would be like. But then, when everything happened yesterday, when I saw Penelope in that waiting room…it just felt selfish.”

  My eyes must have darkened because Julia suddenly grabbed my wrist, pulling herself closer to me.

  “That’s not what I meant. What you’re doing is honorable, Harrison. You were never given a choice and if you had…well, maybe things would be different. But I knew what I was doing.” She squeezed my wrist lightly before she let go. “I made my choice sixteen years ago.”

  “That’s what it always comes back to, isn’t it?” I asked. “Who had a choice and who didn’t.”

  Her eyes fell to the floor for a minute. “I heard part of what your mother said to you yesterday. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but…”

  I stepped back slightly. “It must have sounded pretty bad to you.”

  She looked up, tears shimmering in her eyes. “You have no idea how many times I wondered what it would have been like if I’d told you myself and you had come back to New York. If you had chosen me and the baby over…whatever. I always imagined this great, adventurous life. But I don’t suppose that’s the way it really would have been.”

  “I don’t know what it would have been like, but I would have chosen you, Julia. You should know that.”

  A tear spilled down her cheek. “I know.” She stepped closer to me as she wiped the tear away and pressed both hands to my chest. “But I also know something else. In your mother’s position, back then, I never would have done what she did. But now? With my children? I’m not so sure.”

  I stiffened. “You think she did the right thing?”

  “Maybe not the right thing, but trying to protect your child is never the wrong thing, either.”

  “Hiding my child from me was cruel and—“

  “And her way of protecting you.”

  Julia slid one hand up my chest and caressed my throat lightly, like she used to do all those years ago when we were lovers. I pressed my forehead to hers, not wanting to understand what she’d said, but remembering JT lying broken in that hospital bed and my need to take the burden of it from
him, from Penelope. I hadn’t been a father for long, but I was learning what it meant to truly care for someone.

  I still didn’t forgive my mother… but I could see Julia’s point of view.

  “We probably won’t see each other again,” she said, her breath sweet as it washed over me. “But I want you to know that I never forgot you. And I still hold on to some of those what-might-have-beens.”

  “Me too.”

  She lifted her chin and our lips touched. It was a soft, sweet kiss that lingered a beat longer than it should have. Then she stepped back, wiping a few more tears from her cheeks, lifted a hand, and walked away. As I stepped out into the hallway to watch her go, I found myself staring into Penelope’s exhausted face.

  And then she turned away.

  Chapter 21

  Penelope

  The nurses told me JT would be in and out of consciousness all day. The pain medication they had him on was pretty powerful, and it would be another day before they began to reduce the dosage. So I should go get some sleep.

  You won’t be much use to him if you don’t take care of yourself.

  Harrison’s words played again and again in my head. I couldn’t believe how generous he’d been. A part of me expected him to ask me to leave the moment he arrived at the hospital. I no longer had any claim to JT. I had no right to be there. But he didn’t. Instead, he allowed me to take the lead with the doctors, allowed me to stay by JT’s side as long as I wanted. Not only that, but he stayed at my side and provided a hotel room for me to rest in so I wouldn’t have to drive the forty minutes back home.

  He didn’t have to do all that.

  And when I finally decided I should get some rest, I find out that he’s arranged for a taxi for me, too. Does his generosity never cease?

  If I hadn’t already handed him custody of JT, I would think he had an alternative motive. But I no longer held any cards. I was no longer keeping him from anything he could possibly want.

  I asked for his room number at the front desk of the hotel because I wanted to thank him. But then I stepped off the elevator and found him standing in the doorway of his room, kissing the birth mother.

  I was rooted to the ground. I couldn’t move. Jealousy slammed through me so fast that I almost felt as though I’d been the one hit by a car. And when she turned, strolling quite proudly down the hallway toward me, a self-satisfied smile on her lips, I wanted to slap her.

  I had no claim to Harrison. Just because we’d slept together twice, didn’t mean I had a right to determine who he could or could not spend the night with. But did he really have to rub it in my nose?

  And then he leans around the corner of his door to watch her go. I’m sure it was quite a scene from his point of view, the way her skirt clung to her curves. I suddenly felt like a lump had settled deep in my stomach. I turned to go, a little groan of frustration slipping from between my lips as I watched the elevator doors close, Julia tucked safely inside.

  I jabbed at the buttons, scrubbing at tears that were suddenly running down my cheeks.

  “Penelope?”

  I didn’t want to turn. I didn’t want to look at him. But the words just seemed to bubble up, aching to burst from my throat.

  He touched my shoulder and I jerked back, spinning toward him.

  “Is that what you do?” I demanded. “Do you just use whoever happens to be available in that moment? Flit from woman to woman like some sort of predatory insect?”

  Confusion was so handsome on his face and I hated that that thought flew through my mind in that moment because I so wanted to slap him. I wanted to slap the handsome away and make him see what life was like from a homelier point of view.

  “You think Julia and I…?”

  “She’s seems more your type: the blond, ditzy type.”

  His eyes narrowed slightly, annoyed that I’d put down his lover.

  “Do you have no boundaries? I mean, come on! Your son is in the hospital, for God’s sake! And you rush out of there so you can spend the night with—“

  “First of all,” he began, grabbing my wrists and pushing me roughly against the wall, “Julia did not spend the night in my hotel room. She simply came by to say goodbye before she returned to her husband and two children in New York.” He leaned close to me, his mouth inches from mine. “Second of all, if I’d spent the night with anyone last night, it would have been you. Because you are the only woman I want.”

  Before I could respond, his mouth was on mine; his jaw, his tongue, encouraging me to open to his exploration. The part of me that was still angry, that was still overwhelmed with that surge of jealousy, wanted to push him away. But there was this other part of me that had grabbed on to his words and was holding them close, playing them over and over again as my heart swelled with the knowledge of it.

  I would have understood if he’d taken advantage of the melt of my body against his, if he’d taken advantage of my naive willingness to give him whatever he wanted just because he spoke a few, kind words. But Harrison’s hands were gentle as they slid under the back of a blouse I’d been wearing since the day before, as his fingertips played over my ribs, looking for those places he’d first touched in my bed a lifetime ago. He could have hurt me, made me pay for everything I’d put him through these last few weeks. For the cruel words, for the fact that I’d used his body just days ago, for the fact that I allowed his son to run wild and get himself hit by a car. Maybe I wanted the punishment, the pain. Maybe I needed it. But it wasn’t in him to provide it.

  He lifted me most gently into his arms and carried me back to his room, pausing only long enough to dig the key card out of his pocket and open the door. His bed, I was almost pleased to notice, was carefully made, displaying absolutely no evidence of the accusations I’d made.

  He lay me in the center of that perfect bed, crawling up beside me, his mouth seeking mine again. I slid my fingers into his hair and pulled him tighter against me, opening to him before he had to ask. I didn’t know what was happening, didn’t know what would happen when we left this bed, but I knew I wanted to feel the warmth of his touch and the spice of his kiss. And that was all that mattered to me right now.

  He undressed me slowly, his lips exploring each inch of flesh that exposed itself as my clothing hit the floor. I laid still, watching the contrast of his warm skin against my paler flesh, watching the pleasure that floated in his eyes each time he looked up at me. I helped him out of his shirt, unable to bite back the moan that came each and every time I saw the beauty of his pecs, of his broad shoulders, and his awesome abs.

  And then he was tugging me underneath him, and that touch that was growing so familiar sent waves of pleasure up and down my spine, made my thoughts disappear. I pressed my bare feet to the backs of his legs, pushed my hips up as tight against his as I could. I felt a shiver run the length of his body, and that made the pleasure my body was receiving that much better. How I could I not feel pride in the fact that I could make such a big, strong man shiver like a child? And then he began to kiss my throat, his hips moving in a slow roll, and I forgot everything but what it felt like to have this amazing man inside of me.

  I woke hours later, content in the warmth of the hotel bed sheets, the smell of Harrison’s cologne all around me. I didn’t open my eyes, didn’t move, content to just lie in the receding peace of sleep. But then I heard his voice, words I didn’t at first understand. But then as sleep drifted further and further away, they began to make sense.

  “…he plays football. What I really want to know is if there is any way we can make sure he will be ready for spring training come March or April?”

  Silence for a minute, and then: “And that’s in Portland?”

  Portland. He was making plans to take JT away.

  Tears burned my throat, but they didn’t spill. I think maybe my eyes were just too dry. I’d cried so much these last few days, there simply wasn’t anything left.

  I must have said, or done something else to alert him to t
he fact that I was awake.

  “Let me get back to you,” I heard him say. And then I felt his weight on the bed just before his hand fell on my shoulder.

  “Hey, babe,” he said softly. “Did I wake you?”

  “No.”

  He pressed a kiss to that space between my shoulder and my throat, my body responding instantly with a rash of goose pimples.

  “I talked to the nurse at the hospital. She said that JT’s been sleeping since you left. And Nick’s there, sitting with him until we can get back.”

  “Okay.”

  There must have been something in my voice. He tugged at my arm, pulling me onto my back, his eyes—always so expressive—filled with concern.

  “What’s going on?”

  I sat up, tugging the sheet up over my breasts, suddenly wishing I was fully dressed before we began this conversation. But, again, he wasn’t really dressed, either. He’d pulled on his briefs, but was naked otherwise. And that didn’t make anything easier. His chest was quite distracting.

  “Penelope…”

  He reached over and touched my jaw lightly, lifting my chin to force my eyes to his. I shook my head free and watched his expression change as his hand fell to the mattress.

  “You’re taking him to Oregon.”

  The truth fell like a brick wall between us. His nod only added the finishing touches.

  “But it’s not what you think.”

  “It doesn’t matter what I think. I signed that paper, giving you custody. You’re free to do what you want.”

  “I didn’t sign it. I still have it, in my suit jacket.”

  I cocked my head slightly, shocked as much by the honesty in his eyes as his words.

  “Why not?”

  “Because I want to do this together. I don’t want to take him from you and just offer you a visit here and there. I want you to be a part of his life.”

  “But you live in Oregon and I live here.”

  He waved his hand like that didn’t matter. “We can work it out.”

  “How?”

  And that was the real question. I could see the wheels turning in his head, useless as a truck stuck in the mud. He didn’t know any better than I how best to proceed. So we were just back where we’d started. Stuck.