Despair: Book Two of the Negative Ion Series

by Ryanne Anthony

  I shuddered even harder when he included my clit in that slow, sensual rub. My hips moved in rhythm with his and I closed my eyes, biting my lip as low moans escaped.

  Oh, God… that floor idea… looking better and better…

  “All that and my hard cock, Cass… at your beck and call,” he whispered again. His free hand cupped my breast then twirled my painful, hard-as-a-rock nipple.

  I tightened, clenching his fingers, and gasped. I just told him no more and quickly managed to get to the brink of coming everywhere and I didn’t… I couldn’t stop, but I had to. I’d already betrayed Eddie twice and was rapidly becoming the whore of Hampton.

  Groaning, I moved his fingers from me and fled the room. I flew down the stairs to the bathroom, slammed the door behind me and locked it. I held my mouth as I slid to the floor, trying to hold in my sobs, praying no one heard them and for my heated body to calm fast. I jumped when someone banged on the door.

  “Cass? Is that you in there?” Shauna worriedly called. “Are you all right? Greg! What happened?”

  Oh no. What was he going to say? That I’d let him finger fuck me and I got to the edge, but before I could fall over, I tore my quaking body away and fled to the bathroom so I could attempt to calm before anyone could see the struggle I was in?

  “I’m fine,” I called out fast. “Just a little lightheaded. I thought, um… I had the shakes and thought I was going to… um, you know.”

  And I was already lying about us. Sort of. I shook, but the ‘you know’ wasn’t what I was making it out to be. I was going to cum and there was no way I could reveal that. This was wrong, Greg and I. So morally wrong. I just… I couldn’t be near Greg… not even with a room full of people. I couldn’t be trusted with him.

  I washed my face, and after taking a few deep breaths, I exited the bathroom and was immediately accosted by Itsy with a sandwich.

  “I don’t think you had a bite to eat at the wedding. You must be starving. Eat.”

  I smiled and took the sandwich, then grinned bigger when Itsy suggested we eat in her apartment. I nodded and said I’d meet her down there. I kept my head down, murmured a good night to the others and walked quickly downstairs, then collapsed on Itsy’s couch, wondering how on earth I was going to avoid that guy. I was going to have to limit my time with our mutual friends and not even think about attending anymore events or functions where he could be in attendance.

  Resolved, I bit into my sandwich and sighed. I was going to miss everything he had to offer me.

  Chapter Eleven

  Time Flying… Not.

  “Cassidy?”

  “Yeah?” I answered to Alannah’s call, still reading over what I’d been typing all morning and checking for errors.

  “Did you finish Mickelsen v. Mickelsen?”

  “I did.” I nodded. “You need it printed?”

  Lala smiled. “Please.”

  “Barbariza, you’ve been on fire! Why do we even come to work? I believe we can stay home and let her do everything and no one would notice! What’s going on with you, boo-boo?”

  “Nothing,” I sighed, printing the document. I looked up and gave Walden a sad face. “Absolutely nothing.”

  I got sympathy faces and head shakes. I deserved them.

  In the months since that fiasco in the nursery, I’d thrown myself into work. If I weren’t at Forrest & Associates, then I was at Main House, singing for any and every artist I could. I think I may hear myself on at least six different singles soon. And the pay… I banked it all from Main House and it made Eddie excited as hell. Still didn’t do anything for his dick, but no shock there. I was still not getting any intercourse and I was missing it. Badly.

  And I missed Greg more than ever.

  I saw Greg a couple of times and ducked when it looked as if he was going to see me. I didn’t think he’d care whether he saw me or not. I was more concerned about what I would do if I came too close to him. He was right, that night we were in Samree and Momo’s nursery. I loved the feel of a man inside me, and I wasn’t getting it, but I couldn’t go to where I knew I could. I was still afraid of hurting Eddie.

  Lately, Eddie’s been unusually quiet when he was around me, which wasn’t often since I worked so much. Every time he was near me, he became anxious and just… preoccupied. He had finished the website for Sam and it was a success. Sam was so grateful, he gave him a huge bonus and that was banked, too. We had enough for a down payment on a home a month after that bonus and made plans to start looking after the New Year.

  I missed everything I was invited to in regards to Itsy and her family, fearing I’d run into Greg and just be nasty… dirty… erotic with him. Even though I sent gifts, I really wanted to be at the twins’ first birthday party and Jay’s, Parker’s first win in court celebration, Itsy’s going back to school soirée, Ren and Cara’s housewarming… the list was endless. There were many celebrations, but I sat them all out and hated every moment of it.

  I even strained my voice twice by attending session after session just to avoid going to a party. But Eddie, he went to every last one and always came back with a full report and plates of food.

  For instance, we were invited to Thanksgiving at Sara and John’s home, and that time, both Eddie and I had to decline. Eddie went home to Iowa, but I stayed and sang, hours on end, for Allergic to Bullshit. I endured endless takes of a hook they said I couldn’t get right.

  I actually quit and was ready to cry after the fifty-seventh take of screeching those lyrics. That’s when their lead singer decided to come clean and tell me the drummer had a thing for me and they were stalling. I shook my head and yelled at them they should have just said that instead of damn near ruining my voice.

  “Not that it would make a damn difference, you bunch of adolescent geriatrics,” I shouted. “I already have a damn boyfriend!”

  I snatched up my things and walked out. When I received payment for that job, I was surprised to have a $1500 bonus. I smirked when I banked that check. I so deserved it, every last cent.

  My Aunt Raquel visited us often. She didn’t like Eddie at all, and most times, refused to acknowledge he was in the room. He decided not to give her the satisfaction of leaving us alone and would sit on the couch, loudly pecking at the keyboard of his laptop. He could type faster but he wanted to irritate her and he succeeded. She hated ‘peckers’, which was why she coached me to type faster. I found it hilarious when she took out her own laptop and typed at her normal speed, which I personally believed had increased to 200 w.p.m.

  Aunt Raquel got a bonus at her job and a new company car. Her company gifted her with the last one she was using for business: a BMW convertible, and she generously gave me her Nissan Rogue. I have always loved that thing, and gratefully accepted it, much to Eddie’s dismay. He griped about it being a bit much on our finances, but the car was paid for and all we had to do was pay the insurance and gas it up. I knew the griping was really because he liked that car, too. He wanted to hog what was supposed to be our Chevy Malibu? Fine. He was so never touching my Rogue, at least not to drive it.

  * * *

  Eddie and I began looking for a home in mid-January. We agreed on a price, regardless of size, and that we had to absolutely love the place, since we decided we’d be there a long while, unless one of our careers took off.

  Eddie hated every home we looked at while I loved three of them. One was a five bedroom and under our price range. It was what they called a ranch-style home and had a full basement, perfect for a man cave. The place was huge, and I could not believe it was selling so cheap. I went to see it first and found out why.

  The home was owned by an elderly couple, the Camerons, who had a grandson that wanted them to move closer to him and his family. They didn’t need the money and offered it cheap because they wanted the house to go to a young family or a couple who were just starting out. Just like me and Eddie.

  I showed Shauna the listing, and she said she knew that area well. It was about a block
from the police department and one block over from City Hall. To me, that made it even better. To Eddie, it was somehow worse.

  “Criminals everywhere, not to mention all the shit-talking politicians and reporters crowding City Hall and hogging our parking, blocking the road home. You should consider that, Cass; we do have two vehicles now.”

  “But Eddie,” I sighed. “The property has a double driveway that leads to a two-car garage. We could always park on our property.”

  “What if they block us in?”

  “Then we call the police. Come on, Eddie, I want this one, and I could easily see us living there for at least ten years. If we want, we can sell then and get something else. Or we can grow old and die there. Can’t you just see us on the front porch, sitting in rockers, holding hands and sipping iced tea while our great-grandchildren run and play loudly in the backyard?”

  I saw Eddie crack a smile then watched it fade. “What about them getting bit by deer ticks while they’re running about and finding out later they have Lupus?”

  “Lyme disease,” I said, rolling my eyes.

  “Yeah, that!” Eddie scowled. “You want to buy a house that will give our small great-grandchildren Lyme disease?”

  “Don’t be ridiculous.” I scowled. “Deer ticks are mainly in the northeast, Eddie. Even if you were to come in contact with one, you could get bit walking out of our apartment building. They’re not just in backyards, you know.”

  I couldn’t believe the look of horror on his face, nor could I believe he continued the argument.

  “Doesn’t it even bother you that the house is on Elm Street, Cassidy? Elm! Hello! Nightmare on Elm Street ringing any bells?”

  We did not get the house.

  And our spending time together decreased further, to the point of only seeing one another either first thing in the morning or right before bed. And I wasn’t even getting tongue. I was ready to claw someone’s eyes out.

  I made appointments to see houses alone by spring. Eddie proved to be no help anyway, nitpicking any and every little thing. Before the crazy reaction to the house on Elm, I always left him a note as to where I would be after he got off work Saturday afternoons, which was when I usually set up appointments, in case he wanted to spend some time with me. I so stopped after that deer tick rant.

  One appointment day, I finished my chores, showered, and since it was a warm day in May, I dressed in a nice sundress and flat sandals, all in light pink. I left my hair loose and just applied a gloss to my lips. I felt extremely cute and smiled as I made my way to my Rogue.

  I found the home easily, thanks to it being across from the other house I loved, and arrived about fifteen minutes early. Smiling, I rang the bell and waited. I smiled bigger when my agent, Elka Plummer, opened the door.

  “Cassidy, how are you?”

  “I’m good, Elka. You?”

  She smiled nervously. “Flustered, actually. There’s been an emergency with my mother and I have to leave. My sister thinks she broke her ankle. She slipped on something in the kitchen which, between you and me, she has no business being in. If you don’t mind, the son of the owners will show you around. He only just made it here and is in the garage. He’ll be inside in a moment.”

  “I understand. Please go and see after your mother,” I murmured and stepped aside. “I’m sure she and your sister want you near.”

  “Thank you,” Elka breathed, sounding relieved as she handed me the house’s fact sheet. “Go on in and look around until Gregory comes in and takes you on a proper tour. Please contact me soon and let me know what you thought of the place.”

  I nodded, and watched her walk quickly to her car. I knew she lived in Calabasas, and it was only thirty minutes away, so it wouldn’t take long to get to her mother. I closed the door behind me then looked around the entry. This home was a lot bigger than it appeared from the outside.

  There were tan-carpeted stairs directly in front of the entry door, and a table and mirror against the wall on either side of the stairs and to the left of them, a narrow door. I pushed on it to open it and smiled. It was a hidden closet with five hooks and two shelves at the bottom. I loved it already, I thought, as I smelled the lilies in a silver vase on that table.

  I walked right and saw it was the living room. They had it decorated beautifully. I instantly fell in love with the medium hardwood floors. There was brown fabric on the furniture with contrasting tan patterns on the pillows. I loved the rich brown color on the south wall and all the trim, and the other walls were painted a tan color. The silver vases and other knickknacks worked well in the room, and I found myself wishing they’d leave the furniture… everything.

  I moved to the French doors in the back of the room and grinned big when I opened them. It was a huge TV room with a comfortable-looking brown leather sectional and more of the hardwood flooring. A fluffy beige throw rug was sitting in front of it with a wood coffee table, looking like it was just made for abuse and had definitely seen it.

  There were components in the wall in front of me and a massive flat screen hung on the wall over the components. There was a cabinet in the middle of the wall on the left, and I just knew what was in it. I squealed when I opened it. Tons of DVDs, top to bottom. Different types of movies… cartoons, rom-coms, adventure, horror… that cabinet was bursting with entertainment.

  I closed the cabinet’s doors and noticed there was a door on either side of it. I went to the one to the right, first. It was a tan-walled half-bath, decorated with brown accessories. It had the cutest marbled floor tile and fluffy brown towels. I loved the pedestal sink in there.

  Stepping out, I went to the door on the cabinet’s left and stopped. It was a swing door; I was now going to see the kitchen.

  I slowly opened the door and gasped. It was… gorgeous. It was huge and I was in love. Cabinets in mahogany with marble countertops and steel appliances. There was a breakfast bar with stools that perfectly matched the cabinets. I walked in farther and found another swing door. It led to a pantry that made me want to cry. It was huge but empty. I thought the owners may already be in the process of moving or had gone, already.

  I walked back into the kitchen and noted three more doors. One led to a laundry room, another to a mudroom and the last was yet another swing door. I went to the mudroom and opened the door that led to the backyard area. It was just as big as the one across the street and had a massive swing set on the right of the yard. There was a large patio directly across from the house with a green outdoor patio set for eight sitting on it as well as a gas/charcoal barbecue grill at the patio’s rear. To the right of the grill, there was an outdoor kitchen. A counter was built behind it with four green metal bar stools. A garage was on the other side of the patio that a driveway led to. There was a green shed between the metal stools and a covered, above-ground pool.

  By then, my mouth was gaping. Why on earth would anyone want to leave this home? Fifteen minutes there, and I was ready to go home and grab all my clothes and come back and never leave again.

  Sighing, I turned to go out the next swing door and wanted to cry when I entered the dining room. It mimicked the living room’s design as far as walls and flooring, but the mahogany table and chairs in the dining room made me want to weep. It was gorgeous and went beautifully with the room, just as the buffet and china, which was placed in the built-in cabinet. I looked up and wanted to snatch down the silver mock-candle chandelier and take it with me.

  I wanted this home and I hadn’t even seen the whole place. ‘Fuck Eddie,’ I thought as I lovingly touched the beautiful china and stemware. ‘I’m putting in an offer as soon as I spoke to Elka.’

  I loved everything, and I didn’t care that it would take me forever to try to match the furnishings. Eddie was going to have to learn to love it because I was putting my foot down. I was going to live in this home.

  I debated on whether I wanted to see the upstairs. I was already in love and determined to buy the home, but I was curious. I needed to see u
pstairs. I was just making my way to the stairs in front of the entrance door when I heard the kitchen door open behind me.

  “Sorry to keep you waiting, but I had to… Cassidy?”

  I turned and looked right in the eyes of Gregory… my Greg. I just stared, not able to say a word. He stared back then shook his head, looking as though he snapped out of a daydream.

  “What are you… uh, are you thinking of buying my parents’ house?”

  I frowned. “Your parents?”

  “Yeah,” he murmured. “They moved to a condo, since we’ve all moved out and it was just the two of them here.”

  AWKWARD!

  I nodded, then sighed. “I had no idea.”

  He nodded then pointed to the window. “Is the Rogue yours? The one on the street in front?”

  “Yes. Is something wrong with it?”

  “No… Well, it could be. You can’t park on the street without a permit. You have to move it or you’ll get a ticket, possibly towed. They’re strict with that here since it’s so close to the police station and City Hall.”

  “Oh, okay. Where should I move it?” I asked, taking out my keys.

  “Let me. I’ll put it in the garage. The tree over the driveway is home to a lot of birds and they love to fire at will. It can be hell getting it off, especially during the heat. I would trim it or cut it down if I owned this house. If you buy it, try not to park under the tree or consider a carport.”

  I smiled and passed him the keys, noting I hadn’t let Eddie even look at the driver’s seat. I moved to the window and watched as he climbed into my car then backed it into the garage. He closed the garage’s door and I silently watched him come back inside through a side entrance in the dining room and pass me my keys.

  “That’s a three-car garage and it has heating and air. My dad spent a lot of time out there tinkering around with his two brothers. Although, all I’ve ever seen them do is drink beer and talk about nothing at all.”