Stripped (Dominated By The Billionaire) Guilty Pleasures #2 - BBW Erotic Romance

by Adriana Hunter

  “I see.” Jake was watching me. “Whip work takes a lot of practice. Guys who are really good spend years perfecting their technique. I don’t have that experience. But I think I can handle a riding crop, if that will make you happy.” He kissed my forehead.

  “Are you ready to start?”

  I nodded; it was safer than opening my mouth. Jake led me up the tower stairs, leaving me at the bathroom door. He pulled me to him, his skin warm beneath my fingers, his deep rich smell washing over me, kissing me hard.

  The tears came when I was alone in the bathroom. And the guilt. I’d told another man I loved him and here I was, preparing to let a different man use a riding crop on me. You’re losing yourself, Abby.

  “If you don’t want this, then just tell him.” I spoke to my reflection in the mirror. “This is a no-strings attached relationship; you can get out of it anytime you want.”

  But I didn’t want to get out. I wanted this relationship, and I wanted it with Jake.

  I splashed cold water on my face, tying back my hair, putting on my robe. The stairs to the tower room seemed to go on forever.

  Jake was waiting inside the door, looking out the nearest window at the blackening sky. The rain had started, long streaks slashing across the glass. Lightening was visible in the distance, but no sounds of thunder yet.

  “We can leave this curtain open; it faces the house. We can enjoy the ambience of the storm if you like.”

  He turned toward me, his hand on the edge of the curtain. “Are you okay, Abby? If you’re not up to this, we don’t have to have a session.”

  I shook my head. “I’m fine. I want to do this.”

  Jake crossed the short distance between us. “Okay. We’ll keep it short then. Are you ready? You’re in submission now.”

  I nodded my head, never quite so glad to not be allowed to speak. There was still a slight frown on Jake’s face as he reached for my robe.

  A gust of wind-blown rain outside caught my attention. I looked toward the window; saw Jake’s reflection in the glass. He was standing behind me, not moving, staring at my back.

  “Abby.” His voice was cold steel.

  A crash of thunder made me jump. I turned around, looking up at Jake. But I didn’t speak.

  “Abby.” His voice was sharp. “Turn around and look at me.”

  I did as I was instructed. I wasn’t sure what this was, if it was part of the session. I wanted to ask, but didn’t want to disobey.

  “What is this?” I felt his hands on my arms. I shook my head, both because I didn’t know and I couldn’t speak.

  He took me by the arm, pulling me across the room to the far side of the big cabinet. There was a mirror hanging on the side, something I’d never noticed before. He turned me so my back was to the mirror.

  “Look. Tell me what these are.”

  I looked in the mirror. Along the backs of both arms and along the backs of my thighs were bruises, many bruises. All of them were the size and shape of someone’s fingers. Of Chase’s fingers.

  “Oh.”

  “Oh? That’s it?” Jake spun me around to face him, his own fingers now digging into my arms.

  “Who gave you those bruises, Abby? Are you seeing someone else? Are you someone else’s submissive?”

  Anger flashed in Jake’s eyes. Seeing that in his eyes lit a corresponding spark of anger in me.

  “And if I am? You said this is a no-strings-attached relationship, Jake. Your words, your arrangement.”

  “Who, Abby? Who is it?” He was still holding me, almost lifting me on my toes.

  I struggled in his grip. “You’re hurting me, Jake. Let me go.”

  He did, stepping away from me, breathing hard, color rising in his cheeks.

  “It’s Chase, isn’t it.” Not a question; a statement.

  “Yes.” I brushed past Jake, grabbing my robe from the back of the door, pulling it on, tugging the sash tight.

  Jake ran his hand through his hair. “Why, Abby?”

  “Why? Why not?”

  “Isn’t this enough for you?” He spread his hands, gesturing around the tower room. Outside the storm was intensifying, rain pelting the windows, thunder booming in the distance.

  “I’m not seeing Chase as a sub, Jake. He called after our session, had my necklace…I went to see him…and it just happened. You were gone.” My voice was ragged, anger and tears competing, making me gasp. But I refused to give in to the tears. Not now, not here.

  “So the minute I’m gone, you run to Chase?”

  “No, not like that. I went to get my necklace…and things just spiraled out of control.” My voice dropped.

  “But it got to be more…” I looked down at my bare feet.

  “You’re seeing Chase, as in a relationship?” Jake sat on the edge of the bed, looking up at me. He was quiet for a long time.

  “Do you love him? Is that it?”

  I looked up at Jake, tears spilling down my face. I swiped at them angrily.

  “I don’t know. Really, I don’t.”

  I took a step toward Jake. He looked up at me, the pain in his eyes obvious.

  “For what it’s worth, he hasn’t told me he loves me. He can’t…or won’t.”

  He shrugged, shook his head. I knelt on the floor at his feet, my hands on his knees.

  “Jake, I never meant for this to happen and I never meant for you to get hurt. I can’t explain why this happened. All I know is I have never stopped thinking about you.” Tiny white lie, Abby.

  “This relationship is important to me. I cherish this, what you’ve given me. I would never have tried this, come this far, experienced what I have if it weren’t for you, Jake.” I took one hand in mine, kissing his fingers.

  “You’ve shown me things I could never have known.”

  “But that’s not enough, is it. Do you want a relationship? More than this, I mean?” Jake’s voice was low, still with an edge. I realized he was still very angry, holding himself so tightly controlled. He could never let go.

  I was exhausted, from my time with Chase, and from Jake’s inability to let go. It sent me over the edge.

  I stood abruptly. “What I want from you Jake is complete honesty.” I flung the words at him. He looked startled, before frowning at me.

  “I’ve been honest. More so than you, I’d say.”

  “No. I mean with whatever it is in you that keeps you from just letting go. You start…you’re so angry now you’re barely holding it back. But you don’t let it out. Why? What’s making you hold it back? Chase said things that make me think there’s a whole side of you that I don’t know. He said if we were to have any kind of relationship, I should ask you what your secrets are. I thought he was just saying things at first…for whatever reason. But now I think he’s right.”

  I was breathing hard, hands on my hips. I realized I was rambling, words bubbling up from some deep well of emotion, fueled by my exhaustion and by Jake’s stubborn ability to let go.

  He looked up at me, the anger back in his eyes.

  “You want the truth? You want to know why I ‘don’t let go’.” He stood, striding across the room before abruptly turning around, his eyes blazing with what looked like pain and anger fused into bright blue-white.

  “Her name is Jane. She was my ex-girlfriend. I have no idea where she is right now, or even if she’s still alive.”

  I sank down on the bed, my legs suddenly shaky.

  “We met here, in Houston, while I was in college, sometime right before I graduated. She seemed the perfect girl; we were inseparable. It was Jane who introduced me to this whole damn thing…” he waved his hand around the room.

  “She was an experienced submissive, but her dominant had moved away. She wanted me to take his place, but I was in way over my head with her.”

  He was pacing in front of me, the words coming out slowly at first.

  “I didn’t have any idea what to do, I told her that. She threatened to leave me; I guess she manipulated me into be
coming her dominant. It wasn’t that I didn’t have an interest…I did. But it was all or nothing with her. I loved her so much, and she knew it. She made it clear if I wanted her, she wanted me as her dominant.

  “She knew about Chase’s club so she took me there a few times, to ‘learn the ropes’ as she said…” His smile was bitter and it scared me. I pulled my knees up, wrapping my arms around them. I was suddenly cold, as if the temperature of the room had dropped ten degrees.

  “It wasn’t until we’d had a few serious sessions together that things started going badly. Our sessions were always very intense, exhausting for both of us, right from the beginning. She wanted me to be…forceful, aggressive. And I was. I held nothing back, not emotionally, not physically, even verbally. But she started ending the sessions abruptly and then leaving, with no reason. Not that she needed one, but she would leave with no aftercare, no explanation. I didn’t know what to do, but then I’d see her the next day and she’d be fine. Or she’d be back, asking for another session. I should have asked someone, anyone, for advice. But I believed her when she said she was fine. And I loved her; I didn’t want to lose her.”

  Jake had stopped pacing. He lowered himself to the floor, sitting down a few feet from the edge of the bed. He wouldn’t meet my eyes, staring somewhere over my left shoulder.

  “One night she showed up for a session and it was clear that she was high. I told her I didn’t want a session if she was drunk. But she insisted, threatened—again—to leave me. So out of desperation I agreed. We started, I don’t remember what we’d planned…I don’t think we even got past getting her on the bed. She disobeyed me purposely. So I told her she needed to be punished.”

  Jake took a ragged breath. “She’d never disobeyed me before. She was always in her submissive role, no matter what. I told her she would be spanked, like we agreed on. So I undid the handcuffs, took her down there…” Jake pointed to the table where he’d spanked me. I was shivering, but too afraid to move, not wanting to interrupt his story.

  Jake’s voice dropped even lower, his eyes fixed on the far end of the room, as if whatever he had experienced was playing out in the shadows. “I spanked her once, maybe twice, before she started to scream…kicking, hissing, just totally out of control. I thought I’d hurt her, hit her too hard maybe, so I stopped. But she kept screaming. Then seething with anger she pulled away from me and slapped me across the face. She tried to hit me again but I caught her wrists to try and calm her. She wouldn’t listen, she kept fighting against me, hitting me so hard it felt as though she were someone else entirely.”

  He looked down, rubbing his wrist. “I slapped her. She looked at me, but this time it wasn’t Jane. She started screaming again but as though she was speaking to someone else. She just kept saying ‘You’re not going to hurt me anymore Jim.’ She twisted out of my arms, ran out the door and was gone before I could get down the stairs. That was the last time I saw her.”

  Jake finally looked up at me, his eyes haunted, distant. “Jim was her step-father. I found out later, from her sister, that he had abused both girls from the time they were young until their mother divorced him, sometime in their teenage years. Her sister said Jane refused any kind of counseling. She’d left home as soon as she graduated high school, went to college for a few semesters, but ended up dropping out. She said the abuse always happened after a spanking for some imagined infraction of a ‘house’ rule.”

  Jake dropped his head into his hands. I slid off the bed, crawling across the floor to him, pulling him against me, rocking him gently. His shoulders shook silently for a moment but he remained strong, unshaken.

  When he spoke his voice was muffled against my shoulder. “Her family never heard from her again. Her cell phone only went to voice mail before it was disconnected. She moved, left no forwarding address. She’d been working at a club downtown, some sleazy dance club. They had her last paycheck, held it for her for months, but she never came to get it. To this day, I don’t know what happened to her Abby. I don’t know where she went.”

  The tears I’d been trying to hold back spilled down my cheeks. Jake sat up, looking into my eyes.

  “I’m so sorry Jake,” I replied unsure as to what I should say. My heart ached for him and I could feel the incredible guilt that weighed down on him like heavy chains with every word that spilled from his trembling lips.

  “The first time you disobeyed me, it reminded me so much of Jane that I couldn’t bring myself to punish you. The second time, when I did, it was the hardest thing I’d ever done.” He tucked a stray strand of hair behind my ear, his fingers absently wiping away my tears.

  “I was so afraid I’d break you somehow. That I’d change you in ways you just weren’t ready for. Just like I did to Jane. I was convinced for the longest time it was my fault, I’d pushed her too hard. I couldn’t control myself and it sent her over the edge.”

  “No, Jake. It wasn’t your fault.” I meant it; even as I felt the sadness invade my mind at just how much pain Jane must have been in. Jake had likely triggered memories of her abuse that she couldn’t handle. Like him I wondered where she was, what had become of her. Watching Jake hurt so badly, his fingers weaved tightly against his scalp, cradling his head in his hands, I could see the torment that swirled in his eyes. He hadn’t known of Jane’s darkness and because of that he had taken her into the shadows of her own pain, brought her nightmares to life. It wasn’t his fault. Jane shouldn’t have played with the ghosts of her past, and I wondered why she would have ever become a submissive in the first place other than to torture herself. Perhaps it was her way of coping with what had happened. Her way of taking control of the pain and living through it once more but where she would determine how it ended. Only it ended at a loss. If she could only see Jake now she would know that it wasn’t just a loss for her. She had changed a man forever, and I wondered if he would ever be the same again.

  “Jake…I’m not Jane.” I touched his cheek. He took my hand, holding against his face for a moment.

  “But why, Jake? Why did you look for another submissive? If this was so traumatic, why seek out another relationship?”

  “Because I knew there had to be more to this than just the pain. I wanted to seek out the pleasure. And with you, I have, Abby. You’ve shown me that this type of relationship can be more than it was with Jane, that the pleasure and pain can co-exist.”

  His eyes were bright, intense, as if he needed me to understand this, not just for my own sake, but for his.

  “Jake, I know…I understand that part of this…our relationship. But after so much pain in losing Jane, why would you do it all over again… with me?”

  He smiled, a genuine smile, not the bitter smile that had frightened me earlier. “I wanted to experience all that intense pleasure I know comes with this. And I found that with you.”

  The smile faded. “Jane didn’t trust herself, didn’t trust that she could share her darkness—her secrets—with me. I don’t know that I could have helped her, but I hope to God I would have tried.”

  He looked down at our clasped hands, his thumbs rubbing across my knuckles. When he spoke, his voice was barely a whisper. “Maybe I would have let her leave. I couldn’t have hurt her if she left.”

  “Jake, you didn’t intentionally hurt her. You would never have done that. I know you…” I tilted his face up, my fingers beneath his chin. His eyes met mine, sadness and loss so visible it tore at my heart.

  “What happened wasn’t your fault. It was beyond your control. You have to know that.”

  He shrugged. “Sometimes I do…sometimes I think I could have done things differently, that things would have ended up differently…for Jane and me.

  “But in the end, here with you, I did the same thing Jane did. I didn’t trust you…I wasn’t honest with you, Abby. I tried to control what I thought hurt Jane, the aggressive side that came out in our sessions.”

  He leaned forward, kissing me softly. “But I couldn’t control falling
in love with you.”

  The room had grown dark, the storm at its peak outside, the wind driving sheets of rain against the glass. I took Jake’s hand, pulling him up with me as I stood.

  I led him through the tower room door and back to the main house. Somewhere along the way, he took the lead through the maze of hallways, leading me to his bedroom, the destination we both wanted—needed—at that moment.

  We treated each other as if we were fragile vessels, words whispered in the darkness, touches soft and gentle. We held each other for a long time in Jake’s big bed, while the storm raged outside.

  Love making was just as slow, just as gentle. There were no words, just the two of us coming together, our bodies moving in perfect concert.

  When he came, Jake buried his face in my neck. I felt the dampness of his tears on my shoulder and I held him hard against me, trying to absorb his pain, to take it away although I knew it wasn’t mine to take.

  After a long time Jake rolled away from me, holding my hand in the dark.

  “I can’t ask you to choose between me and Chase. That’s not fair, to any of us.” He took a deep breath; I held mine.

  “But I’m changing the rules of engagement for our relationship. I won’t—can’t—share you, in any way. I want you, all of you, for myself. There won’t be a dominant submissive relationship if you’re involved with Chase in a romantic relationship. I love you too much to do that…to myself.”

  I exhaled. “I know.” My voice sounded choked and tiny in the big room.

  He rolled over, pulling me against his chest. It was my turn to cry quietly, emotions and exhaustion finally catching up with me. The last thing I remember before succumbing to sleep was Jake’s voice, somewhere close, soothing words washing over me, his warm scent even closer, comforting in the dark.

  ***

  Sunday was rainy and cold; the aftermath of the previous night’s storms evident, the streets covered with a little of leaves and branches. I felt as battered as the trees, my mind numb.

  I came home early from Jake’s with tentative plans for dinner on Monday night, with the promise from me I’d made some kind of decision, his promise to be patient. We’d both agreed to no more sessions.