A Fighting Man

by Sandrine Gasq-Dion

  I smiled at the waiter I hadn’t noticed and gave him our dessert order. I really needed to pay better attention.

  “Am I boring you?” Casper asked.

  And that was why. I’d been so wrapped up in thinking about Casper’s eyes and, well, everything else, I’d probably missed half of what he was saying.

  “Actually, no. My problem is I can’t stop looking at you and my mind tends to wander.”

  Casper ducked his head and I took his hand.

  “You could never bore me, Casper.”

  “I can say the same about you,” Casper chuckled.

  “Good.”

  We talked during dessert, nothing earthshattering, but I was getting the feeling that Casper was holding back on me. I could wait, though. I had a little less than thirty days to make Casper Kennedy mine. Once we were done and in the car, I made sure to turn the radio down—to Casper’s amusement.

  I walked Casper to his door and waited for him to unlock it. I noticed the small tremble in his hand as he twisted the key in the lock. He was nervous. So was I. Casper turned to face me and I searched his eyes.

  “Well, thank you for dinner, Slater.”

  I stepped forward and Casper backed up a bit. I touched his face lightly and leaned in. A slight hitch of breath met my ears as I kissed Casper’s cheek softly.

  “Goodnight, Casper,” I whispered in his ear as I backed away.

  “Night.” Casper backed into the apartment and shut the door. I stood there smiling like an idiot. I had wanted to kiss him, but I knew it was too soon. Whatever battle Casper was having with himself, he hadn’t won it yet and I wanted to prove that I could respect at least some of his boundaries.

  I sailed home with a smile on my face even though I hadn’t asked Casper out on a second date. That would come Saturday. I knew he’d be there for the photo shoot. The house was quiet as I crept in and locked the door behind me. I looked around the living room. My parents had left the small light on by the couch and I turned it off. Trudging upstairs, I threw my clothes off and landed on my bed. I was exhausted and my body was still trying to catch up to the jet lag. I closed my eyes and fell out.

  Saturday morning, I stood covered in makeup in a photography studio. Hot lights blazed down and I felt like I was melting. Every few minutes, the makeup woman had to come touch me up. It was ridiculous. I was covered in baby oil and wearing what I think were shorts. Tiny brown ones that seemed to suffocate my dick. I hadn’t seen Casper yet, but Blaine was in one of the chairs laughing his ass off.

  Mr. Pritchard stood off to one side talking to the photographer. The door opened and I looked up to see if it was Casper. No such luck. Instead, some huge Italian-looking guy walked in, oiled to his hairline. A row of perfect white teeth smiled at me and my dick deflated. This was not my type of man.

  “Ah! Juan-Carlos, come meet Slater Cassidy.”

  Juan-Carlos? Oh for fuck’s sake. I plastered a smile on my face and sort of shook Juan’s oiled hand.

  “Nice to meet you.” I nodded.

  “Oh, no, the pleasure is all mine.”

  Juan-Carlos checked me out ever so slowly and I knew Blaine was snickering.

  “Puta merda!” Juan-Carlos whistled.

  Great. I knew enough Portuguese to get by—and had—in Brazil. Juan-Carlos had just confirmed he was gay or bi or whatever, with ‘holy shit.’ In Portuguese. The guy was looking at me like I was the last morsel on Earth. I heard a chuckle to my right and noticed Mr. Pritchard eyeing Juan-Carlos’ tight ass. It seemed everyone was gay.

  “Okay!” Pritchard clapped his hands together. “You two get on the island for the next shot.”

  The ‘island’ was a mound of sand with a sea backdrop and a palm tree. I stood with my arms crossed and waited for the photographer to get ready before I put my muscles on display. Juan-Carlos leaned into my ear and I backed up a smidge.

  “How about you and me go for a drink after, eh?”

  “I’d like to, but I have plans with my boyfriend.”

  “Oh, that is a shame.”

  Juan-Carlos pinched my ass cheek and I wanted to smack him across the room. The photographer snapped his fingers and I looked up, posing for the camera.

  For four hours I was bent, prodded and poked as the photographer went on and on. I was ready to drink the damn can in my hand. I’d tasted the stuff before and it wasn’t bad, so I didn’t feel like a hypocrite doing the ad. My eyes kept wandering to the door looking for Casper, but I never saw him. By five, we were wrapped for the day and I let out a huge sigh of relief. I hit the dressing room and found Casper sitting in my chair. My heart raced immediately at seeing him.

  “Hey, I didn’t see you out there.”

  “I was there.” Casper picked up the blush brush and inspected it. “How did you like Juan-Carlos?”

  “He’s a little touchy-feely.”

  “He’s hot.” Casper shrugged.

  “Well, I guess,” I said slowly. “If you’re into that kind of guy.”

  Casper looked up at me, eyes narrowed. “And you’re not?”

  “No.” I sat down across from him. “Why?”

  “Why not?”

  “Okay, first off, he knows he’s hot.”

  “So do you,” Caper pointed out.

  I sat back and stared at Casper. “What are you trying to say?”

  Casper stood up and looked around. “I need to go.”

  “Wait a minute.” I reached out and grabbed Casper’s arm. “Talk to me.”

  “I just thought, well, because you didn’t kiss me…”

  “I didn’t kiss you because I didn’t think you were ready and that’s the only reason.”

  “And then Juan-Carlos was whispering in your ear and he pinched your butt and then—”

  “Whoa, inhale there. He asked me out, I said no.”

  “Really?” Casper whispered.

  “Yes, really. I didn’t spend all my hard-earned cash wooing you to just drop you and go off with Wonder Muscles.” I peered into Casper’s eyes. “Okay?”

  “Okay.” Casper nodded.

  “Now, I’m going home to sleep for the day.”

  “It’s five.”

  “Fine—for the night and tomorrow. But I want to see you again.”

  “Okay.” Casper smiled.

  “Yeah?”

  “Yes.”

  “Awesome.”

  Casper

  I kept busy Saturday night going over the proofs of the shoot. Sunday was more of the same. I did everything in my power to stay busy. I’d come off like a jealous teenager on Saturday, but God help me, seeing Juan-Carlos draped all over Slater drove me nuts. Then there was the non-kiss at the end of our date. I had really wanted him to kiss me, but part of me didn’t want him to. I was the type of guy who knew everything there was to know from that first kiss, and I didn’t want Slater to be bad at it.

  Because I was really starting to like him.

  I paid the toll on the Robert F. Kennedy and continued on. I was on my way to the cemetery because it was the last Monday in May and there was someone I needed to see. I didn’t know how Mason would feel knowing I was interested in someone again. We’d never discussed that. I knew I was asking for trouble by visiting him, but Mason had been mine and I had every right to visit him on Memorial Day.

  I was going earlier than normal to avoid his family anyway. Most times I tried to see Mason’s grave, I was blocked by them. He’d been gone for three years and I’d gotten to spend one Memorial Day without interference from his brothers, as well as two Veterans Days.

  Mason’s older brother wasn’t as bad as his middle brother, but they were both assholes. His mother and father were the worst. They hadn’t let me anywhere near the funeral. I wiped at my eyes as I drove. I knew I’d start crying the minute the memories resurfaced. I pulled into the parking lot and grabbed the flowers and flag from the backseat. It was oddly chilly out and a mist covered the ground. I walked through the rows of gravestones in Calverton National
Cemetery, the place where Mason had been laid to rest.

  Of course, I hadn’t been there the day he’d been interred and it still bothered me. I smiled upon seeing his gravestone. I moved all the old flowers aside and set the white roses into the small vase. I placed my hand on the cold stone and pressed my forehead to it.

  “Hi, Mason,” I whispered. “Sorry it’s been so long. I’m sure you’ve been able to see what’s been going on. I miss you so much.”

  I curled up on my side and closed my eyes as the tears came. I cried for what I’d lost, for the time I missed with him. I wiped at my eyes.

  “I’ve met someone, Mason. I think he might even be more annoying than you were.” I chuckled at the thought of Mason singing bad karaoke to get my attention. “I know we never talked about the ‘what ifs’ because you never wanted to think about it, but that time has come and I need to know.” I closed my eyes and leaned against the stone. “I might just be able to fall for this guy.”

  I broke down. I felt like, somehow, I was cheating on him. I know that sounds stupid, but I had loved Mason with all my heart. I never looked at anyone else while he was deployed. He was my everything.

  I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I knew, someone had kicked me in my thigh. I rolled to my back to see Mason’s brothers standing over me.

  “Dammit, Casper.”

  I sat up as Michael Callahan leaned over me.

  “I’m sorry; I wasn’t going to be here when you guys came,” I tried to explain.

  I checked my watch and realized I’d been asleep for over two hours.

  “You shouldn’t be here at all, fucking faggot!”

  I blinked up at Mason’s middle brother, Tiernan.

  “Your brother loved me, whether you want to accept it or not.” I pulled the chain from beneath my shirt. Mason’s dog tags jangled and my engagement ring slid down to meet them.

  “He gave me a ring.”

  “Get up!” Tiernan snapped, grabbing my bicep. “Get out of here.”

  “Let him go right now.”

  I looked over my shoulder to see Slater Cassidy in full uniform, with rows upon rows of medals lining his dress blues.

  “You dare to act like that in a cemetery on this day—or any day for that matter?” Slater said quietly. “Show some respect.”

  Tiernan let go of my bicep and I grabbed my jacket off the ground. Slater walked closer to us and put his hand out to me.

  “Come here, Casper.”

  I moved toward him. Slater’s voice and posture were scaring the shit out of me; I’d never seen him angry. Thank God it wasn’t directed at me.

  Slater motioned to the gravestone.

  “I’m sorry for your loss, but if you ever lay a hand on Casper again, you’ll have to deal with me. Understood?”

  I watched Michael and Tiernan’s faces closely. They were staring at the medals on Slater’s uniform. To my surprise, Michael actually put his hand out.

  “Thank you for your service,” he said, sincerely.

  Slater nodded, shaking Michael’s hand. “Thank you for yours.”

  I hadn’t even realized both brothers were in their uniforms. Michael was in his FDNY and Tiernan in his NYPD. Slater glared at Tiernan and he finally extended his hand. Slater’s arm snaked around my shoulders as he shook Tiernan’s hand firmly.

  “Are you ready to go?”

  I looked up at Slater in a daze and nodded.

  He turned me around and that’s when I saw Mason’s parents. They looked especially angry, and Slater nodded to them as we walked by them. As soon as we were far enough away, I found my voice.

  “Are you stalking me?”

  “I don’t like to think of it as stalking. I prefer to think of it as quietly observing from far away without the other person’s knowledge.”

  “Stalking,” I confirmed.

  “Actually, I was already here. I was making the rounds to some of my buddies when I saw you.”

  I blinked. “Your buddies?”

  “Well, yeah. When I entered the Army, I went in with a lot of guys from high school.”

  “They…they died?”

  Slater nodded.

  “Oh God, I’m sorry,” I whispered.

  Slater touched my cheek. “I’m sorry for your loss. I get it now.”

  “You get what?”

  “Why you wouldn’t date me, why you pushed me away. You lost the love of your life to the military.”

  I held the dog tags in my hand. Slater’s hand closed over mine and I looked up at him.

  “If I had known…” Slater looked into my eyes. “I would never have pushed so hard.”

  “He was a lot like you—annoying as hell.” I tried to smile.

  “So, devastatingly handsome as well?”

  I did smile at that. Slater had a way about him that made you like him.

  “Yes, he was very handsome.”

  “I’d like to hear all about him.”

  “You would?”

  “I would,” Slater affirmed. “You want to come to my house? My mom always makes a ton of food on Memorial Day. I think she thinks it will help ease my pain somehow.”

  I thought about that. Did I really want to spend another Memorial Day crying in bed over what I’d lost? I eyed Slater.

  “Your mom won’t mind?”

  “Hell, no. Come on.”

  * * * *

  Raquel Cassidy was in the kitchen when we arrived. Slater wasn’t lying. There was so much food that the kitchen table was covered from one side to the other. Her eyes widened and a huge smile graced her lips as she saw me.

  “Casper!” she fairly shouted.

  She pulled me into a hug and I inhaled her perfume as I relaxed in her embrace. There were times I missed my own mother, but then I only had to remember how she’d turned her back on me to get over it. Raquel held me at arm’s length and eyed me from head to toe.

  “You need some food!” She winked. She turned her attention to Slater and hugged him. “Are you okay, honey?”

  “I’m good. I ran into Casper at the cemetery.”

  Raquel looked from me to Slater and then nodded. “Have a seat.”

  I expected questions, but she merely served us and sat down to join us.

  “This is very good, Mrs. Cassidy.”

  “Now, Casper. I’ve always told you to call me Raquel.”

  She did, actually. I’d met her the first time when she’d come by the offices to see Blaine. I loved her sense of humor and she was always very kind to me.

  “Okay, Raquel.”

  “So, Slater. Did you have a sit-down with your friends?” Raquel asked.

  “I did. Told them how things were going. Told them I’d met a guy.”

  I looked up at those words. Sometimes it amazed me how comfortable Slater was in his own skin. I wasn’t one to go shouting it from the rooftops, but Slater seemed content to tell the whole world he was attracted to a man. As if hearing my thoughts, Slater turned to look at me.

  “All the guys I work with, or am friends with, know my sexual orientation. I don’t hide anything from anyone. You can’t ask someone to have your back if you aren’t completely truthful. I expect the same from them.”

  “I was never comfortable with it.” I peered from beneath my lashes at both Slater and his mother. “After telling my parents—and the way they reacted—I just…I kept it to myself a lot. It wasn’t as if they screamed at me and called me an abomination, they just didn’t speak to me.”

  Raquel put her hand on top of mine. “I’m so sorry, that must have been awful.”

  “It was.” I nodded. “I moved to New York and that’s when I met Mason. He was Army infantry and we just clicked right away. Of course, he irritated me until I finally said yes to a date.”

  Slater coughed and looked at the ceiling. I smiled and kept on.

  “That’s why I was there this morning at the cemetery; I always go visit him on Memorial Day and Veterans Day. I try to go on his birthday, too, but I
meet with resistance if I get there at the wrong time on any of those days.”

  “Oh no.” Raquel took my hands.

  “I don’t know why I’m telling you all this.”

  “Because you’ve bottled it up for so long, I would imagine.” Raquel caressed my cheek.

  I sighed.

  “I didn’t even know he’d died until a few days later. I saw it on the news after they’d informed the families. They released the names of the dead, and that’s how I found out Mason was gone. I had missed the wake and was turned away from the funeral.” I choked back a sob as the memories came back. “They wouldn’t let me say goodbye.”

  “Son of a bitch,” Raquel hissed.

  I looked up in surprise. I always got the sad look; Raquel was angry.

  “How could they?” she raged.

  “They didn’t want people to know their son was gay.”

  “Who cares?” Raquel stood up and paced.

  “Some parents aren’t like you, Mom,” Slater said quietly.

  “Well, they should be!” Raquel stopped pacing and looked at me. “And your parents don’t speak to you?”

  “I haven’t heard from them since I left. I tried e-mailing them to let them know I’d found a job and was doing well, but I never got an answer.”

  “Well, you’re welcome here any time, okay?” Raquel sat down and took me into her arms.

  I hugged her back and peered over her shoulder to see Slater smiling. I really liked his smile.

  After promising Raquel I’d come visit again, Slater walked me out to my car. He leaned against it as I unlocked it.

  “Casper?”

  “Yes?”

  “I’ll understand if you don’t want to go out with me again. I didn’t know before—”

  I stopped him by placing my hand over his mouth.

  “Do you like me?” I asked.

  Slater nodded.

  “Then I would love to go out with you again.”

  I stood in front of Slater and removed my hand slowly. He pulled me into his arms and held me close. God, I had missed this. Being in someone’s arms. Well, a man’s.

  “I am going to kiss you, Casper, but not today. Today belongs to Mason.”

  I nodded in his chest and he released me.

  “I’ll see you soon,” he said.

  * * * *