A Fighting Man

by Sandrine Gasq-Dion

  I sighed loudly and got a smack to my head from Ramos.

  “Ow! I did have a brain injury you know!”

  “Yep, and I lost a leg. Boo fucking hoo.”

  I eyed Ramos sideways. He was leaning against the wall with his new prosthetic on. It had been a long road for him. He was getting used to walking around on crutches while trying out his new leg. Pritchard had come to see us both and signed Ramos on for the campaign. Seems Casper’s idea was winning over quite a few people. I was impressed at the work Casper had done to rally the troops. Even Juan-Carlos had come to visit me. I sighed and leaned back, closing my eyes.

  “You fucked up, my friend,” Ramos stated baldly.

  “Don’t you think I know that? I’ve tried everything to get him back. He won’t speak to me. God, the things I said, Ramos…”

  “You could always blame it on your head injury,” Ramos grinned.

  “No, I have to own up to the things I said and did. God, I was so damn frustrated that I couldn’t lift my arm, or walk normally—and then I see you.” I shook my head sadly.

  “Dude, you can’t compare yourself to me. I am a Spanish warrior,” Ramos chuckled and puffed out his impressive chest.

  I smiled at him. “I’m going home soon. My mom has a nurse coming to the house and I’ll have physical therapy in my hometown. What are you going to do?”

  “I have to spend some more time here.” Ramos scratched at his upper thigh. “I swear to God sometimes it feels like it’s still there, you know? The PT said it’s what they call phantom pains. But I swear to God it’s like it’s still there.”

  “I’m so sorry,” I whispered. “I wish—”

  “Don’t be sorry for me, Cassidy. I’m still here. I can still breathe air, see the sun rise and set. Fuck, it’s good to be alive!”

  I realized just then how much my words to Casper must have hurt him. Well, that was bullshit. I knew it a month ago, but hearing Ramos talk about how he loved life? After his experience? I shook my head. What the fuck was wrong with me? Casper had lost the love of his life; families had lost sons and daughters. And I had wished I were dead because I couldn’t walk and hold a cup.

  “Stop thinking about it.” Ramos nudged me. “You’ll get him back. In the meantime, we have some other guys to go piss off.” Ramos grinned.

  “Oh, the double amputees are at it again, eh?”

  “They hid my crutches,” Ramos arched a brow. “I had to hop down the hall.”

  “Well, we gotta hit the pool first.” I stood up and stretched out my back.

  “Never a dull day. I’m coming to visit you as soon as I’m all healed up and ready to be set loose on society again.”

  “I look forward to it.” I eyed Ramos’ upper thigh with a grin. “Love the pantyhose.”

  “Yeah? I really wanted fishnet, but apparently they don’t make them.”

  “Bastards,” I laughed.

  “I know.”

  * * * *

  My first week back at home was surreal. Mom tended to me every second of every day. She needed rest; I could tell. She was worried about Casper and me as well. I heard her on the phone telling him I’d come home and the look on her face told me what I needed to know.

  Casper still hadn’t forgiven me.

  So I worked my ass off every damn day. I pushed and pushed to go further and faster. I wanted to be healed body, mind and soul before I went after Casper with both guns.

  Spencer had come by with Blaine and Valerie a few times, and Blaine filled me in on Casper’s activities. He was working hard on the Rush campaign with Pritchard.

  Ramos was in New York, staying with his parents in Queens. We talked on the phone daily and he’d let me in on the return of his girlfriend. I was happy for him.

  But I missed Casper.

  I lifted the weight above my head and held it there. My bicep began to shake the longer I held it up, and sweat formed on my brow.

  “Slater, you need to pace yourself.”

  I looked up at my mother and lowered the weight slowly.

  “How is he?”

  She sat down on the couch across from me and smiled sadly.

  “I can tell he misses you, Slater.”

  “Why did I have to say what I said?” I sighed and hung my head.

  “You were frustrated and angry. I think Casper knows that, but the words?” Mom shook her head. “Oh, honey. I think you hurt him to his core.”

  “I just want him back, Mom.”

  “He cares, and that’s a start. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t call me and ask how you’re doing.”

  “How do I fix this?”

  “Fix yourself first. Be the man Casper deserves. The man I know you to be.”

  “Well, let’s get started.”

  A week later, I was working out in my living room when the doorbell rang. I wiped my forehead with a towel and opened the door. Ramos stood on the stoop smiling at me. He still had the crutches, but he seemed a lot more comfortable.

  “You look like shit,” he said.

  “Yeah? So do you.”

  “You gonna let me in, asshole?”

  “How did you get here?” I asked, stepping aside to let him by.

  “I walked.” He rolled his eyes. “I took a cab, Einstein.”

  Duh. I ignored him. “How are you?”

  “Good. I heard from the Army. They want me to ride a desk.”

  “Oh, hell no. Pushing a pencil around?”

  “I said no, of course, but then they offered me something else. I’m going to work with guys just like me.”

  I sat down and eyed Ramos. “Yeah?”

  “Yeah. The offer is for you, too.”

  “Wounded Warrior project?”

  Ramos nodded.

  Could I do that? Yes, I could because I knew what it was like to feel helpless. To be so angry at everyone that you wanted to hit them and beat your chest at the same time shouting at how unfair life was. I knew by the time my arm had fully healed, my time in the military would be at an end.

  “Slater?”

  “Yeah?”

  “What are you thinking?”

  “I’m not going to re-enlist.”

  A loud whoop came from the kitchen and Mom poked her head out.

  “Sorry.” She smiled. “Hey, Ramos!”

  I smiled back and blew her a kiss. I knew why I wasn’t going to re-enlist—because I had every intention of making Casper Kennedy love me. I wouldn’t put him through this again.

  “You’re doing it for Casper, aren’t you?” Ramos read my mind.

  “Yes. As much as I loved my time in, I can’t go back now. Not after what Casper went through with Mason, and then with me. I want him in my life and I will do whatever it takes to get him back.”

  “That’s the Cassidy I know!” Ramos clapped me on my back.

  “Ow,” I winced.

  “Pussy.”

  “Asshole.”

  * * * *

  Driving was interesting. I knew I had somewhere to be, so I borrowed the car. I still had a few problems now and then with my peripheral vision, but I did okay on open road. I watched as the sun reached for the horizon and smiled to myself. It was early September and I was gaining ground every day. My new job involved working with Ramos alongside other wounded vets. My heart ached for each and every person who came through that facility missing a limb or suffering from a traumatic brain injury.

  Ramos and I were proof you could come back.

  You just had to want it.

  I steered the car to the open side of the parking lot, away from all other cars. No need to hit someone else. I chuckled and got out of the car, stretching as I did. I’d gone for a run this morning before dawn and then got a crazy idea in my head. So here I was. I walked down all the rows until I came to one I knew. The cemetery was quiet. Now and then I heard a bird in the distance, but the quiet was what I wanted. I sat down in the grass and moved a fading flower out of the way.

  “Hey, Mason. I want you to know tha
t I’ll take excellent care of Casper just as soon as he lets me back in his life,” I laughed quietly. “I heard all about how you annoyed him to no end. I guess that works pretty well, huh?”

  I sobered and rested my arms on my knees.

  “He’s such a great person, you know? He loves with his whole heart. I want you to know that I love Casper, Mason. The things I said to him, I wish I could take them back, but I can’t. What I can promise is that I will spend the rest of my life trying to make him as happy as he was with you. He deserves that.”

  I spent a good hour talking with Mason. I lifted my face to the sun and smiled. I was still here to feel the warmth on my skin. Still here to hear the birds in the distance. Still here to touch Casper. I stood up and placed a hand on Mason’s tombstone.

  “I’ll make sure he’s happy, Mason. You have my word.”

  * * * *

  I looked around the office and flung the backpack over my shoulder. We were accompanying some soldiers to La Guardia today. They were being transferred back to their units. These men had spent months recuperating, seeing a counselor and doing physical therapy.

  They were ready to move on with their lives.

  Ramos smacked my ass as we left the office and the van pulled around to greet us.

  “Don’t let Cassidy drive,” Ramos chuckled, getting in the backseat.

  “I hit a curb one time and he never lets me forget it,” I sighed in frustration.

  “You hit a hydrant, Cassidy,” Ramos laughed.

  “Shut up.”

  My phone rang and I looked at the caller ID. My brother was calling me.

  “Yo, bro. What’s up?”

  “Mom wants to know if you’re coming home for lunch?”

  “No can do. On my way to the airport.”

  “For what?”

  “Transporting some soldiers. They’re off to live new lives,” I chuckled as the guys in the van hooted and hollered.

  “Sounds like they’re ready to go.”

  “I’ll be home for dinner, though.”

  “Okay, Blaine and I will be there.”

  I furrowed my brows.

  “Spencer?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Why does it sound like you’re up to something?”

  “Me?”

  “Okay, now I know you are.”

  “Gotta go bro!”

  I hung up and glanced over at Ramos. I could tell when Spencer was plotting and he sounded like he was plotting. Ramos lifted his brows but said nothing. I leaned back in the seat and closed my eyes and for the hundredth time that day, I thought of Casper.

  Casper

  Blaine cocked an eyebrow at me as I looked over the newest proofs. The Rush campaign was in full swing and the ads were showing on TV. I couldn’t help but drool over Slater’s fit physique. He looked mighty good oiled up. I heard Blaine snicker and eyed him.

  “What?” I asked.

  “Are you done being stubborn?”

  “I’m not being stubborn, I’m—”

  “Hiding out. I know you love Slater, Casper. That’s what scares you so much.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “You could have been with him all this time, supporting him, helping him, but you stayed away using the excuse that he was doing better without you.”

  “He was!” I shouted. “I’ve snuck into the rehabilitation building whenever Raquel told me he was at an appointment, so even if he didn’t know I was there, I knew he was getting better!”

  “And now he’s almost back to full form, so why aren’t you with him?”

  “Stay out of this, Blaine.”

  “Because you’re scared, that’s why. You love him, but you’re deathly afraid you’ll lose him.”

  “Wouldn’t you be?!”

  “I can’t think that way, or I’ll never be happy. I’m grateful for every damn day I get to spend with Spencer and Valerie. I’m grateful for every damn day my eyes open and I see the sun in the sky. I’m fucking grateful I have life and that those around me are here to share it with me.” Blaine sat down and eyed me.

  “You have work.”

  “I—”

  The door slammed open and Spencer ran in, breathing like he’d just sprinted up the stairs.

  “Casper!” he shouted.

  “What?”

  “You have to come with me now! They’re sending Slater back!”

  “What?!”

  “He’s all healed up. You have to come with me to the airport!”

  “Now?”

  “Yes, now!”

  I whirled around to Blaine.

  “Get out of here! Why are you wasting time?” Blaine roared.

  That was enough for me. I ran after Spencer as we exited the building. His car was double-parked and I jumped in.

  “How do you know he’s leaving? Why didn’t your mom tell me?”

  “I just talked to him, see?” Spencer held his phone out to me.

  “Move it!” I bellowed. And suddenly, just like that, my anger and hurt were gone. Months of nursing hurt feelings and holding a grudge against Slater fell away. Blaine was right. I had really just been trying to protect my heart. It might seem like I was going from zero to a hundred all of a sudden, but what can I say? When you have an epiphany, you act on it.

  I thought we were going to get a ticket. Spencer drove like we were on the run from the cops. I kind of figured we would be soon if he didn’t slow down.

  As soon as the car stopped, I was out. Spencer yelled something at me, but I couldn’t wait to hear what it was. I had to get to Slater; he had to know how I felt.

  The airport seemed even bigger than I remembered as I ran through it, my lungs burning. My feet moved of their own accord, and I sprinted, hurtling myself toward security. Up ahead, I saw uniforms and I pushed myself even harder.

  “Slater!” I all but screamed.

  One of the uniformed men turned around and I almost cried with relief. It was him. My annoying, irritating, can’t control-what-comes-out-of-his-mouth Slater Cassidy. He was looking at me as if I wasn’t really there, like he’d seen a ghost. I almost snorted at that.

  “Slater!” I ran faster as the line moved. “Don’t leave!”

  He moved away from the rest of the soldiers and I plowed into him, wrapping my arms around him.

  “God! Don’t leave! I’m sorry. I should have said it before. I love you, Slater!”

  Strong arms wrapped around me, and I could feel Slater nuzzling my hair and inhaling my scent. God, he smelled so good. Like laundry detergent and starch. How those two smells had become my favorite, I could only pin on Slater.

  “I’m so sorry,” I continued to babble. “I love you so much, Slater. Please don’t go.”

  Slater led me away from the other soldiers and lowered his voice. “I’m not leaving, Casper. I’m just accompanying these guys to their flights. It’s my job now. I work for the Wounded Warrior Project.”

  “So, that’s the Casper, huh?” One of the soldiers grinned. “He is cute, Cassidy.”

  Slater narrowed his eyes and pointed. “You there, shush!”

  I had to chuckle as the other soldiers grinned like maniacs. Some were in wheelchairs, but others had crutches and prosthetics. I noticed Ramos off to the side and he winked at me.

  “What made you think I was leaving?” Slater asked.

  “Your brother,” I muttered. Spencer had some explaining to do.

  Slater’s brows rose. “Is that right?”

  I huffed in frustration. “So? Is that it? You have nothing to say to me after I just outed myself to the whole airport and declared my love for you?”

  Slater pulled me in close and lifted my face to his with two fingers.

  “Oh, I love you, Casper Kennedy. I love you something fierce.”

  Slater’s mouth descended on mine and his tongue teased at my bottom lip. I opened up immediately and wrapped my hands in his hair. I couldn’t get enough of him. I wanted him and, truth be told, I always had
.

  “Love you,” I groaned.

  Whistling, clapping and hollering broke us apart and we both looked up to see find all the soldiers, plus most of the people in the security line, clapping and smiling. I hid my face in Slater’s chest.

  “Hey, this is no free show!” Slater grinned, holding out his hat. “We take tips.”

  I chuckled into his chest and peeked out at the people still clapping. Ramos stepped forward and extended his hand to me.

  “Good to see you, Casper.”

  “You too, Ramos.”

  “Yo, Cassidy, why don’t you take off? The guys and I will be okay. We’ll take the van back.”

  “You sure?” Slater asked.

  “Yeah, go spend some quality time with your man.”

  Slater shook Ramos’ hand and then took mine. I waved shyly at all the guys as we turned to leave. I spotted Spencer right away, leaning against one of the rental car booths. I narrowed my eyes at him and he grinned as wide as I’ve ever seen.

  “Nice, Spencer. Real nice.”

  “It worked, didn’t it?” Spencer pushed off the desk and started walking. “Come on, Mom’s waiting for us.”

  I leaned into Slater, absorbing his scent again and relishing the feel of him. His arm pulled me closer to him and I looked up at him.

  “Your arm—you’re moving it just fine.”

  “Yes, and I owe that to you, Casper.”

  “To me, why?”

  “You may not have known it, but you pushed me to work harder, heal faster. I wanted to be the man you wanted.”

  “You were always the man I wanted, Slater. I’m so sorry I stayed away—”

  “Don’t. We’re together now and that’s all that matters. I’m so sorry I said those things to you. I wish I could take them back, Casper. I never meant to hurt you.”

  “I know that.” I nodded.

  “Um, change of plans. Guess I’m dropping you guys off at Casper’s,” Spencer interrupted us.

  “You are?” I asked.

  “Yep, Mom’s orders. She says she’ll see you tomorrow for breakfast instead.” Spencer winked at us.

  “Sounds good to me.” Slater kissed my head.