by Bebe Wilde
“More than okay,” he said and straightened up, then pulled his pants back up. He glanced over his shoulder at me staring at him and asked, “What is it?”
I just liked looking at him, that’s all. But I didn’t say that. I said, “Nothing,” and hopped down off the counter and found my clothes and dressed. He walked out of the room and I followed him. He stopped in front of the glass doors and looked out.
“You bought this house for me, didn’t you?” he asked softly.
I didn’t answer but I had.
“You knew the Masters were coming up, too, didn’t you?”
I did. I hadn’t mentioned it to Jed, but I knew when they were taking place. God, I was running after him. I couldn’t help it. I just had to have him. What was wrong with me? I looked at him. That was what was wrong with me—him.
He turned to stare at me and smiled. “It’s okay to admit that you like me, Willa.”
I cracked up. He was always so charming. But if I did that he would have the upper hand, wouldn’t he? He was waiting on me to respond. I sighed and said, “I like you, Bear.”
“I knew you did,” he said and turned back to the window.
“Are you hungry?” I asked and hugged his waist. “I have some food.”
“Fuck that,” he said, mesmerized by the beautiful ocean scene before his eyes. “Let’s check out those waves.”
“Okay,” I said and we walked hand in hand out the door and then to the ocean. He was awestruck. “Look at that,” he breathed in awe. “Wow. I can’t wait to get out there.”
We sat down on the sand and looked out at the ocean. It was beautiful. Back home, I was always too busy to appreciate the splendor of the ocean but now that I had more time, I had come to love it probably as much as Bear did. We sat in silence, enjoying the view, then he turned to me and smiled.
“What is it?” I asked.
“Nothing,” he said. “I just love you, that’s all.”
“I love you, too,” I said and kissed his cheek, then put my head on his shoulder. He felt so good next to me like that. I never wanted to move.
“I guess I shouldn’t have started competing again,” he muttered.
“No, you should have,” I said. “But you went about it the wrong way. We still could have talked, Bear.”
“No, we couldn’t,” he said and glanced sideways at me. “You’re my weakness.”
I refrained from rolling my eyes but, boy, oh, boy, did I ever want to.
“I meant what I said,” he continued. “If I talked to you, then I knew I’d quit and run back. I hate to admit it, but I did have something to prove. I wanted to see if I could get back on top again. But I knew it might cost me you, Willa.”
I stared at him. I’d been right all along. I didn’t say that, though, but I had been.
“I knew I might be sacrificing us for this,” he said. “But I had to do it, to see if I still had it in me. I knew we were going in another direction with the baby talk and the marriage talk and if I didn’t do it then, I would never do it and it would always weigh heavily on my mind. I knew we’d never see each other and that’s what kept me from doing it in the first place. But I always had that feeling I should go back. That’s why I let things unfinished.”
I sighed heavily. So it had been there all along, his need to compete. He’d just silenced it.
“So, when my friend called, it was like a sign,” he said. “It was like this was the time to get it done and see if I could do it again. No more second guessing, no more what-ifing. Even after you told me we had won the lottery, I knew I couldn’t just up and quit and run home. How would that look?”
“I understand,” I said.
“I know you do,” he said. “And I am so sorry I hurt you in the process. I wanted to call every second of every day but I didn’t want to look like a pussy, either. Maybe it was my male ego doing the talking.”
“Maybe,” I said.
“My dad was like that,” he said. “He was always was out chasing a wave. He didn’t compete much, though, he just surfed. My mom would beg him to stay home but he’d just ignore her and leave anyway.”
I stared at him. He never talked about his dad. I kissed his arm. “Yeah?”
“I never wanted to be like my dad,” he said. “He was always away, always leaving, always making my mom cry. He broke my mom’s heart, that’s what he did. And I thought if I ever found someone who loved me like that, I’d never leave them.”
“That’s so sweet,” I told him.
“It’s the truth,” he said. “When we met, I knew you were the one I’d always love. No matter what, I knew that. And I knew I always wanted to be with you. So, even though I never made much money, I was always around, wasn’t I?”
I smiled at him and felt tears streaming down my cheeks. “You were,” I said. “You were always there for me.”
“But then I wasn’t,” he said and wiped my tears with his thumb. “I guess when it comes down to it I am just like my dad.”
“No, you’re not,” I said. “You had something to prove, that’s all. We all get like that. It’s just human nature. If you’d only told me all this, Bear, we could have reached a compromise.”
“No,” he said. “If we had talked, you would have talked me out of it. I knew that us winning the lottery meant I could quit, that I could walk away. If we hadn’t won, then we could have talked, probably. But that changed everything. There was no reason for me to compete other than to show the world I could get back on top. And I had to do it. It was driving me crazy not doing it.”
So the winning the lottery had been what had kept him from calling me back. “I understand that,” I said and smiled at him. “I will accept it.”
He grinned at me, then kissed the tip of my nose. “I knew it would drive me crazy not being with you,” he said. “But then you left for that week and I thought I would go nuts but when I didn’t I knew I was strong enough to do this.”
“I’m sorry I left,” I said.
“But then you wouldn’t have bought that lottery ticket,” he replied.
“Yeah, I like being a rich bitch,” I said.
He laughed and shook his head at me. “I remember the day we met. That was awesome.”
“It was, wasn’t it?”
He nodded. “You know, the day I met you, I was heading out to Australia. I was going back in. Everyone was waiting on me and when I didn’t go, they got pissed. My sponsor even threatened to sue me. But I didn’t care. You just distracted me.”
I laughed and shook my head at him. So, he had sacrificed for me. He hadn’t done something he really wanted to do for me. And he’d never told me this because he didn’t want me to feel bad about keeping him from doing what he wanted.
“And every time I wanted to go back in,” he continued. “I’d look at you and I couldn’t. I just couldn’t do it. I’d get all these calls from all these people begging me, telling me time was ticking away, that I was getting older. That’s one of the reasons why I surfed every day. I didn’t want to get rusty. So if I ever did get to go back in, I’d be able to compete.”
Wow. All this stuff going on inside of that head was almost too much to take. He had given up so much just to be with me and all I ever did was complain about his lack of ambition. Had I known, I wouldn’t have done it so often. “If you had told me all of this, I might have come with you, Bear,” I said.
“No, you wouldn’t,” he said. “Who would help Quinn if you did that? I know you. You’re loyal.”
“Well, okay,” I said. “Have you gotten it out of your system?”
He glanced over at me and smiled, then shook his head. “I will never get it out of my system, Willa. You have to just accept that.”
I nodded. “I accept that.”
“Good,” he said. “That’s good.”
I didn’t reply and we stopped talking and stared out over the ocean. The light was coming up; the sun was blessing us again.
The waves looked nice. I could tell he was getting excited. “Go on,” I said. “There are a few boards the previous owners left in the garage. You can hit it if you want.”
He started to get up, but then stopped himself. “No, my arms are a little weak from yesterday,” he said.
“They didn’t seem too weak a few minutes ago,” I said and gave him a knowing look.
He grinned. “I always tap into my reserves for that.”
Charming bastard!
“But, no, I think I’d just like to sit here with my lady,” he said. “This is nice. Is this is why you bought the house? Because of this sweet spot?”
“It is,” I said. “I knew you’d have a lot of fun out there. That is, if you ever called me.”
“Are we back on that again?” he asked, narrowing his eyes.
“I am… Not.” I cracked up.
He laughed and little and shook his head at me. “Are you ever going to let me teach you how to surf?” he asked.
“Maybe now that I have the time,” I said. “Maybe.”
“But you can’t yell at me when you fall off,” he said. “Falling off is part of it. You can’t surf if you’re afraid of falling.”
“I know,” I said. “But I can’t promise you that.”
“Well, at least you’re honest,” he said and sighed then looked really happy. “I can’t believe we’re here, Willa! We’re in Shangri La! Look at us! We made it!”
I grinned. “We did! I don’t know how the fuck it happened, but we made it!”
He hugged me tight and couldn’t stop smiling. He was always such a happy man. “Let’s just forget all this, okay?” he said. “Let’s just be fucking happy! Life doesn’t get no better than this.”
He was right. And he was cool. He was so much cooler than I’d ever be. But I loved him for it. He could forgive and forget in a heartbeat. I loved that about him, loved the fact that he’d found his passion once again and that he was back on top, even if it had almost broken us up.
“I’m just happy you came yesterday,” he said. “When I saw you, I realized how dumb I’d been. Yeah, I was just being dumb and superstitious.”
“We’ve both been dumb,” I said. “Let’s just forget about it. Okay?”
“Let me just say this. I swear if you hadn’t shown up yesterday, I would have quit. I was so sick of missing you. I got this weird thought, like I thought what if she’s found someone new? That drove me crazy and I finally just couldn’t take it.”
“Were you that threatened by Jed?” I asked.
“No, I wasn’t,” he said. “Even when I saw him with you yesterday, I knew you’d never fall for him, especially when you were leaving and he tried to put his arm around you and moved away.”
“You saw that?” I asked.
“I did. I watched you leave,” he said. “Even though I still had to catch that wave.”
“Of course you did,” I mumbled.
“But it wasn’t Jed I was worried about,” he said. “There are a lot of good looking surfers out there.” He turned to stare at me. “And we all know you got a thing for surfers.”
I laughed and pulled his face to mine. “I really do.”
He pulled back, looked at ocean for a quick second, then his face lit up as if he’d just had the best idea ever. “Let’s paddle out,” he said, turning to me.
“What?” I asked.
“Paddle out,” he said and jerked his head towards the ocean. He was getting really excited.
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “It’s cold.”
“It’s not that cold,” he said. “Let’s do it today. Let me show you how to surf! What’s in the garage?”
“A couple of short boards,” I said. “And several long ones, but one of them looks cracked.”
“How many long boards?”
“Several,” I replied. “At least four.”
“Let’s get a couple of those long boards,” he said and stood, holding out his hand. “Do this for me. Please?”
How could I say no to that? So, we went inside and while I changed into my best black bikini, he found some surf wax and waxed the boards. Then he stripped to his boxers and we carried our boards to the water. I stared at him before we got in.
“Please don’t let me drown,” I said and stared out over the choppy waves. I was getting a little intimidated.
“Never,” he said. “Trust me on that.”
It took us three hours and me many falls until I caught my first wave. As I caught it, Bear shook his fist into the air and looked happier than when he’d won his competition yesterday. He’d been right. I had watched it on my phone, just after I dropped Jed off at the airport. And, as I caught that first wave, I understood what all the fuss was about. I finally got it. And I was pumped! I wanted more and more and more. Then I knew that I was no longer going to be just the girlfriend of a surfer, but a surfer myself. How the hell did that happen?
And then I caught another one and another one. On my fourth try, Bear dropped in on me, then hopped onto my board, grabbing me by the waist. We wobbled then fell into the ocean together.
As we came up for air, he grinned at me and said, “How do you like that?”
“Damn! It is addictive!” I exclaimed, grinning at him.
“Told you so,” he said, smiling like he was the happiest man on earth. “I told you that you’d love it, Willa!”
And he had. If only I’d listened before now. All I can say was that it was a good thing we’d won that damned lottery.
