Broken by Desire

by Dani René

  “I wanted to find out how your therapy is going?” As soon as the words are out of my mouth, they stun us both. What the fuck was that Verán? You should fucking walk out of here now! I can’t meet her eyes, I realize if I do it will completely disarm me, but I do. When I turn to face her, it sends a wave of something over me and I feel the urge to pull her into my arms

  “It’s wonderful, listen Lucien, I need to go. I have a flight to catch.” I do need to leave. Or I will do something I will regret. With a white knuckle grip on the doorknob, realization hits me that it’s just not enough time. I need more, I want to spend the week with her, but I can’t.

  “Be safe. Enjoy the trip. I will see you when you get back.” There is no reason for me to tell her that. We are no longer together, but seeing her drunk in that club made me worry. Jay won’t let anything happen to her, and that’s what pisses me off even more. Once I am out of the office, I make my way to the elevator. In my office, Stacy is at my heels. With all the meetings I have today, I am grateful that work will be a distraction. Until I get home. She’s leaving for the airfield and will be whisked off to a tropical island with my best friend. I need to think. “Give me a minute Stacy, please?” I close my office door. I pull out my phone, I find the number that I am dreading to call. So I send a text message instead. He will be with her, I don’t want to ask him to talk about it.

  * Have you fucked her? *

  I don’t know why I asked him. The masochist in me wants to know. Needs to know. There was something between them when I caught them in the office. I didn’t wait long for a reply. That’s when my phone found the wall across from my desk.

  * What do you think, Luke? *

  The office door flew open and Stacy ran inside. “Mr. Verán, are you okay?” Her eyes flitted across the room. Her gaze falling on the shattered phone on the floor, she glanced back at me.

  “Get me a new phone.” I turned away from her and back to my laptop.

  “Yes, sir.”

  I did this. Fucked up the best thing that ever happened to me. Pushed her away. The thought of Jayce with her, touching her in ways that only I should be was shredding the last of my heart. She’s better off without you, Verán. You can’t give her what she needs. You don’t deserve her, she’s too good for you. You would have hurt her. At some point your darkness would have taken over and you would have fucked it up. The phone on my desk buzzing pulled me out of the internal debate. “What?”

  “Sir, your 11:30 is here.”

  “Send him in.”

  “Um, it’s a her.”

  “Whatever Stacy, send her in!” I barked down the phone at her. Yes, being a dick is what I do. As soon as my office door opens. I lose all brain capacity. Shock runs over my face and body. The woman standing in my doorway was an older version of Cassie, from her beautiful dark brown eyes, down to those long dark curls. This doesn’t make sense. Is this a fucking joke?

  “Mr. Verán,” her voice is like silk. Smooth and soft, just like Cassie’s. If I didn’t know any better I would have thought that she was Cassie, playing a trick on me, what gave her away though was the wrinkles at the edges of her eyes when she smiled.

  “Ms… Sorry, you’ve caught me at a disadvantage.” I rise and walk to door, extending my hand. When she placed hers in mine, something connects. Who the fuck was this?

  “I am Ms. Winters, the same as Cassandra.” The shock on my face must have been evident. She gave me a small smile and walked into my office. When she reached the window behind my desk she stopped, staring at the view of the city below. I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out.

  She turned to face me again and smiled. Her gaze travelled over me, appraising me in a way that Cassie would. “I can see why she’s so in love with you.”

  “I’m sorry, but you have me even more at a disadvantage here, Ms. Winters.” With a swift whoosh, I close my office door, and walk towards my desk. Her relaxed professional appearance is elegant. Dressed in a dark blue skirt and white blouse, with dark blue heels, she was the picture of sophistication. I, on the other hand was a picture of complete and utter confusion.

  “I do, I can see it written all over those boyishly handsome features, Mr. Verán.” That was where the similarity ended. She didn’t have the effect on me that my baby did. Cassie’s not your baby anymore! When she slips into the chair across my desk, a smile brightens the serious look on her face. “Please, sit, let’s get the meeting under way. I have limited time.”

  I have never been ordered around by a woman, but I obey her calm command. “So, how can I help you Ms. Winters?” I lean back, and recognize a flicker of fear cross her face, but as soon as it arrives, it disappears again. My senses are on high alert. I am sure this has to do with Cassie, but what, and who is this woman?

  “Cassandra is my daughter, Mr. Verán.” Once again, this woman has floored me. Mother? Her mother died! What the fuck?

  “Her mother is dead, she told me herself.”

  “Her adopted mother is dead, Lucien.” Her gaze meets mine and my sudden wariness of this woman who is an older version of Cassie takes precedence. I am more confused now.

  “She never told me she was adopted.”

  “Cassandra doesn’t know. I would like to keep it that way.” Pulling out some papers from her bag, she stands up and places them in front of me. “That is the paperwork. She was adopted when she was born. I was sixteen, with parents like mine, I was forced to give her up for adoption. Her adopted parents were told never to speak of it. This was part of the contract they signed. The only thing she has kept was my name. That was part of the agreement.”

  “I don’t understand. If you didn’t want a part of your daughter’s life, why appear now? Why come to me?” I peer up and see the struggle in her eyes. There are so many emotions. Love, fear, pain.

  “I need to tell you something. Something that can never leave this office.”

  “Look, Ms. Winters, I am not with Cassie anymore.”

  “You will be. I believe that, seeing the love in your eyes when you mention her name.” A small smile appears on her lips.

  “I have no idea what to say to you Ms. Winters. Cassie and I, we just didn’t work. She… I mean—” I don’t know what to tell her. My heart will always be Cassie’s, there’s no doubt about that. She completes me in a way that I have never known.

  “You walked away didn’t you?” I nod. There’s nothing I can say to the love of my life’s mother to make this okay. I did walk away. “Although, you still love her. You know that you belong together.”

  “We can’t be together; Cassie doesn’t trust me.”

  “Doesn’t she?” I stare at her long and hard, then shake my head. “Then why would she tell you about the deaths she had to live through. Why would she stay with you after what happened in your past? She loves you.”

  “How do you know about my past?”

  “My daughter’s safety is my concern, Mr. Verán, I looked into you. Some things can be buried, but not hidden forever.”

  “Okay, but what do I do? She’s moved on.”

  “If you really believe that, then you’re not as bright as I thought you were. Nobody moves on from their soul mate. Ever.” I watch as her gaze falls to the floor, there’s sadness etched on her face. She’s speaking from experience. This is one of the strangest meetings I have ever had. It’s like talking to a ghost who knows more about my life than I do.

  “How do I get her back?” A glimmer of hope sparks that maybe Cassie will take me back.

  “Fight.” I cock my head to the side. “Don’t let her leave. Get her to see that you love her. You will find a way. Don’t give up on her Lucien. She’s not use to being in a relationship and sharing her past. I think you need a father’s advice. Call Claude. He will help.”

  My father? She knows my father?

  “How do—”

  “You father will explain. I have to leave. Those papers are yours. Keep them. I trust you.” She rises from the chair and I foll
ow suit. “And whatever you do. Please don’t tell her about me. Not yet. I am not ready to let her realize that I failed her.”

  “You didn’t fail her.”

  “I did. Take care of her. Remember, you’re both reeling from dark pasts. So let her in and she will let you in.” I round my desk and give a small nod.

  “Thank you. I will think it through, she’s away now.”

  “Don’t think for too long.” I chuckle at her insistence, but she’s right. I can’t wait for too long. Jayce has already moved in on my girl and he won’t let go.

  As soon as Cassie’s mom left, I called my father.

  Cassandra

  I look out of the window and see the clouds below us. “You thinking of him?” Jay’s voice pulls me from my thoughts. I shake my head and smile. My mind was whirling with thoughts of not being in therapy for a week. After all that’s taken place, I haven’t missed an appointment. My new doctor was wonderful. She listened, she made observations, but never once did she want to put me on medication. Which made a difference. I hated the stuff. I glance back to Jayce and watch him. He’s typing something on his phone and I wonder what it is. I doubt he’s ever been in love. He looks up and his gaze meets mine. “You okay, princess?”

  “Yes, why do you call me that?” I stare into his cerulean eyes.

  “Because that’s what you are.” He says matter-of-factly, looking at me with a puzzled expression, like I should know that I am a princess. I stifle a giggle. “You don’t believe me? Cassandra, you’re beautiful, talented, strong, independent and intelligent. You’re just…” He turns his gaze away. His eyes focus on the clouds outside the window of the private jet that’s taking us to Cancun for the week. Nobody has ever suggested or looked at me the way he did. Maybe, once, a long time ago Lucien did, but he no longer does.

  “I just… I have never had anyone see me the way you do. Or at least tell me. Besides—” Not being able to bring myself to say his name. I can only hope that he realizes his assumption of me is strange. Something I have never had before.

  “Well, I am just being straightforward with you Cass. That’s all you’ll ever get from me. And let me say this while we’re here and you can’t run away. If ever you agree to take him back, be sure he doesn’t fucking hurt you like that again. Because I will fucking kill him.” His words hang in the air and I recognize the ice cold promise of his words.

  “Lucien didn’t hurt me. He couldn’t deal with the truth. I hid something from him Jay, a loss he himself had to deal with and I understand why he’s angry.” My eyes find his in a stand-off and I expect the next words out of his mouth before he even says them.

  “You lost a baby?” The disbelief in his tone sends me reeling, and the bile rises in my throat. I punished myself to save myself and all I did was scar everyone who cherished me. Without answering I scoot out of my seat and run to the back of the plane. Once inside the small restroom, I lock myself in. When I kneel over the toilet and heave, nothing comes out. Tears pour down my face, and I shudder.

  “Cassie, open this door or I swear to God I will beat it down!” Jay was serious, and I realized he would break the door down. I grasped the latch and twisted it until it sprang free. “Shit Cassie…” his arms were around me as he held my hair back.

  “I’m fine, go.” I tried swatting him away, but my feeble attempts didn’t work.

  “No, I am not leaving you.” He held me and caressed my back, gently. Calm washed over me and I sat back on my heels. Tears flowed freely down my cheeks and my sobbing almost choked me.

  “I am a killer Jayce. Leave me alone.” My words were strangled, my throat hurt. Jayce scooped me up and carried me to the back of the plane, opening a door which led to a bedroom.

  He settled me down on the bed and brushed my hair back. My face wet with tears, but I couldn’t stop them. Not being able to face him, I twisted away, staring at the window.

  “Cassie, what happened?” He begged me to tell him, but I couldn’t make myself repeat the horror, not right now. All I needed to do was close my eyes. A small shake of my head, and I felt the bed dip behind me. Jayce placed an arm around me. With a tug he pulled me against his body. He was a cocoon, shielding me from the outside world and the horror of my past. “Just sleep. I am here. Okay?”

  I nodded. My eyes burned and so did my throat. The pain in my chest was the worst of all. There was something inside me that was broken, and there was only one person who could fix it. That one person unfortunately didn’t want to fix it.

  Lucien

  Every time I pull up to my childhood home, it always feels like I am about to be scolded. I called my father, needing to speak to him about Cassie. She’s gone for a week and I am not sure how to handle it. Well, it’s not the fact that she’s gone, it’s the idea of her with Jayce that’s killing me. Being away from her hurts, my body, mind, and soul are constantly at odds with each other. I may have walked away, but she still holds every part of me. The knowledge that her mother is still alive, shocked me to the core. I can’t imagine what it would do to my sweet girl, even though we’re not together at the moment, she is and will always be my girl. I fucking marked and claimed her, and I will be damned if I let her go.

  Not having heard from either her or Jayce has me on edge. I grab my phone and call him. They must have landed by now, but he hasn’t contacted me. “Luke.”

  “Where the fuck are you? Is she okay?”

  “Why do you care so much? You left her. Not the other way around.”

  “Answer the goddamn question!”

  “She’s fine. She’s sleeping.”

  “Jayce, don’t touch her.”

  “It’s a bit late for that man. She’s moved on.”

  “Like fuck she has. She’s mine. If you go near her again, I will fucking kill you and don’t take that as an empty threat!” My body is vibrating with anger. She’s mine. She will always be mine. I hang up before he can reply. I fucking own her, and anyone who stands in my way will be sorry. Stalking into the house, I hear my father talking to one of the servants. “Dad?”

  As soon as he makes his way into the entrance, his face falls. “What’s wrong?”

  “What makes you think something is wrong?”

  “Luke, I have known you all your life. I can see when something is wrong.”

  “It’s Cassie, I left her.”

  “What?!” The alarm in his voice is apparent. Although I am not sure why he’s so upset. I mean, he has only met her once before. Deep down I know she still loves me. No matter who she’s fucking, my cock and my heart own her. “What do you mean? Why?” He rounds on me, but I don’t answer and walk towards the office. His office has always been my favorite place, it was far away from my step mother and I could just be me.

  “She lied to me. Or, not exactly told me the whole truth.”

  His eyes burning into my back as I stepped into his office, with him hot on my heels. As soon as I got out of the car I had the feeling I was going to get scolded.

  “And you didn’t lie to her as well?” I spun on my heel, my anger flaring, but I realized he was right.

  When I met the reflection of my eyes in my father’s I lost all fight. I almost broke down and cried. “I miss her.”

  “Of course you do, she’s your forever. You can’t be without her Luca, I told you this.” I watch him slip into the large office chair that he’s had since I was a kid. I remember sitting in it, spinning around and around, making myself dizzy.

  “Is that why her mother was at my office today?” When his shocked expression fell on me, I realized I hit a nerve. There was something he wasn’t telling me.

  “What did she say?”

  “No dad, it’s time for you to tell me. I need to know why Cassie is under the impression her mother is dead. Why is it that Cassie happened to get the job at Verán Publishers? And why the fuck am I irrevocably and unconditionally in love with her?” I realized I was shouting but I didn’t care. The need to know the truth about what is going o
n with me was tugging at me.

  My dad sits back with deep sigh. He’s going to tell me. “Lucien, do you remember the holiday we took for your thirteenth birthday? I had to attend New York Fashion week. After, we took a drive just outside the city. We stopped at a little café. There was a couple that we met with.”

  I nodded. That was one of the best holidays we had. I remember the amazing pancakes and syrup. They had the most delicious cupcakes. My dad spoiled me that weekend. “We had breakfast. After, we went for a long drive. Just us.” He nodded and I can see he was as lost in the memory as I was. It was time away from my step mother.

  “Do you remember the park we stopped at, you were playing with some kids. There was a little girl…” His voice trailed off, and I wasn’t sure where he was going with it. As my memory flits back, I remember him chatting to a couple, they were friendly enough. They had a daughter, with curly brown hair and mocha eyes. Shit!

  “Cassie…” The realization hit me like a tidal wave. When my gaze fell on him again, I saw him smiling. He nodded slowly. When he reached into his desk drawer and pulled out a photo album, he opened it to a page and turned it so I can have a look. There was a small square photo of me at thirteen and a girl, my arm around her neck. She looked younger, maybe ten. Three years. I am thirty, Cassie is twenty-seven. “But, I don’t understand.”

  “Cassie’s mom, she and I. Well. It’s difficult. She asked me to keep an eye on Cassie, I always did. That trip I was supposed to go and get a contract from her adopted father. Deanna wanted me to be there to see if Cassie was doing okay. After meeting her you were alight, with something I only ever saw in myself. When we were on our way home, you said something that I will never forget son, you told me that one day you will marry her.” He chuckled then and shook his head. “Since Deanna had asked me to keep an eye on her daughter, I had kept in touch with her parents. Cassie’s adopted dad, he was in publishing as well, so we did some business together. When he said that Cassie wanted to work in publishing, I wanted to offer her a job. It was only until much later that I found out that they were killed in a horrific car accident. I managed to get hold of Cassie’s details and invite her for the interview.”