This Is 35

by Stacey Wiedower

  He kissed the top of her head again, small kisses in quick succession. He kissed a line down to her ear. "I'm sorry," he whispered again. "I love you. I didn't mean to lie to you."

  Erin felt like she was melting into him, a hot and sticky mess of tears and confusion. Her brain was reeling over every word he said, examining the sentences line by line.

  "What happened?" Her voice caught and was so rough she had to clear her throat. She sniffled hard and asked again. "What happened after you left your room?"

  "Nothing bad," he said, putting a finger under her chin and gazing straight into her eyes. "Nothing I won't tell you every single detail of once we go inside. Can we go inside?"

  Erin stared into Ben's anxious eyes for a long moment. She'd always been able to trust those eyes. Right now they were wide, earnest, searching, and scared. She knew that whatever had happened that he'd felt he had to hide from her, right now he was telling her the truth.

  "OK," she said, nodding. She started to reach for the door handle again.

  "Wait," Ben said. He still had her body folded into his arms, and his lips crushed down on hers. She responded by kissing him back hungrily.

  When they pulled away from each other, she gave him a longing look and said, "We shouldn't be away from each other this much. It isn't good for us. I can't stand it."

  He kissed her lips then her cheek then her forehead. "I know," he murmured, pulling her left cheek to rest against his shoulder and pressing his lips into the crown of her head. "I know."

  After a long moment they pulled apart, climbed out of the car, and went inside.

  * * *

  Erin headed straight to the bathroom to wash her face and change clothes. She felt considerably calmer now, but the inside of her head was filled with pressure from crying, and she was still tense with expectation, both for what she might hear and for what she'd come home to say. She hadn't thought much about Leo since Melody had dropped her bomb, but now, remembering how close he'd come to violating her in that parking lot, she felt an all new pang of panic.

  Ben came into the room about a minute after she did, and without her asking, he walked over and undid the zipper on the back of her dress, which she couldn't reach. He was careful not to touch her, though, shrugging out of his sport coat and unbuttoning his shirt as she hung up the dress and changed into shorts and a University of Texas tee. She scrubbed her face of makeup and brushed her teeth. He followed her lead and brushed his too, and then he took her hand and led her out of the bathroom.

  Erin scooted to sit cross-legged in the center of their bed. She took a deep breath. "Talk."

  Ben nodded, looking at her seriously.

  "When we got off the phone, somebody was knocking on my door. Do you remember?"

  Erin nodded. "Yes. You said it was room service."

  "I thought it was room service."

  She inhaled sharply. Melody had been inside his room? Her mouth dropped open, but before she could speak Ben held up a hand.

  "It was Nate."

  The breath left Erin's lungs in a gasp. "Oh, thank God."

  At this his brow furrowed. "Did you really think Melody…? Do you think I would…?" His voice trailed off.

  Erin closed her eyes, left them closed for a long moment before answering. "No," she said finally, looking up at him. "No, I know you wouldn't do that to me. That you wouldn't do that with her."

  And then she remembered the smug look of success on Melody's face when she knew she'd given Erin new information about Ben's actions that night, and her expression soured.

  Ben half smiled. His composed demeanor was helping to calm her down.

  "No, I definitely would not do anything with her." He shuddered a little.

  "But she wants you to." It wasn't a question. Erin looked up at him and inhaled sharply again, knowing the real story was finally about to come out.

  Ben shrugged and seemed thrown by the statement, as if he were considering the idea for the first time. Maybe he was skeptical, Erin thought, but she knew it with certainty. She'd known Melody was attracted to Ben the first time she'd met the woman, felt it even after Melody had set Ben up with Cat. Somehow, even though Erin and Ben had never, at that point, acted on their feelings for each other, Erin had had the sense back then that Melody had introduced Ben to Catherine to spite her.

  She'd never trusted Melody, not for a minute.

  He shook his head, dismissing the idea. "Here's what happened. Nate knocked on my door, and while he was standing there, my room service did come. Long story short, he convinced me to bring it down to the bar. I'd just left the bar with Liang, so I said no. But you know how convincing Nate can be."

  Erin's lips gave a wry twist. She knew that very well from Ben's years of sharing an apartment with him. Most of Ben's worst ideas, and hangovers, had come from Nate's persuasiveness.

  And then she frowned, remembering something, a small detail that was getting lost in this account.

  "I thought you'd said Melody had already flown home."

  Ben nodded, looking sheepish. "I didn't see her at all after the meeting. We hadn't talked the whole day, outside of the presentations. I didn't actually know what her plans were. But I could tell you were worried about it, for whatever reason, and so that's why I said what I did."

  Lines appeared between Erin's eyebrows. "So you did lie to me," she said. "You lied to me to hide the fact that she was there, that you were with her. That's what bothers me."

  "I know." Ben nodded. "I did that, and I'm sorry. I know you don't like her, and I could tell that you were bothered by the fact that I was on the trip with her, even though I knew there was nothing to worry about. I just wanted you to stop worrying."

  Erin's forehead was wrinkled in contemplation. That was reasonable, she supposed. In a guy-like, unreasonable way, at least. "That's a little passive-aggressive," she grumbled. "Not to mention patronizing. And arrogant."

  "I know," Ben said. Rather than chastened, he looked like he was about to burst with relief over the fact that Erin seemed to be listening and believing him. "Like I said, I'm sorry. It won't happen again."

  Again. Soon he'd be traveling with Melody again, without Nate this time. Erin squeezed her eyelids shut.

  "So tell me what happened in the bar," she said without opening them.

  Ben breathed in deeply. "I knew you were going to ask me that."

  "Um, yeah." Her eyes flew open. "Are you really making a joke right now?"

  "Sorry. Sorry." He held up his hands. When she stopped glaring at him, he continued. "Nate was overplaying the thing about me being lit up. He thought he was being funny. I had exactly one scotch on ice, and that's only because he ordered two at the bar and sat one down in front of me. And then I had a beer after I finished eating. One beer."

  Erin looked at him expectantly. "And…Melody?"

  He nodded. "She came down to the bar right after Nate got back to our table with the drinks. We didn't exactly invite her to sit down, but she is our boss. We talked about work, went over what had happened in the meeting and all that." His eyes got faraway for a moment, and Erin felt her heartbeat skip. That faraway place was where the thing was that he wasn't telling her.

  "Why'd you stay with her after Nate left?" she asked, remembering the part that had bothered her the most when Melody had said it. "She said you talked 'for hours.'" Erin made air quotes with her fingers.

  Ben nodded and looked exasperated. "First of all, that's not true. We were not down there for hours. I don't know why Melody said that."

  Erin raised an eyebrow and smirked. She knew why.

  Ben ignored her and kept going. "Genevieve called," he said. "Nate got up to answer, and as soon as he walked away from the table, Melody starts dumping all this mess with her and Ryan on me." His eyes were careful as he looked into Erin's. "I tried to discourage her from talking to me about it. I didn't think it was appropriate with me being her direct report." The reluctant look came into his eyes again, and after a few seconds pause h
e said, "It was like reliving all that crap with her and Ryan and Cat from a million years ago."

  Erin shuddered at the memory of Ben's ancient history. Back when Ben and Melody were both new researchers at Texas Children's, Melody had suspected Ryan of cheating on her with Cat, Ben's girlfriend and Melody's close friend. She felt a new prick of anger that Melody thought she could talk to Ben about her problems now that his history with Cat and Ryan was far behind them and they were all grown-ups. Hell, she was his boss.

  Erin shook her head angrily. "Where was Nate in all of this?"

  "He ditched me and went up to his room," Ben said. "Lucky bastard." He shook his head, too. "Saw her crying when he came back to the table, said, 'I'm out,' and tabbed the hell out of there, leaving me with her mess on my hands."

  Erin's brain was stuck on the word "crying."

  "She was crying? What the hell? How is any of this appropriate?"

  "It wasn't appropriate," Ben said. He scooted closer to Erin on the bed, trying to pull her with him against the pillows, but she wasn't ready to let him that far in yet. He sighed and moved some pillows around, sitting upright against the back of the bed. "That's why I should have just told you this from the beginning. Because now it sounds all shady, and I swear to you that nothing else happened. Melody cried, she told me she was getting divorced, and as soon as I possibly could without being a first-class jerk, I told her I had to go to my room. I didn't want to leave her there in the bar alone, so I walked with her to the elevators and made sure she got off on her floor. And then I went to my room and went to bed. End of story."

  Erin nodded, slowly. She was sitting with her knees hugged to her chest, facing him.

  "I'm sorry I didn't trust you," she said.

  "You had every right not to," he said. "I should never have given you a reason not to trust me by keeping this from you." He grimaced. "I just figured it wasn't any of my business and that it wouldn't come up again. Hell, I definitely didn't expect Melody to bring it up herself in the middle of a group of people. It wasn't exactly her finest moment."

  Erin gave him a look that bordered on sympathetic. He wasn't a woman. He didn't understand the subtleties of how Melody had played him at that moment, played him to get to her.

  "So she's getting divorced," Erin said. Her eyes were faraway, remembering Melody's lack of a ring, that look on her face of being alone in the middle of a crowd. Ben's story explained a lot.

  "Mmm," Ben said. "Honest to God, I don't care. That might sound bad, but I just don't care. I wish she'd keep her personal life out of the office."

  Erin pursed her lips. "Watch out for her, Ben," she said.

  "Huh?" He reached for her again, and this time Erin let him scoop her into his arms. She turned so she was sitting beside him, nestled into his side against the mound of pillows resting on the carved headboard of their antique bed. She turned her face up to his, and he brushed a kiss against her lips.

  "Watch out for her. She's after you, hard."

  "After me how?" He looked so guileless, Erin just wanted to give him a hug.

  "She wants you," she said. "She wants to take you away from me."

  Ben made a face. "Nah." He waved a hand, dismissing the idea. He kissed her again, and attempted to pull Erin around onto his lap, but she resisted.

  "Yes," she said, more emphatically. "I'm serious. You need to watch out, especially when you're alone with her."

  "Nah," he said again, and then when Erin pulled her neck back, eyeing him sharply, he said, "OK, OK. I'll watch out. But I'm telling you she doesn't think of me that way. She just needed a friend."

  He slid his fingers under the hem of Erin's shirt, but she gently pushed his hand away. She shut her eyes for a long moment, and when she opened them again, Ben was eyeing her oddly. "Is something still wrong? You do believe me, right?"

  "I do believe you," Erin said. "It's just that now I have something I need to tell you."

  * * *

  "You are not going back there without me." Ben's voice was flat, his nostrils flared.

  While Erin described to Ben what had happened in the parking lot Wednesday night, she'd moved so she was facing him, sitting cross-legged again in the center of the bed. He'd started out in a reclined position, almost lying down against the pile of pillows, but now he was sitting up ramrod straight, fists clenched by his sides. "That son of a—."

  Erin's whole body was taut as she remembered Leo's arm sliding around her torso, the way he'd thrust himself against her even as she resisted. She started to shake uncontrollably.

  After a long, tense moment of silence, Ben noticed her reaction. "Oh, E," he said. He reached out and put his arms around her, pulling her against his chest. The feel of his arms when she'd just been reliving Leo's unwanted embrace was such a heady relief that Erin went from taut to limp in the space of a second. She collapsed her full weight against Ben, and he remained upright, holding her tightly against him.

  After a couple of minutes, she pulled back enough to look up at him. "I have to go back, though. It's my job. I have at least another two weeks in L.A. before production wraps, probably more."

  Ben's eyes were closed. "I know," he said through gritted teeth. "And I mean it that I don't want you there without me."

  Erin's forehead wrinkled as she considered the impossibility of his words. "So, what? Are you saying you're going back to California with me? How can you do that, as busy as you are at work?"

  His eyes stayed shut for another few seconds, and then they snapped open, and he studied her face. "Maybe I can," he said, but his voice had a tinge of defeat in it. He couldn't go to L.A. with her on Monday, and they both knew it.

  Erin's lips turned down. "You can't come with me any more than I can go to Florida with you." Her skin crawled at the thought of Ben on that trip with Melody, trapped—just where Melody wanted him, she was sure of it.

  "No," he said reluctantly. His eyes flashed down when she made the Florida reference, which he seemed determined to dismiss.

  A vein in his forehead pulsed as a couple of seconds passed. When he looked up, his fists were clenched again. "No, I can't get away right now. That's for damn sure. And I know I can't ask you not to return to work just because I can't be there to beat the living hell out of that guy."

  A charge shot up Erin's spine hearing Ben talk like this. Never in the twenty-four years she'd known him had she witnessed this side of him. Sure, she'd heard him bad-mouth guys she'd gone out with during the years when they were just friends, and now she knew those criticisms were borne out of jealousy. But never had he threatened to beat anybody up for her. It had never been necessary.

  Somehow in the midst of this stress, and even sensing that it violated the feminist principles that her mother had practically given her as a birthright, Erin found the thrill of his protectiveness a turn-on.

  "What do you think I should do?" Her voice was intense—she'd been mulling over this question for nearly thirty-six hours now and was no closer to an answer. Should she attempt to confront Leo or ignore him completely? Should she follow Sherri's advice and take the situation to senior staff? Should she tell Joey and ask him to keep the secret but watch out for her, just so someone else around her was aware that she felt threatened?

  She leaned toward telling Joey what had happened, and maybe Rishi.

  "I think you need to report him." Ben's voice was very serious.

  "But what if…" Erin's voice trailed off. This was the part she was most nervous about articulating to Ben. She licked her lips, her throat suddenly dry. "What if he thought I was interested in him, too? What if it was just a misunderstanding? A sexual harassment charge is a major accusation."

  The expression in Ben's eyes shifted in a prolonged second from anger to confusion and then betrayed a flash of doubt that he quickly covered up. He studied her face, and Erin's insides felt like they'd been hollowed out.

  "Is there some part of the story you're not telling me?"

  "No," she said, but the word had
some reluctance attached to it.

  He waited, expectant.

  Erin took a deep breath. "I've had a few hints that he's been thinking things he shouldn't. I've felt uncomfortable around him for a long time now."

  Ben was still watching her carefully, his eyes filled with concern. "Why didn't you tell me?" She saw the flash of self-consciousness in his face as they both realized at the same moment the irony of his question.

  She gave him a weak smile. "I wasn't sure I was reading him right, and I didn't want to make a big deal out of something that was probably nothing. And I also didn't want you worrying about me being out there with him, with you so far away. Because I would never, ever—"

  "I know you wouldn't," he interrupted her. "You don't have to finish that sentence."

  He sighed.

  "Let's not ever keep anything from each other again. Agreed?" She leaned toward him. "Not even the smallest thing."

  Ben reached out and pulled her forward, twisting their bodies so they were lying on the bed, above the covers, facing each other. "Agreed." He gazed into her eyes, his face inches from hers and his forehead wrinkled with concern. "I still think you should report him."

  Erin pursed her lips as if to speak, but Ben kept going. "And until then, if he says or does anything to you that's not related to work—or hell, even if it is—promise me that you'll call and tell me immediately."

  Erin nodded. "I'm going to talk to Rishi on Monday."

  "I'll feel a lot better if you do."

  And then he kissed her, and a veil of jealousy draped over them, making every touch that much more possessive, that much more intense. This feeling of them against the world, she loved it. She loved being with him.