Can I Have It All

by Anuranjita Kumar

  – Many second-career women look for flexibility, which will help them ease into work while easing out of family responsibility. Flexibility could mean working part-time or working remotely from home through mobile apps. Given the technology strides and the onset of the tech-savy millennial generation, remote working is the way to go. However, the part-time option of a few days is yet not that evolved in the mindset of people in all countries, and corporates are working through these cultural barriers. In my view, it is far easier to make a part-time option work if you have been with an organisation for a while and have built the connections and internal equity that make this work more smoothly. I have seen a few colleagues joining work full-time for sixmonths to a year, building the internal connects, and then moving onto part-time or flexi-schedules. On this aspect, how far you want to push, will finally depend on how intensely you want to be engaged back at work.

  The market always has an insatiable hunger for talent. Given that there are so many talented women searching for opportunities to resurrect their careers and relive their dreams of climbing up the corporate ladder, this is a win-win for both sides. The investment of time and effort in educating and re-training these women is yet not fully leveraged. It can be a real driving force as these women, emboldened by their commendable past careers are ready to re-enter the workforce bandwagon. Age is never a barrier for good talent, so never let that hold you back!

  DUAL CAREERS; NUCLEAR FAMILIES

  Smaller families and the monetary needs associated with them are forcing companies to review their support models for working parents. The good news is that most companies are focusing on how they can help with child-care, especially in emerging markets given that there is a lack of infrastructure for child care unless your parents can live with you. The not-so-good news is that not all of them have succeeded. More organisations will need to focus on flexible options for both men and women, if men were to provide support at home. Paternity leave needs to be longer than a few weeks if we wish women to return to work on time. Many of these concepts are evolving. I do witness a mindset change that is underway for a better future, where men and women share responsibilities at home and at work. Dual careers also enable financial independence for women that instils a sense of security and confidence in them. It also enables them to be financially savvy with their investments and support their families shoulder-to-shoulder with their partners.

  In emerging markets, women are now getting married at a later age. The age for marriage seems to have moved from the early twenties to late twenties. This helps women to kick off their career and stay committed longer. Also, with experience and maturity they are able to gauge their choice of spouse better and be sure about how it matches with their interest. Women are increasingly more focused on support that they get from their partner and how they make things work at home, together. They expect more respect for the work they do at office and not just at home. As a family, with both partners working, I have found that one can take more risk in their career to gauge an upside for the family and pursue unchartered territories and new ideas if they wish to!

  LEVERAGING TECHNOLOGY

  Technology and virtual working: We would all agree that technology is a great enabler for many aspects of our life. It has been a tremendous driver in changing our work habits thereby leading to cultural and behavioural changes at the workplace. This trend is likely to continue and will foster the growth of diverse work force in time to come.

  As organisations become more comfortable with work output being delivered ‘anytime, anywhere’, women must capitalise this opportunity effectively to their advantage. Several organisations have progressive remote working options available that can be leveraged to allow a much more effective balance between work and personal priorities.

  I have however seen many driven women shy away from using these with the fear of how it would impact their careers. Perception issues exist. They think that it is better to be physically present at work at the cost of discomforting imbalance, rather than work productively from home. Sometimes, working from home may be perceived as not working! This is a sad reality in a few places. But on a positive note, I have seen some organisations, including mine, that offer best-in-class virtual, working options that can be more leveraged by both men and women.

  Remote working can be leveraged intelligently, when women are in office, to monitor domestic issues. India has seen a sharp rise in many young mothers using integrated cameras at home to monitor the safety of their children over the internet, while they are away! I have shared examples of how I have extensively used Skype to actually bridge the physical distance between my family and me. From counselling the children to instructing the cook on the children’s favourite recipes, I have successfully tried it all on Skype or Face Time!

  Also, learning and re-skilling has changed completely with the advent of technology. People do not need to spend time in physical classrooms to learn. Virtual sessions, online libraries, Coursera, TED talks – you name it and it is available! I feel it is extremely important for women to keep their skills refreshed especially if they plan to return to work. I have probably learnt more from TED Talks than classroom sessions! Short bytes of learning can be sufficient to keep expanding our skills and horizons with very limited demand on time. It is my sincere advice to leverage these well between household chores.

  The future workplace is starting to look quite different from the workplace we grew up in. With so many positive developments that make for a more promising future for women at work, it is in the collective hands of organisations, families and women themselves to make it work!

  CONCLUSION

  key takeaways

  CONCLUSION

  ‘You are not what has happened to you but you are what you chose to become!’

  – Chuck Norris

  Life is about choices and my journey till date is reflective of the choices I have made! Each of us is unique and made choices on the basis of what we really wanted. I think life is a quest for answers of some existential questions we are constantly faced with.

  • Who am I really?

  • What do I really want?

  • How do I want to be remembered when I’m gone?

  • Where exactly do I see myself in the future?

  My fears, my joys, my dreams, my hope and my longings are what really make me who I am. My joys come from being myself and being accepted by who I value. Sustained happiness comes to me from fulfilment of my dreams and not only from my accomplishments. My hope keeps me optimistic, keeps me looking into the future. It propels me forward in life and helps me enjoy the ride.

  As I reflect on my journey and that of others around me, I feel we all find our calling sooner or later. Maybe sometimes the journey is the calling! Persistence and patience are key. There are various women around me who are homemakers, professionals, working from home, and so on. There are men around me who are professionals, work to earn a living; some pursue art and some are from other fields. We have something to learn from each as they are made up of their unique dreams. I learnt from their collective past experience and mine and to leverage these learning for the future,

  What is pertinent is that in some way we all are in the quest for happiness and pursue that! Some find it and some don’t, hence my reflections as a career woman are a reflection of my search for happiness. It does not imply that this makes all working women or homemakers happy! This, however, gives me a sense of purpose and identity.

  My key takeaways have been:

  – Leverage your strengths and stop beating yourself down on what you can’t get right. Through various roles, I learnt how to work and manage male colleagues, teams or managers but I have to confess that I have not felt any need to change myself fundamentally to successfully work and interact with them. If I did that, I would not be authentic and that would come through. It would have then hampered any trusting relationship with my working group. Flexing my style to connect with people, getting them to unders
tand me and having them understand me was important. It was not about me being liked as a colleague but also respected as a professional. This has been the key to what I have been able to achieve at work.

  – In my quest of doing various roles in a male-dominated environment, I have had to be more assertive at times and be less shy of speaking up. It was required of me to be able to express my views around the table. I think my sense of intuition, being perceptive of people’s emotions and nonverbal cues, have often helped me respond appropriately in different situations.

  – Learn to negotiate better for yourself. In my own experience and from what I observed around me, women are actually very good negotiators for others. I have worked with a banking recruiter and she was fantastic when it came to negotiating compensation packages while hiring bankers. She understood all the nuances of rewards structure and also had the Emotional Quotient to connect and acquire talent by getting them at the right level and pay. However she struggled to negotiate for herself especially when it came to her own pay. In my observation this is a pervasive problem wherein women ask for others but struggle when it comes to themselves. As multiple researches tell us that women get paid less than men by a margin, for doing the same job. We need to bridge this disparity by asking for the right value for our efforts.

  – Financial independence and security: By simply working in an office or having careers and getting paid for it does not make women independent. I know some very serious career women who are uncomfortable dealing with their finances. More than often, this is delegated to their partner, spouse or father. It is important that women understand and manage their finances jointly with their partners as well. Delegation of investments and taxes implies that we are abdicating the choice of prudently thinking through the financial choices of our family.

  – Join communities of support with both men and women being an integral part of it. This can be a crucial support system to alleviate you from pressures both at work and at home. Having a set of people who are there for you as friends, mentors, family, goes a long way in what you can do or achieve. It also gives the much-required security circle that most of us need to fulfill our obligations or to be able to take some decisions that may entail some risks, as we move forward in our professional or personal journey. For myself, even joining various communities, NGOs, book clubs or executive coaches, HR networks, has helped me grow, learn and progress. Most mothers will share that a network of mothers from school is one of the best support systems for working mothers, especially when one is struggling to understand the homework pages, test schedules or missed a school run due to an urgent meeting at office. I have been a great beneficiary of the school mums’ network, who always understand my obligations and are there when I need them.

  Alumni networks (school, college, companies) are great support systems. I have reached out to these networks very often for information, problem solving and networking. There were tremendously helpful people who were always there when one needed them for a personal or professional issue or any query.

  – Mentor someone and give back. Some of us have been fortunate and privileged enough to have received guidance from various esteemed people around us. I feel grateful for all the advice and mentoring that I have received till date. Mentoring is done selflessly with a real belief in a mentee’s ability. It is this selfless focus that creates an obligation for those of us who have been beneficiaries, to further propagate this legacy by giving the same selfless, unconditional support to someone else who may be struggling or looking to move forward. I have tremendously enjoyed mentoring other young, upcoming women. Every year, I have had one to two mentees that I spent time with and it is one of the most fulfilling experiences to see them grow and flourish. Also, mentoring other young, talented women has further taught me several lessons about how the new generation thinks and works. I have been truly impressed with their drive and motivation. Determined, risk-taking women entering the workforce, feels so much stronger, and it truly impresses me. By giving to others, I have gained again and much more!

  – Renew skill sets/self-awareness: Caught amongst multiple and sometimes conflicting priorities at work and home, often what women give up is the focus on their professional development and growth. Women are very focused on ensuring this is done for their family, husband or children but often neglect themselves. If we want to remain professionally active, it is important that we keep our knowledge and skill set relevant to our professional context. It is helpful to do short-term courses, training programmes or an off-project at work or off-work to help build this after one has identified the gaps and areas of interest.

  – Enjoy yourself. Fun is core to our existence! As I have grown older, I have realised how important it is to indulge in activities we had in school, be it sports, music, art or anything constructive. It is therapeutic and refreshes you from office drudgery when it gets too much. Many a time, excellent ideas have come to me, while I’m on a treadmill or swimming! In Asia unlike the West, time is fluid and people work longer and will happily work over the weekends. This is appropriate once in a while; however, making this a habit can interfere with family time which is extremely crucial. I have learnt from a few of my colleagues, how blocking personal time for family and hobbies, in your schedule is important to living a full life! Don’t sacrifice this.

  John Lennon famously said, ‘When I was five years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down happy. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.’

  CONCLUDING REFLECTIONS

  I stand at the airport again. This time in Delhi, to catch a flight to London for a vacation, a city which is home to my children. I’m overwhelmed by how kind life has been to us. I have had my ups and down, joys and sorrows, happy and tough moments, but it is these experiences which have made my life so rich and meaningful.

  People who matter to me – my mentors and work colleagues are there for me, and these relationships are now beyond work. It is an unsaid, inexplicable bond for life, that gives me the confidence to keep moving forward. It is extremely fulfilling to see some of your protégés and team members grow! I have always believed in hiring better than myself. The next generation is our future. It is wiser to invest in them. I feel so proud to see them fly high, surpassing all boundaries of expectations. Deep down in my heart I feel they help me fulfill the dreams that I may have dreamt.

  My family! There couldn’t have been a better reward than your teenage daughter telling you how proud she is of what you do and how she understands and appreciates the effort that this may have taken. I feel closer to her than ever before and will always be there for her when she starts her career or family, as I know what it takes. My husband, for his understanding and sharing the family responsibilities as he should have. Helping me make some very tough decisions at the cross roads of various junctures in my career. Parents for being there, always! I could not have done without their unconditional support. They have always been there for me and now for my children as well.

  Life has given me so much to be grateful for. I am truly thankful for my joys that have kept me wanting for more. I’m toughened by my sorrows that made me stronger to weather adversity of any kind. I have it all! The ups and down of life, laughter and tears, successes and failures, friends and enemies and finally love and endless love. I love the life that is pulsating around me with all its colourful vibrance!

  The last call for the flight has been announced and I rush to my gate – next travel, next destination, next challenge and more excitement. I don’t know what is in store in the next phase of my life but going by the mysterious past that has unfolded so beautifully I truly can’t wait to move forward. I want to keep going and have it all! Maybe I can have it all for some time and some of it all the time. But can I have it all, all the time? The answer is yes. If you know what ‘all’ means for you and not as dictat
ed by the world, you are good to go! ‘All’ is that which provides you happiness and it can be only defined by you. I had it all as I defined it for myself in my journey…wish you all the best in yours!

  ANNEXURE

  It is increasingly a business imperative for organisations to attract and retain more women in the workforce. More and more women are asking themselves what it takes to stay at work and on their own terms. The answers to this question are not always simple. Each woman has a slightly different circumstance; hence the solutions too, are very personal to each woman.

  There are a variety of social, cultural and economic factors that influence the presence and role of women in society and the workplace. These myriad complex factors shape the thinking of families, institutions, governments and women themselves, having a lasting impact on their presence and position across various walks of life.

  Some of the developed economies struggle with the lack of presence of women in politics and government, while a country like India, albeit presenting many unique challenges to women, has had a woman Prime Minister several decades ago! Paid maternity leave policies in many developed economies are worse than developing nations and a topic of much debate in recent times.

  The world’s largest democracy, India, is home to multitudinous cultural, social and political diversity. While the world may view India as one large country, it is also known to be a complicated and contrasting nation. Owing to a very large geographic spread, the country is composed of twenty nine states (many of them larger than several countries) and seven union territories. There are twenty-two languages recognised by the constitution and over seven hundred and eighty reported languages used in the country as published by the People’s Linguistics Survey of India! While four major religions are practised by the populace, several world religions find some representation in India. There are known to be over a thousand ethnic groups in the country! The country’s four thousand-year-old history of blending cultures, compounded by an intricate web of social and cultural norms in practice even today, present a multi-faceted and almost labyrinthine environment in the country!