Safe With Me, Special Edition

by Shaina Richmond

  Life will be easy again.

  I will think clearly again.

  I will not be a prisoner to my feelings.

  Yes. Tell him to leave. Scream, cry... scratch him if you have to. Just get rid of him. Go crazy and scare him away.

  Cry for a little while longer before you open the door.

  I sat there sobbing uncontrollably for several minutes over what I had to do. I was afraid he'd hear me and come to the door. Thankfully, he didn't.

  Still crying, I went over my act in my head as I stood at the sink and splashed water on my face.

  ‘Tyler, you were right, it was the weed talking. I can’t trust you. You need to go. Yes I’m serious! I don’t care what I screamed on the couch earlier! Get the hell out of here!’

  It never happened... never happened... you can go back to the way things were, just like it never happened...

  I unlocked the door and closed my eyes, clutching the cold metal doorknob. I gave myself a final pep talk before opening the door to be the actress.

  I can do this, I can do this…

  Inhale... deep breath...

  Get rid of him. Mistake. Never happened.

  You can’t keep him, Susie. It’s better this way. You know you can never be that wholesome wife he’ll want someday. Let him move on before you waste any more of his time.

  Slowly, I pushed the door open and walked out of the bathroom.

  Tyler stood in front of me near the bottom of the stairs. “What happened? I heard you crying.” He walked toward me.

  Now’s the time. It’s for his own good. You can do this. The pain is temporary. It’ll hurt worse if you wait til later.

  Never happened... never happened…

  “I need to talk to you,” I said.

  “What is it, baby?” He put his hands on my shoulders.

  I caught a glimpse of his cute green striped boxers in my peripheral vision. His big, rugged hands were warm against my skin.

  Tyler’s lips spread into a smile. “You there?” He squinted, peering into my eyes.

  Actress... you can do this... there's nothing else you can do better than this... do it and don't think about it... don't think about him at the coffee shop. The stout, sexy Indian wearing flannel… the only long-haired male business major you've ever known...

  “Susie.” Tyler’s hand was under my chin, tilting my face up. His other hand waved in front of my face. “You with me?”

  Don't think about how smart he is... or how nerdy he tries not to be... or what a dork he is in private... or the fact that he's only getting an accounting degree so he'll be better at running an auto repair shop...

  “Alright, I’m worried," he said. "You’re just standing there like a statue with your mouth open."

  Don't think about how much fun you had singing with him in your car on the way to McMurraysville... or how sweet he was to Rosita... or how he fit in so well with your friends like he'd always been there...

  I inhaled deeply. My mind suddenly went blank. I had an image of myself inside the dark room that was my brain. I waved a flashlight around in the blackness... and found nothing.

  “Okay." Tyler stepped to my side and put his arm around my shoulders. "Maybe you’ve smoked too much. Let’s go back to the couch.”

  I let him guide me back to the living room to sit next to him on the couch. My head rested on his shoulder. I inhaled as much of his scent as possible... Mmm… so sexy and manly. He put his arm around my back and rested his stubbly chin on my forehead. His other hand was in my hair, holding the back of my head.

  Tyler rubbed my back. “You said you needed to talk to me?

  “Huh?”

  “When you came out of the bathroom. You said you needed to talk to me.” His chest was still a little sticky and clammy against mine. He wore only his boxers. I wore only my pink panties.

  "Yeah," I said. "Are you hungry? I’m hungry. Maybe we could order Chinese."

  “Okay,” he said. “I could definitely eat.” His stubble grazed the side of my face as he nodded.

  “Good. I want some of those bacon-wrapped shrimp they have at China King.”

  Tyler’s muscular arms squeezed me tight. “Whatever you want, darlin.’” He kissed my forehead with his big, soft, puffy lips.

  “So, you like bacon-wrapped shrimp, too? I like it when people wrap stuff in bacon," I said.

  “Damn, what kind of weed is that?” He laughed harder than usual.

  As hungry as I was, I couldn't get myself to leave the couch to call China King. The feel of his bare chest against mine had defeated my munchies... at least for the time being. I was content to lay against him with my head on his shoulder and ignore my craving.

  Tyler rubbed my back and held me for several minutes before he spoke again.

  "Sweetie," he said, "remember what I told you before you left, about taking you out on dates instead of just coming over here and fucking all day?"

  "Yeah?"

  "And only doing it twice a week?"

  "You were serious?" I was glad he couldn't see the horrified look I surely had on my face. "What's the point of this, again?"

  He put his cheek against my forehead. "To get you to realize we have more in common than sex."

  Shit. Why's he have to be so sweet? "And why do I need to realize that?"

  I heard him sigh. Then he pulled away from me and looked in my eyes. "I'm tired of you making up reasons why you can't be my girlfriend. The whole 'all we do is fuck' argument is at least within my control."

  What do I say? Now would be a perfect time to tell him to leave. Stop this shit before I lead him on even more.

  And then I had a brilliant thought. Or at least a thought that seemed brilliant after all the weed I'd smoked that afternoon.

  He doesn't know it yet, but he'll get bored with me if there's no sex... he'll stop trying to pursue me. Either that or we'll never be able to limit ourselves to twice a week and he'll prove me right.

  I can now be with him and go along with his crazy plan and not feel guilty about leading him on.

  I'm a fucking genius!

  This needs to go in my journal before I forget...

  Several years earlier I'd started a journal to contain the deep thoughts I had when I was high because I'd always forget them later. One night when I decided to type them into a document from my written journal, I realized my thoughts were almost never as deep as I'd originally believed. But I just knew I had a winner this time.

  “Hmm," I said, "you really think we can do that? I mean, didn't we already use up fifty percent of our sex for the week a little while ago?"

  "No. We're allowed to do it multiple times through the course of one night. We can go no longer than three hours between each session. Then, it'll still count as one 'time.'" He used air quotes on the word 'time.'

  The serious look on his face made me laugh out loud. I laughed for a while longer as he stared at me with his slightly red, glassy eyes. It took a while for me to stop laughing long enough to speak. "You're just making up these crazy rules! You're so funny!" Yes, I knew he was a big nerd at heart.

  Tyler grinned. "Just you wait."

  I couldn't laugh anymore. His brown eyes gazed dreamily into mine. He was too sexy sitting there without his shirt, his long hair falling all over his chest and shoulders in disarray. I brushed some of his hair off his shoulder and put my head there again.

  Tyler let out a deep, quiet moan as his hand stroked my back, pulling me closer. I let my cheek rest against his collarbone. My fingertips brushed his chest, circling his right nipple.

  I thought about reaching for the bong again.

  Wonder how long it'll be before we're having a second round of hot, sweaty, stoned sex on this couch...

  His moaning got louder; his hand cradled my cheek. He kissed my forehead, then bent his head down to kiss my nose. A second later his lips were against my neck.

  And then a phone rang.

  "Shit." Tyler's voice was soft. I felt his hot breath o
n my throat. "I might have to answer that."

  It rang a second time. "Dammit." He kissed my forehead before standing up to find his jeans on the floor.

  I scanned the room, wondering where my blanket was. Suddenly I was aware of how much I needed the warmth from Tyler's body as I sat there barely clothed.

  “Shit!” He glared at his phone as soon as he took it out of his pocket. “I’m really sorry. She's called about four times and it might be an emergency.” He rolled his eyes and put the phone to his ear. “Hi Mom.”

  Pause.

  “I’m sorry. I know. I’ve been really busy. I didn’t mean to...” Tyler paced the floor on the other side of the coffee table, scratching the back of his neck.

  Then he stopped. His eyes grew wide as he stood completely still, listening to his mother. I could hear a woman speaking rapidly on the other side of the phone but I couldn’t make out her words.

  “Wait, wait, wait... slow down.”

  In my altered state I couldn’t stop thinking about how cute he was, standing there in only his boxer shorts, speaking to his mom. Something about it made me really happy. But when I saw his mouth drop open I got concerned.

  He spoke slowly, carefully enunciating every word. “Okay, okay... let me make sure I heard you correctly. Did you just say...”

  His mouth hung open again. He turned for a moment to face me, then his eyes darted randomly around the room looking everywhere else.

  “How long?” He winced.

  Pause. His wince softened as he listened.

  “I wish you’d told me sooner. A text at least.”

  Pause. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. I could still hear a loud, muffled voice from the other side of the phone. As he exhaled he turned around to face the dining room.

  I’d never seen him like this before. But then again, it had been exactly two weeks and one day since I met him. It was kind of sweet. From the little he’d mentioned about his mother, I never would have known he'd be so stressed out about talking to her.

  “Yeah, yeah. Of course I miss you too.” He looked down at the floor.

  “Okay, Mom.” He nodded and looked at me and mouthed ‘I’m sorry.’ Then he went back to nodding. “Yes... Uh huh. Uh huh.” He turned his wrist to look at his watch. “Alright. Just give me a call.” Pause. “Okay. Love you too. Bye.”

  Tyler pressed a button on his phone. “I swear.” He shook his head and bent down to pick up his clothes from the floor. “She has the worst fuckin’ timing in the world.”

  “What is it?”

  He exhaled loudly. “My Mom’s on her way here to see me. Tonight.”

  “Huh?”

  “Yeah. No notice or anything. It’s all a big surprise.” His eyes rolled as he stepped into his jeans and brought them to his waist.

  “What? When’s she gonna be here?”

  “In about two hours, she thinks. And her boyfriend’s with her.”

  “Your Mom has a boyfriend?”

  “Yeah. It’s the guy she works for. Ernie.” He pulled his t-shirt on. It was so very disappointing to watch him get dressed. “Apparently, he needed a continuing ed course and they could’ve gone anywhere but they picked some conference close to here so Mom could drop in on me.” His tone was sarcastic and cold.

  “And that’s a bad thing because...”

  His eyebrows rose. Then he cocked his head to the side and looked at me like I was crazy. “Because I’d rather be here with you, smoking that.” He nodded at the bong on the coffee table. "This night isn’t quite going in the direction I was hoping for."

  “She probably just missed you.”

  “Yeah.” He snorted, then sat down next to me on the couch. “I’m sorry. I know you don’t even have a mom.”

  “It’s okay. If anyone understands family problems, it’s me. I'm a little surprised though. You never talk about her.”

  “Yeah, there’s a reason I never talk about her.” Tyler rubbed his forehead and leaned back.

  Then he sat up straight and touched my arm. “You should come out to dinner with us. They wanna take me out when they get here.”

  “Uhhh... I don’t know.”

  “Don’t worry, I’ll make sure they know we’re just friends.” He rolled his eyes dramatically.

  “Would it count as one of our dates for the week?”

  Tyler chuckled. “There’s no limit on dates, honey. Just sex. Twice a week.”

  “So, that means we can do only it one more time?”

  He groaned. “Yeah. The clock resets on Saturday though. So we need to do it before then.”

  I rubbed his arm and laughed. Somehow, his little plan had made him even more adorable. Or maybe it was how he said we ‘need’ to do it according to these crazy rules he’d invented. It was kind of hot to be one of his ‘needs’.

  “So,” he said, “dinner?”

  “I’d feel really out of place. I mean, it’s kind of a big deal to meet someone’s mom, you know?” That’s something a girlfriend usually does, and I'm not your girlfriend…

  “Look, I really missed you. I spent a whole week missing you. And my mom just....” He stopped to make a frustrated grunting sound. “So anyway, I'm gonna be at some restaurant with my mom and her boyfriend, trying to be polite while they...” His eyes closed and he looked like he wanted to gag for a second, then shook his head.

  “While they what?

  “They're a little too happy together. To everybody else they're probably cute but...” He looked away from me with a thoughtful expression. “You know, on second thought, Mom might scare you off...”

  “What?” I laughed. “What's so scary about her?”

  His eyes lit up. “Come to dinner and find out. Maybe it'll be good for you to see you're not the only one with a screwed-up family.”

  I shrugged. “I'll think about it.”

  He smiled and took my hand. “Just say you'll come. If my mom's gonna scare you off I'd rather she do it sooner than later.” He bent forward to kiss my cheek.

  No, you are the one who's gonna get scared off, Tyler.

  I suddenly felt so selfish. I knew I was leading him on. But I wasn't ready to let him go yet.

  Besides, maybe he was right. Maybe the mom will scare me off, and that'll be the end of it.

  What's it matter? His stupid plan's gonna backfire anyway.

  “So how long are they staying?” I asked.

  “I don't know. I think she said they're leaving Monday. The phone cut out a little bit."

  “What kind of conference is it?”

  “Who knows?” He shrugged. “There's probably no conference. She probably just wanted to see me, and Ernie figured out a way to take her on a trip and write the whole thing off.” He snickered. "They're probably gonna take an Advanced Excel webinar on his laptop in a hotel room."

  I laughed. His mom and this Ernie guy started to sound interesting to me. “I guess that means we'll have to be creative in finding ways to be together by Saturday then, if they're gonna be around.”

  “Don't you worry, darlin'. I can always find a way to get something if I want it bad enough.” He put his arm around my shoulders and kissed my forehead.

  I got the distinct feeling he was talking about a lot more than finding a way to be with me before Saturday.

  “Alright," I said. "I can't believe you really wanna go through with these rules of yours.”

  Tyler nodded. “I think they're really important. Especially after how I fucked up while you were gone.”

  “I told you I'm not upset.”

  “Yeah, but you're high. And you haven't slept on it.” He put his hand on top of mine. “I was an idiot. Whether you're upset about it or not, I know I let you down.”

  He stood up from the couch and sat on the coffee table directly in front of me. He took both of my hands in his, leaning forward. His eyes were much less bloodshot than they were earlier. “Let’s just start over. I meant what I told you before you left over break. You need to know I’m not just w
ith you for the incredible sex we have.”

  Tyler paused to laugh, then he continued. “I wanna go out on real dates like normal people. No more getting ahead of ourselves. We went from meeting each other to crazy-wild sex most people don’t have til the...” He shook his head. “Hell, I don’t even know. Tenth date? Third date? I have no idea. I just know meeting you and bringing you back here to defile you on that couch wasn’t the right thing but I couldn’t help myself.”