Safe With Me, Special Edition

by Shaina Richmond

  I almost stopped moving. I let my chin rest upon my shoulder. He pressed his hands tight against the middle of my back, pulling me even closer, making it harder for me work my hips.

  Do I ignore what he just said? Why does it make me sad to think about it?

  “Oh, Susie,” he whispered, just before he kissed my neck. I started going faster, using my legs to increase the strength of my body moving up and down on top of him.

  I felt his tongue touch my skin. He knew I loved that. “Yes!” I screamed. It seemed impossible, but every time I was with Tyler felt even better than the time before. I knew I would have to shop around for one of these ottomans soon, for the sole purpose of riding this man.

  Ride him for how much longer, Susie? A month? A year? Until he finally comes out of this trance?

  I closed my eyes, focusing on Tyler and the sounds the rusty springs inside the black leather ottoman had just started to make. The sharp, creaking sound of a woman riding a sweet, drunk, intelligent, kind, perfect man. A man who thinks he's in love.

  He deserves better than a piece of trash like you, Susie. That's all you are. A filthy piece of trash.

  “Shut up!” My knee-jerk response came faster than I could stop it. I usually kept the scream inside my head. It had been a while since I heard that voice. That crystal clear, biting voice of the man who knew all along that he wasn't my father.

  “What?” Tyler's eyes were full of concern. He held me still, penetrating me, our bodies no longer moving. “What did I do?”

  “Nothing.” I let my eyes fall to the bright yellow numbers on his shirt. “Umm...” How do I tell him, 'I wasn't yelling at you,' without making myself sound psychotic? Am I psychotic?

  “Shh.” Tyler pressed a finger against my lips. “You don't have to tell me.” He looked in my eyes with an intensity I'd never seen from him before. A comfortable familiarity. “I know you're not yelling at me.”

  Damn his special powers! “How do you know that?”

  “You yell like that in your sleep sometimes.”

  “Huh?” I felt the tears coming back on.

  “Yeah. It's okay, baby.” Tyler kissed my cheek tenderly, then leaned away to look at me. He cradled my cheek with his right hand, his thumb rubbing away the moisture left by his lips. “You can't scare me off.”

  “What if I'm going crazy?”

  He laughed, causing his body to shake so hard I thought it was going to make us both fall to the floor. The ottoman didn't feel quite as steady as it did when we started.

  “Oh, sweet baby girl,” he said. “You're not goin' crazy. I know exactly what's goin' on.”

  “Huh?”

  Tyler put his hands behind my head and pulled me closer, giving me a deep, passionate kiss. The force and wetness of his kiss showed how obviously drunk he still was, but it was irresistible to me. I gave in, throwing my arms around him, letting his hungry kiss consume me. Trying to quiet my fear. My dread. Ignoring the dark cloud that constantly loomed over my head, wondering when it would finally rain down to destroy my life.

  He pulled away, grinning. He reached out to wipe my mouth, then his. “I got you all figured out, baby.”

  “What?”

  “Aww.” His lips pursed, forming a mock frown. He brushed my hair away from my face. “You really don't know.” He spoke with a whisper just loud enough for me to hear over the noise coming from the living room. “It's nothing to be upset about. You've never been in love before. That's all it is.”

  I stared at him, unsure how those words found their way inside his mouth. I had nothing to say. No response. I just sat there on top of him, breathing. Then I reached out and wiped the sweat off of his forehead to distract myself and have something to look at instead of his adoring brown eyes that were trying to make contact with mine.

  Tyler chuckled. “You're so sweet. You're soooo fuckin' sweet.” He shook his head. “Someday you'll admit it. It's okay.” He laughed. I could feel that his erection was gone. “You know what? I've never been in love before either.”

  I stared back down at the bright numbers on his black jersey. My mind was blank. My nervous stomach nearly made me double over in pain.

  Tyler inhaled, deeply. “It's true. Everybody thought my first love was Amber Langley.” He rolled his eyes. “I mean, she's a nice enough girl and all.” He sighed. “And yeah, we popped each others' cherries.”

  I was thankful for the laughter that erupted from my throat. It weakened my stomach pain just a little.

  “What?” Tyler smiled. “It's true! Hey, you might get to meet her when you come home with me for Thanksgiving.”

  “Okay, back up.” I glared at him. “You're a little too cocky about me losing this bet of ours, for one thing...”

  He pushed his face forward, widening his eyes, forcing me to stare into them. “That's cause I'm already winnin’, baby.”

  “Hmm.” I nodded. “I still have plenty of time to win.”

  “Nah.” He shook from side to side, rapidly. “You don't know me that well. When I really want something I go for it.” He narrowed his eyes and put his arms around my back. “And it's been a real fuckin' long time since I wanted anything as bad as I want you.”

  Don't let him see that you just melted inside. I blinked away the single tear that tried to force its way out. “You talk about me like I'm property. Like I'm just this thing you can claim.”

  “No. No, not at all. I don't think of you as property.” And then he slowly began to nod. “But yes, I have claimed you. That's true.”

  “Oh, come on. How long have we known each other now? It's not even been four weeks....”

  “Shh.” He put his finger against my lips. “It'll be four weeks on Tuesday. And who the fuck cares anyway?”

  “Tyler...”

  He looked in my eyes and let his mouth drop open slowly. “Tah-ler,” he said, in a mock Southern accent. Then he threw his head back, laughing.

  “Oh, so you're making fun of me now?”

  He instantly stopped laughing and stared at me, licking his lips. “No.” His eyes looked sad. “I would never do that. I love your accent. I love the way my name sounds on your lips.” His voice got quiet. He took my hand and put it on his chest, over his heart. “I love everything about you, Susie.”

  “How's that possible? I'm a mess. I'm crazy. You'll figure that out someday.”

  “Shh.” Tyler leaned forward and pressed his lips to mine just in time to keep the tears from coming back to my eyes. He put his hands behind my head and held me there as we kissed. I didn't struggle. I just sat there and enjoyed his soft lips and tried to live in the moment.

  He stopped kissing me and quickly moved to my ear. “Baby,” he said, “you're not a mess and you're not crazy. You're a scared little kitten. You’re afraid I'm gonna hurt you.”

  I gritted my teeth to steel myself. To try to keep the torrent of emotions at bay. To try not to think about Jack Lombardi's voice in my head, or the talk I had with Caleb. Or what Tyler would do if he knew just one thing about me, let alone the million things that would let any sane person know it was time to take off running away from me in the opposite direction. “I hope you're right,” I said. Then I smiled, realizing it was the second time that night he had referred to me as a kitten.

  He gave me another sweet, drunken kiss on the cheek before whispering in my ear, “If I'm wrong, it just means I'm in love with a crazy mess.” He pressed his nose against my ear, nuzzling me. “And to think, it hasn't even been four weeks since I met her.”

  I laughed.

  “Hey,” he said, pulling back, looking into my eyes. “I'm crazy too. You know how you talk in your sleep sometimes?”

  “No. But thanks for telling me.”

  “It's okay. You just have some shit to deal with. We all do. I had dreams about my dad every night my mom was here. I hadn't dreamed about him in a long time.” His voice started to crack at the end of his sentence.

  I put my arms around his back. My skirt was still pushed
almost all the way up to my waist. I sat there straddling him on the ottoman, even though sex was just about the furthest thing from my mind.

  Tyler touched the corner of his eye and took a deep breath. “At least something good came along with that big surprise visit from Mom.” He laughed half-heartedly and shook his head, looking down at the floor. “Somehow I got to talk to Dad in my dreams. It used to happen all the time but...” He shook his head. “He was my best friend. I idolized him.” Tears filled his eyes. He immediately wiped them away.

  I leaned forward, hugging him, laying my cheek against his chest.

  He pulled me tight against him. “I've never told anyone about those dreams. It feels like he's real. Like it's not my imagination. Like he's really there with me.”

  I nodded. “So what'd you guys talk about?”

  He pushed me away from his chest to look in my eyes. He gave me a huge smile. “See? I knew you'd get it. I knew you wouldn't judge me.”

  I smiled back at him. Tyler gave my lips a quick peck and sat up straight. “We talked about all kinds of stuff. We were in this little motorboat out on the lake. We'd go out there all the time to fish but really it was just our time together, you know?” He chuckled. “We were probably too manly to say that's what it was. But no matter how busy I got with school and sports and shit, I always found time for that.” He stared off toward the nightstand, like he was suddenly lost in thought.

  I laid my cheek against his collar bone and inhaled, taking in his musky cologne. This wonderful, sensitive man, a man who was big enough to physically intimidate just about any other man I had ever known, sat in front of me pouring his drunken heart out. I fell deeper in love by the minute. Why does being in love with him make me so sad?

  Tyler held me close with one hand on my back and the other weaving through my hair. “He told me he's proud of me for sticking things out at home for so long. And I told him all about you.” He kissed the top of my head. “I really wish you could've met him.”

  The creak of the bedroom door opening made me flinch.

  “Hey.” Caleb stood in the doorway. “Still here, huh?”

  I instinctively tried to pull away, but Tyler groaned and held me tighter against his chest. “We’re in the middle of a deep conversation,” he said.

  Caleb smirked and looked at our laps. I reached for the hem of my skirt and tried to pull it down. He laughed. “Yeah, okay. Look, people are starting to leave to go downtown and party. You guys should come out here.” He shook his head, chuckling, as he backed out of the room and closed the door.

  “Well, shit.” Tyler sighed, sadly. “He's right. I should try to at least make an appearance at the party we're hosting.” He sat up straight. “Besides, my buzz is wearin’ off. Time to refuel.”

  I stood up, my legs still on either side of the ottoman, looking down at Tyler.

  His eyes met mine. “So, baby girl, what's your costume called, anyway?” He winked, knowing I was wearing the clothes he asked me to wear.

  “I don't understand why you like this outfit so much.”

  His mouth dropped open. “What?” He cupped my knees and slid his hands all the way up my inner thighs until his thumbs both touched my clit.

  I gasped.

  “I love the access.” Tyler looked straight in my eyes and laughed with his mouth wide open. He moved his thumbs gently.

  I wiggled my hips a little, wishing we had more time. I let him play with me for a little bit longer. Then I groaned as I put my hands on his shoulders and picked up my leg, moving it across the ottoman. “I hate it, but we really need to go out there.”

  “Shit.” Tyler scratched the back of his neck. “It's okay.” He stood up beside me and zipped his pants up. He took a tissue from the nightstand and wadded it up with the unused condom inside. “I'm gonna take you to my room later anyway.”

  “Okay.” I was ready to go right then. My mind briefly flashed back to all the times I got to lay under his towering body, gazing up at his sweaty face. Knowing I couldn't move if I tried, just from the sheer force of his body giving me exactly what I wanted. I always knew he'd stop if I wanted him to stop. But I loved feeling powerless with Tyler. It was scary and unfamiliar. And for reasons I couldn't understand, it had become my favorite thing in the world. When he was in control, it made all the noise in my head go away.

  “You know how we were talking about being adventurous earlier?” He reached down and fastened a button on my blouse that I didn't know had come undone.

  “Uh huh.”

  “I got an adventurous idea for you.” Tyler jiggled my breast through my white button-down blouse and winked.

  “What?” I stared up at him. “Okay, tell me your idea in a second, but first tell me this. I get why you like the skirt but I still don't get the blouse.”

  He shrugged. “It shows off your sexy body.” He cupped both of my breasts. “Fits everything nicely. Makes other guys wish they could unbutton this shirt and get to these tits but they're mine. They're all mine.”

  Our eyes locked as he said those words about my tits being his. I had to look hardened. Make it look like it didn't turn me on. Deep in my heart, I knew a day would come when he'd tell me he was wrong. That there were things about me that he could never get past. Things I wished I could go back in time to change. But I couldn't. And he would leave. I had to prepare myself for that day. “Oh yeah?” I asked.

  “Yeah.” He nodded. “So anyway, here's my adventurous idea.” Tyler put his hands on my shoulders. “Just for Halloween, you be my girlfriend.”

  “Huh?” It felt like my heart stopped beating. “But it's not Halloween. That's tomorrow.”

  “Shit.” Tyler rolled his eyes. “Then do it for Joe's birthday.”

  “Huh?”

  “Look.” He sat down on the bed in front of me and took my hand. His beautiful brown eyes pierced mine. They looked so innocent to me. “Nobody has to know but us. You'll be my secret girlfriend tonight.” He paused, grinning sweetly. “Come on. Do it for Joe. For Joe's birthday. It'll be adventurous.”

  “For me, that really is adventurous.”

  “I know.” He nodded slowly, his eyes wide. “It'll be fun. Like that night at the truck stop when you had me pretend to be your boyfriend.”

  I groaned. “That feels like so long ago now.”

  “Oh, but honey.” He shook his head dramatically. “It hasn't even been four weeks. How could it feel like so long ago?” He drew his hand to his chest and stood up. “We only just met each other!”

  “Oh, fuck you.” I wanted to think of a better reaction but my mind was reeling.

  Tyler roared with laughter. I just shook my head, waiting for him to stop. He continued on for a little while longer, then wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. “Baby, baby, baby. I'm gonna fuck you so good later. Up in my room.” He looked down at me as he cradled the back of my head. “Actually I'm gonna make love to my girlfriend. That's what I’m gonna do.”

  “Uh...” Please don't cry... God, I'm going crazy...

  “Hey.” He spoke in a gentle tone, tilting my head up to face him. “Don't get scared. It's just tonight. Just pretend with me. No commitments. We'll take it off your tab.” He winked.

  I had almost forgotten I had a tab. I could no longer keep track of the number of hours of sex I owed him for the tune-up he did on my Crown Victoria. It fluctuated, usually increasing, on almost a daily basis. And it always warmed my heart to think about owing him in that way. Even though my debt repayment that night wouldn't be purely in the form of sex, it was still his choice. I could let him have me as his girlfriend for a few hours if that's what he wanted.

  I smiled, gazing into his gorgeous eyes. “Okay. But just for tonight.”

  Tyler kissed my forehead. “It's sad.” He put two fingers against my lips as I was about to ask what he was talking about. “You finally got happy when I said you owe me. Like you can't just take my love as a free gift.”

  I gazed up at him, speechless. Too confus
ed to react.

  “Okay, girlfriend.” Tyler kissed my cheek. “Let's go to the living room before someone comes back here again. We'll go up to my room in a little while.” Before I could answer, he took my hand, pulling me out of Cyrus’ room.

  I was too stunned to argue. I had no idea what I was feeling. I just squeezed Tyler's hand and followed his lead. Before we left the room I pulled my skirt down with my other hand as much as I could.

  Sounds of the party got louder as we walked through the door into the hallway. Tyler abruptly started laughing and stopped at the shelf on the wall to look at Joe's picture. He stared at it, shaking his head. “Caleb made this.”

  “Yeah, he told me.”