Waiting to Lose

by Dawn L. Chiletz

  JAKE’S HANDS PLASTERED into his hair as she slammed the door. There was more to his meeting with Dave then she knew. Ang would be there too, and he had a lot he needed to discuss with her.

  The car angled onto the street and toward his office. He knew Madi just wanted to help, but she was so damn infuriating. He knew he’d been defensive and difficult the entire day, but he had so much on his mind. He promised himself he’d make it up to her when he got home tonight.

  Greg led him up the stairs to his office, and Dave and Ang were waiting in the conference room.

  “I know it’s Christmas, and it’s late. I’m sorry for taking you away from your families,” Jake said.

  Dave and Ang shot each other a look that Jake didn’t understand.

  “Am I missing something?” he asked.

  “Well,” Ang started. “We were actually spending Christmas together anyway.”

  “What?” Jake asked with amusement.

  “We’ve kind of been seeing each other since Australia,” Dave added. “I hope that’s not a problem.”

  Jake smiled wryly. “You dog!” he laughed, slapping Dave on the back in humor.

  Ang placed her hands to her face and chuckled. “Now don’t start,” she said, scolding him.

  “I couldn’t be happier. You’re two of my favorite people in the world, and you deserve some kind of joy in this mess.”

  Ang rubbed her hand along his back. “Does Madi have a clue?” she asked.

  “Not one,” he replied.

  After two hours of poring over details of Peter Markum’s possible whereabouts and Jake’s plans for Madi, Jake let out a huge yawn.

  “You’d better get going,” Ang told him. “Dave and I can handle the rest.”

  Jake’s phone rang, and he reached into his back pocket and grimaced at the caller.

  “Is she giving you a hard time?” Jake laughed.

  “She fucking snuck out the window.”

  “What?” Jake asked, bolting to his feet in attention.

  “When she got home, she went into her bathroom and closed her bedroom door. I could tell she was angry, so I didn’t bother her. After two hours had passed, I decided to check on her. I opened her door and felt the breeze from her window. She went out the fire escape.”

  Jake tried to control the panic and anger that threatened in his voice. “Check the receiver. Do you hear her?”

  “That’s just it. It’s on her bed.”

  “Where the fuck would she go? How could she be so damn irresponsible? I’m leaving. I’ll be there in thirty minutes. I want to you to go look for her. Do you hear me?”

  “I’m going now,” Rob responded.

  “Jake, what’s going on?” Ang pleaded as she grasped his shirt.

  Jake covered the phone with his hand as the fear gripped him from inside out. “Madi’s gone.”

  ***

  “THANKS AGAIN FOR coming to get me, Gina.”

  “I’m glad to get to spend some time with you. It’s been too long.”

  “I appreciate your willingness to drive me around aimlessly. I just needed to get some air.”

  Gina smiled warily. “Jake’s going to be pissed you snuck out on Rob.”

  Madi huffed. “I know. I guess I’d better call him and tell him I’m okay. It’s been almost an hour since I left. If I’m lucky, Rob might not have even noticed I’m gone.” She sighed. “It’s not like we don’t have your guard with us.” She turned to see another car following closely behind.

  “Yeah, he’s a drag. I wish he would have given Rob to me. My guard is old and nasty. Rob’s pretty hot.”

  Madi laughed as she reached into her purse for her phone. Her hand searched frantically, pushing everything around inside.

  “Shoot!” she yelled. “I think I left it on the bathroom sink.

  “Oh, crap!” Gina mumbled.

  They glanced at each other and started to laugh.

  “Can I borrow yours?” Madi asked, setting her purse down on the floorboard.

  “Umm, I kinda left mine at home, too. I don’t know what I was thinking. I rushed out in such a hurry when you called; I forgot all about it.”

  “Uh oh. This isn’t good. I didn’t want to worry him. I just didn’t want Rob babysitting me all night.”

  “I get it. You don’t have to explain it to me.”

  “Maybe you’d better take me back.”

  Gina smiled. “Good idea.”

  Forty minutes later, they pulled up in front of the building.

  “Aren’t you going to come in?” Madi asked Gina.

  “And face the wrath of my brother? No thanks. You’re on your own.”

  Madi smiled apprehensively as she waved Gina’s car away.

  She cringed as she put in the code to the building and walked up the stairs. Regret hit her like a bus. She shouldn’t have acted so selfishly. Jake was worried enough about everything without her having to pull a childish stunt like this. She hoped he’d forgive her. Actually, more than anything, she hoped he wasn’t home.

  She turned her key in the lock. The chain was over the door, and she couldn’t get in.

  “Rob? It’s Madi. Could you open up?”

  No answer.

  “Jake? Are you in there? Look, I’m sorry. I know I messed up. Can we please talk about this?”

  Within a few seconds, she saw him approaching her through the crack of the door. He stood at the door, staring at her. She recognized the agony in his face.

  “I’m sorry. I know it was stupid and completely insensitive of me to run off like that. I was just really angry and I didn’t think.”

  “No. You didn’t,” he grumbled.

  “Are you going to open the door?” she asked.

  Jake reluctantly removed the chain, but positioned himself in the doorway so she couldn’t get past him.

  “Come on. Please. Let’s just talk about this,” she begged.

  “I can’t do this anymore, Madi. I just can’t.”

  “What do you mean?” she asked in confusion.

  “This thing, with us. The last few days, I’ve been really struggling with this whole situation. I decided that I can barely take care of myself, much less you.”

  Madi’s eyes searched his. “I don’t need you to take care of me. I just need you to love me.”

  Jake’s face became stern. “That’s the problem. I’ve been trying to convince myself that I’m in love with you, but between your crazy-ass family and all the drama that surrounds me when I’m with you, it’s just not worth it anymore.”

  “What?” Madi shook her head at him in fear.

  “I’m sorry. I was going to wait until tomorrow to tell you, but after tonight I just realized that I can’t take it anymore. It’s over. I need you to go home.”

  Jake reached around the corner and produced the luggage she had yet to unpack. “Just go home. We’re done. I don’t want you anymore.”

  “Jake, no!” Madi shrieked. “I know you love me. Why are you doing this? Why are you saying this stuff to me?”

  Jake took a deep breath and gritted his teeth at her. “I don’t love you. I don’t think I really ever did. It was all just a lie. You were a good fuck, but I just can’t keep pretending and playing house with you. Now that the press knows who you are, it’s not fun for me anymore. I should never have brought you here. I should never have done the stupid contest to begin with.”

  Madi’s body shook as the coldness of his words ran along her spine. She racked with chills as she reached to touch his face. “Jake, please!”

  His body was cold like his expression. “Just go home,” he said as he backed away from her hand. “You’ve pushed me for the last time. Leave and don’t look back. It’s over.”

  Madi tried to reach her arms up for him, but he forced her away and closed the door, locking it.

  She sat in the hallway, next to her suitcase, as the shock of his declaration rippled through her veins. It was a lie? She was a game? All of it was just a lie?

/>   Madi tried to process what had just happened, she slumped down to floor. There were no tears, just a cold chill. Her mind paged through everything they had been through and every word he’d ever said to her. She knew she’d acted stupidly, but it wasn’t like Jake to overreact like this. She trusted him. She believed in him. They were two sides of a coin. He was another side of her, and just like a coin, there were always two sides to a story and two sides to a lie. Madi’s mind raced as she reviewed what she knew about him. Jake didn’t play games. He hated them. He needed control too much to wager anything on chance.

  All this time, she’d been waiting for a moment just like this, when he finally said he was done with her. From the beginning, she was the one who didn’t fully believe in their love. She’d been waiting to lose him, never fully believing he was hers. But then, when he said it was over, she didn’t believe that either. There was no doubt about his feelings—not a doubt in her mind. Maybe doubt was just the absence of truth. When you find your truth, the doubt just disappears. She suddenly felt a shift in her axis, like her mind had finally met up with where her heart had been all along. She wondered why, as upset as she was, the tears never came. Then she realized what was different this time. She knew he loved her. She knew it.

  She crawled up from the floor and pressed her hand on the door. Something wasn’t right. He wasn’t making sense. Jake was hiding something, and she was going to figure out what it was.

  HE LEANED UP against the door as the pain of his own betrayal seared through him like a knife, slashing him in two. He hated having to hurt her. He hoped he did a good enough job of convincing her he was telling the truth.

  Jake’s eyes shot up as he heard his slow, calculated clapping round the corner.

  “Very good, Jake. You almost convinced me you didn’t love her.”

  “Fuck you, Peter,” Jake seethed through his teeth.

  “Get away from the door,” Peter said as he waved his gun at Jake.

  When Jake had arrived home, he’d dashed through the door, yelling her name. He’d run past the family room without even looking toward the kitchen. He’d heard the shot before he’d seen him. Greg had slumped to the ground, gripping his side, as Peter Markum stood in front of him with a smoking gun.

  “Pull him in,” he ordered.

  Jake berated himself for not paying closer attention to his surroundings as he leaned over Greg. Greg moaned as Jake tried to move him as gently as possible through the door and over to the kitchen. He grabbed a towel and placed it over the wound, pressing against it.

  “I’m so sorry, Greg. Please hold on.”

  Peter placed the chain on the door and turned the lock. “Get away from him!” Peter shouted, waving his gun.

  Jake backed away with his hands in the air as Peter took Greg’s gun out of his ankle holster and removed the gun from his back as well.

  “Welcome home,” Peter laughed sinisterly as he waved Jake toward the couch. “Where’s that pretty little girlfriend of yours? Is she the one who left your window open? I don’t know what it is about people and fresh air.”

  Jake lunged toward him and Peter cocked the gun. “You want to make this happen faster than I planned? Keep coming at me. Nothing would make me happier than to watch you die.”

  “Just leave her out of this. She’s not here. This is between you and me.” Jake was suddenly relieved Madi had taken off the way she had. Her running off might have saved her life.

  Just as he held his hands up to Peter, he heard her key turning in the door. Peter darted to the kitchen, pushing Jake along with him.

  “Get rid of her, or I’ll make this a two for one,” he whispered into his ear as he cackled.

  The door opened and he heard her voice. He couldn’t risk her life. He’d have to hurt her. He needed to get her as far away from him as possible.

  Jake remembered every word he’d said to her as Peter tied his hands to a chair in his bedroom.

  “This is good quality rope. Got it at a really good price.”

  Jake flinched as he tightened the knot around his hands from behind. He glanced down at the rope and realized it looked familiar.

  Peter laughed. “You’re figuring it out, aren’t you? Guess it wasn’t your pathetic manager, after all?”

  The anger inside of Jake burned to the surface. He struggled to get loose from the ties that bound him to the chair.

  “I’m an expert at all kinds of knots. Especially the kinds that go around pretty little necks.”

  “You fucking bastard!” Jake shouted as he wriggled in his chair.

  Peter laughed as he sat on the edge of the bed. He reached in his coat pocket and produced a small red apple. He took a bite of it as he watched Jake struggle.

  “You’re not getting out of those,” he said, pointing. “The harder you struggle, the tighter they become.”

  “If you’re going to kill me, then just do it and get it over with!” Jake shouted.

  “All in good time. I need to make sure you suffer. You’ve caused a lot of pain to a lot of people. Poor little Allison. Too bad she needed to pay for her sins, too.”

  “What are you talking about?” Jake asked.

  “Aww, I might as well tell you. You’re going to be dead soon. You should hear the whole truth and nothing but,” he snickered.

  “What truth? About Allison?”

  “About all the things you’ve done and all the facts that were so unimportant to you. I loved Tessa Rose with all of my heart. She and I were destined to be together. You were just a little blip in our story. But you had to go and hurt her, didn’t you? Before she could see for herself what kind of a bastard you were. You thought you were too good for her too, didn’t you?”

  “No,” Jake stated as his eyes closed. “She was too good for me.”

  Peter charged him and spit in his face. “Damn right she was too good for you. That accident would never have happened if she hadn’t sped away from you.”

  “No, it wouldn’t have,” Jake replied as he shook his head.

  “I don’t want to hear your apologies or see your sorry little face. I don’t feel sorry for you, and I don’t feel sorry for Allison. She was just as much to blame as you were. I hope she rots in hell.”

  Jake swallowed hard. “What do you mean she was just as much to blame?”

  Peter took another bite of his apple as he sat back down on the bed. “Oh, that’s right. You haven’t put the puzzle together yet, have you?”

  Jake stared at his face as his mind searched for answers.

  Peter’s lips curled up menacingly, revealing yellowed teeth. Dirty like his soul.

  “Let me tell you a little story,” he said as he crossed his leg and waved his gun at Jake. “Once upon a time, there was a little blond-haired girl with visions of a future far better than she deserved. She wanted everything everyone else had. She lied and cheated her way through life, never afraid to hurt whoever got in her way. When her classmate Kimberly scored the popular guy Allison had her eye on, Allison had a meltdown. See, that didn’t sit well with jealous little Allison at all. So one day, while Kimberly was at the mall, shopping for a dress for her date, Allison decided it would be a good idea to cut the gas line on Kimberly’s car. See, she hoped that it wouldn’t start and that Kimberly would be forced to miss her date, leaving him for her.”

  Jake watched as Peter began to pace the room, chomping on his apple. He was enjoying torturing him. Jake glanced toward the phone on the bed. If only he could reach Rob.

  “Are you fucking paying attention to me?” Peter quipped.

  Jake nodded his head as he refocused on Peter’s angry face. If he kept him talking, maybe he’d give Rob enough time to talk to Madi.

  “So anyway, little Miss Allison was no car expert, and she had a dull knife. See, she cut her brake line, not her gas line. Only she didn’t cut through, just enough to release the gas, in her mind, but not enough to actually cut the brakes completely. Allison was really proud of herself. She sat in her car an
d waited for Kimberly to return to hers. But see, it wasn’t Kimberly’s car she messed with. It was Tessa’s.”

  Jake gasped.

  “In her rush to commit a crime, she mistook Tessa’s red car for Kimberly’s. Boy was she surprised when Tessa got into the car and pulled away. Did Allison try to warn her? Nope. She just went on home without a second thought.”

  Peter stopped in front of Jake and bent down in front of him to speak directly into his face. Jake turned his head to the side as the foul smell of Peter’s breath lit up his insides. He thought he might vomit.

  “See, it took a while for that cut line to make the brakes fail. The fluid slowly leaked out. It was cloudy when she left the mall for you. I’m guessing your fight gave the fluid enough time to drain completely. It must have been raining when she took off. She didn’t even notice her brakes were gone. She was so upset by your ignorance that she sped up. The damn car was so mangled, no one ever knew.”

  Jake pictured Tessa’s face and her smile. She died because of Allison’s actions and his selfishness. “I… I never wanted to hurt her,” Jake stuttered.

  “Bullshit, you bastard! You didn’t care who you hurt. It took me years to put the pieces together. Years! Did you even give her a second thought? I spent months looking at Tessa’s mangled car, trying to figure it out. She was a good driver. Something didn’t fit. Now, Allison… She made a big mistake. After she saw the report in the paper about Tessa’s death, she got really scared that someone might have seen her. She started researching Tessa and her family. That led her to me. She followed me into a bar one night. She must have had a few too many drinks, because by the time I went to leave, she stumbled into me. She dropped her purse and practically ran from me after she picked it up. But unfortunately for her, she dropped a little something—a picture of Tessa and me. It was enough to get me curious. I watched her. I followed her.”