She tightened her grip on her weapon, knowing she was unlikely to get it back. But she needed answers quickly, and she did have a few water balloons stashed under the sink. Justine had said Derek's time was running out, but Iris had sensed there was more going on than Justine had told her. Nice, right? Her daughter meets an attractive man and instantly starts hiding secrets from her own mother. It hurt so deeply. After all she did for her.
Satan leapt to his feet and laid his hand on her cheek. "My love pancake? What is wrong?"
"Nothing." She shook him off and ignored her desire to lean on him for support. As if Satan could understand the emotions of being a mother. "Take the hose, Satan. You better make this good."
"Oh, very good. I have dark secret I have told no one. Until now."
A secret that the lord of all things evil considered dark?
This was going to be good.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Satan turned off the faucet, emptied the hose into the sink, detached it, then threw it out the kitchen window. Then he took off the rain suit, revealing a very nicely fitting tuxedo.
"Going somewhere?" The man certainly knew how to dress. He looked ravishing.
She really wanted to run her fingers over that fine fabric and well-muscled body, but instead, she walked around to the other side of the table and sat down, keeping them separated by a physical barrier so she couldn’t reach him.
He settled himself across from her and pulled an envelope from his jacket pocket. "I was going to invite you to Hamilton on Broadway tonight. I have reservations at a very nice restaurant in New York. Five star." He pulled out two tickets and slid them across the table to her.
Disbelief and yearning rushed through her as she picked up the tickets. Front row center. They were crisp and real, and promised a night she hadn't had since she'd died. "How can we go to New York? The only place I can go in the mortal world is to visit Justine, wherever she is. My portal doesn't work for anything else, as you know." She was lucky to have gotten that much. Being a disenfranchised Guardian didn't give you much leverage for negotiating Afterlife benefits. If she'd retired in good standing with full Guardian perks, she'd have access to anywhere in the mortal world she wanted, at any time. She'd have a lovely house in heaven and... Stop torturing yourself, Iris. She'd made a choice and that was it. No point in still getting upset about it. She set the tickets back on the table and pushed them away from her. "I'm sure you're not allowed to take me there."
"I am Satan. I break rules." But his claim didn't have the same energy it usually did. "I realized I need to woo you. Lawyer soul told me that. Very wise man. Made me realize the many ways I screw up."
She moved her hand so her pinkie finger was touching the tickets. Stroking them. "Tell me who went after my daughter, Satan. You say it wasn't you. So who was it?" Exonerate yourself so I can accept your offer for a night in New York. Not that she was going to sleep with him or consent to be his Underworld concubine, but she'd tolerate his company for a chance to go out in the city, to see Hamilton, of all shows. How could she turn that down?
He sighed heavily. "After you broke my soul—"
"You mean, after I ruined your quest to seduce me and steal Mona?"
"Yes, that. After you cruelly rejected me despite all I had to offer...well...I was very upset."
Iris pulled her hand back from the tickets and clenched her firsts in her lap. "How upset?" This was the first time he'd admitted her actions had had any impact on him. She was most pleased to know he'd been upset.
He gave her puppy dog eyes, but she didn't buy it. "You were the first woman to reject Satan, the best lover in the Afterlife. My ego was very damaged. And I had big plans for the Goblet."
"Yes, I know." That had been quite the night to remember. It wasn't every day a girl got to foil Satan's plans.
"So, I needed to restore my manliness. Prove to everyone that I was still a red-hot lover who could seduce women at will." He puffed out his chest and thudded his fist on the table. "I decided to share my virile lovemaking with as many women as possible."
Something dark settled in her belly. "You went on a sex rampage while I was trying to save my eternal soul from the chamber?"
"Exactly!" He clapped his hands with delight as she shoved her chair back from the table and headed for her stash of water balloons. "Unfortunately, I had the misfortune of impregnating one of my conquests."
Iris whirled around to face him. "What?"
He sighed heavily. "Or so she claims. She named him Satan Jr. and has been trying to use him to get access to my kingdom."
She clutched the edge of the counter, fought off dizziness. "You have a son?"
He started to rise to assist her, then sat back down when she glared at him. "I believe so. Only someone with my blood would be able to create a gold aura very similar to mine—"
"But you don't have a gold aura." That had been her one hope when Justine had told her. Despite what the Manasa claimed, if Satan didn't have a gold aura, how could he have possessed the surfer?
A red flash lit up his eyes for a millisecond. "Do you think I am so weak I cannot control my powers?" He gave her an impatient sniff, and then was suddenly encompassed with a brilliant golden hue. He shut if off just as abruptly. "You wish to contest me further, or shall I continue with my tale of woe and misery?"
"My apologies." She worked her way back to her seat and sat down with an ungraceful thump, rubbing her temples. Illegitimate sons and gold auras. It was too much. "Please continue."
"Thank you." He was sitting stiffly, his shoulders turned away from her. "So, as I was saying, someone with my blood could possibly create a golden aura similar, but inferior, to mine. In addition, he might be able to impersonate my signature." He sighed heavily and some of the rigidity left his upper body. "How weary for my soul that my ungrateful love child has inherited some of my special skills. Genetics are unpredictable. He could have ended up an emasculated, powerless loser with less power than the average human, but no. How awful for me." He thumped the table with his palms and his eyes glittered with red. "I gave them much money for good schools and excellent personal chefs, but they want more. He wants to become my heir. How can a half-mortal be heir to hell? What happens if he dies? Anarchy would be very bad." He threw himself back in his chair, nearly upending himself onto the floor. Only a quick grab of the table kept him upright.
Iris nabbed the tickets as they started to slide off the now-tilted table. "So, what did you do?"
"I told him he could have a job in hell." Satan pounded his heart and spread his hands wide. "Generous, no?"
"Offering your unacknowledged kid a job instead of love? Sure, great idea." She frowned at the tickets, then tossed them at Satan and clasped her hands on the table. "Did he take it?"
"No. The youth of today think they are deserving of much, even though they have done nothing to earn it." Satan stroked the fine material of his suit, then sniffed his gold and diamond watch, giving a nod of satisfaction. "Satan Jr. decided that if he managed to get the Goblet, I would be so desperate for it that I would trade for it. Announce him as my heir in return for the Goblet."
Her empathy for Satan Jr. vanished at that revelation. Let the scum be tortured by his longings for hell and the Goblet. "Idiot."
"Precisely." Satan picked up the tickets and waved them at Iris, wiggling his eyebrows at her. "He almost stole the Goblet one hundred and eighty years ago. But by then I realized you were my true love muffin. So I saved your daughter and banished Satan Jr. from Afterlife. I haven't heard from him since, but apparently, he lingers like bad odor." Satan rubbed his chin. "He is half-mortal. Should be dead by now, no? And since I banned him from the Afterlife, dead for him would mean he is nowhere. Gone. But he remains. How is that possible?" He slipped the tickets into his jacket pocket.
Iris watched the tickets disappear from view, wondering whether he'd ever taken Satan Jr.'s mom to Broadway. She sat up the instant she realized what she was thinking and glared at Satan. How could she b
e such an idiot to actually be jealous, especially when her daughter's future was at stake? He's not worth it. "Listen, I'm all for hearing your travails about your son, but the bigger issue is: can you undo the Curse? It's your signature."
"Alas, I cannot. It isn't actually my signature. He has to do it."
"So, make him do it."
"I cannot do that either."
Iris snorted. "You rule the Underworld, but you can't get your own flesh and blood to unmake a simple curse?"
Satan donned his wounded expression. "I am very powerful. I am a deadly force that all fear. Happily, I do not know where Satan Jr. is and nor do I care to. And even if I did, we hate each other quite a lot." He sighed heavily and propped his chin up on his hands, his elbows resting on the table. "Tell me, Iris, how is it that our children can disappoint us like this? I give him lots of money, I give him job, and he still tries to kill the daughter of the woman I love?"
Iris felt her heart soften ever so slightly. "I know how you feel. Justine refuses to kill Derek, and she keeps secrets from me. Her actions could send me to hell, or put her in the Chamber of Unspeakable Horrors for eternity. I have given her all the advice I can, and still she disregards me. What else can I do?"
Satan reached across the table and wrapped his long fingers around her hand, rubbing his thumb over her palm. "My son will not die. Your daughter will not kill. How can they be so selfish after all we have done for them? It is so difficult to be a parent today."
"Don't I know it." She stared at their intertwined hands and didn’t pull away.
Satan laid his other hand on Iris's forearm, stroking her skin ever so softly. "I have a brilliant idea to help us recover from the betrayals of our children."
"I'll bet you do. And Justine didn't betray me." Yet. She had a bad feeling about Derek. No man was good enough for her daughter, and certainly not one who was trying to kill her.
"Go to New York with me. Let me show you off to the mortal world and let them long for the Afterlife where women of your mystique live. We shall dance, sing, eat and have sloppy sex for days." He beamed and gave her hand a tug of excitement. "Excellent plan, no?"
To get away from everything...it was so tempting. And when would she ever get the chance to go to New York again? And she did have a cell phone, if Justine needed to reach her. She turned her hand over and wrapped her fingers around his. "Fine. I'll go to New York, but no sex."
Fresh energy surged into his eyes. "Nonsense. An evening in my presence and you will be unable to resist me."
"Now I really won't sleep with you." No woman wants to be considered a sure thing, especially by Satan. "You're not that good looking."
"Of course I am." He sashayed around the table, then pulled her to her feet. "We will rent a five-star hotel room and have hot sex for hours without stopping. I am the best lover in the Afterlife. I can provide a list of references if you hesitate."
She allowed him to sweep her into his arms and twirl her around the kitchen, unable to resist the feel of his hands around her, his smile so irresistible. "Is sex different in the Afterlife than in the mortal world?"
His dimples deepened. "Oh, yes. Very much yes. Very, very, much yes. You will be so glad to be in this world once I bring you to ecstasy repeatedly."
Iris felt a glimmer of anticipation rush through her, so she released him and moved out of his reach. "I'll join you in New York only if you promise not to mention sex once. If you do, then I'll never sleep with you." She grinned at the horrified expression on Satan's face. No way could he risk her threat, but how would he ever make it through an evening without bringing up his favorite topic?
She had a feeling this was going to be a very entertaining night.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Derek paused in his Google search to watch Justine. Her forehead was furrowed, her lips pursed, her face intense as she concentrated. She was smart, as well as tough and incredibly sexy. It was really unfortunate they hadn't met under other circumstances.
She was searching the Treatise on Guardianship for details on exactly what she had done wrong and how to fix it. She was making a list of arguments to buy them time should the Council show up before she and Derek broke the Curse. She looked up, and smiled when she caught him watching her.
"Will you tell them you set up a trust to fund the LaValle men's quest for the Goblet for the next five hundred years? That you've left detailed instructions with six different attorneys on how to find me and what Mona looks like? So if I kill you before we end the Curse, I'll be fending off LaValle men forever, and eventually one of them will fail to succumb to my feminine charm and actually kill me."
"Feminine charm?" Oh, she had no idea.
She gave him a flutter of her eyelashes. "No? Then how else do you describe your hopeless infatuation with me?"
"Your breasts."
She grinned. "Really? I thought it was my scintillating personality."
"I'm way too shallow to be attracted to your mind, or your courage, or your toughness, or to even notice those fantastic qualities." He flexed his biceps and gave her a shallow leer that had her laughing, then he dropped the pretense. "Truthfully, it's because I find you completely compelling. I love how damn smart and fierce you are, how loyal you are to those you love, and how you have the most beautiful soul I've ever met. That, and the fact that your kisses melt my brain and leave me unable to think coherently. That's a real turn on for a guy."
"Oh. Well. That's nice." Her smile widened, and he grinned at her. For a moment, all the crap they were dealing with faded, and it became just about them.
"If we had only a few moments," he said softly. "To just be with each other without worrying about all the external crap."
"I know." She sighed. "But we don't."
"No, we don't. Bummer."
"Yeah." She was still smiling, though, when she looked down at her notes again. "So, you agree then?" Her tone became serious again. "You'll support the trust story?"
"Sure. I can even set one up just to prove it. It's actually not a bad idea."
Her smile faltered as she looked up. "Well, that's not really necessary. I mean, you don't really want to have me stalked for all eternity, do you?"
"Of course not. But I have my duty to my progeny."
She made a face that he found completely adorable. "Duty sucks."
"I agree." Humming to himself, he returned to surfing the Internet for information on how to destroy Satan, not quite able to stop thinking about how much he was enjoying spending time with her.
"Finding anything?" she asked.
"Not really." Surprisingly, there were quite a few sites devoted to that very purpose, though he hadn't found many that seemed remotely legitimate. He clicked open a link and scanned the page. "You think if we barbeque a banana and shove it up Satan's nose, his head would really explode?"
"You go right ahead and try it." She flipped a page in the Treatise. "I'll be sure and visit you in the Afterlife after Satan kills you for smashing a mushy banana in his face."
"Wise ass."
She grinned at him as a high-pitched ringing filled the apartment. Justine's smile vanished, and she slammed the Treatise shut. "Mom?"
"Mom?" No fair springing the in-law intro on him without notice! Derek checked his shirt for stains, ran his hand over his stubble, then stood up and faced the kitchen door.
"Water. That's Satan's weak point. He melts when hit by water. I thought you should know that." The unfamiliar female voice came from behind him, so he spun back toward the kitchen just in time to see an attractive forty-something woman shimmer to life in the middle of the kitchen table next to his computer.
He set one hand on the back of his chair and schooled his features into an impassive expression, resisting the urge to take a step back, trying to pretend he saw people morph out of kitchen tables on a regular basis.
Justine's mom was wearing an elegant, black evening gown, and she was liberally adorned with diamonds on her ears, her fingers, her wrist,
and her neck. Her hair was swept up in a knot at the back of her head. She looked almost exactly like Justine, except that she was refined and looked much more fragile.
He liked Justine's rough-and-tumble better.
Justine rested her hands on the Treatise, her eyes wide. "Wow, Mom. You look hot. Where are you going?"
"I'm going to see Hamilton on Broadway." The woman studied Derek, then walked out of the table and glided around him. He stood more erectly, then almost sat down when she walked behind him to check him out. "So this is Derek LaValle. Still alive, I see." She clucked her disapproval, then glided to a stop in front of him. "I'm Iris Bennett, Justine's mother."
"Nice to meet you." He reached for her offered hand, but his fingers went right through hers. He felt a sort of tingling where her image was. "This is the first time I've met a ghost. Forgive me if I mess up on protocol."
Her lips thinned. "I'm not a ghost. I'm in purgatory."
He grimaced. "I'm very sorry. My knowledge of purgatory is somewhat limited." When her face didn't soften, he added. "I didn't mean to insult you. You look lovely in that dress."
Justine came to stand by his side, tucking her arm through his. "Don't bother sucking up to her. As long as you're still alive, she won't like anything you do or say. Right, Mom?"
"Yes." Iris passed her hand across his chest, leaving a tingling behind where she'd been. "But I do admit, you have good taste, my dear. He's almost as good looking as Satan. Nice muscle tone."
He couldn't keep the look of surprise off his face. "Satan's good-looking? I thought he had red skin and horns."
Iris narrowed her eyes and leaned her face close to his. "So now you insult my date for the evening?"
"No! I didn't mean to, I swear." He tugged at his collar, surprised at how nervous he was to meet Justine's mother. It wasn't like they were dating, right? So, why did he want to make a good impression so badly? "I think we got off on the wrong foot." Iris turned her back on him, and he ground his teeth. Good thing he wasn't planning on marrying Justine. Having a mother-in-law who wanted him dead and felt he was inferior to hell's leader didn't exactly bode well for the relationship.
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