Burning Down the House

by Allie Gail

Back at home, the front door had barely closed behind us when he pushed me up against it to claim my mouth with his. I practically jumped into his arms, wrapping my legs around his waist, hungry for more of what I’d gotten a taste of earlier. He carried me into his bedroom like that, and once there we tore off our clothes like they were on fire and fell into bed together.

  “God, sweet baby…” he groaned against my lips. “I wanna make love to you ’til neither of us are able to walk anymore...”

  “Better get busy then,” I whispered, adoring the way he referred to it as making love rather than using the cruder lingo.

  Four hours and five condoms later, we’d just about accomplished his goal.

  17

  Rob was still sleeping heavily when I woke around 10:30 the next morning. I would have preferred to remain in bed a little longer but my bladder had other ideas, so I slipped quietly out of his room and went to use my own bathroom. Then I ran myself a hot bath while calling Dana.

  “Hey,” she rasped hoarsely.

  I sat on the edge of the tub and poured in some bubble bath as it was filling. “Hello, sunshine! Do we have an itty bitty hangover this morning?”

  “Ugghhh…I hate you.”

  “Yeah, I know, I love you too. Did I wake you?”

  “Mm. S’okay, I need to get up anyway.” She made a long, drawn-out grunting sound that could only have been her stretching. “We’re supposed to be having lunch with my grandparents and then all go to the nursing home and see my great-grandmother. What’s that racket?”

  “It’s just the water running. I’m about to take a bath.”

  “Oh. So what’d you guys do last night? Why didn’t you come out earlier?”

  “Because. We were busy. Doing other stuff.”

  There was a moment of silence from the other end. Then, slowly: “Busy doing what?”

  “Just stuff…” I was deliberately vague, figuring she’d quickly pick up on my subtle hint. I was right.

  “You guys did the wild thing, didn’t you?”

  I swirled the bubbles around with my free hand. “Yep. We sure did.”

  “Oh my God…” Dana squealed and then started laughing. “You ho! I knew you guys were up to no good! I knew it! So what was it like? Was he any good? Did you like it? Gimme details.”

  “Ah-mazing.” That one word pretty much summed it up.

  “Really? It wasn’t like, weird or awkward or anything?”

  “Not at all. It was…I don’t know. Perfect.”

  “That is awesome! So what’s he like? You gotta spill it - does he look totally hot naked? Is he hung or what?”

  “Dana!” I laughed at her bluntness.

  “What? Inquiring minds wanna know! He looks like he’d be hung. I’ve noticed it once or twice through those tight jeans he wears sometimes. Very nice.”

  “Hey! Stop checking out his package, you slutbag,” I kidded.

  “Then answer my question!”

  “How the hell would I know? It’s not like I have much to compare him to. I definitely didn’t have any complaints, if that’s what you want to know.”

  “It’ll do for now. But you better give me all the goods later. Does this mean you two are an item now?”

  “I think so.” I reached for the faucet to shut off the water. “I mean, yes - but do me a favor. You can’t mention that in front of my dad.”

  “Why not?”

  “I don’t know if he’d like the idea of me carrying on a romantic relationship with the guy who’s living with us. You catch my drift?”

  “Oh, I see what you mean. With him being gone so much and all…”

  “Precisely.”

  “Okay. I’ll watch what I say.”

  “Thanks, dahhh-ling.”

  “You’re welcome, dahhh-ling. Well, I’ll let you get to your bath. I gotta get up and get ready before my mom comes busting up in here wanting to know why my lazy butt is still in bed.”

  “All right. Have fun visiting your family.”

  “Later, hoochie mama!”

  I lowered my sore and aching body into the tub and stayed there for a long time, soaking up the steamy heat. Last night I’d used muscles I didn’t even know I had. Just thinking about it made me want to go jump back into bed with him again, tired muscles or not. Damn, Goth Boy, what you do to me…

  The rest of the house was empty and quiet when I finally emerged from my room, the only sound a muffled, repetitive ticktickticktick coming from the mantel clock. Apparently Rob was still sacked out. As tempting as it was to wake him, I decided to let him get his rest and instead fix us some lunch instead. If I knew him, he’d be starving when he woke up.

  There was a ham and cheese quiche in the freezer that looked appetizing, so I turned on the oven to preheat and wandered back into the living room to wait. I thought about turning on the TV, but somehow the peaceful silence seemed to fit my tranquil mood better. As I was idly gazing out the front window, my eye caught something metallic lying at my feet and I bent over to retrieve Rob’s lighter. It must have fallen out of his pocket last night. Turning it over in my hands, I studied it curiously. No etchings, no markings at all, just smooth tarnished silver. Why did he carry this thing around with him all the time? It wasn’t as if he smoked.

  “Saralou.”

  I nearly jumped out of my skin at his voice. “Jesus H. Christ - you scared the hell outta me!”

  Laughing, he came over to pull me into his arms. “Guilty conscience?” he teased, kissing me.

  “No way…” I’d gladly hock my conscience at the pawn shop for him if that’s what he wanted. Oh man, but he tasted so good. And he had that sexy just-rolled-out-of-bed look, which made me want to roll right back into bed. With him on top of me. “Did you sleep okay?”

  “Never better.”

  “Hungry?”

  “Mm…always.” He smiled down at me. “Oh, you meant for food.”

  “Yes, I meant for food, perv!” I smiled back. “You like quiche?”

  “Sure.” Seeing the lighter in my hand, he plucked it out of my fingers. “Where’d you get this?”

  “It was on the floor.” I watched him shove it into the pocket of his jeans and asked, “What’s the story with that lighter anyway?”

  His sunny expression dimmed a little. “I guess it’s kind of a reminder.”

  “Of what?”

  “It used to belong to the monster.”

  Strange thing to say. “You mean your father?”

  “Not that one. The other monster. I’ll tell you about it sometime. Not today though.” He tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear and rubbed his nose gently against mine. “Halloween’s over. No scary stories today.”

  I wondered just how many hidden skeletons were in this guy’s closet. How many scars one person could carry. I wanted to take all the painful memories away, erase every minute of suffering he’d ever had to endure in his difficult life. Make it all better for him. Or make it all disappear.

  But unfortunately, I knew that sometimes scars don’t fade. Sometimes they’re there for good.

  I approached Jordan in the hall at school on Monday morning to ask her how she was feeling. The response I got was, I suppose, typical of her. Completely wacko.

  “I’m fine. Why do you ask?” Her features were blank.

  “I was just checking. You seemed pretty sick the other night.”

  “Oh…you must mean the party.” She shrugged her shoulders in an effort to play it off. “So I got a little sick. No big deal. Some people just shouldn’t drink, I guess.”

  I nodded. “I guess so. Hey, can I ask you something?”

  “All right.”

  “Do you remember what you said to me? That stuff about, he’ll use you and then he’ll break you heart…”

  “What in the world are you talking about?”

  “What you said to me in the bathroom.”

  She shook her head, feigning ignorance. “Bathroom? I’m sorry. I really have no idea what you’re referri
ng to.”

  “At Colin’s party Saturday night...” I persisted.

  Her brow furrowed in confusion. “Sara, I don’t even remember seeing you at that party.”

  My mouth fell open a little. “You’re kidding.”

  “Well, I was pretty drunk. If I said anything to offend you, I’m sorry. Like I said, some people shouldn’t drink.”

  Okay, so it looked as if I wasn’t going to get any explanations out of her. But why did I have this gut feeling that she was deliberately lying to me? Why was she avoiding looking directly at me?

  Farther down the hallway, Rob caught my eye and winked flirtatiously before slamming his locker shut and strolling off to his first class. My mouth automatically curved upward in response. Jordan’s shrewd eye didn’t miss our exchange.

  “I’m going to give you a little piece of advice that I hope you’ll take to heart. Men are scum. All of them. If you’re smart, you’ll either go lesbo or celibate altogether.” Her voice was steeped in bitterness.

  For the second time my jaw nearly hit the floor. “I…what?”

  “You think that one’s any different? He banged me back in the tenth grade. Once. After that he wouldn’t have anything to do with me. Men only want one thing. It’s all they live for. They don’t give a damn who they hurt in the process. All he’ll do is ruin your life and go on his merry way like nothing ever happened.” The warning bell rang then, and she lifted her backpack and slung it over one shoulder. Her parting words before she left me standing there in shock were, “Take my advice, Sara. Celibacy.”

  I was quiet during lunch, absently picking bits of bread off my sandwich and rolling them into little balls while everyone around me rehashed stories of Saturday night’s wild escapades and laughed uproariously over them. I couldn’t join in. There was a tightness in my chest that threatened to release a flood of tears at any moment. I tried to console myself with the reminder that I’d already known he was no virgin. Of course he had a past. And Dana had already brought up the fact that he and Jordan had dated back in the tenth grade, so why should any of this come as a surprise?

  Rob could tell right away that something was bothering me. Resting an arm over the back of my seat, he leaned close and asked worriedly, “What’s wrong? You seem upset about something.”

  “I’m fine.” Without looking up, I continued toying with my sandwich.

  “You don’t seem fine.”

  “You think, Einstein?” I wanted to kick myself as soon as I said it because I knew it was petty and childish, but I just couldn’t stop myself. Jordan’s bitterness had somehow seeped into my skin and all I wanted to do right now was sulk and sob and throw a two-year-old’s temper tantrum.

  Pushing back his chair, Rob stood up and took me firmly by the arm. “Come with me.” Pouting, I let him lead me out of the cafeteria and into the parking lot, where he didn’t say a word until we were both inside the Tahoe. Then he told me, “We’re both gonna sit here until you tell me what’s wrong.”

  I felt suddenly stupid. Stupid and immature. Why was I letting this gnaw at me? It happened two years ago and I didn’t even live here at the time. What did I think, that some guy I didn’t even like back then was supposed to ignore every other girl in the world and spend his days pining for me, as if he could somehow see into the future?

  “It’s nothing. Really, I just…I guess I’m a little tired.” Because we stayed up most of the night making love again. Did you ever do that with her?

  He folded both arms across his chest and tilted his head, waiting for the truth to come out. Obviously he was perceptive enough to see through my flimsy excuse.

  Sighing, I focused my attention on the floorboard and whispered, “Did you fuck Jordan Cox and then dump her?”

  When he didn’t say anything, I ventured a peek at him. He was just sitting there gazing at me with this troubled look in his eyes. I waited to see what would happen. Unexpectedly, he fished the car keys back out of his pocket and started the engine.

  “What are you doing?” We weren’t supposed to leave campus, and besides that we had class in fifteen minutes.

  “I’m taking you home. It won’t kill us to skip one afternoon.”

  “What - why?”

  “Because I can’t have you looking at me like that. There’s no way I can send you through the rest of the day knowing you’re unhappy with me. I can’t deal with that. We need to clear this up right now.”

  I started to tell him that my books were in my locker and I needed them to do my homework, but then decided the hell with it. One missed assignment wasn’t going to make or break me.

  He began talking as he drove. “You asked me if I’ve done this before, and I told you not with anyone who mattered. I didn’t lie, Sara. I’ve only been with two people before you. And yes, one of them was Jordan. You remember how she sometimes used to hang around me and Doug and Trent? Well, in tenth grade we tried dating for a while. And by ‘while’ I mean like maybe two weeks tops. It just felt weird to me, like we didn’t connect or something. But what can I say, I was a horny sixteen-year-old who up until that point had never gotten much attention from girls and here she was anxious to put out. So after school one day I went home with her and both her parents were at work so…you know.”

  Yeah. I knew.

  “I have to be honest with you - I had no idea what I was doing and it was really quick and awkward and embarrassing for both of us. And maybe this doesn’t matter to you, but I wasn’t even her first. I couldn’t tell you who she’d been with before me. I didn’t ask because I didn’t care. It was over in less than a minute and it’s not even worth talking about. It didn’t mean anything to either one of us.”

  “How do you know it didn’t mean anything to her?” I demanded.

  “Because she stopped hanging around us after that. And she avoided me completely, which was fine because I didn’t want to see her again anyway. Maybe that sounds shitty, but the whole experience just validated that we had nothing whatsoever in common.”

  I turned this information over in my mind. Jordan had given me the impression that she’d been manipulated, used and tossed aside. But his version of the story didn’t sound that way at all. And of course I was going to believe him over her. I didn’t give a rat’s ass about her. Why should I take her word over his? “What about the second person?” I siphoned him for more info. Might as well get his whole history out in the open. Rip off the whole Band-Aid at once.

  “That was a little different.” He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I got this temporary job summer before last, cataloguing books at the public library. One of the aides struck up a conversation with me while I was working one day. Basically just venting about how her fiancé had cheated on her and broke her heart.”

  I blinked, surprised. “Fiancé? How old was she?”

  “I dunno, early thirties I’d say. I think she was just looking for someone to help her get over him. Maybe she needed a younger guy to restore her confidence. Sort of a rebound kinda thing, you know? We got together once or twice a week through the summer. After the job ended, the affair ended. It was nothing more than casual sex and we both knew that.” He glanced over at me. “When I said she didn’t matter to me, I meant it. I mean, Sabrina was a nice person and I respected her all that, but there weren’t any emotions involved. I didn’t feel anything for her. I don’t even think I was capable of feeling anything at the time. Can you understand that?”

  “I guess so...” It’s always eluded me how men can keep something as intimate as sex casual. Must be that Mars-and-Venus thing. It didn’t feel casual to me. It felt like he reached inside and became part of me.

  “Up until now I’ve always been careful to keep people out of my head. I know I have trust issues - I didn’t need a therapist to tell me that. You’re the only person I let myself even start to feel anything for, Sara. I care about you, and I never really cared about anybody before. I need to know you believe me when I say that.”

  He
offered me his palm and I clasped it tightly in mine, feeling the truth in his touch. Clearly Jordan was nothing but a spiteful, vindictive bitch. I wasn’t just some convenient lay. He trusted me with his secrets and maybe even with his heart. I had to trust him with mine as well.

  “Shit,” he muttered out of the blue, braking suddenly.

  “What?” I followed his gaze to our driveway where my father’s Prius sat parked half in and half out of the cluttered garage.

  “Your dad’s back already.” He frowned slightly. “Damn.”

  “Well, looks to me like we have two choices. We can either go back to school…” I gave him a calculating smile. “Or we can get some lunch and go play laser tag to kill some time.”

  “I vote for any option that doesn’t involve me falling asleep in trig. Laser tag it is.” He continued driving on past our house and down the street. “So we’re okay?”

  “We were never not okay. I’m just sorry I let Jordan’s mouth get to me.”

  “It’s okay, babydoll. I’d be the same way.” Looking over at me, he shook his head with a laugh. “You know, it’s gonna be hard keeping your dad in the dark.”

  “We’ll make it work. Just go back to pretending you can’t stand me,” I suggested jokingly. “I’ll go out of my way to harass you if it helps any.”

  “It’s only temporary. After graduation…” He stopped abruptly, not finishing his sentence.

  “After graduation, what?” I prompted.

  “Uh…ahem. I was going to say that after graduation it wouldn’t be as much of an issue. Once football season’s over I plan on finding a part time job to help with college expenses. If I get a full-ride scholarship like I’m hoping, I can move into one of the residence halls at Frostburg.” He hesitated. “But maybe I was jumping the gun to even bring it up. You’ll probably be sick to death of me by that time.”

  “More likely you’ll be sick of me.”

  “I’m already sick of you, ya little brat.” Huffing, I pretended to be deeply insulted and he grinned at my mock indignation. “Just getting in some practice for later...”

  “Well, don’t practice too hard. And do me one favor. Don’t go to work at the library!”