Burning Down the House

by Allie Gail

  “I should probably go now,” I told him, edging backward. “Rob and my dad are waiting for me in the lobby. So…you know.”

  The fury disappeared so quickly I wondered if it had ever really been there to begin with. “Oh…sure. I won’t keep you. Just wanted to let you know what a good job you did tonight. Hey, why don’t I give you a call you sometime. Maybe we can get together. Have dinner or something.”

  Like hell! “Uh-huh. Yeah. Well…I’ll see you around, okay? Take it easy.”

  “You too, princess.”

  Making my escape, I hurried off in the direction of the lobby while holding the long skirts up so I could avoid tripping over them again. Surprisingly, I was detained several times by lingering audience members who wanted to commend my performance. Which was pretty funny considering I’d basically giggled my way through the first act. A seasoned professional, I was not. Probably time to cross Broadway off my list of future endeavors.

  Dad and Rob were, as I’d predicted, waiting for me in the front lobby, both of them looking dashingly handsome in dress slacks and sport coats. I wanted to wrap my arms around Rob and breathe in his spicy cologne, but of course I couldn’t do that in front of present company.

  “There’s my Juliet!” Dad put an arm around my shoulder. “You did a beautiful job, ladybug. I don’t know how in the world you managed to remember all that Shakespeare, but I am truly impressed.”

  “Looootta practice.” I snuck a quick look at Rob, who was standing beside him with the rolled-up program in one hand, tapping it lightly against his thigh. His faint smile was barely discernable, hidden behind a masquerade that cloaked the secret we both shared. I felt my stomach flutter.

  “I got some of it on video - thought you might like to send it to your mom,” Dad continued.

  “You did? Oh, that’s awesome - thank you. I hope it wasn’t the part where I was laughing…oh my gosh, that was so embarrassing.”

  “Yeah - what were you two so tickled about? You had everyone in the audience cracking up.”

  “I stepped on my dress and almost wound up on the floor. I knew I should have had it altered. It’s way too long.”

  Dad chuckled. “Oh, I see. Well, it must not have been too obvious. I didn’t even notice.”

  “Good…”

  “Still going to the cast party?”

  “Yeah, I should probably stop by since Mr. Clarke went to all the trouble of hosting it for us. I don’t plan on staying long though.” That last statement was more for Rob’s benefit. I would have liked for him to accompany me, but that might seem strange to my dad. It probably already struck him as odd that Rob left work early just so he could come with him to see the play I was in. I hated that we had to keep up this charade. But the possible consequences just weren’t worth the risk.

  “All right. I think we’re about to head on home, sweetheart…you be careful driving back.”

  “I will. See you in a little while.” I watched them walk away, smiling back at Rob when he turned his head to wink at me over his shoulder.

  Pushing a draped sleeve out of the way, I checked my watch. It was right at 10:30. If I left now, maybe I could be home by midnight.

  Later, for whatever reason, that simple gesture of checking the time would return to haunt me. I didn’t know it then, but that hour began a countdown. A relentless pendulum ticking away the last carefree day before it would all fall apart. Not for me directly, though I was ultimately involved.

  It was for the one who, at that exact moment, had a mere 24 hours left to live.

  On Saturday, Dana and I went Christmas shopping together. I selected a bottle of my mother’s favorite designer perfume to take back to Greenville, and some Armani aftershave for Stanley. I’d already ordered a really nice aviator flight bag at a place online so Dad’s gift was already taken care of. Even though my funds were limited, I couldn’t resist picking up a ballerina Barbie for Peyton, one that came with a pink tutu and her own teensy little pointe shoes. As soon as I saw it I knew I had to get it for her.

  Rob was the one I was having trouble with. There were so many things I was sure he could have used, but I wanted to get him something he could have fun with. Something totally impractical. It was Dana who pointed out that he was always playing Xbox when he hung out at Trent’s house. Only problem was, I didn’t have enough money left for that and I didn’t want to put it on the credit card. I had to pay for it myself. It wouldn’t mean anything otherwise.

  “What was your dad planning on getting him?” she wanted to know.

  “I have no idea. He asked me just yesterday for some ideas but I couldn’t really think of anything.” Other than a plane ticket to Illinois, but I still wasn’t sure how to bring that up without raising suspicion.

  “Well, pitch the Xbox idea to him and see what he says. See, if he got him that then you could buy him a game for it.”

  I brightened at her suggestion. “Hey, that’s brilliant! Dana, you’re a genius!”

  “I know,” she said immodestly. “Actually the reason I thought of it is ’cause I’m getting Trent the newest Grand Theft Auto. I know it’s not very romantic, but what do you get a guy? You know they don’t give a crap about clothes and stuff like that. They’re impossible to shop for. Oh, and by the way, just so you know I have zero cash left, I’m talking a buck seventy-five in my bank account, so please let’s go ahead and agree not to waste money getting each other presents this year. Okay?”

  “Okay, sure…” I agreed evasively.

  “No, really - promise you won’t. Because if you get me something and I don’t have anything for you it’ll just make me feel bad.”

  “What if I just made you some fudge?” I compromised, knowing her sweet tooth couldn’t be denied.

  Her eyes lit up and she grinned. “Hm. I guess I could live with that…”

  I was in my room just after 9:00 that evening when my dad walked in. He found me on my hands and knees shoving some long rolls of wrapping paper underneath the bed. It was the best place I could think of to store them. If I put them in the closet, they’d just fall over on me every time something bumped against them.

  “You already eat, ladybug?” he asked, rumpling the hair on top of my head.

  “Kind of…we had pretzels at the mall. That pretty much filled me up.”

  “There’s some leftover sesame chicken and egg rolls in the fridge if you change your mind. Hey, is it all right if I use some of this wrapping paper?” He stooped to pluck something up off the floor before straightening.

  “Sure. Which one do you like?” I pulled them back out partway and looked up at him expectantly. He had something that looked like a scrap of paper in his hand and was staring at it with the most peculiar expression. “The plaid’s my favorite. I got some green ribbon to go with it. Actually, if you want to bring me whatever you need wrapped, I could do it for…uh, for…you…”

  My words hung frozen in the air as I suddenly realized what he held in his fingers. Not a wadded-up candy wrapper or a torn piece of paper as I’d assumed, but the most incriminating evidence imaginable. A freaking ripped condom wrapper. It must have been caught up in the bed’s dust ruffle and fallen out just now. Oh, shit-shit-shit...

  “Sara…” He pulled his gaze from the telltale wrapper to meet my eyes and I’m sure at that moment I must have resembled a deer in headlights. I couldn’t think of a thing to say. What was there to say? The testimony was right there in his hand and there was no way to dispute it. I’d been caught red-handed. Or maybe red-faced would be more accurate.

  I waited, not knowing what to expect. It was absolutely, without a doubt, the most awkward few seconds of my life. And yet his reaction was perplexing. He simply glanced at the foil wrapper one last time before crumpling it in his fist and then he turned to walk away, mumbling back at me, “Never mind.”

  I sat immobile on the carpet of my bedroom and gawked after him, too confused to be relieved. Because I knew, I knew, that it couldn’t possibly be this easy. Th
is couldn’t just be swept under the bed like a stray bit of foil. There was no way I’d heard the last of it. And…oh, shit - what if he was on his way to confront Rob right now? Had he made it home from work yet?

  I scrambled up and jogged down the hallway, checking the living room and kitchen first, feeling a rush of relief when I found my father in the kitchen pouring himself a cup of coffee. He cut his eyes at me but said nothing. I searched my mind desperately for something to break the uncomfortable tension.

  “You know you’ll be up all night if you drink that this late.”

  He leaned against the counter, taking a sip out of the mug before meeting my gaze to study the expression there. Quietly, he asked, “Is it Rob?”

  “No,” was my automatic response. There was no hesitation whatsoever. I couldn’t believe how easily I’d just lied to my father, but what other choice did I have? I couldn’t betray Rob. Not when the outcome was so uncertain.

  I saw him knit his brow, then he paused to take another sip of coffee before pressing on. “Then may I ask…who?”

  So far his tone was calm and nonthreatening, but…who? How to answer that? My mind raced. I couldn’t say Trent, he was Dana’s boyfriend, and Doug was over here too often - so I indiscriminately blurted out the first name that popped into my head. “Riley.” I don’t know why I used his name. Maybe it was because I’d been thinking about our conversation from the night before. Or maybe I just plain panicked. All I know is, as soon as I saw the change in my father’s features it hit me that it was the wrong thing to say. The absolute worst name I could have come up with.

  His fingers tightened around the mug as dark storm clouds gathered in his eyes. “Riley…the quarterback?”

  Uh-oh. “Um…”

  “The same Riley who stood you up two months ago?” His voice was escalating, growing more heated with his ensuing anger. “The same Riley who just got another girl pregnant? Would that be the little asshole we’re talking about? Would it, Sara?”

  Holy hell. I went totally blank, all thought processes stalled and gridlocked. I’d screwed up royally. My father had never yelled at me before. I’d never heard him yell at anyone before. It wasn’t his style. Oh, man…of all the names to pull out of a hat, why did I have to pick that one?

  “So what is he trying to do? Knock up the whole goddamn school?” He slammed the mug down on the counter. Some of the contents sloshed out, and I wondered crazily if the hot coffee had burned his hand. “Add my daughter to the list of people suing him for child support? Is that his long range goal?”

  “No. I mean…”

  “Seriously, Sara - is that what you want? Is that what impresses you? Some arrogant little prick who takes off with his tail between his legs after he fucks up, waiting for Mommy and Daddy’s money to fix everything for him - Jesus, I can’t believe someone as smart as you could be so stupid!”

  I had to find a way to fix this somehow. Or at least smooth it over. Desperately I came up with some bullshit story. “It was only once. One time, that’s all. Before I even knew about the baby. He…uh, we were…he was over here and we were studying and it just, you know, happened…only that one time…”

  My dad’s eyes moved for a split second to the doorway behind me and I felt instantly sick. Jerking my head around, all I caught was Rob’s retreating back as he was leaving. He’d heard. Oh God, he’d heard…

  “I just…I can’t even…what the hell were you thinking? Have you no self-respect whatsoever? The guy treats girls like dirt under his feet and you - you let him into your bed! Don’t you think you’re worth a little more than that?”

  I heard the front door slam, but my father didn’t seem to notice. Why couldn’t he just shut up and stop bitching at me? All I wanted to do was break away so I could catch Rob and make sure he realized that all of this was nothing more than an act. Frustrated, I suddenly snapped, “What are you getting so mad about? I don’t see you making any long-term commitments to anyone! Why is there a different set of rules for me? Because I’m a girl?”

  He was clearly startled by my outburst. “We’re not talking about me here! This isn’t about…this isn’t…oh, hell’s bloody bells.” With a deep sigh, he folded his arms and shook his head. In a gentler voice, he began again. “Sara. Sweetheart. You’re getting this all wrong. Or maybe I’m not wording it right, I don’t know. Honey, it isn’t the fact that you’re having sex that bothers me. Trust me, I’m not ignorant enough to think that in this day and age you wouldn’t eventually…ah, go there. I’ve been your age, and it wasn’t nearly as long ago as you think. I remember what it’s like. And I’m glad that at least you’re using protection. I’m not trying to make it sound like sex in itself is wrong. I can’t believe you think that’s what I’m upset about. It just…it pains me to think that you have such a low opinion of yourself that you’d submit to someone who obviously has no regard for your feelings. I really thought that I’d raised you with a better understanding of how a decent man should treat a woman. There is nothing wrong with consensual sex between two people who care about one another, but there has got to be mutual respect there. Is any of this getting through to you?”

  This was so out of hand. But at least he wasn’t yelling anymore. Would he have gotten this carried away if he knew it was Rob instead? I shuddered to think what the confrontation between the two of them might have been like. “So you’re telling me you care about Rachel…and Trudy…and Traci…” I started ticking them off on my fingers.

  He didn’t fall into my sardonic trap. “Yes, I do. In my own way. Maybe I’m not prepared to commit to any one of them right now, but I have feelings of affection and respect for each one of those women. I wouldn’t break an important date with one of them at the last minute just because something shinier came along. Nor would they treat me that way. And you better believe that if one of them named me as the father of her baby, I wouldn’t run the other way.” He paused for a moment before breaking into a weak smile. “Of course, considering I had a vasectomy a while back, maybe I should.”

  Now that was just about the last thing I expected to hear. “You had a vasectomy? I never knew that.”

  “It was after the divorce. When I couldn’t make it work with your mother, I figured screwing up one kid’s life was quite enough. I wasn’t about to do it again.”

  “You think you screwed up my life? Dad, are you serious?” I thought of Rob and the sickening way his parents had treated him. My father had no clue what a screwed up childhood really was. There was no comparison. “That’s ridiculous and you know it! I mean, granted, I wasn’t happy about having to leave Cumberland and all but it was hardly the end of the world. I got over it. I’d say I’ve had it pretty good all these years. A lot better than most. Why, do you think I’m screwed up? Just because of -”

  “No! No, that’s not what I meant. I’m proud of you - I always have been, you know that. It’s just that you deserve so much better than to be used as a doormat by some deadbeat punk. You’re worth so much more than that.” He paused. “You don’t - you’re not still seeing him, are you?”

  “No. Definitely not.”

  “Honey, you do understand what I’m trying to say here? I only want you to keep your standards high. Don’t ever settle for anyone who regards you as anything less than absolute royalty. Expect to be treated with respect and you will be.”

  Remembering the way Riley liked to call me princess, I could have almost laughed at the absurdity of that comment. “I get what you’re saying, Dad. I do. And believe me, Riley Murphy is never setting foot in this house again.”

  It was another twenty minutes before I was finally able to escape his lecturing and go search for Rob. I got a sinking feeling in my core when I discovered that the Tahoe was gone and so was he. Immediately I tried to call him but he didn’t answer, so instead of leaving a message I quickly texted him: Where did u go? None of that was true. I was covering for u. Plz call me. I’m worried.

  I got no response. I sent several more te
xts after that, and tried calling him every fifteen minutes.

  But he never answered.

  23

  I don’t think my father even realized that Rob had left. He retired to bed after the ten o’clock news without ever questioning his whereabouts, probably just assuming he was shut up in his room doing homework or messing around online or something. Of course I said nothing, but in my increasing unease I texted both Trent and Doug to find out if either of them had seen him. They hadn’t. And I was growing more frantic by the minute.

  Where the hell was he? And why wasn’t he answering me? The only logical conclusion, the one that smacked me in the face with a sharp stinging blow, was that he believed I’d betrayed him in the worst possible way. That he’d swallowed my toxic dose of lies and right now was assuming the one person he’d allowed himself to trust had made a fool of him. The prospect twisted in my gut like a serrated blade. I couldn’t stomach the idea of fresh rejection being shoved down his throat when he’d already been force-fed more than his share. And the absurdity of it all was that none of it was even true.

  In retrospect? Yes, I suppose I should have just come clean. I mean, what’s the worst that could have happened? Trying to shield my unsuspecting father from our affair had at first seemed like nothing more serious than a game. Only the rules of the game were turning out to be a lot more complicated than I could have predicted. Lying to his face didn’t exactly give me a warm fuzzy feeling, and look where it had gotten me. Dad was now under the impression that not only was I easily talked out of my pants, but that I possessed self-esteem issues as well. And Rob - well, who the hell knew what was going through his mind right now?

  Damn it all, where was he?

  I waited up for him for hours, finally dozing off around 2:00 a.m. into a restless sleep while curled in a tense ball on the sofa. I didn’t hear the Tahoe pulling into the driveway, but the almost inaudible sound of the front doorknob turning snapped me awake instantly. Relief flooded through me when I blinked open my eyes to see him quietly entering the house. In the darkened room, I couldn’t make out his expression. Was he pissed? Upset? Indifferent? What?