Soul Matters

by Yolonda Tonette Sanders

  The phone rang. “Hello?” Kevin barked, his tone clearly indicating that he wasn’t in a good mood.

  “Ugh. Did you go to Philly and come back with an attitude?” It was Renée.

  “No, I’m sorry. I’m just a little frustrated right now.”

  “What’s wrong?”

  Kevin sighed. “I don’t even feel like getting into it.”

  “More baby-mama drama?”

  “What else is new?” he said sarcastically.

  “Is she still actin’ funny about you seeing Kimberly?” Renée asked, ignoring Kevin’s statement that he didn’t want to talk about it.

  “Yeah, I asked to get her tomorrow. I figured that since I’ve been out of town, she would let me spend a little time with her. I didn’t get to see my baby for Christmas, I got stuff for her, my family sent stuff for her, and Wendy tells me that Kimberly is staying the night with her sister tomorrow. Then, on top of all of that, she tried to make me jealous.”

  “How’d she do that?”

  “She mentioned having plans with one of her friends. She said it like she wanted me to think that it was a guy, but I didn’t pay her no mind.”

  “Would you be jealous if it was a guy?”

  “I don’t know. I guess I would be more hurt than anything. I mean I know you and I spend time together, but there’s nothing going on with us.”

  Not yet, Renée refrained from saying out loud. “Why would you be hurt, though, if you all are not going to get back together? She’s the one who never gave you a second chance.”

  “I know. It doesn’t make sense. I know my marriage is over. . . . I guess I’m just in denial, which is why I haven’t made any moves. If Wendy starts dating someone else, I guess I will have no choice but to come to grips with reality.”

  There was a strange silence as both Kevin and Renée reflected on his words.

  “But there’s really no need to talk about her seeing anyone else, because she’s not like that. She probably doesn’t have plans tomorrow. If she does, she’s going to church. She’s just trying to get under my skin, that’s all.”

  “Well, she seems to be doing a good job at it.”

  “It just bugs me that she puts our baby in the middle of our problems.”

  “You shouldn’t have to ask for permission to see your child, you know?”

  “Yeah, I know.”

  “Just go by the house and get your daughter. She can’t stop you from seeing her.”

  “She’ll be sure to catch an attitude if I drop by unannounced.”

  “So what?” Renée was harsh. “You have every right to stop by when you want. You’re paying for the house. You need to stop letting her control when you can and cannot see your daughter.”

  “I know. . . . I guess I’m hoping that things will work themselves out on their own.”

  “They won’t. You need to take the initiative, like contacting an attorney, for example.”

  Although it wasn’t meant to be funny, Kevin laughed. “You’re just saying that ’cuz you are anxious for me to be a free man,” he teased her.

  “Oh, be quiet. I want to get it through your thick head that you need to be proactive on a few things. If you want to see your daughter tomorrow, then go get her. Don’t let your wife dictate your actions.”

  “Right now the only thing that’s going through my thick head,as you put it, is that I don’t feel like talking about this anymore. Why don’t we change the subject? For instance, I appreciate the card. It was very nice of you to send that to me. Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome,” she said. Kevin had hit the nail on the head when he said Renée was anxious for him to be free. She desperately wanted him for herself and was getting impatient with his marital situation. “So if you don’t have Kimberly tomorrow, what are you going to do for New Year’s Eve?”

  “I’m not quite sure yet. Why? What are you doing?”

  “I don’t have any definite plans. I wouldn’t mind spending time with you.”

  “Don’t take this the wrong way, but if I feel tomorrow like I do right now, I might be better off hanging out with myself.” Kevin was pretty bummed about not seeing Kimberly, and Renée was no substitute for that.

  “Oh.”

  He could tell she felt slightly rejected. “It’s not that I don’t want to see you. I just need some time to myself to think things through.”

  “Okay.”

  “How about I call you tomorrow if I’m up to doing something?”

  “You expect me to sit around all day waiting for the phone to ring?”

  “No, I don’t expect you to do anything. If you want to do something, then go ahead. Either I’ll catch up with you later or I’ll miss out.” This phone call was not going well. Kevin figured it was his fault for being in a foul mood when she telephoned. “I’m sorry if it sounds like I don’t want to spend time with you. I do. I’m just afraid of getting into a new relationship before I’m completely out of one. I think you’re a great girl. I really do. I know you’re attracted to me, and I feel the same way about you. But I gotta get my head together or I won’t be any good to you or myself.”

  “So what are you saying?”

  “I’m saying that I don’t want you to wait on me for anything. I can’t make you any promises about our future.”

  “I never asked you to.”

  He detected bitterness in Renée’s voice. “Look, how about we both get a good night’s sleep and possibly talk to one another tomorrow?”

  “Fine,” was the last thing she said before their conversation ended.

  Kevin wondered if he was making the right decision concerning her. Are you crazy? It’s obvious that she likes you. She’s a wonderful person. Why are you afraid to explore what could be with her? He knew the answer to his last question: Renée was sexy and sweet, but she was not Wendy. Kevin still loved his wife despite how she felt about him. He didn’t want to get into a rebound situation that would only spell disaster in the long run. If he and Renée were meant to be more than friends, time would tell. Right now his focus was not embarking on a new relationship; his only focus was trying to work things out amicably with Wendy so he could be a vital part of Kimberly’s life.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Digging a Grave

  ARE YOU GOING TO BE ABLE TO KEEP Kimberly for me tonight, or what?” Wendy asked her younger sister. Yesterday she had neglected to tell Kevin that she hadn’t yet spoken with Kim about baby-sitting.

  “Well . . . I . . .” Under different circumstances, Kim would have gladly said yes. However, she wasn’t comfortable with the idea of baby-sitting so Wendy could spend time with one of her ex-boyfriends. Wendy had filled Kim in on her plans for the night. “I did tell Mama that I was going to Watch Night service with her,” Kim admitted. “I would ask Terrance to baby-sit, but he won’t even have our children. He is going out with his cousin. The kids are staying with his dad because Evelyn is going with Mama and me. You’re still taking Kimberly to see Evelyn, aren’t you?”

  “Yeah. So your answer is no, right?” Wendy was a little frustrated. She was counting on Kim. Unlike when she and Jaylen had spent Christmas Eve together, Wendy wanted them to have the evening to themselves.

  Kim spoke candidly: “I don’t think you need to get involved with Jaylen again.”

  “Why not? All we’re doing is seeing if we’re compatible. I haven’t committed to being in a relationship with him,” Wendy explained.

  “I don’t see how you are checking your compatibility with someone else other than your husband. You do remember that you’re still married, don’t you?”

  “So what are you saying? That I need to get back with Kevin?”

  “No. But honestly, it seems like y’all want to get back together. Neither of you has filed for divorce.”

  “I’m leaving that up to him.”

  “Why? Especially since you’re checking your compatibility with other people.”

  “So is he. I told you about that woman b
eing at his house.”

  “If it upset you that he is with someone else, then you need to divorce him, not try to get even.” Kim was amazed by how much her sister had changed. She never thought in a million years that she would be advising Wendy not to go out with someone outside of her marriage.

  “If I file for a divorce, then Kevin may think that I am trying to go after his money.”

  “Are you?”

  “No,” Wendy said defiantly. “I just don’t want to make the first move, that’s all.”

  “I hope you feel that way tonight with Jaylen. I hope both of y’all feel that way and nobody makes the first move.”

  “Relax. I’m not gonna do anything crazy.”

  “It sounds like you already have.”

  “I know what I am doing. Trust me.”

  “I don’t see why y’all have to be cooped up in the house for New Year’s Eve. Go out somewhere where there are other people around to ensure that you don’t do anything you’ll regret.”

  “Remember what happened last year when I went out for New Year’s? I let my persistent little sister talk me into celebrating downtown and I got busted for not being out of town. I didn’t want to go, but somebody pressed the issue. If I’m seen out with Jaylen, I can only imagine the trouble that will cause.”

  “As I recall, it was your deceitfulness that got you busted, not the mere fact that you were downtown. If you and Jaylen aren’t doing anything wrong, then you shouldn’t be afraid of being seen in public with him.”

  “I’m not afraid.”

  “Okay, then why won’t you tell Mama that you and Jaylen are testing your compatibility?”

  “She’ll never understand and you know it.”

  “Um-hmm.” Kim didn’t understand either. It was ironic that she was planning a wedding and the woman who would stand by her side was on the verge of becoming an adulteress. “Why don’t you see if Natalie or Gwen has plans for tonight?”

  “I haven’t told Gwen about Jaylen, and I’m not sure I want to if she’ll respond like you.” Wendy sighed. “I can’t see Nat sitting at home on New Year’s Eve baby-sitting. I’m sure she wants to go out.”

  “So Natalie already knows about Jaylen?”

  “Yes.”

  “I can’t believe you would tell her before Gwen and me!”

  “That’s because she doesn’t trip on me the way y’all do.”

  “I’m sure she wouldn’t,” Kim snickered.

  “What do you mean by that?”

  “Nothing.” Kim was slightly jealous that Wendy felt more secure talking to Natalie than to her. Wendy had never been told about Natalie and Kevin dancing together at the club a while ago. Gwen hadn’t seen them together again since that time. Both she and Kim figured that it was a chance meeting and that Natalie really didn’t have any idea she had run into Wendy’s husband. Of course, Gwen still didn’t trust Natalie. Kim, on the other hand, was willing to give her the benefit of the doubt. “If it seems like I’m trippin’ it’s because I don’t want you to get hurt. Does Jaylen know you are married?”

  “Not . . . exactly.”

  “Wendy!”

  “I sort of gave him the impression that I’m divorced even though I didn’t tell him so directly.”

  “How could he get that impression, then?”

  “Because I often refer to my marriage in the past tense as though I am divorced, even though I don’t come out and say so. If it looks like our relationship is going to go somewhere, then I’ll tell him everything. I promise.”

  “Oh my goodness, girl.” Even if Kim wasn’t going to church she would refuse to baby-sit now for sure. If her not baby-sitting meant that Wendy had to cancel her plans with Jaylen, Kim preferred to see that happen. “You are digging a grave for yourself.”

  “Relax—Oh crap!” Wendy blurted out loud.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “I just remembered that I need to call ADT and have them come out to look at this system.”

  “Why, what happened?”

  “The alarm isn’t working. I couldn’t get it to come on last night before going to bed. It doesn’t even chime like it’s supposed to when the doors open.”

  “At least you don’t have to worry about break-ins where you live.”

  “Yeah, but I still feel more secure with the alarm on at night than I do with it off, since the house is so big.”

  “Maybe God’s trying to tell you something.”

  “Like what, call ADT?” Wendy replied cynically.

  “Like maybe you should be spending the time with Him tonight instead of with an ex-boyfriend.”

  “Whatever. I’m gonna get off the phone and call this alarm company. I don’t know if they’ll come out today, but it’s worth a try. I don’t feel comfortable staying another night alone in this house with a broken alarm.”

  “You won’t be alone. Kimberly will be with you, won’t she?”

  “That’s only if I don’t find a baby-sitter. Besides, if something happened, she couldn’t do anything.”

  “I hope you’re not planning on asking Jaylen to stay the night.”

  “Naw!” Wendy was offended by Kim’s implication. “If I can’t get it fixed, then I can’t get it fixed. Nothing else to it. Jaylen and I are bringing in the New Year together then his butt is going home—for real.”

  “I’m just double-checking . . .”

  “Well, let me go so I can get everything I need done.”

  “Okay. I’ll talk to you later. Wendy . . .”

  “Yeah?”

  “Please be careful tonight.”

  “Would you calm down? I know what I’m doing.”

  “I hope so,” Kim said in despair before hanging up the phone.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  All About You

  IT WAS 9:30 P.M. Kevin sat alone in a booth at Horizons, a popular restaurant near the Ohio State University campus. He’d been there for at least an hour. The place was packed with dozens of loud people eating and drinking while waiting until the clock struck twelve. Kevin had so much going through his mind that he was able to block out the noise and quietly sip on his Coke.

  It was the most depressing New Year’s Eve he had ever experienced. Even when he’d gone to Philly last year without Wendy it wasn’t as bad. He had come back to Columbus with the hope that the two of them would be able to reconcile. They hadn’t, and it was not likely that they ever would. Tonight Kevin was trying to come to grips with that fact.

  He never did call Renée to make plans for the night, nor did she call him. He figured she was still upset with him because of their conversation yesterday. Renée was always a fun person to be around. They went to the movies, out to dinner, or just lounged around one of their places. It had been a while since they had gone out to a club. Kevin didn’t mind. He really didn’t want to get back in the habit of partying every weekend. If it wasn’t for his argument with Wendy the night he met Renée, he wouldn’t have been at Maxine’s then.

  She’s right, Kevin thought to himself, remembering Renée’s advice that he needed to be proactive in filing for divorce. There’s no point in holding on to a dead marriage. She doesn’t love me. And if she does, she doesn’t want me. New Year’s Resolution Number One: Move on with my life. He looked down at the table solemnly. Moving on meant taking the necessary steps to end his marriage.

  “Hey, Kevin. What’s going on, man?” Kevin looked up from the table and saw Terrance standing next to the booth.

  “What’s up?” said Kevin, standing to greet Terrance with a handshake and a one-armed hug. “How ya been doin’?” he asked. The two of them hadn’t seen each other since he and Wendy separated.

  “Good. How about yourself?” asked Terrance.

  “I’m hangin’,” was the only answer Kevin could think to give. “What’s been goin’ on with you?”

  “A lot. Kim and I are getting married next summer.”

  “Yeah, I heard. Congratulations, man. You ready?”

  �
�As ready as I’m gonna be. I think it’ll be great. She’s a good person.”

  “I hope y’all make it, man, I really do. Marriage is a wonderful thing if you have a good one,” Kevin said, and sat back down in his seat without looking at Terrance.

  “You here by yourself?” Terrance asked.

  “Yeah . . . go ahead and sit down.” Kevin pointed to the other side of the booth.

  “Naw, that’s all right. I got my cousin over there waiting for me.” Terrance pointed in the direction of his cousin. There was a crowd of people standing around so Kevin couldn’t discern who he was referring to. “I just wanted to stop by and holla at you.”

  “I’m glad you did. Y’all plan on staying here the rest of the night?”

  “Yeah. How about you?”

  “I’m not sure yet.”

  “Well, you’re welcome to hang with us if you want.”

  “Thanks. I might end up going home before midnight hits. I really wanted to spend tonight with my baby girl, but I hear your wife-to-be got first dibs.”

  “Huh?” Terrance was confused, and frowned slightly.

  “I’m talking about Kimberly staying the night at your house tonight,” said Kevin.

  “Oh . . . okay.” Terrance had no idea what Kevin was talking about, but he would play it off like he did.

  “She is there, isn’t she?”

  “Uh . . . yeah, sure.”

  Kevin picked up on Terrance’s hesitancy and looked up at him. “Terrance, please don’t lie to me, man. I thought we were better than that. Is my baby at your house?”

  Terrance sighed. “I really don’t know,” he admitted, and shrugged his shoulders.

  Kevin laid his head back on the booth. He couldn’t explain it, but all day he had had a funny feeling about his conversation with Wendy yesterday. “Can you call Kim for me and find out?”