Never Hug a Mugger on Quadra Island

by Sandy Frances Duncan

  “Yes, well, I often—”

  “You’re not here, off wherever, something’s got to get done, it gets done.”

  “Very good. Now, did you beat up Derek Cooper?”

  “You wanted him beaten, boss, he got beaten.” Yes, he’d caught Shu-li’s interest. He gave her a large seductive smile.

  “The Honda with the detective woman driving, did you force it off the road?”

  “Hey! You worried about the detectives. Scare ’em, you said, scare ’em good.”

  “I never said anything like that. Never.”

  “Not out loud. But I heard you.”

  Austin squeezed his eyes shut. “My god.” He opened them and glanced about the room. Steve and Shu-li hadn’t moved. They looked as shocked as he wanted to look himself. He’d been right—a new kind of Randy, emerged while Austin wasn’t around. A devious Randy. “You understand what you’ve done?”

  “Everything you wanted done, boss.”

  “I wanted? You think I wanted Shane’s leg broken? Are you out of your mind!?”

  “Hey, Austin, I only—”

  Austin threw the contents of his glass at Randy’s face. “You bastard!”

  Randy swiped at the liquid. “I thought it was the other detective. I didn’t know Shane was in there. You can’t talk to me like that.” He sipped his drink.

  “I can and I will! Steve, Shu-li, you heard Randy admit he beat up Derek, and hurt Shane and the detective. Right?”

  Steve looked at Shu-li. She nodded and said somberly, “Yes, we did.”

  Austin stared at Randy as he said, “Steve, in my study call 911. Tell the operator to send the Mounties here.”

  Randy stared at Austin. “You crazy?”

  “Never less crazy in my life. Steve?” Austin cocked his head.

  Steve leapt up and started for the study.

  Randy grabbed the poker from the fireplace, held the handle in his right hand and patted the shaft against his left palm. “Forget it, Steve. Stay right there.”

  Steve sat again. “Take it easy, Randy. Austin’s just joking.”

  “You jokin’, boss?”

  Austin took a step toward Randy—

  Randy threw the ice from his glass at Austin. “Stay right there, boss.”

  Austin, with deliberate slowness, wiped at the wet spot on his shirt. Calm. “Not joking at all. You have destroyed my finest creation. You have undone the career of Shane Cooper.” And then he screamed, “You think I’d joke about destroying Shane?!” He turned on his heel. “Steve, keep him right there. I’ll call the cops myself.” He headed for his study.

  Randy started after him. Steve grabbed his arm. “Stay here, Randy—”

  But Randy had already swung the poker, a hard bash, catching Steve in the ribs, an audible thunk of bones cracking. Steve dropped, arms on the sofa, feet on the floor. Randy strode toward the study.

  Shu-li grabbed his poker-free arm. “Randy, you’re being foolish, don’t—”

  He stopped, lowered the poker. “You wouldn’t call the Mounties, would you?”

  “Of course not. The four of us can settle this easily. We’ll behave like adults.”

  “Yeah.” Randy gave her the half-lip smile. “Let’s be adults. You and me.” He took her by the shoulder with his left hand, poker still in his right, and led her to the study.

  Shu-li called, “Austin, it’s okay, it’s—”

  Austin turned, phone to his ear, and said, “Yes, the address is—” just as the poker caught his right elbow, and the phone fell to the ground.

  Randy smashed it with the poker. “Get those cop ideas out of your brain. You call them, I tell them I was only doing what you told me.”

  Austin, holding his elbow, spoke quietly. “All right, relax, Randy. Nobody’s going to hurt you, understand?”

  “Yeah, I understand.”

  “Good. You’ll be quiet, I’ll be quiet, Shu-li will be very quiet.” Shu-li looked as if she were about to speak. Austin put a finger to his lips. “We’ll all be quiet, and easy, and relaxed. You should sit, Shu-li. You should sit, Randy.” Where the hell was Steve . . . “I’ll sit too, right here.” He lowered himself slowly to his desk chair. Shu-li didn’t move. Nor did Randy. “You’ll be just fine, Randy. Think of your quiet cabin, the gentle woods around the cabin, soon you’ll be there, very soon.”

  That smile again from Randy, “I’ll be there. With Shu-li. That’d be nice. Shu-li?”

  She said nothing. She stared at Austin.

  “Maybe you’ll be there with Shu-li, maybe.”

  “That’d be good, Austin.”

  “So sit, Randy, sit in the chair there by the window, sit and be comfortable, relaxed and quiet . . .” He watched as Randy, still holding the poker in one hand, Shu-li’s shoulder in the other, walked slowly to the chair, and sat. And stared at Austin. “That’s good, Randy. That’s very good. Very comfortable, so easy. Are you comfortable, Randy?”

  After a moment of silence, Randy said, “Yeah. Comfortable.”

  “Very good. You should be comfortable, relaxed.” Austin waited five seconds, not too long . . . “Now, Randy, I want you to gently hand that poker to Shu-li. You want to hand the poker to Shu-li. She wants you to hand her the poker. Yes, so . . .”

  He was slowly moving his right arm around, the poker in his grasp. Shu-li, equally as slowly, brought her arm around to the approaching poker.

  “Very good, Randy, very good.” Barely a whisper.

  Something snapped. Randy jumped to his feet. “You son of a bitch, Austin, you can’t hypnotize me!” He brought the poker down hard on the top of Austin’s desk, smashing into the grain. Another smash took out the computer. Shu-li stood, frozen.

  Austin jumped to his feet. “Randy.” A command. “Stop it.”

  Randy brought the tip of the poker up against Austin’s belly, blackening his shirt. “I’m going to skewer you with a poker. Like you tried to skewer me with words.” He pushed the poker hard at Austin’s stomach. Austin grabbed the poker’s shaft and tried to twist it from Randy’s hands. Randy stepped back, pulled the poker loose, raised it high.

  Shu-li jumped, grabbing Randy around the neck. Randy swung at Austin. Austin stepped away and ran to the door. Randy bolted after him, Shu-li hanging on, “Randy! Stop this! Stop!”

  Austin was out the door running. To the Porsche. No, Randy was now between Austin and the car. Shu-li, he saw, no longer had her arms around Randy’s neck, he held her by the wrist, was dragging her along. Beyond them both came a car, out of the woods toward the house. Whoever it was would get here too late. He had to take care of this himself. And there, clutching his side, leaning against the wall of the house, Steve.

  Austin turned again, now heading up toward the southern cliff.

  • • •

  “Some people outside the house,” said Kyra, squinting. “Man and a woman.” She tried to focus. “Good shoulders on the guy.” They sped toward the house. “He’s running.” Peering harder up the hill. “The woman’s being pulled along, I think.”

  “There’s somebody else, farther off, running up to the cliff.”

  “Where?”

  Noel stopped behind the Porsche. “Up there. Just where the trees begin.” He turned off the ignition. They got out, both straining to see who it might be. Noel said, “Think it’s Austin. Not sure.”

  Kyra felt more than saw movement by the house and spun toward it. A man. She called to Noel over the car, “Somebody’s by the front door. Waving at us.” They watched as the man by the door slid to the ground. She grabbed her purse. “Come on!”

  They ran. Noel crouched beside the man. “Are you okay?”

  “No—no . . . Broken ribs— Poker—”

  “We’ll call for an ambulance. How’d it happen?”

  “Randy—gone crazy.”

  “What’d he do?”

  “Just save Austin.”

  “Do the best we can.”

  Kyra had her iPhone out, for the second time in ten mi
nutes calling 911.

  Noel, saying to the man, “Don’t move, the medics’ll be here in a few minutes, they’ll take care of you. Okay?”

  The man nodded, and immediately winced. “Yeah.”

  To Kyra: “Come on.” Together they ran after the man and woman. The lone man had already disappeared into the trees.

  Kyra felt her gut, suddenly aching. Shit! Too much stress on a recently evacuated womb. If the baby were still there she’d never try this hundred-meter dash. Had to go on. Damn purse, heavy. Randy or whoever and the woman were no longer visible. Fuck! Noel wasn’t in such good shape, eight years older but no trouble running uphill. Less trouble than her anyway. They reached the wood, tall firs, not thick. Ahead a couple of trails in. She was breathing heavily. “Which one?”

  “You go left, I’ll take the other one.” She did. All the paths have to lead to the sea, right?

  Noel loped along, stopping every few seconds, listening for human sounds. If Randy had some kind of weapon—what did the man say, a poker?—what to do? Randy was strong, Tim had said. And he knows how to use weapons, how to swing at people, make them hurt. Send them into a coma. He stopped. If anybody up here were shouting, he wouldn’t hear against the roar of the waves. Onward. He saw open space, bits of hazy blue from the ocean. Then he was at the precipice, twenty meters down, craggy rock below, irregular breakers, rowdy as they receded. He stood on a promontory, cliff to the right, a break in the cliff to the left where the sea had cut through the rocky land, more cliff beyond—

  There. He hadn’t noticed them because they lay on the ground, not much of it over there, a platform like here. Three of them, a yellow dress and two men, one of them standing now holding a stick he swung—no, the poker, he smashed its point down hard, into dirt or flesh. He raised the poker again but the woman, risen to all fours, grabbed his legs at the knees and he struggled just as the other man got up and lunged at the poker man’s hand—Randy, the other Austin?—and the poker fell to the ground.

  The struggle brought the three within centimeters of the precipice. Randy tore himself away from the woman’s grasp and pulled back, the woman and Austin at the edge. Austin now held the poker, his left hand flat, fingers bent forward, wiggling as if in invitation, Come hither. Randy stood motionless, then charged at Austin. Austin stepped aside but Randy caught his right arm, the poker dropped, together they fell to the ground, Randy at the edge between Austin and the craggy drop. Randy lay gasping, his breath knocked out. Austin shoved at Randy’s right side, working him half off the ledge.

  Randy grabbed Austin’s shoving arm with both hands and pulled Austin toward him and the edge. Austin continued to push, Randy pulled, but slowly Randy from feet to waist slid over the edge. He stared up the length of his arms to Austin’s hand and arm to Austin’s shoulder, his chin, his nose. He shouted, “I go over, you go over!” and gave Austin the half-mouth grin. “Pull me up!”

  Now the woman had the poker, she knelt and swung the poker down at Randy’s forearms. He held on. Again. Now his right grip loosened, he let go. She brought the poker back again, and swung. She hit nothing.

  Randy might have screamed on the way down but Noel didn’t hear. He saw Kyra standing at the edge of the trees, the end of the other trail.

  • • •

  Kyra watched as Shu-li hugged Austin and squeezed her face against his chest. He held her to him with both arms. Kyra waited ten seconds, fifteen. As if planned, they broke their embrace at the same moment. She took his hand while she leaned over the edge and looked down. She pulled back and turned her head. Facing Kyra. “Eeeh!” She tugged at Austin’s elbow to make him look in the same direction. “The detective!”

  Austin saw her, bent down and picked up the poker. “What are you doing here?”

  “Figuring out what’s going on.”

  Brandishing the poker, Austin stepped toward her.

  “I don’t think so, Austin,” Kyra said.

  “What?”

  “You’re being photographed.”

  He smiled. “Oh?”

  She point over to the cliff beyond: Noel, his camera poised. “And I saw it all.”

  He touched the ground with the poker and leaned on it. “So you know it was self-defense.” Kyra just stared at him, at them. “Randy attacked Steve. He tried to kill me.”

  “Maybe.”

  “Shu-li.” He put his hand on her shoulder. “Tell her.”

  Shu-li nodded. “He did. He came to Austin’s house and hit Steve with the poker, he said he was going to skewer Austin.” She put her arm about his waist. “And he beat up Derek Cooper and he’s responsible for sideswiping your car.”

  Kyra stared from one to the other. “Why are you telling me this?”

  “Randy admitted it. To Austin and me and Steve. Austin accused him of hurting Derek and then Randy admitted to all of it. Like he was bragging about it.”

  Kyra pointed over the edge. “Is he dead?”

  “Must be. Dozens of spear rocks on the way down.”

  Austin said, “It’s a long fall.”

  “Back to your house and call the police.” Or maybe they’d already be there. “Give me the poker. Handle first.” She plucked a packet of tissues from her pocket and pulled one out. Austin held out the poker. She covered her hand with the tissue and grasped the weapon. “Lead the way.” She glanced to where Noel was standing. No one there now.

  Austin and Shu-li walked past her, away from the cliff.

  • • •

  The ambulance had taken Steve Struthers away. Sam Mervin and another Mountie had scrambled down to the beach with police tape and secured the small bay where Randy’s body lay to await the arrival of more Mounties; now they were questioning Shu-li and Austin in the den while Noel and Kyra sat in the living room. “Don’t go anywhere until we’ve talked,” Mervin had told them.

  Stepping onto the deck didn’t seem like going somewhere, so they went outside and sat at the table. “What do we know?” said Noel in a soft voice.

  “Yeah, what?”

  “We know Randy is dead, so he’s not going to tell us much.”

  “Right. And we’re told he admitted to all the mayhem against the Cooper family. If we can believe Osborne and Shu-li, and if Struthers corroborates.” Kyra whispered too.

  “I do believe them. What I’m less sure about is why Randy did all that.”

  “Right.”

  “He did it because Austin told him to?”

  “And that’ll be hard to prove.” She stepped off the deck into the garden. Trails of busy ants shuttling back and forth. One crawled onto her shoe. She shook it off.

  “We know Austin will probably walk away from the trouble he’s caused.”

  She looked at the door behind Noel. “What do we want to see happen now?”

  He thought for a moment. “We want the Cooper family to have a life again.”

  Kyra checked her watch. “Nothing from Alana.” She took her iPhone from her purse and pressed in Alana’s number. “Long distance via California.” She waited. “Hi Alana, it’s Kyra.” She mostly listened. “Okay . . . Yes, at the Coopers’. See you then . . . Tell you later.” She turned to Noel. “Derek. Still coming out and going back under.”

  “So let’s say Derek’s going to be okay. And Tim is fine. Linda and Jason will be all right if Derek’s back to normal. That leaves Shane.”

  “His leg’s going to heal, just a matter of time.” She took more steps away from the deck, her small act of rebellion against the Mountie. Noel followed.

  “His skating career?”

  “There is that. He needs a new sponsor.”

  Noel said, “Or a revamped old one.” Kyra raised an eyebrow questioningly. “I have pictures. Osborne will agree to continue paying for Shane’s expenses.”

  “It’s blackmail.”

  “Or justice.”

  “Blackmail is an offense. So is obstructing justice. This is a murder case.” Kyra had another thought. “If you don’t turn the camera ove
r to the Mounties you become an accessory after the fact.”

  Strange. Usually he was the one with moral rectitude. Where had Kyra’s suddenly come from? “Any other notions to let Shane continue his career?”

  “No,” she had to admit. “But let’s keep thinking.”

  “I think, not necessary.”

  The two Mounties appeared on the deck. “We told you not to go anywhere,”

  “Sorry.” Kyra smiled winningly. “We didn’t think this was anywhere, as such.”

  “The atmosphere in the house is too close,” Noel muttered.

  They told and retold the story of the day’s events, four times in all. At one point Sam Mervin’s beeper rang. He stepped away from the others. The questioning continued.

  Mervin returned. “I think we can wrap this up.” He sat. “My colleagues have been to Randolph Dubronsky’s cabin. Somebody called 911, mentioned a cabin of interest. No people but they found a bunch of rubber masks like the ones worn by the guy who assaulted Zeke, and maybe Tim. Maybe Derek too.” He stared hard at Kyra and Noel.

  “Oh,” said Kyra. “That’s very good.”

  Mervin squinted at her. “Any idea who might have made that call?”

  Kyra’s face filled with naive surprise. “How could I?”

  “Just wondering,” said the Mountie. “You might be interested to know, we found a green van in town like the one that ran you off the road. Paint scrapes on the side could be a match for the Honda.”

  “Any prints?”

  “We’re checking.”

  “Doesn’t matter. We know who attacked us.”

  “Nice working with you two.” He shook their hands. “Okay, that’s all I need.”

  “We’re leaving Quadra tomorrow morning.” Noel handed Mervin an Islands Investigations International card. “If you need anything, those numbers will reach us.”

  The Mounties left. Kyra and Noel stayed at the table. They waited. Kyra set her purse on her lap, shuffled around inside it, and took out her iPhone. “Should I try the hospital again?”

  “If anything shifts, they’ll let us know.”

  She shrugged and dropped the phone into her pack.

  Austin and Shu-li appeared. Shu-li shrank back. Surprise from Austin. “You two still here? Go.” He snapped the back of his hand at them, two bothersome flies. “Leave.”