Diary of a Ninja Spy 5: Alien Attack! (Diary of a Sixth Grade Ninja Spy)

by Peter Patrick

  Well, this isn’t fair.

  More importantly, why was I not invited to Tekato’s birthday party?

  I need to find Tekato.

  Looking in the gadget room, I find Tekato with a party hat on and enjoying his Kentucky Fried Cake.

  The cake is huge!

  “Tekato! Why didn’t you invite me to your party?” I say as I approach him.

  “Urrrr, I thought you were… washing your eyeballs with soap,” Tekato gives me a poor excuse.

  Maybe he is upset with my show-boating too. And why is everyone washing their eyeballs with soap?

  “Whatever. I need your help! There is a giant ninja alien at the lake who wants to fight me! I accidently sent a message into outer space saying that I am the greatest ninja of all time and Moon Razor, the alien, intercepted the message. He thinks he is the greatest ninja of all time, and now he wants to prove it. What am I going to do?”

  “Have some Kentucky Fried Cake?”

  “This is no time for cake.”

  “Yes, yes. You are right. I have heard of those ninja aliens. I have read about them in the scrolls of our ancient ninja ancestors.”

  “And?”

  “And they are the most dangerous ninjas in the universe. They have been known to battle hundreds of aliens at one time, while eating lunch! They are super talented ninjas,” says Tekato. “If they want to fight you, you are doomed. They won’t stop until you are completely destroyed.”

  “Argh! What do I do?” I ask.

  “Hmmm…” Tekato puts his finger on his chin and thinks hard.

  He thinks…

  And he thinks…

  And he thinks.

  After about five minutes, I ask, “What are you thinking about?”

  “I am considering how long it will take me to eat the rest of this Kentucky Fried Cake.”

  “No!” I exclaim. “You need to be thinking about how I can defeat the alien!”

  “Oh yes. Of course. Well, to have any chance of defeating a ninja that size, you will need to be the same size,” Tekato explains.

  He points to the table in front of me.

  That’s it!

  I’ll eat all of his enormous Kentucky Fried Cake until I am the same size as the giant alien. What a great idea!

  I race across to the table and start chomping down.

  Within a few seconds of Ninja Spy power-eating, I have consumed pounds of Kentucky Fried Cake – and my Ninja Spy trousers rip open from my large butt!

  “Blake! Stop! What are you doing?!” Tekato yells.

  “I’m getting massive like you said,” I answer with a mouth full of chicken.

  “I pointed to the Magnify Machine behind the cake! I didn’t point to the cake! Eating chicken won’t make you grow taller! You need to use that machine to become the same size as the ninja alien.”

  That makes more sense.

  “Find some trousers before you enlarge yourself too. You cannot go out fighting with your fat butt hanging out of your split ninja pants.”

  Oh no.

  The only spare trousers I have are the ugly suit trousers my Mom bought for me.

  But I have no choice!

  I put on the bad suit pants, shuffle over to the Magnify Machine, and turn it on.

  Zap!

  Within seconds, I am a giant!

  I am 50 stories tall, the same size as the ninja alien!

  “Blake!” Tekato yells. “Look what you have done!”

  My body has grown through the roof of the Ninja Spy headquarters.

  “You do not use the Magnify Machine inside! That is common sense!” screams Tekato. “You need to use it outside the building! It even says it on the instructions!”

  “There were instructions?”

  “Blake!”

  I probably should have done this outside.

  And boy, Tekato is mad.

  “Hehe. It’s a new skylight for the building. I always thought that there wasn’t enough natural light coming into the place. Happy birthday?”

  “You need to clean this up!” he yells.

  “I haven’t got time to help clean up. I have a ninja alien to fight,” I answer. “I’ll meet you on the corner of Walk and Don’t Walk Street after I fight with the alien. Bring the Magnify Machine to shrink me back to normal size.”

  “Blake, those aren’t the names of the streets! They are the pedestrian crossing lights on the traffic stops.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Sigh, never mind,” Tekato shakes his head.

  Chapter 7

  Supersized, I race across the city to the lake outside Fred’s house.

  Wow. I can run so much quicker now that my legs are the size of a tall building. Maybe I should do this before the next school athletic carnival?

  When I arrive at the lake, all I can hear is Fred’s laughter.

  I look down at him.

  “Ha ha ha! Nice outfit, elite Ninja Spy,” Fred is laughing as he points at my trousers. “You know, for a Ninja Spy, you are not very discreet. Shouldn’t you be hiding in shadows and stuff?”

  “Fred, I had no choice but to wear these trousers,” I explain. “I ripped my tactical ninja trousers. But it’s ok; no one will notice me. It is the way of the Ninja Spy not to be seen.”

  “At least now your head matches the size of your ego,” Fred bellows.

  Suddenly I hear a rupture of laughter.

  Looking down, I see everyone in town laughing at the way I’m dressed.

  I guess being a giant ninja is not a good way to go unnoticed.

  As I look at the crowd, I see Amy laughing so much that she is crying!

  Luckily, she does not know who I am in my awesome disguise.

  “Ah, welcome to the battle of your life, Ninja Spy,” the deep voice comes from behind me. “Now it is time to find out who is the greatest ninja in the universe. And I’ll give you a clue: it’s me.”

  It is Moon Razor; he has found me.

  But I guess I wasn’t hard to find at this size.

  “That’s not a clue,” I respond. “That’s an answer.”

  “Well… nice trousers,” Moon Razor laughs.

  “Yeah. I hold them up with my belt… my asteroid belt!” I joke.

  “I don’t get it,” Moon Razor looks confused.

  “It’s… oh, don’t worry,” I shrug.

  “We must fight now, ninja human. I must defeat you in a battle to the end. Once I have defeated you, I will remain the greatest ninja in the entire universe. Only one of us is going home undefeated, and that is me!” Moon Razor looks furious. “You have dared to challenge me, and now you are going to feel the full force of my powers!”

  “Not today, Moon Blade. You are not going to beat me. You are going home to your planet. And I am going to be the one that sends you there!”

  “My name is Moon Razor!”

  Moon Razor picks up a car and flings it at me!

  Yikes!

  I duck under it and grab a truck.

  I check no one is in it, then hurl it at my opponent.

  But he whacks it away with a bus!

  This dude is totally tough.

  Maybe he really is the greatest ninja in the universe?

  Moon Razor runs towards me with four arms opened wide!

  I duck one of his punches but then he pushes me with another one of his arms!

  Falling backwards, I land on a block of buildings!

  Ouch!

  That hurts!

  Slowly, I get back on my feet and see what I fell on - a new building that hasn’t been completed yet, an old building that was due to be knocked down tomorrow and…

  Argh!

  I crushed my favorite comic book store too!

  Moon Razor charges towards me with a second phase attack.

  He unleashes a barrage of punches, but I am able to block them.

  One of his punches misses me and smashes the top of the town clock tower!

  We start to fight across town, destroying a lot
of homes and buildings along the way. We scuffle across the landscape, exchanging elite ninja moves.

  “Get out of the way!” I shout to all the little people beneath my feet.

  I make extra sure not to crush anyone while defending myself against Moon Razor.

  But then…

  Whack!

  Chapter 8

  Moon Razor slams me with a triple fisted punch attack and I go flying over the buildings, landing in the forest.

  Ouch.

  These trees hurt when you land on them!

  Oh no.

  Here comes Moon Razor again…

  Doesn’t this guy ever give up?

  “Look, Mr. Moon Shaver, let’s just say that I am the greatest Ninja in the universe and be done with all this fighting. We can discuss the matter further over a glass of orange juice. We can discuss other matters as well, like the use of hair. Clearly, you don’t have any hair, so I will explain the use of hair to you. It’s great for fashion-”

  “No! And my name is Moon Razor, not Moon Shaver!”

  Whoops.

  He looks extra angry now.

  I jump back up on my feet and defend myself against his attacks.

  He swings another punch.

  I defend it.

  Another punch.

  And I block it.

  He keeps punching, and I keep defending…

  And defending…

  And defending!

  This guy is so fast that I can’t do anything but defend against his punches!

  Finally, he takes a breath.

  I take the chance to run away. I have to think of a new plan!

  Nothing I am doing is working. There has to be some sort of way to beat this guy!

  Moon Razor chases me, and we are covering miles in just seconds because of our size.

  Unfortunately, I run straight back into somebody’s house…

  Whoops.

  Luckily, there was nobody inside.

  “Now, it is time to be defeated!” announces Moon Razor.

  “No way, Moon Face!” I yell back.

  “Moon Razor!” he shouts.

  “Ok, Mr. Moon Blazer!”

  “Moon Razor!”

  “It’s time to finish this, Moon Laser!”

  “You’re right, Ninja Spy! It is time for me to finish this! You will not be able to defend yourself against the might of the alien ninja star!”

  That’s where he is wrong.

  I have been practicing my ninja star catches all week!

  Admittedly, I haven’t caught one yet, but I am confident that I can catch this one!

  He throws the ninja star…

  Yes!

  I grab it!

  I flick the ninja star behind me and plan my next attack.

  Hearing a plane fly over my head, I jump high into the clouds…

  Yes! I grab the wings, taking a ride on the jet.

  “Turn around!” I shout to the pilot.

  He does. I guess most people will do what you ask when you are 50 stories tall. Maybe I should ask for school to be canceled once this is all over?

  Hanging onto the plane, I travel through the thick, gray clouds.

  Moon Razor doesn’t know where I am.

  I see a chance, and let go of the plane, gliding through the air towards Moon Razor!

  As I emerge from the cloud, I am able to complete a secret ninja move that is centuries old - a hammer-time kick!

  Slam!

  Moon Razor goes flying through the air and is defeated!

  It’s my ultimate finishing move.

  Nobody has ever been able to withstand the power of my hammer-time kick.

  Nobody.

  But as I approach the fallen alien, he starts to get back to his feet!

  What?!

  He was able to withstand my ultimate attack!

  Oh no!

  I don’t have any other ninja moves that can defeat him!

  “Is that the best you’ve got?” he says as he walks back towards me.

  “Um… yep,” I shrug. “Yep. That is the best I’ve got.”

  “Ha ha!” he laughs. “Your best is not good enough to defeat me. I am the greatest ninja in the universe. I am undefeated!”

  “Ok,” I say.

  “No, I… wait, what?”

  “Sure. You’re the greatest ninja in the universe. Congratulations. Well done. Hooray. Now get out of here,” I say, hoping that he will leave.

  “Great! Now, I own your planet. This is my planet now. I am now the master of planet Earth! I will use it for gardening and growing giant cabbages.”

  “What?” I question. “What are you talking about? You didn’t say that when we started fighting!”

  “Those are the rules which govern the universe. Everyone knows that. It is Universe Rule Number 14.6: When an alien eats ice-cream standing upside down, the alien will remain upside down for a period of ten hours and… no, wait. That’s not the right rule,” Moon Razor ponders his thoughts for a few moments. “It is Universe Rule Number 14.7: When the planet’s best ninja is defeated, the planet then belongs to the winning ninja! And I am the winning ninja! This planet belongs to me! I own it!”

  Oh man.

  I can’t let him win now.

  “Well, this fight isn’t over yet!” I yell.

  “You just said it was.”

  “It was a ninja trick. I was only making you think that the fight is over so that I have enough time to plan my next move. This fight is still on Moon Foot, and I am still the greatest ninja in the universe,” I say. “This planet does not belong to you!”

  But how am I going to defeat him?

  He is almost unstoppable!

  What can I do to stop him?

  And now he looks extra angry.

  I’m doomed…

  Then I remember what my Mom said!

  “If you ever get into a fight with an alien, just remember that you can lasso them and then throw them into outer space.”

  I hate to admit it, but she might be right!

  But what can I lasso him with?

  We are giants, and there won’t be any giant rope lying around…

  Then I spot the power-lines that run through our town - they are perfect!

  But if I touch the power-lines, I will be electrocuted!

  Finally, I see some of the ninjas from the Ninja Spy Agency. They must have come to help!

  “Quick, turn off the power-station!” I yell to my ninja friends. They move really, really slowly after I yell at them. It must have been all that Kentucky Fried Cake.

  Moon Razor attacks me again, and I block punch after punch until I finally get the thumbs up from one of the other ninja spies. They have turned off the power.

  Great!

  Grabbing the power-lines below me, I swing them around my head.

  “What are you doing? Cowboys use lassos, not ninjas. Are you a cowboy ninja now?” Moon Razor laughs. “A Cow-ja? Ha ha! Or maybe you will practice Kung Moo! Ha ha! Get it? Kung Fu and Cow-boy. Kung Moo! Ha ha ha!”

  Yeesh. And I thought my jokes were bad. If the jokes are this bad, I am never going to an alien ninja comedy night.

  While Moon Razor is laughing at his own jokes, I swing the lasso power-line in his direction.

  It hits him!

  “Yeeh-ha!” I yell.

  “What?” Moon Razor looks surprised as he is wrapped up.

  “It’s time to go home, Moon Butt!”

  I swing him around and around and around…

  And then I let go!

  “Stay off my planet!” I yell as I throw Moon Razor back into space.

  “You were lucky this time!” he screams as he disappears into the sky.

  As soon as he is out of sight, I step across to Fred’s home and lean into his bedroom window. I take his Intergalactic Communicator and point it at the sky.

  “Moon Razor has been defeated! I’m still the greatest Ninja Spy in the cosmos!” I announce to the galaxy. “No one can beat me!”


  “Blake! Have you learned nothing!?” lectures Fred from the window.

  Chapter 9

  Phew!

  Giant alien ninja warrior – defeated!

  “Blake, it’s time to shrink back down to normal size,” Tekato yells from the ground. “You can’t stay giant forever. You have to come back to the Magnify Machine, and I will put it in reserve to shrink you back to normal size.”

  “Oh, ok,” I reply. “But I just want to go for one last run as a giant.”

  “No, Blake-”

  But I run off before Tekato has finished his sentence.

  Quickly, I find the store where Mom buys all my hideous suits from - ‘Ridiculous Men’s Fashion’.

  I crush it under my foot.

  It was an accident, if anyone asks. I tripped, and accidently squashed it.

  “Blake!” Tekato yells again. “Come back so we can use this machine! You cannot be a giant any longer!”

  “Alright, alright. Here I come.”

  Tekato brings the machine out and presses all sorts of buttons.

  Then…

  Ping!

  A laser hits me, and I shrink back to normal size.

  “You are very lucky you survived this encounter, Blake,” explains Tekato. “You have battled the greatest ninja in the universe, and you are still alive. Luck was on your side today. Let’s hope that Moon Razor does not return for a rematch. You were brave and strong of heart, but you were not well behaved. You will be punished by doing one thousand push-ups every morning for the next year.”

  “Punished? But I just saved the world!” I complain.

  “You broke almost every rule of the Ninja Spy,” Tekato continues. “You exposed yourself as a Ninja Spy to the world. You fought another ninja simply for competition. You are not humble about your achievements. Plus, your rumble with the ninja alien has caused a lot of damage to the town, including our own headquarters.”