The Beautiful Mother

by Scholes, Katherine

  Essie made her way into the cave. With the light shed by six lanterns she was able to see more of its height and the wide sweep of its walls. She quickened her pace, passing the first of the paintings. It was the long-necked bird – almost certainly a flamingo. An image of Carl’s face flashed into her mind. She wished he could be here, to see this. That she could tell him about everything she and Simon had found. She imagined Carl holding Stein’s pencil, puzzling over the meaning of it . . . But as she played out the scenario in her mind she was aware that – as had happened before – she was seeing the two of them here alone, or perhaps with Simon and Mara somewhere nearby. There was definitely no Diana and Julia in her fantasy. No Ian.

  Essie scanned the other paintings. Under the more diffused light of the lanterns they looked soft and ethereal – barely real. She had a sense that if she tried to examine them in detail, they might disappear. Before long she reached the entrance to the second cave. Ducking her head, she stepped inside.

  The lantern light reached out ahead of her. She could see the shape of Robbie’s prostrate body, and even a glimmer of colour coming from the checked shirt. She stood to one side, letting Ian and Julia go past. Their steps sounded loud in the stillness as they crossed the short distance to Robbie’s side. Diana hovered close to Essie, her perfume clouding the air. Koinet and Legishon stood next to her. Their black skin merged with the shadows, creating the effect of disembodied shirts and shorts. Essie could see the whites of their eyes as they stared around them.

  A moth danced in the air in front of Essie’s face. Drawn by the light, it dived at her lantern, settling on the hot surface above the mantel. Instantly, the creature became fused to the metal. There was a faint crackle as the wings burned.

  Julia came to a halt beside Robbie’s body. She set down her lantern, casting light over his features. Her chest heaved as if she was straining to breathe. After a few moments she bent over a little, looking more closely. Essie wondered if she was going to ask how they knew the boy’s neck had been broken; Essie hadn’t mentioned that Simon had straightened the head. But Julia didn’t seem to have noticed. She just stood there, still and silent. Then, without warning, she crumpled to her knees.

  Ian crouched next to her, putting his arm around her shoulders. Essie could see the wary look on his face. He was gripping Julia’s upper arm tightly, his fingers pressing into her flesh. Whether he was intent on comforting his mother, or on protecting the site from being compromised, it was impossible to tell.

  Julia screwed up her eyes as if she was enduring physical pain. She stretched one hand towards Robbie’s face. When she touched the hard, dry skin, she froze, then flinched away. Essie thought of how warm and soft a child’s face should be – how unbearable the contrast must feel. After a few seconds, though, Julia reached out again. With the back of one curled finger she stroked Robbie’s cheek, and traced the outline of his lips. She leaned over to brush some dirt from his brow. Then she carefully adjusted the collar of his shirt. Essie was reminded of a mother preparing to send her child off to school, neat and clean, ready for the day. She felt a lump in her throat. The gestures were so gentle, the expression on Julia’s face so tender. Essie glanced at Ian, to see his reaction. His brows were knitted and his gaze intense – but Essie wasn’t sure if his focus was on Robbie, or on the fossilised remains that were visible beneath him.

  A soft, low moan came from Julia. Essie waited for her to break down, at last, and weep – unleashing the pain of so many years of grief. Instead, she just closed her eyes for a moment, her lips pressed together. Then she shifted closer, pulling against Ian’s grip on her shoulder. She ran her fingers through the boy’s wispy locks. A hunk of hair peeled off in her hand. She gasped, shaking it off as if its touch had burned her skin.

  The strand of blond hair lay on the ground in front of her. It looked like a half-grown feather left behind by a fledgling bird. For a long moment Julia just stared at it. Then she picked it up, folding it inside her fist. With her other hand she grasped Ian’s shoulder and levered herself to her feet.

  Ian stood up beside her. He looked from Julia, to his brother, and back. He appeared to be desperately trying to work out what he should be doing. Essie felt a rush of sympathy. She understood that this was a predicament he knew all too well. He’d spent half his life trying to meet the expectations of his mother, his father, his colleagues – everyone he met – all because of that one day when he’d run off to play with his brother and returned alone.

  The quiet lengthened. Diana shuffled her feet. Koinet cleared his throat. Essie listened to the distant rumble of the volcano. Here in the cave, the sound seemed close, almost as if it came from deep inside her own body.

  ‘I want to go now,’ Julia said abruptly. Her voice cracked but was still firm and clear. She began to walk away.

  ‘Wait,’ Ian protested. He took a step after her. Essie could see he felt torn – he couldn’t let his mother go off alone, but he was impatient to move on to examining the skeleton. His gaze shifted from the two Africans, to Diana, then settled on Essie.

  Essie looked at him in silence. She wanted to stay and share the moment when Ian first took in the astonishing details of the skull, the bones. She deserved to be here. But she was his wife, and Julia’s daughter-in-law.

  ‘I’ll go with her.’ The words fell out of Essie’s mouth, taking her by surprise. It was almost as if they’d been planted there by someone else.

  ‘Thank you.’ Ian threw her a grateful look.

  Essie bent down, hiding her face by pretending to adjust her lantern. While she fiddled with the kicker knob, she heard Ian instruct his assistants to bring the camera equipment over. Glancing up, she saw Diana move to stand beside him. She was wearing a special miner’s torch on her head – it was her personal possession, the only one of its kind at Magadi. With its help she would make a very useful companion for Ian. All she had to do was follow his head movements with her own, and the strong bright beam would always be shining right where he was looking. With her hands free, she would also be able to hold his camera or take down notes. A perfect team.

  Straightening up, Essie headed after Julia. As she left Ian and Diana behind her she braced for a wave of jealousy. Instead what she felt was more like a creeping sense of claustrophobia. It seemed to arise from within her, rather than being triggered by the gloomy confines of the cave. It was as if all the conflicting emotions she experienced whenever she was with Ian and Diana were suddenly crowding in on her. Then there was the pressure of being constantly torn between the professional world she shared with the Lawrences and the one she’d been inhabiting with Mara and Simon and Carl. She wanted to escape from it all.

  Overtaking Julia, she hurried towards the entrance. She held her lamp high, so she could walk more quickly. She barely noticed the paintings as she passed them. She couldn’t wait to be back outside, breathing fresh air under the wide blue sky.

  When she finally emerged from the cave, blinking in the brightness, her eyes went straight to where she’d left Simon and Mara, beside the cairn. They were not there. The place where the baboon pelt had been spread was empty. As Essie scanned the area, her heart skipped a beat. In the short time it took for her to locate the pair – a little further away, sitting in the shade of some bushes – she imagined a whole series of disasters that could have occurred. Yet she should have known that Mara was safe. Essie trusted Simon to take care of the baby as much as she trusted herself – more, in fact. After all, the Hadza man was as much at home in this wild country as an Englishman would be in his own sitting room. Essie blamed her pointless panic on being unnerved by seeing Robbie. But she also knew she had no ability to be rational where Mara was concerned. It was as if the baby had forged some special pathway to Essie’s heart, which bypassed large sections of her brain.

  Essie was still standing there, looking at Mara and Simon, when Julia stumbled past her. The woman kept going, moving off to sit by herself on one of the broken hunks of rock. Meg approa
ched her mistress cautiously, brow furrowed and ears pricked as if trying to make sense of the intense emotion she detected. As the dog came near, Julia pulled her close, burying her face against the furry neck.

  Essie headed over, searching her mind for the right words to say. But then Julia looked up, frowning, and waving her away. Essie paused, eyeing her mother-in-law uncertainly. It seemed wrong not to be at her side, offering comfort. But Julia had made her wishes very clear.

  As Essie turned back to the others, Simon got to his feet, holding Mara. When Essie reached them, he threw a questioning glance at Julia.

  ‘She wants to be left alone,’ Essie explained.

  He nodded, his eyes full of sympathy. Then he looked over at the cave.

  Essie guessed at his thoughts. ‘She couldn’t stay in there.’

  Simon nodded again. ‘What is happening now?’

  ‘Ian’s taking photographs.’

  Simon just looked at her, making no comment.

  Essie took Mara from him. She kissed the top of her head, her lips lingering on the soft springy curls. Closing her eyes, she breathed in the familiar smell of coconut oil and soap. The sensation drew her into the present moment, distancing her from the events in the cave.

  ‘I’ve missed you,’ she murmured to Mara. It seemed a ridiculous remark; they’d only been parted for a short while. But it was true.

  Before long, Mara started to wriggle impatiently. Essie could see she was ready for a change of scenery, or perhaps she needed a sleep. The baby’s lips turned down as if she was about to cry. Essie glanced anxiously at Julia. The last thing the woman needed to hear right now was the sound of a baby wailing. Essie quickly began playing a game – one of Mara’s favourites. She touched the baby’s toes, one by one.

  ‘This little piggy went to market. This little piggy stayed at home . . .’ Essie chanted the rhyme that she remembered from her own childhood.

  Simon turned to watch, abandoning a stone he’d been rolling over and over in his hand. Essie had the sense that he was keen to find anything that would distract him from his thoughts.

  ‘This little piggy had roast beef,’ Essie continued. ‘And this little piggy had none.’

  Simon raised his eyebrows, then he shook his head. ‘That is a strange story to tell.’

  Essie paused. He was right. It was an odd thing to say to a child – especially Mara. The idea of some people having food while others went hungry was anathema to the Hadza way of life. Essie just hoped Simon wasn’t going to ask her about the meaning behind this rhyme, as he had done after seeing the nursery mobile inspired by ‘Hey Diddle Diddle’. She’d have to confess, again, that she had no idea, beyond the fact that it had some connection with English political history.

  Essie gently squeezed Mara’s toes again, one after another – but now she remained silent. The quiet was not one of peace or contentment; it reflected the emptiness of someone who has nothing to say. Essie envied Simon’s vast trove of tribal songs and stories, which he shared so freely with Mara. They were part of the culture of his ancestors, who’d most likely been here in this land for tens of thousands of years. By comparison Essie felt as impoverished as a beggar in rags. She had so little that was truly her own.

  Mara didn’t seem to mind about the absence of the rhyme. She was smiling in anticipation of what was coming next. Essie walked her fingers up the baby’s leg, and on over her body, to tickle her under the chin. As Mara collapsed into giggles Essie glanced over at Julia again. A laughing baby could be as distressing as one that was crying. Julia didn’t seem to have noticed anything, though. The look on her face was remote, as if she’d travelled far away in her mind.

  After playing with her for a little longer, Essie tried rocking Mara to sleep. She was about to pick up the baboon pelt when she saw Simon become suddenly tense. She turned her head to follow his gaze.

  Koinet and Legishon were standing in the entrance to the tunnel. Essie frowned. She hadn’t expected the others to appear so soon. Then she realised that the two Maasai were alone. She turned to Julia to gauge her reaction – but she seemed not to have noticed them.

  The men marched across, barely glancing at Julia as they passed. Even Legishon offered no greeting. They ignored Essie and the baby, too, focusing only on Simon. When they reached him, Koinet began talking in a vehement mixture of Swahili and Maa. Essie had to struggle with the translation.

  Koinet was telling Simon that the Bwana had moved the body of mtoto wa siri because he wanted to look at the bones that were underneath where he lay. Koinet’s eyes were wide with outrage.

  ‘Hapukewa heshima,’ he said. He has been disrespected.

  Essie looked uncomfortably at Simon. She had interfered with the body herself, by moving the boy’s arm. So had he – by correcting the tilt of the head. Even though Essie wanted to know exactly what Ian had done, she didn’t like to ask questions that might deepen the tension. Anyway, she felt sure he wouldn’t have actually picked up the body. He’d been nervous about Julia just touching it. Even if he’d studied the surrounding sediment and determined that there would be no disruption to the erectus skeleton, he wouldn’t have committed such a breach of procedure. But even as she thought this through, Essie felt a twinge of doubt. The temptation would be so strong. With neither Julia nor Essie there to protest, and perhaps with Diana urging him on, Ian might have been unable to resist.

  Next, Koinet began describing how the Bwana had started taking the photographs. He mimed the way Ian had held out his camera, pressed a button, and somehow triggered an instant flash of lightning. Legishon recoiled visibly at the memory. Essie realised that neither of the Maasai would ever have seen flashbulbs in use before – at Magadi all the work took place outdoors under the bright African sun. She could imagine how shocking it would have been for them to see the blue-white flash being unleashed at close quarters, as if by pure magic, instead of bursting from the sky. And for just one instant they’d have been hit by the full horror of the half-decayed child, the haunting sight of the bare bones protruding from underneath – everything exposed in harsh detail. The scene would have had a truly nightmarish quality.

  Koinet fell silent for a while, as if the power of the memory had stolen his words. Then he leaned closer to Simon, turning his back to Essie. When he spoke again his voice was barely audible. Though she didn’t know exactly what he was saying, his tone was clear – the fear and awe, and the anger. A few words reached her. She recognised a Swahili phrase used to describe an animal running in panic.

  Mnyama anayeishi kwa hofu.

  Then she heard the name of the volcano. Ol Doinyo Lengai. The home of God.

  Lengai. Lengai. Lengai . . .

  While he listened, Simon bowed his head. He was ashamed, Essie knew, of his role in the whole chain of events that had led everyone here today. He’d never meant to enter a cave hidden inside the mountain, or to disturb two bodies. He could never have imagined that he and Essie would find the erectus. But that was what had happened. She wondered if she should try to offer some reassurances about how Ian intended to approach working on the site. But it was not her place to do that. If she said the wrong things in the wrong way, it would only complicate the situation. She looked across to Julia again, wanting to draw her into what was going on. But Julia was still gazing at the ground, stroking Meg’s head mechanically with one hand. The dog’s ears were being pulled back, her eyes bulging slightly with the pressure, but Meg remained stoically still.

  As the men continued talking, Essie retreated. She felt as if their fear and anger and distrust, permeating the air like a dark gas, might find its way into Mara’s lungs. From the rucksack she removed the insulated box and took out a bottle of milk. Mara grasped it with both hands, now expert at the task, and began feeding hungrily. Essie watched the slow, steady decline of the liquid. Then came the sound of the bottle being drained. Before it was completely empty, though, Mara turned her head, letting the last drips fall on her cheek. Following her gaze, Essie saw
that Ian had appeared in the entrance to the tunnel, Diana at his side.

  One look at his face told Essie that her conclusion about the skeleton was correct. She felt a surge of excitement. But as she headed towards him she could see that his elation was overlaid with anxiety. Instead of meeting Essie’s gaze – letting the warmth of gratification travel between them – his eyes were trained on the two Maasai.

  He sauntered casually across from the cave. He was hoping to play down the whole situation, she guessed, even though he was concerned that his assistants had walked off the job. Essie watched him veil his emotions. She was reminded of how Rudie behaved whenever she gave him a meaty bone – he’d pretend to be disinterested at first, so as not to signal to any creature looking on that he possessed something worth fighting over. Essie liked to peep back at the dog as she walked away, watching for the moment when he decided it was safe to let his eagerness show, and seize the bone with his teeth.

  Ian’s ploy was not successful, though. The air remained tense. The men stayed stony-faced while he tried to interest them in a description of the geological features of the cave. When he handed around a packet of biscuits from his bag, even Legishon rudely declined. As Ian stood on his own, munching away, Essie noticed his hand checking his shirt pocket, where several rolls of film made a prominent bulge. She knew he was thinking of the images captured there. She could almost see them running through his mind, like a trail of jewels in the hands of a pirate king.

  The Land Rover moved steadily across the plains, leaving the foothills far behind. Essie held Mara in her arms. She covered the baby’s head protectively with her hand in case it bumped against the window. Along with the usual smells of dust and sweaty bodies, Essie breathed in the chemical taint of new vinyl. The vehicle was the latest addition to the Magadi fleet and had Diana Marlow Expeditions written along both sides. Perhaps because it was Diana’s car, she was sitting in the front with Ian. Koinet and Legishon were sharing the rear bench seat with Essie and Mara. Simon was in the old Land Rover, with Julia at the wheel. When the group had finally reached the place where the vehicles were parked, Ian had decided who should ride in which car. He was obviously keen to separate Simon from the Maasai, and also, it seemed, from Essie. He was quick to accept Julia’s assertion that she was fit to drive, ignoring Essie’s whispered concerns that she might not be. He’d sent the first carload on its way as speedily as possible. Essie guessed he was trying to limit opportunities for conversation – though it was much too late for that.