Confessions of a Bad Bridesmaid

by Jennifer Rae

  He was driving her crazy. She threw her head back at the pleasure his fingers were sending through her body and could feel his eyes on her, watching her.

  ‘So beautiful,’ he said gruffly as he nuzzled at her neck, breathing heavily.

  She did feel beautiful. With this gorgeous man worshipping her body with his tongue and stroking his long fingers inside her she felt like the most beautiful girl in the world. But she wasn’t. She was plain old Olivia. So with all the energy she could muster, she pushed him away, tried to slow her breathing. In front of her, Edward’s breaths were coming shallow and fast. His lips were swollen and his eyes still dark. The heat between them was making her dizzy. She pushed at his chest again, making him step further back.

  ‘If that’s how you kiss, I’d like to see how you make love.’

  He stepped closer and she felt his large frame push her against the window.

  ‘How about I show you?’

  ‘No.’ Her eyes widened. ‘No.’ She pushed him again, more firmly this time. ‘I’m good.’

  But she wasn’t good. She was bad. So, so bad. She should never have asked for that kiss. She’d thought it would be good—she’d had a sample outside this afternoon in the freezing rain. But his voice and his smell and that Italian! Where had that come from?

  Her body still buzzed and her skin still tingled. A cool breeze blew across her chest and she realised she was still exposed to him. She lifted her dress and righted it on her shoulders.

  Edward took one more look at her before he moved away, running a hand through his mussed-up hair and putting one hand in his pocket. She watched him walk away as she shifted the hem of her dress down.

  He shook his head and ran his hand through his hair again. He walked over to the window on the other side of the room and rested a hand on the glass, staring out.

  ‘Edward,’ she started, unsure what to do or what to say. Her heart was still thumping in her chest. She shouldn’t have done that. She’d forced him to kiss her. She’d shown him what she wanted deep inside and made him do something he didn’t want to do. And now he regretted it. She could see it in the way his shoulders slumped. ‘I...I’m sorry.’

  ‘Apologising again?’

  He turned to face her and she could see the fury in his eyes. A ball knotted in her stomach. She’d done exactly what she’d sworn she wouldn’t. She’d thrown herself at him and now he thought even less of her than before.

  ‘I lost control, Edward. But you can’t be angry at me for that. You did too. I could feel it.’ Her heart still beat heavily and she crossed her arms over her chest, trying to calm the beat and the disappointment that was creeping over her skin. Disappointment in herself and disappointment in him. She’d hoped he would see beneath her faults but he didn’t. He was just like all the others.

  He shook his head and turned back to the window.

  ‘I should be the one apologising. I should have stopped. I should have known better.’

  ‘You had to kiss me. We had a deal.’

  He turned and the fury was back. He was in front of her in three long strides and the sudden sight of him up close made Olivia breathe in too deeply. Lights danced in her head. She felt faint. And then his big hands gripped the tops of her arms.

  ‘You think I kissed you because of some stupid deal?’ His deep chocolate eyes didn’t look warm now. They looked hard and angry. ‘I kissed you because I wanted to. I needed to.’

  FOURTEEN

  Olivia watched Edward’s eyes explore her face. As if he was drinking her in. It made her feel different. He’d wanted her. He’d needed her. Maybe for just a moment, but it was a moment she’d remember for ever.

  ‘You needed to?’ Her voice shook a little as she spoke. ‘Why?’

  His eyes softened and Olivia felt herself drowning in them. Everything about him made her feel something. His anger, his warmth, the way he pushed her away and pulled her back. It all made her emotions scatter and it made her feel out of control, but safe all at once. A lump formed in her throat. She’d never felt this much for anyone. As if she wanted him so much it actually physically hurt. And as if the idea she couldn’t have him was going to cause long-lasting scars.

  ‘You make me do things I shouldn’t, Olivia.’ His deep voice vibrated right where his chest almost touched hers. ‘You make me want things I can’t have.’

  He was angry at her. He didn’t want this. He didn’t want her.

  ‘I got carried away, Edward.’ She didn’t normally do that... It was him and the way he looked and the way he smelled and the way he tasted... Her eyes rested on his mouth and she shuddered at the memory of his tongue. ‘I shouldn’t have done that. I only asked you to kiss me because I wanted to punish you. I wasn’t... I didn’t expect that to happen.’ His eyes stopped the exploration of her face and looked right into hers.

  ‘You did that to punish me?’

  Yes, she had. She’d wanted him to feel the way she had felt when he’d pushed her away this afternoon, but it had backfired. Now she felt even worse than she had then.

  ‘It was just a kiss. Nothing more.’ What was it about him that made her braver, bolder? Around him she seemed more willing to take chances. But she shouldn’t. She knew what would happen if she took a chance. What she should have done is kept away from Edward. She knew he had a way of scaling her walls which made her act differently. Normally she would wait for someone to notice her. Hope that someone would kiss her the way Edward just had. But they never did. They always chose her sister or one of her pretty friends. One of her confident friends. Never her.

  For some reason, though, she didn’t feel the same way around Edward. She felt more assertive, more comfortable in her skin. As if showing her true self was what he wanted. But he didn’t. And he would never want her the way she wanted him. And now she’d gone and stuffed everything up by making him kiss her...and then making him touch her. Shame flooded her veins. She had thrown herself at him. Shamelessly. And he didn’t want her. She’d made a fool of herself. Again. No wonder he couldn’t get away fast enough.

  They stayed like that for too many minutes. The air grew uncomfortable and Olivia regretted every minute of it.

  ‘Here you two are.’ The ringing tones of Bunny made her jump. ‘We’ve been looking all over for you.’

  Olivia stepped away, tugging at the hem of her dress.

  ‘Ed. Dinner’s about to start. Are you coming?’

  ‘In a minute,’ he barked at Bunny. Angry again.

  Bunny left and Olivia didn’t dare move. Edward’s eyes turned to her and they flashed. She took in his mussed-up hair and his slightly off-centre bow tie. She’d never seen him look sexier and all she wanted to do was throw herself at him again. But she didn’t. And she never would again.

  Edward turned to Olivia. She looked as he felt. Battle-shocked. He’d been trying to push her. He knew that now. He’d wanted her to admit she had feelings for him. The way he had feelings for her. He’d wanted to know how she felt. And now he knew. Olivia loved fun and adventure. She moved around and partied with the likes of Bunny and her friends. She’d only asked him to kiss her to tease him. Underneath all her beauty she was just as insincere as all the others.

  ‘You have till midnight to tell me what you want me to do. Then this deal is over.’ He wanted to get away from her. He felt tricked and stupid. He thought he’d seen an honesty in her that didn’t exist and he now felt like a fool.

  Olivia crossed her arms across her chest. ‘The deal’s off. It was stupid anyway.’

  ‘No, it’s not.’ Edward could hear the harshness in his voice but he couldn’t keep it out. He was angry. At Olivia for provoking him and at himself for allowing her to. That kiss had been too much. He’d wanted her more than he’d ever wanted anyone. He would have made love to her right here in his mother’s conservatory if she
hadn’t pushed him away. He was out of control and he didn’t like it. Control was all he had left. ‘When I make a deal I stick to it. You get to tell me what to do, so figure something out.’

  ‘All right. I have a deal for you. From now until midnight you have to tell the truth.’ She uncrossed her arms and waved them as she talked. Her cheeks burned red and her eyes flashed with anger. ‘You need to be honest, Edward, with me and with yourself. I know how you feel, I know what you want, and it’s time you admitted it to yourself.’

  She wanted him to admit how he felt. She wanted him to say that he wanted her more than he’d ever wanted anyone. But then she’d just pull away and tease him again. She wanted the power and he wasn’t about to hand it to her.

  ‘I’m always honest, Olivia. And if it’s honesty you want, I’ll give it to you. You should stay away from me. I’m going to hurt you. That’s what I do. I neglect people. I’m selfish and irresponsible. Even if you get under my skin you need to know that I’m not the man you think I am.’

  Edward heard the words pour from his mouth. He wanted to keep her away. He didn’t want her tempting him again. He’d felt her respond to his kiss. Sweet and deep and loving. As if she wanted him as much as he wanted her. But that would never happen. Olivia didn’t want him. She was just teasing him. She needed someone strong and brave and trustworthy. He could barely take care of his family—there was no way he’d be able to take care of her too.

  For once her face was blank. Normally he could read what she was feeling, but this time he couldn’t tell.

  ‘What do you mean, I get under your skin?’ she asked quietly, her arms still crossed.

  ‘You know exactly what I mean.’ She was pure temptation in that dress, with her blue eyes big and innocently looking up at him and those lips begging to be kissed again. ‘You make me lose control, Olivia. I’m not myself around you.’

  She stepped closer and the air thinned. She unfolded her arms and took yet another step. Slowly she raised her hands and rested them on his chest. Her hands were cool and he had to tell himself to breathe. She was too close and his heart was beating too fast. The memory of her breasts, the feel of her slick beneath his fingers... It was too much. As if he was a werewolf and she was the moon—he felt like howling.

  ‘Don’t, Olivia.’

  ‘Why not? What’s so bad about losing control?’

  Her voice was low and seductive and it soothed him.

  ‘I never lose control.’ He ground the words out, keeping his body very still. If she moved those hands he’d be gone again. He’d lose control and he never lost control. Not any more. Not since... ‘You need to stay away from me.’

  The spark of hurt in her eyes was unmissable. She stepped back and he shifted his head from side to side, running his fingers through his hair where Olivia had messed it up. He closed his eyes and turned away, trying to get the image of her out of his mind. Hot, out of control and exactly what his body ached for.

  She wanted the truth.

  He’d show Olivia what it meant to tell the truth.

  ‘I don’t do relationships, Olivia. If anything were to happen between us this weekend it would just last the weekend. A fling. Nothing more.’

  He wanted to know what her reaction would be. Would she agree? His body throbbed when he thought of her. Sex. That was all this was. An animal need for her beautiful body and those pouty lips.

  ‘You want to...to have a fling with me?’

  He turned around and saw her standing with her arms still crossed across her chest. Her face was pale and he immediately regretted what he’d said. She acted like a woman of the world but right here, with a myriad of flowers surrounding her, she looked like an innocent in the Garden of Eden. And he was tempting her—like the snake he was.

  ‘No. I don’t know. Damn it, Olivia, I don’t know what to think. You need to leave me alone.’ And before he could say anything else he regretted he turned and strode from the room.

  * * *

  Dinner was served and Olivia sneaked in and sat at the end of the table. The only light came from the tall silver candelabra. This was a special occasion. The eve of the wedding.

  Edward’s vision of Olivia was obstructed by a candelabrum. Which was a relief—because when he looked at her she made him think about things he shouldn’t. Like quitting his job and taking her off on a plane to the Caribbean and living like hippies. Making love all day and only stopping to eat mangos and drink wine. He switched his mind back to the food in front of him.

  Congealed duck fat and vegetables. It was terrible.

  ‘How’s the terrine, Ed?’ Bunny asked sweetly from across the table.

  He’d revealed to her the result of his deal with Olivia and his sister was milking it. She’d already asked him what he thought of Rosie’s outfit and how he thought England’s chances were in the Rugby World Cup. ‘Non-existent,’ he’d said—which had made his rugby-loving patriotic father go off like a rocket. He’d only just settled down.

  ‘It’s interesting, Bunny.’

  ‘In what way?’ she asked innocently, taking a bite of hers.

  ‘In the way that it tastes like the jellied insides of a rabid squirrel.’

  ‘Edward. Please. We’re trying to eat,’ his father scolded.

  Bunny giggled and almost spat out the sip of wine she’d taken.

  ‘What’s got in to you this evening? Honestly—in my day there was only polite conversation around the dinner table,’ grumbled his father loudly as he topped up his wine.

  ‘Just trying to be honest, Dad.’ He avoided Olivia’s eye.

  ‘There is a place for honesty, Edward, and it’s not at the dinner table,’ his father retorted.

  Thankfully the Blowhards had decided dinner with the Winchesters wouldn’t be much fun and had chosen to dine in the village. That left only immediate family. And Olivia. And Bunny’s horsey friend Rosie.

  ‘Who has a wedding in December, Will? The weather’s terrible. You could have waited until Summer. We would have had a much better selection of bridesmaid dresses then.’

  ‘I’m sorry, Bunny, that was my fault. If I’d known you were so against a winter wedding I would have moved it.’ Fiona’s meek voice came from the other end of the table.

  ‘What are you going on about?’ Edward’s father roared from the head of the table. ‘Are you complaining again, Bunny? It’s not your wedding; let them do what they want! Perhaps if you stopped hanging around with those deadbeat friends of yours someone would think about marrying you.’

  ‘I’m not interested in getting married, Daddy.’

  She might not be, but she sounded a little edgy.

  ‘Well, you should be. What else have you got? A ridiculous job in PR—as if that’s a real job—and let’s face it: you’re not getting any younger. The clock’s ticking, girl, and it’s time you got moving.’

  ‘Righto, Dad—I think that’s enough.’ Edward could tell Bunny was getting upset. He didn’t want any trouble tonight. He needed to take back control.

  Bunny sat silent. Her face was impassive but Edward could see her jaw clench.

  ‘Marriage is not for everybody, Daddy. There are plenty of people who don’t want to get married and there are plenty of people who will never get married. I mean, look at Olivia. She’s happy to be the party girl at every event. Do you see her complaining? No. She just puts on another ridiculous dress and wraps her arms around another faceless idiot. Not everyone is cut out for love, Daddy.’

  The room was silent. Bunny’s face was bright red. Edward wondered if she was happy with herself. She looked him directly in the eye, lifted her wine glass and took a long, deep sip.

  The only sound was the clinking of cutlery on plates.

  Edward flicked his eyes to Olivia. He wondered how she was feeling. If it was anything like him, she
was feeling pretty raw.

  ‘That is enough, Bunny. Apologise to Olivia.’ Edward’s voice was hard, uncompromising. He’d been trying to keep everyone happy all weekend. But Bunny had pushed it. She always pushed it. And normally he ignored it, but not tonight. Tonight Olivia wanted him to be honest. And he was going to be honest.

  He could admit it now. Olivia drove him wild and he liked her. She was sexy and funny and sweet and passionate and he wanted her. Even if it was just for one weekend. He needed to tell her that he wanted her. He was sick of lying. He was sick of his family picking at each other. He was sick of no one knowing how anyone felt.

  The table was still silent, waiting for Bunny’s retort. Tension crackled along with the fire.

  ‘How’s work, Eddie?’ Edward’s mother’s weak voice made him look up. It made everyone else look up too.

  ‘How do you think it is, Regina?’ Edward’s father roared from the other end of the table. ‘The country’s in a mess. That Prime Minister is an idiot—taxes everything that moves and won’t pay attention to the real problems.’

  Edward looked at his mother. She bowed her head. He looked at his father. Heat surged through him. It was enough. Olivia wanted the truth? He’d give her the truth.

  FIFTEEN

  With an angry scrape, Edward moved his chair back.

  ‘I’d like to say a few words...’

  Everyone stopped and looked up at him.

  ‘This weekend we’ve all come home to celebrate something special. A wedding. Between Will and Fiona. Two people who love each other so much they can’t stand the thought of not being together. They’re going to spend a lot of money giving you a good party so you can celebrate their love for each other with them. What they don’t want is a bunch of whingeing, whining ungrateful sods telling them where they should have their wedding and making them bend over backwards to make you lot happy.’

  He went around the table and looked each of them in the eye. Even Olivia. Until he reached his mother.