Confessions of a Bad Bridesmaid

by Jennifer Rae

  Edward stopped and his eyes moved to hers. He pulled her closer and his fingers curled around hers. The warmth of them travelled up her arm.

  ‘There’s nothing wrong with you. I had to leave. Not because of you but because of...me.’

  ‘What do you mean? I don’t understand. I don’t understand why you push and pull and tease and torment me!’

  ‘Me? You’re the one who torments, Olivia. With your gorgeous body and your beautiful eyes and your smile and the way you make me feel like you care about me.’

  ‘I do care about you.’

  The words were out before she thought about them. She wished she could suck them back in. She’d revealed too much. He would surely run now.

  His breathing had become heavy but he didn’t let her go. He just held her closer.

  ‘Then let’s do this. One weekend.’

  TWENTY

  She was trying not to touch him, but every time she breathed in, her breasts came perilously close to touching his hard chest.

  ‘We can’t run from this.’ His voice dipped dangerously low.

  ‘I don’t want to run.’

  ‘What do you want to do, then?’

  He pulled her into his chest and she watched his eyes go darker.

  ‘I want you,’ she whispered.

  ‘Come with me,’ he commanded, before pulling her towards the stairs.

  She thought he was going to lead her up them, but he took her to the side, past a tall plinth and a marble bust, to the narrow space between the wall and the stairs. It was dark and smelled of furniture polish. The noise of the ballroom faded a little and a violent wave of heat warmed her from her skin to her bones. In this confined space there was nowhere to move, nowhere to go.

  His body moved closer and his hand reached up to brush a stray lock of hair out of her eyes.

  ‘One more night,’ he said quietly.

  Olivia’s body was tense. She wanted him. She needed him. When he woke up tomorrow she knew he’d only change his mind again anyway. But she had tonight.

  Olivia couldn’t wait any longer. She brought her hands to his chest to feel the hard muscles underneath his shirt. Slowly she undid the buttons on his waistcoat and he watched her fingers work. Then she stood on her toes and pressed her lips to his. He responded, pushing forward, but then he pulled back.

  ‘Olivia. Are you sure this is what you want?’

  Lust darkened his eyes. Yes, this was what she wanted. One night. Even though she wanted more. But that was impossible. At least this way she could save herself the heartache of watching him leave. One weekend. Then it would be over. She nodded at him, and before she could even suck in a breath he’d moved.

  His big body pushed into hers, pressing her against the timber panelling behind her. His mouth was on her lips, her eyes, her hair and then her throat. His fingers looped around her ear and then moved down her neck until his thumb rested in the hollow of her collarbone and his kisses became deeper and more desperate. His thigh muscled in between her legs and she let out a moan as she pressed herself into him.

  ‘You’re a hard woman to resist, Olivia.’

  ‘I am?’ That surprised her.

  He kissed her again. Hard. On the mouth. She opened her lips and let his hot, lush tongue explore. His hands were moving around to her back and pressing against her bare skin. This was real. He was here, kissing her—almost desperately. She needed him closer; she wanted to feel his skin. She moved her hands from his chest to his shoulders and slipped them underneath his jacket until he shrugged it to the floor. Now she had access to those hard, powerful shoulders and his wide back.

  His muscles moved as she explored them and his hands came up to her shoulders and tugged. Her beautiful white dress fell down easily, as if it wanted to let him in. Beneath she was wearing nothing except tiny white satin underwear. He stopped to look at her.

  Olivia felt the last of her sanity fade. Her body slumped against his and she pushed her breasts into his chest. Soft against hard. Her mouth met his so violently it left them both breathless and heaving. With one easy movement, he lifted her.

  ‘I can’t wait, Olivia. I need you now.’

  His sincere tone, his raw voice, made her insides fire with pure lust. She could feel the cold wall against her back, hear the tinkle of his buckle as he undid his trousers and the crinkle of foil as he sheathed himself. She couldn’t wait either. She wanted him. She needed him.

  She undid the buttons of his shirt frantically, leaving the top one as it was too complicated and would take too long to get his damn tie off. When her hands hit his skin underneath she groaned in pleasure. Under her fingers his hard muscles tensed and she ran her hands across the rough hairs on his chest. He lifted her again and she gasped at the feel of him—hard and erect and pushing on the satin of her underwear.

  His eyes met hers and locked. One hand held her head steady at the back.

  ‘Look at me,’ he growled.

  He sounded fierce, almost angry. Her heart was beating against his chest. She felt it too. The angry lust. The blood pumped through her veins. Why couldn’t she have him? Why couldn’t this last longer?

  ‘I need you, Edward. Now.’

  Their eyes held and with one hand he pulled aside the satin of her underwear. In one long stroke he plunged inside her. Olivia tensed and went still. She had to remember to breathe. So long, so thick, so hard. A bubble formed in her chest. Anger coupled with complete satisfaction. Then he moved and she couldn’t think at all.

  He used his arm around her waist to lift her slightly and bring her back down onto him. He was hot inside her and she tensed around him, trying to capture everything before he lifted her again. He groaned and let his head fall to her shoulder, and she gripped frantically onto the curls at the nape of his neck.

  ‘Edward, please.’ She was begging, but she didn’t know what for.

  He didn’t speak, but moaned again and drove himself upwards. The sheer size of him and the pleasure rocking through her body became too much to hold on to.

  ‘I’m coming,’ she whispered in his ear.

  He moaned.

  ‘Please...’ she begged as the wave of something violent passed through her core and into her belly.

  She held fast to him, digging one hand into the hard muscles of his back and the other against the wall to brace herself. The orgasm seemed to last for ever. It shuddered from her core and racked right through her body.

  Once the cut of pleasure dulled she became aware of him throbbing inside her, waiting patiently for her to come back down. Then with a rough tug he pulled the back of her hair until her face was on his.

  ‘Now it’s my turn,’ he said gruffly, before pushing himself into her again. Over and over. Until she swelled and built again and with a final moan came with him.

  * * *

  It took a few seconds for Edward to come back down. He held a shivering Olivia against him but he couldn’t move in case he dropped her. With an effort he met her eyes, bright blue and blazing. She looked shocked. Which was what he felt. Shocked at what he’d done and the way he now felt. Completely spent, bodily exhausted and still shaking with anger.

  Anger? He wasn’t sure why he was angry but he was. Angry at himself, angry at her. Angry at every damn person here tonight. With a hiss, she shifted and tugged on his shoulder. He let her down as gently as he could before righting himself.

  She stood in front of him, shivering with cold, and something clamped over a vein in his chest. She was so small and so vulnerable and he’d taken her behind the stairs with a room full of people waiting.

  What kind of a man was he? This was Will’s wedding day. His mother could barely speak from grief and his father was out there picking a fight with everyone who walked past. He should be in there. Solving their problems. Fixing
his family. Not here, satisfying his urges with an innocent woman. She didn’t even want him. She’d let him know this was a one-off. She didn’t want it repeated.

  ‘Edward...’

  Her voice shook and with horror he noticed her eyes welled with tears. He felt like the world’s biggest ass. He bent down to retrieve her dress and she took it from him, stepping into it and covering herself up.

  ‘Olivia.’ He didn’t know what to say. Sorry? Sorry I took you like an animal possessed? Sorry I could barely wait? Sorry for treating you exactly the way you didn’t want to be treated?

  She folded her arms across her chest and blinked at him.

  She looked so beautiful. So shocked still. So different from a moment ago, when she’d been encouraging him and pushing down on to him—wanting him as much as he wanted her. But now it was over a strange feeling of being let down crept over his shoulders.

  He picked his jacket up off the floor and shrugged it over his shoulders. The delicate scent of the perfume she was wearing tonight as well as the faint cinnamon scent that was just her was now mixed with the scent of sex. It reminded him where he was. Behind the stairs. Like a couple of randy teenagers. Shame made his tongue go heavy. She deserved better.

  ‘Say something, Eddie.’

  She was looking at him with watery eyes. He still couldn’t speak, so he leaned down and gripped the sides of her small face with his palms. Then he kissed her forehead.

  ‘I’m sorry, Olivia.’

  He couldn’t think of anything else to say. He wanted her to see how sorry he was. He tried to convey it with his eyes and the warmth of his hands, but she still looked shocked. Her eyes were asking him something. They wanted an explanation. But he didn’t have one. One hand absently rubbed her other arm. Anything they had—or could have had—he’d now destroyed. But that was what he did. He was careless and selfish. She didn’t deserve that.

  So with one last look at her face he turned and fled.

  * * *

  Olivia’s face dropped into her hands and she slapped her forehead repeatedly. ‘Stupid, stupid, stupid,’ she berated herself with a whisper.

  She’d ruined everything. He’d seen her tears. Seen how overcome she was by her feelings for him and he had been frightened off. He’d never want more now. As if he ever had. They never wanted more from her.

  Olivia pushed her way out of the narrow space she was in, past the plinth and the marble bust. The eyes of the bearded statue were looking at her. Accusingly.

  ‘Oh, shut up,’ she told it, before hearing a roar of applause from inside. Something was happening and soon someone would notice the Maid of Honour wasn’t there. She wondered if anyone would guess she’d been with the Best Man.

  Quickly she slipped down the hall and back into the double doors.

  ‘...and then he said: “It wasn’t a horse, Uncle Rob, that was my girlfriend!”’

  The crowd roared with laughter and Olivia took the opportunity to sneak back to the table, lifting her eyes to Fiona on the way. She didn’t dare look up at the other end of the table. But when the crowd let out an audible gasp and whispers became tittering laughter Olivia stopped. What? What had she done? She turned to look at them before Fiona’s small frame moved quickly behind her.

  ‘Your dress, Liv, everyone can see your undies.’

  Fiona fumbled with the back of her dress and Olivia put her hand around to find that in her haste to get dressed she’d not pulled her dress down properly.

  Quickly Fiona hustled her into her seat. Olivia couldn’t look up. A hot rash crept up her neck and across her shoulders. She couldn’t look at Edward. She couldn’t look at Will. She could barely look at Fiona. Instead she put a hand on her forehead and mumbled a string of expletives.

  Fiona coughed and Olivia looked at her. Fiona motioned in front of her, then leaned into her ear. ‘Those black things on the table are microphones.’

  Great.

  TWENTY-ONE

  Humiliated, embarrassed, mortified and disgraced, Olivia put her head down into her hands and closed her eyes.

  A chair scraped against the polished floorboards and a heavy electronic thump meant the microphone was being moved. She couldn’t remember feeling any worse about herself ever. Ever. Not when her mother had left her at a service station once when they were coming back from a tennis tournament. Not when she’d heard her sister’s best friend talking about how horrible it must be to have such an ugly sister. Not even when Fiona had left.

  Her mind shuffled through the painful memories and she screwed her eyes up even tighter. Until she heard the deep, low tones of Edward’s gentle voice.

  ‘There comes a time in everyone’s life when they meet someone who changes their life. Someone who cannot be surpassed in intelligence, beauty and talent. It’s a pivotal moment.’ He turned to look at Will. ‘And that moment came for Will twenty-eight years ago, when he met me—his big brother.’

  Edward’s opening line made the room erupt in laughter and Olivia could feel the attention shift off her and onto Edward, who stood tall and authoritative at the end of the table.

  Edward’s speech was filled with bouts of raucous laughter and a few ‘ahhhs’ at the soppy bits. Finally, at the end, he raised his glass and asked everyone to do the same.

  ‘I’d like to thank Fiona for her choice in bridesmaids. Bunny and Olivia are both beautiful and charming, and Fiona is lucky to have them both in her life.’

  He turned to look at her then and their eyes locked. Dark against light. He didn’t smile but Olivia felt the power of his look. She didn’t understand what it meant but she was grateful for it anyway.

  He sipped his champagne and continued. ‘Tonight we’re here to celebrate family, friends and love. So congratulations, Will and Fiona. To the Bride and Groom.’

  He lifted his glass and a cheer went up while drinks were clinked before the MC took the microphone back and announced dessert.

  Olivia realised she’d missed the main course. Her stomach growled in protest. After the action behind the stairs she was hungry, and a little tired, but the buzz of Edward being in the room was keeping her awake. And keeping her body tense.

  Besides that one long look, Edward had avoided her eye, and she, gratefully, had avoided his. She wanted to leave. To go up to her room and hide and then sneak out tomorrow and never have to see any of these people again. But Fiona was smiling at her, and then she was next to her, whispering something about the first dance.

  Fiona clasped her hand and led her to the dance floor before leaving her for Will. Olivia stood still. Alone and wondering what to do next. She still felt silly and embarrassed. Sure everyone would put two and two together and know what she’d been doing and who she’d been doing it with. She couldn’t do this. She had to leave.

  But a big, warm hand in hers stopped her escape.

  ‘Dance with me.’

  Edward’s dark look was back. Olivia’s heart was beating. Hard and fast and out of control. A prickle of heat ran through her as she looked at his hand, big and dark over hers. A smile spread across his lips as his other hand grasped her bare back. His large hand lay warm and sensual across her skin. He pulled her close and the breath left her body.

  ‘I don’t think that’s a good idea.’ Olivia lowered her voice and used two hands to push against his chest. ‘Everyone here knows what we did.’

  He smiled down at her and stood still, as if her push did nothing. ‘They have no idea. But they’ll get suspicious if the Maid of Honour won’t dance with the Best Man.’

  She didn’t want to dance with him. He was too hot and too close and the memory of what they had done behind the stairs was still burning through her with his touch. Deep down she throbbed, annoyed she wanted him again. But he was right. It would look worse if she refused to dance with him. So she let him take her ha
nd while she slipped her other hand around his tense shoulder.

  The music started. A sappy love song full of ‘I love yous’ and ‘You complete mes’. Olivia’s stomach turned.

  ‘So you finally came to your senses, did you?’ she asked, her voice harder than she’d meant it to be.

  His feet moved and his arms pulled her along with him in a slow circle around the room. He was a strong partner and she felt safe in his arms.

  ‘What are you talking about?’ His eyes flashed.

  Olivia smiled at a passing couple.

  ‘You know exactly what I mean.’

  She gasped at the feel of his thigh in between her legs as he turned her around to face the other way.

  ‘I said I was sorry. What do you want me to do, Olivia? Get on the microphone and make a public announcement?’

  He spun her again—a little wildly, she thought. But his hand was strong on her back and held her firm. He pulled her a little closer and she could feel him hard against her. The feel of it made her a little weak. She had to resist the pull of him. She had to stop throwing herself at him. She’d already made a fool of herself so many times around him she’d lost count.

  With a shove, she pulled herself back. ‘I don’t need your apologies. I need to understand why you did that.’ She couldn’t help but feel disappointed. She didn’t want to think he regretted what they did, but the way he’d said ‘sorry’. So sincerely. She didn’t want him to be sorry. She wanted him to feel as much as she did.

  Colour stained his cheeks. He gripped her hand a little tighter and flung her around another corner.

  ‘What do you want me to say? “I’m an animal”? “I can’t control myself”?’ His dark eyes went even darker as he pulled her in firmly again. ‘Well, it’s true. When I’m around you I seem to forget who I am and where I am. All I can think of is you.’

  ‘Is that why you took me up against the wall behind the stairs like a two-dollar hooker?’