Thrown To The Wolf (Pack Heat Book 3)

by Sam Hall

  I felt a low throb as I considered just what that meant. I loved the guys for stepping up, but I was much more on board with Jack’s idea than anyone else’s right now, and I could get the party started with Brandon when we gave that massive communal shower a go.

  “I’ll help you to get some food for the refugees and Jack and Hawk, and then we’ll debrief the alpha.”

  I groaned, smacking my head against my knees.

  “That’s not what I want at all.”

  “No, but it's what you need.”

  “Max, Rhydian, and Grey are now under Doc Hobbes’s care. I’ve sent through several contingents of soldiers to retrieve those of our men still stranded on the other side of the portal,” Ophelia said as we took a seat. “Aaron seemed quite concerned about that.”

  “I think we all need something different to walk away from this, call it over,” I said, linking my hand with Brandon’s. “Aaron needs to know the guys are safe. Finn needs to know no more are going through the portal, that he’s not at risk of being pushed through just for being who he is. He needs his dads and his family. Hawk needs the women and kids to be safe. I think that’s what they want too, but you’ll need to talk to them about it. Keep the contact to a minimum. They’ve been through so much.” My words trailed away as I considered what it must have been like, being chained to my child and prepared for sacrifice by my own father, then watching my brothers and sons get eaten whole. “Jack needs Hawk…” That sentence felt unfinished, not entirely true. “…and me, and the pack. Slade needs us back in our place, for nothing to happen for a good long while, for us to be able to relax. And Brandon…” I got something down our bond, but I didn’t want to speak for him.

  “I need what you need, Jules. To tell our story.”

  I nodded, holding his gaze for a moment, then patting my jacket pocket to find the heavy weight of Brandon’s book still there, despite everything we’d gone through. I needed to tell it, read it, and then get to the happy ever after.

  Epilogue

  Despite everything that was going on, somehow, we all ended up back home around the same time. Buddy was at my heels, having licked and nuzzled and squirmed his way onto my lap for much of the meeting with Ophelia. Now he just trotted in front of us, tail curled tight, ready to go where we were—home.

  Ophelia had made some calls, let people know we were back, and as it was now well into the night, that we would catch up with everyone once we’d had a chance to sleep. Brandon and I walked into our house, then started opening windows and letting the place air out just before the pack started to arrive, Buddy’s feet clicking on the floorboards until he found his bed and curled up in it.

  “Mum came by the Mess,” Slade said after giving me a kiss on the cheek as he came inside. “She wants us over for dinner tomorrow, lunch as a fallback. I think she’s intending to bring us breakfast.”

  “Mine too,” Aaron said, scratching his neck ruefully. “With the mating marks and being through the portal, they feel like they’ve missed too much, and Mum’s not one to let things go.”

  “We won’t see mine for a bit at least. Doc’s got my dads resting in her surgery away from the women, and Mum’s with them,” Finn said.

  “Mine are trying really hard to be cool,” Brandon said, getting off the phone. “I think Mum laid down the law. She knows some of what happened from my visions, but I won’t be able to hold them off for long.”

  “I saw my brothers down at the Mess,” Hawk said. “Sorry, love, each one of them wants us to come around for dinner, and then there’s Mum and Dads.”

  “Not mine,” Jack said with a lift of his chin. “Mum’s been in meetings with Nan.”

  I felt a flutter in my chest. Of anxiety? Of pressure? Of feeling like people wanted pieces of me I didn’t have to give? I didn’t say a word, but my pack moved closer in our bright white kitchen, arms interlacing as they surrounded me.

  “Jules—”

  “We can—”

  “It’ll be—”

  “We’ll hold a family dinner with all of the relevant people in the married mess. We’ll give it all over to the Mums to organise, and then all we have to do is turn up,” Finn said. “After we’ve had a chance to recharge.”

  I sagged within their arms at that and then just relished that feeling. This was a pack, where you could collapse in a heap, knowing there were a bunch of people there to catch you and hold you until you could bring yourself to stand again.

  We all drifted over to the bathroom after that. Probably because we all stank. Medieval times might have guaranteed organic food and facilitated the rise of despotic regimes, but internal plumbing left a lot to be desired. The last real wash I’d had was the cold bath in the Uldariel village.

  “Fuck, hot water…” Slade groaned as he got under the spray.

  “And having an actual shower, rather than a dip in the river,” Aaron said, turning the taps to start the next shower head going.

  “Sleeping in a goddam bed,” Jack said, stripping the last of his clothes off. “I don’t even care if you blokes snore at this rate. Sleeping on something other than floorboards is all I want. Well…” His eyes opened a crack as he regarded me, then Hawk, his hands working soap into his groin. When I looked across at Hawk, I saw both of us noted the thickening there with interest.

  Could we do this? Sex? After seeing a mass slaughter, attempted sacrifices, the cavern closing in, Max, Sylvan… For a moment, the guys were obscured, and all I saw was Sylvan rugby tackling Lonan into the Black Wolf’s mouth.

  “Stop.” My eyes jerked up to see Finn standing on one side of me and Brandon on the other. “Don’t overthink this, don’t indulge in survivor’s guilt. You have a pack, and it's in one piece. The only appropriate response right now is relief, love, and pleasure.”

  Finn was using a hint of his alpha tone on me, but I didn’t feel the pulse of his will. Rather, it was more like a psychic hug. He saw me, held me, told me it was all going to be OK, and for once, I could believe him.

  “C’mon,” Brandon said, unbuttoning my shirt. “It’s time to join them.”

  “It’s time, like I stink, or ‘it’s time’, portentously delivered in a seer-like fashion?” He just smiled at me as he pushed my clothes off, and Finn dropped down to unbutton my pants. “Brandon?”

  He didn’t answer me as his hand and Finn’s steered me towards the shower, and I grabbed Hawk’s as I passed and dragged him under the water with us. Then it all got kinda messy. Soap was distributed, rubbed on flanks and up ribcages, between thighs and along backs. We were one big octopus of hands washing each other, not especially efficiently, but plenty sensually.

  Finn broke first, pushing me into Slade’s arms as his lips dropped to mine. I wanted this. It was selfish, almost wantonly so after what had just happened, but I guess that’s what human brains are like. My conscience felt like we should hold a vigil for Sylvan to honour what he did, but everything noble and nice was pushed aside for just this—connection. I might have this all snatched away tomorrow. We’d been led around by the nose since I arrived, something I wanted to explore further with Brandon. The White Wolf said I was her conduit now, so who knows when she’d want us to ride to the rescue again? I kissed Finn back with everything I had, felt the burn of our venom as our tongues tangled.

  Then I was passed on to Slade, who tipped my head back to kiss my neck, then twisted me around to face him, Finn hard and heavy against my hip.

  “You’re OK, princess,” Slade said, pausing for a second. His hazel eyes burned into mine, as if the intensity of his gaze would reassure me. And it did. I could see it there, plain as day, no matter what kind of life we’d lead, he’d do everything he could to make that statement true, for me and for the pack. He dropped his hand to stroke across my stomach before going to my hip. And any child we chose to bring into it.

  I answered by kissing him, my heart seizing as I felt the rasp of his beard against my hands, then he folded me against his chest and just held me for a
minute, letting me listen to the rapid thud of his heartbeat, and I felt the strong throb of our bond through the skin to skin contact. Then I felt another hand on my shoulder.

  I saw the raw expression on Aaron’s face as soon as he took me in his arms. It was such a strange thing, as the world I’d come from had more in common with the Volken and their macho male bullshit. So to see someone as big and strong as him trembling when he touched me, smoothing the water from my face before tugging me close. He didn’t kiss me or stroke me, he just held me with the vise-like strength of his arms. “You’re safe…” he whispered, more to himself than me. “You’re safe.”

  “It’s OK, love.”

  We both looked to see Brandon with a hand on each of our shoulders, the kind of radiant look on his face that made him look like he was lit from within.

  “You don’t know…” Aaron’s words trailed away as he watched our lover. “Do you?”

  Brandon wouldn’t answer. He just smiled as he drew me into his arms, kissed me deep and slow, then rested his forehead on mine for a moment when we were done, before doing the same to Aaron, looking as smug as a cat.

  “Hey, stop bogarting the babe.”

  I looked up to see Jack hovering at my shoulder, his grin broad and bright as he saw my cranky expression. He pulled me out of Brandon’s grip, spinning me and dipping me down low, as if we were ballroom dancing not naked in the shower.

  “Babe?” I growled.

  “Honey, sweetheart, darling, or love. You’re mine now, right?”

  There, hidden deeply behind the shiny exterior was that lingering thread of doubt, so I put aside my objections to dumb pet names for a second and just relished that what he said was true.

  “I am. I’m not going anywhere, hopefully ever again. This is it, this is us.”

  Jack blinked momentarily, as if he couldn’t quite believe it. We’d have to work on that.

  “Alright, Chuckles,” Hawk said, prising me out of his grip. “You’ve got your daily affirmation of love out the way.”

  “From Jules, but you’re not off the hook,” Jack shot back.

  “Neither are you,” Hawk rumbled, but he turned me towards him, sheltering me deep in his arms. He didn’t make any further moves, though I could feel his thick length pulled up tight against his stomach. He just held me until I felt the sigh shudder through his body. His breath seemed to come out harder, more strangled after that, as if holding me was making things worse rather than better. I reached out and placed a hand on his chest, which was quickly covered by his. Something hard and desperate struggled behind his eyes, so I took a deep breath and tried to look deeper into the bond.

  I saw me, looking a whole lot more amazing than I would have looked, running like the wind across the cavern floor. I saw rocks the size of house blocks—that was definitely an exaggeration—smashing to the ground around me. Then there was the Black Wolf, looming as big as a skyscraper, with a muzzle full of razor-sharp teeth. He snarled as I approached, his head snaking down to eat me whole. Then the view shot to Hawk, running with everything he had, his muscles powering on, shaking with the effort, his face pulled back in a mask of agony as he kept sprinting but just got further and further away.

  “No!”

  I jolted back to reality as Hawk pushed me back against the wall. His grip was firm, not painful, but I could see now the effort it took for him to keep it that way. As his fingers flexed, I saw the claws pushing through his fingertips.

  “Hawk…” Finn said in a low growl, but I shook my head.

  “It’s OK, isn’t it, Hawk?”

  He couldn’t answer. I saw the muscles flex under the much longer length of beard, his eyes staring into mine, until finally, he shook his head. His head dropped down, his breath coming in gasps, as he fought whatever he was going through.

  “Hawk, I’m here,” I said.

  “But you might not have been! You ran right into…” He pushed away from me, but I caught his arm and hauled him back.

  “Hey…hey…” I tried to look into his eyes, but he kept them resolutely down, so I took my cues from my pack and wrapped my arms around him, closing my eyes and then letting something happen that I hadn’t since we got back. I settled.

  Not a good word for it, but it was the only way I could think to describe it. It was as if all I was popped and fizzed like water droplets on a hot pan, and then the heat was turned off. My breath, thoughts, all slowed down, and I just was.

  For a while, there was just the faint hiss of the water until someone turned it off, the feel of the rivulets running down our forms, the heavy weight of our bodies as we clung to each other. It was the sound of Hawk’s breath coming to match mine, growing slower, more measured, and then there was just quiet.

  It should have been no surprise that the bathroom fell away to be replaced by the radiant light of our shared psychic space. Everyone stood within it, as did the White Wolf. She regarded us all with those inscrutable green eyes, just sitting there, waiting.

  “This better not be another bloody quest,” Jack said, striding forward, putting his body between us and the goddess. “You’ve had enough from us.”

  “That’s the goddess,” Brandon hissed.

  “I don’t give a shit what she is. We just got home. We’re done with this,” Slade said.

  “Let's find out what she wants,” Finn said.

  You must choose.

  Our heads jerked up at the sound, Hawk’s hands tightening around me.

  “Choose what?” Aaron said. “Is having no more divine intervention in our lives an option? Because I choose that. You’ve tugged us from pillar to post, you’ve been playing games with Brandon since he was born. You pulled us together into a pack, and now we finally get a moment to ourselves, you come back for more?”

  You must choose.

  “Choose what?” Slade said. She didn’t answer, just waited implacably. “I choose us, our pack.” He looked back to the rest of us. “We’ve done enough.”

  “Me too. I can’t watch the people I love go through that shit again,” Aaron said.

  Hawk’s grip tightened.

  “I’ve made my position clear on what I want,” Jack said. “Only words that start with F apply, and for you, that’s fuck off.”

  “Jack!” Brandon hissed.

  “No, no, I’m done with all this ‘it has been foretold’ bullshit. We came, we saw, we kicked Lonan’s arse—”

  “That was Sylvan more than us,” Finn said.

  “Nonetheless, we’ve done enough.” Jack turned to face the lot of us. “No one asked us, no one told us what was going on.” Brandon blanched at that, but Jack surged on. “No one felt like they could tell us without stuffing things up, right?” The other man nodded. “We’ve done it all. Someone died… Well, lots of someone’s died, but someone sacrificed himself so we could have this. Have Sanctuary, have our pack, our house.”

  “Our footy, fucking, food, and beer?” I said.

  Jack laughed at that, but I could see the tears shining there. Hawk’s hands moved restively around my waist at that.

  “I just want us to have a chance to enjoy it.”

  “I never thought I’d say this,” Finn said with a shake of his head. “But Jack’s right.”

  “Really?” his cousin said. “Finally, Prince Perfect sees my side of things.”

  “Brandon? Jules? Hawk? You’re the deciders here,” Finn said.

  Brandon stepped forward, away from the pack and into the space between. “What of Sanctuary? What of the refugees? If this is what we choose, what happens to them?”

  You must choose, was the Great Wolf’s only reply.

  “But what will happen? Will everyone be safe? Will the Black Wolf come for us? What will happen to any children we have?”

  And then I knew what the right decision was. I lifted Hawk’s hand and kissed it, then started to pull away but dipped in to kiss his cheek and take a deep breath of his woody pine needle scent first.

  “We won’t ever kn
ow,” I said as I took up my place by Brandon’s side. “That’s what the vast majority of people do. They take a chance, leap off that cliff, dive into that wolf’s mouth, and hope for the best. That’s what I choose—hope.”

  The White Wolf nodded, then turned tail and disappeared, and the bathroom came flooding back.

  “That’s what worried you, wasn’t it, Hawk? When I leapt into the fray, you thought I was choosing something else.”

  “I…” His hands balled into fists, and then he consciously, slowly released them. “I choose you two every fucking time. You’re what I think about when I wake up, I go to sleep covered in your scent, fucking wallowing in the two of you. In all of you, in a lesser way. It was fucking weird, talking to my brothers in the Mess. They’re my family, I’ve grown up with them all my life, but I realised just today, it's this. This is my family now, this is where I belong, and I will protect it with everything I have. From gods, from other people, from the matriarchs, I don’t fucking care.”

  Silence fell over the bathroom, until finally Jack said, “Fucking Silent Bob. Never says anything, and then when he does, everyone thinks what he says is profound.”

  Slade snorted, but I walked past all of them and into Hawk’s arms, relishing every minute as the weight settled around me.

  We went to bed afterwards. Of course, we did. Sex was an integral part of being Tirian, but it was only now, as my hands slid across their taut flesh and theirs slid over mine, that I realised something. My Tirian had said something profound through the portal—that we were their links to the physical, and they were our ability to transcend it.

  There was no goddess in the room with us this time, no glowing lights, no black suns. Not even the psychic space. Everyone was here, naked, present in ways that went far beyond the physical, just as she had said.

  There was a tremendous vulnerability to what we did together. Rather than sexy scenarios and panting heat, we were just seven people, opening ourselves to each other. We didn’t touch each other so much to arouse, but to connect. When finally, Hawk was buried inside me, everyone else lying around us or tangled in each other, I felt it.