The Damaged Heroes Collection [Box Set #1: The Damaged Heroes Collection] (BookStrand Publishing Mainstream)

by James, Sandy

She nodded, but he could feel Joy’s eyes locked on him as she searched for answers with that gypsy brain of hers. He had none to offer. A tiny, shaking hand came to rest on his thigh. He covered it with his own trembling hand.

  The pickup skidded to a stop in front of the barn. Lucas was out of the truck almost before it stopped moving.

  Joy watched him run into the house through the kitchen door. She was terrified for him, knowing how he was reliving all the horrid memories of his time in Iraq. Even after everything she’d learned about post-traumatic stress disorder, she had found no sure way to help him. What hurt even more than understanding what he was going through was knowing there was little she could do to stop it.

  Going to the barn, Joy finished the evening chores, hoping to give him the space he needed. As she poured grain for each of the horses, she thought about how she could help Lucas. Stubborn rings of curls kept falling in her eyes. She brushed them away each time she used the back of her hand to wipe away a tear. Her heart was breaking for him.

  Her cats came to weave between her legs. She paused every now and then to pet one or offer a scratch behind their furry ears. They had adapted well to the change of location, much better than she’d thought they would when Janos had brought them over. The cats split their time between the house and the barn, and Lucas had even commented on the disappearance of the mice that used to be brazen enough to appear right out in the open.

  After throwing hay in each stall, pouring some dry food out for the cats, and telling all the animals to sleep well, she made her way to the house. She wasn’t even all the way through the door before he grabbed her hand and jerked her to him, kissing her senseless.

  * * * *

  By the time his sanity returned, they were in naked in bed and Joy was sleeping in his arms.

  Lucas felt ashamed. He’d used her again. He’d used her to drive away the blinding pain and grief. She shouldn’t forgive him for that.

  A wall. He’d taken her against a damned wall, so lost in his own needs, he hadn’t been a gentle lover. Hell, he hadn’t been a lover at all. The blue dress lay in ripped pieces on the kitchen floor. He couldn’t even remember what had happened to his own clothes. There wasn’t a part of her body he hadn’t touched or a piece of skin he hadn’t kissed, and he knew he’d been rough. Too rough. And too demanding. He had given her no quarter, no chance to ask for mercy.

  But Joy had matched him in ferocity, meeting his body’s demands with her own. She wrapped those legs around his waist, pulling him closer, taking him inside that warm and ready body. She had clutched at him like a drowning man reaches for rescue. He was pretty sure if he looked, he would find long fingernail scratches on his back. And she had screamed his name when she came.

  She should hate him.

  Lucas thanked God she didn’t.

  Joy let out a sigh in her sleep and snuggled her pretty backside a little closer to him. Lucas fit his thighs to hers, pulled her body harder against him as they spooned on the big bed. He owed her so much more than this. Tonight, he owed her his life. She had saved his life.

  He knew he was going to have to talk to one of the V.A. counselors again. This wasn’t just going to go away on its own, no matter how desperately he wished it would. Even now, he was afraid to fall asleep, terrified the nightmares would overwhelm him if he slept. It was time to get help. It was past time to get help.

  Lucas owed it to Joy to make himself whole again.

  Chapter 23

  Joy finished hanging the clean laundry on the clothesline as Janos’s familiar black Honda pulled up next to the barn. She frowned as he got out of the car, sensing that he sought her out to give her some kind of bad news. Balancing the empty clothes basket against her hip, she walked over to greet him.

  “How you doing, Noverke?” His glance scanned her from head to toe, and then he frowned. “Still tired, little sister?”

  She nodded but refused to discuss it further. If she dropped any tidbits of information, Janos would easily figure out just what was making her tired—or rather who was making her tired.

  “Where’s Lucas?”

  “He’s at Brian’s. With the all new horses they’ve got, he’s plenty busy being their number two. Or their second. You know, I can’t remember the right word for his training job. Horse people have their own language.”

  He followed her into the kitchen as did all four of the cats. Setting the basket on the floor, she found the pet food and poured some into their bowls as a harmony of purrs expressed appreciation.

  “Seems like those mangy things have learned to like it here,” Janos said with a chuckle.

  “My cats aren’t mangy. And, yes, they love it here. I don’t even have to keep a litter box anymore. They like sleeping in the barn more than they do in our bed.” Feeling the hot flush spread across her cheeks at the mention of something as intimate but horribly obvious as her sharing a bed with Lucas, Joy wished she had a better ability of censoring things that tended to just fall out of her mouth.

  Kicking her sandals into the small pile of flip-flops next to the door, she ignored Janos’s amused smirk. “Still having problems remembering your shoes?”

  She scowled at him, grabbed an empty cup, and poured herself some coffee. Then she held up the pot. “Want some?”

  Janos shook his head and sat down on the opposite side of the table where he proceeded to stare at her with those intense, all-seeing dark eyes. Joy dropped her gaze to her cup and fiddled with the spoon in the sugar bowl.

  He’ll know. Sweet Jesus, if he looks into my eyes, he’ll know.

  “How many days does he work for Brian?”

  Joy scooped some sugar in her coffee, stirred it, and then licked the spoon. “Five,” she finally answered. “He’s treating it like a full-time job, and I’m glad. Brian says Lucas is a good trainer, and Lucas loves being there.”

  “You’re picking up the slack around here?” Janos inclined his head toward a newly painted kitchen wall.

  Joy stared at her cup, wondering why she was embarrassed to be spending so much time helping fix the house now that Lucas was busy. She answered her brother with a curt nod.

  “And what about the horses you’ve got here? Who takes care of them?”

  “Lucas.” Janos looked incredulous. “Well, most of the time he does, at least in the mornings. But he’s teaching me what needs to be done for them,” she replied with pride. Lucas had patiently helped her learn how to care for the horses, and Joy was pleased she’d easily picked up on the tasks. “If he’s at the track paddocking, I bring them in and feed them. Besides, we’re down to three.”

  “Paddocking?” Janos asked as he cocked his head like a curious child.

  “Taking care of a horse before a race. They call it ‘paddocking.’ I told you they speak a different language,” Joy replied before taking a sip from her cup.

  “Oh, yeah. He told me that the day we met.” Janos frowned. “Home improvement. Horses. No wonder you’re tired. And I’ll bet you don’t have a chance to sketch at all, do you?”

  Joy could feel her cheeks burn her response.

  “I know you miss it. If I didn’t have so much to do at Gypsy, I’d be out here helping so you could have time to draw.”

  Joy felt a wave of guilt wash over her. She’d abandoned her brother to all the work of running the restaurant that was supposed to be her responsibility as well as his. “Janos, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to leave you without any help.”

  “It’s fine. Since Mama and Papa stayed in Erie to help Andras get things ready for the wedding, it hasn’t been too bad. And I hired another hostess, one of Krisi’s friends. At least Mama and Papa are busy enough they aren’t calling every other hour asking for you.” He snorted a small laugh. “As many times as you’ve been in the shower or in the bathroom, they’re going to think you’re obsessive-compulsive or have some kind of intestinal parasite. If it weren’t for the wedding, you know they’d be back here in a heartbeat to find out what’s up.”

/>   “Isn’t Tamas helping?”

  “Yeah, but he keeps asking where you are.” A mischievous smile spread over his lips. “I’m thoroughly enjoying pissing him off by not answering. He knows you’re with Lucas. He just doesn’t know where.”

  “I hadn’t even thought about how much trouble he’d give you. I’m really sorry.” She shifted the cup nervously between her hands. Just thinking about what Tamas had done made her stomach clench in nervous knots. The fear was still there, lurking below the surface. Instinctively glancing up to get some comfort from her older brother, Joy let her eyes lock with his.

  Janos’s gaze was compassionate, but it quickly turned angry, downright fierce. “Shit, Joy. Tamas hurt you, didn’t he?”

  With a weary sigh, she replied, “Yeah, but it’s nothing I can’t handle. Promise me you’ll let it be.”

  “Jozsa, I can’t—”

  “Yes, you can. What happened just...happened. It’s over and done. Let it rest. I’m with Lucas now. None of it matters.”

  Staring at him from across the table, Joy watched the emotions playing on her brother’s face. Anger. Concern. About the time he seemed to be getting a grip on his tumbling feelings, his eyes flew wide. “Are you... Oh, God, Jozsa. You’re going to have a baby, aren’t you?”

  Stupid Romungro insight.

  She chose to ignore him, not feeling the need to confirm what he already knew. Quickly getting to her feet, she walked to the sink and began to wash the breakfast dishes.

  Stupid gypsy intuition.

  “You know the only reason I’m going to leave certain parts of Lucas’s anatomy still attached is because I know you love the guy. But he has to marry you. Hell, he should’ve been willing to marry you before you got pregnant. How did he take the news?”

  With a shake of her head, Joy choked back the tears that were threatening as she stared out the window at the spot where Lucas had promised to build her gazebo. Of course Lucas should marry her. Everything she had been taught about love and respect told her so, but she wasn’t about to force him to make that kind of decision. Especially not now, not when he was finally getting back some control over his life.

  Too much had already happened. The war. The injury. The house. And me. It just wasn’t right to dump this kind of change on him too. Not yet.

  Joy wanted a husband who loved her, who wanted her. She didn’t want a man who was with her solely out of obligation because of a baby conceived in the heat of the moment. Time. Lucas needs time. “I haven’t told him.”

  Janos was suddenly behind her. Placing his hands on her shoulders, he said, “He has to know sometime, Noverke.”

  With a sniffle, Joy nodded.

  “What can I do to help?” The concern in his voice was almost enough to make her start crying again.

  “I’m fine. Really.” She grabbed a dishtowel, dried her hands, and placed a palm over one of Janos’s comforting hands. “I’ll tell him. When he’s ready.”

  Janos gave her shoulders an affectionate squeeze. “No man is ever ready for that kind of news. But I’ll leave the telling to you. For now.”

  “Thank you, Janos.” Deciding it was past time to change the topic, Joy asked, “What brings you out here this morning?”

  His hands dropped from her shoulder. “We need to make plans for Andras’s wedding. You have to be there.”

  “I don’t have to be—”

  “Yes,” he interrupted, “you do. I might be able to keep the family from finding out you’re not living at Gypsy, but you have to go to Erie for the wedding.”

  Janos threw her one of his patented scolding glares, and she had to smile at him in response. He was what she missed most being away from Gypsy. “Fine. I know you’re right. I have to go to Erie. I want to see everyone.”

  She and Lucas had already discussed it. Several times. And he refused to let her go alone. Knowing he still stubbornly clung to the hope that her father might accept him, she figured Lucas was just setting himself up for a fall. “Lucas wants to go with us.”

  “Not us. I’m going to wait and come up the morning of the wedding with Tamas. He made arrangements for Krisi and one of the cooks to hold down the fort while we’re gone. But I imagine we’ll head back the next morning, right after the family dinner.”

  That didn’t bode well for her. Janos was the only one in her family who would give Lucas anything but a cold shoulder. “I guess Lucas and I will drive up the night before. Is Andras having a civil ceremony, or did Rebekah want a church wedding?”

  “They’re getting married in the church, but the family ceremony will be at the restaurant,” Janos replied. “It’s Saturday, Jozsa.”

  “I know, I know. He’s my brother too,” she said, knowing he didn’t deserve her scolding. “I’ll reserve a motel room for Lucas and me. You’re staying with Rebekah’s family?”

  Leaning back against the cabinet and folding his arms over his chest, Janos nodded. “Tamas and I are both staying there. You don’t think Papa will blow his top if you don’t stay with family?”

  As she leaned against the cabinet next to him, she couldn’t stop an unladylike snort. “He’ll be pissed no matter what if I bring Lucas. But I think Lucas is right. It’s time to start letting everyone know that we’re together, and they can’t pull us apart.”

  “Sounds like he’s marking his territory.” Janos’s face grew stern, reminding Joy way too much of their father. She had seen that look more times than she could remember. “I want him to marry you, Jozsa. I mean it.”

  “Don’t. Just don’t.” How could she make him understand? She didn’t want a husband out of duty or responsibility. “Yes, I want him to marry me. Because I love him. And I’ll accept no less as his reason to make me his wife.”

  “This isn’t about what he wants. It’s about doing what’s right.” Her brother considered her for a moment, his brown eyes no less stern. But then she saw the softening, the understanding. “Fine. I’ll butt out. For now.” Janos leaned over and kissed her cheek. “Just for now.”

  * * * *

  “Friday and Saturday?” Brian asked. “Thanks a bunch, Bro. Why don’t I just go ahead and scratch all my horses from their races?”

  “You can stop the sarcasm,” Lucas replied as he put the last of the equipment in the tack trunk. “You can get someone to paddock for two nights. This is important.”

  Brian zipped the harness bag and turned back to Lucas. “I still don’t get why you want to go to that wedding. They don’t want you there. You know they’ll treat you like shit. You deserve better.”

  All Lucas could do was shrug. Brian was right, but Lucas wasn’t about to let her family keep him away from Joy or away from being at her side for important events. The Kovacs clan would simply have to get used to seeing him, whether they liked it or not.

  “You’re just gonna go and take their abuse?” Brian asked, obviously trying to press his point. “You don’t deserve it. You’re good to Joy.”

  “They never said I wasn’t good to her.” Of course, they had no idea he and Joy were a couple, or that they lived together. Suddenly, the trip to Erie seemed a lot more foreboding.

  Joy had explained quite a bit about Romungro customs, and Lucas knew that her family and friends wouldn’t take kindly to knowing she’d moved out of Gypsy and into his old house. Her father would be furious. Lucas wasn’t about to let her face that wrath alone.

  His stomach churned as he thought about how Bela would react when Lucas appeared at the wedding. It hurt to know he caused the friction between Joy and her family, especially between her and her father.

  “I just don’t get what the hang-up is,” Brian said as he tightened the harness on the big bay gelding. “I figured people got over this kind of nonsense in the nineteenth century. You’re a good guy, Lucas. They should want you with Joy.”

  “I guess gypsies are different,” Lucas replied, wishing his brother would let the whole thing drop. “Being a good guy isn’t enough. Look, we’re heading to Erie Frid
ay afternoon. And you can quit scowling at me. There are plenty of grooms around that can take care of your horses.”

  “They’re not as good as you are,” Brian replied from the opposite side of the horse. “And I’m a hell of a lot more worried about you than finding some grooms.”

  “Red letter day,” Lucas said with a wry grin. “I got a compliment from my older brother.

  * * * *

  Joy didn’t remember Pennsylvania being such a long drive. Perhaps she had slept most of the way when they made the trip in her younger years. She hadn’t visited since the Indiana Gypsy opened. After six hours of driving, she was tired, nauseous, and dying to get out of the damned truck.

  Lucas kept glancing over at her, and she wondered if she looked as bad as she felt. “It’s only about thirty more miles, Sweetheart.”

  “I know. I’m just sick of riding.”

  “Want me to pull over at the next rest stop?”

  Joy shook her head, not wanting any reason to drag this trip out any longer. “Let’s just get to the motel.”

  Not entirely sure what type of greeting they would receive, Joy wondered if her nausea had as much to do with her fear as the movement of the truck. Her parents would lay into her first for having pulled a disappearing act for the last few weeks. Then Bela would shout at her about Lucas being at a family celebration. She wouldn’t even have Janos there to fight on her side.

  Poor Lucas. The guy had no idea what lay ahead. If he did, he would’ve turned the truck around and headed right back to Indiana.

  Mile markers blurred by. Joy breathed a sigh of relief when they finally pulled into the motel parking lot. After they registered at the front desk, she followed Lucas as he carried the suitcase to the elevator. After a couple of frustrated tries, she was able to get the keycard to open the door.

  Joy kicked off her sandals and flopped down on the big bed as Lucas placed the suitcase on the luggage stand. “Aren’t you even going to change?”

  She groaned and rolled to her side. “No.”