Wolf Heart: Moon Born book 1

by Dallas Jessica Owen

  The flash of arrogance that crossed his face crystallized all her fears into one ice cold ball in the pit of her stomach. There was no guilt that she saw, no expression of regret or sorrow. There was only pride that he had made another conquest and pride in the fact that he had multiple women. She wanted to rage, wanted to shout, wanted to feel anything but the ice inside her stomach and the expression of surety on his face that she would not leave him.

  “You’ve been sleeping with her.” It wasn’t a question and she hated herself then for sounding so pitiful and weak. She should be shouting she knew but her voice came out in the squeak of a small child who had been found out doing something naughty. She knew she should throw something at him, hate him but even now all it took was one look from his eyes and the sneer on his lips to make her feel like she was in trouble.

  “Of course I have Mary and it’s your fault.” Her stomach contracted as she felt the verbal blow land. “You’re so fucking passive all the time. You lie in bed, a slab of meat motionless waiting for it to be over and immune to whatever I do. Do you know how disgusting that makes me feel? Hell the only way I can get a reaction is to hurt you.”

  He sneered at her “I sometimes think the only reason you started a business on the internet was so you wouldn’t have to meet people, real everyday people who might tell you how idiotic you are.”

  Red-faced and feeling ashamed she watched as he downed the scotch “At least Deborah enjoys sex. She moves around and isn’t afraid to tell me what she likes. She wants to try new things and experiment a little. She wants to fuck me, Mary, unlike you who just waits for me to finish and then rolls over and falls asleep.”

  His anger cast a spell over her and she retreated inwards. I’m sorry. She couldn’t help thinking the words and nearly opened her mouth to say them. I’m only passive because I don’t know what to do, don’t know what I want. She wanted to cry, to explain and scream everything she kept inside but his stare would not let her. It pinned her, made her want to submit to whatever he wanted without it being what she wanted. She stepped back as he moved towards her, a snarl on his face as his anger reached full force.

  “And now you’re telling me you want to sell your business and up sticks to Scotland of all places? Scotland, the most dismal, rainy and bad weathered of all places. You could have chosen somewhere sunny like Spain or somewhere rich like Monaco but no, you want to move to Scotland. There’s no way my firm will let me leave London, you know that and Scotland is just too damn far to commute.”

  His hand found her arm and fingers squeezed her skin painfully. “So what was your plan for us? I’m sure you have one so why don’t you tell me just what dream you had in that stupid head of yours. I need a damn good laugh.”

  “You know my family comes from Scotland. I want to go back and perhaps search for my roots. I thought we could get a nice house somewhere and I could think about what I really want to do with my life. I’m only thirty and there’s so much I want to do but I never had the time for before. Now I will do. I thought you could open a nice little law firm there of your own. Be your own boss.” she looked down at the floor “I thought you always wanted to be your own boss.”

  “Mary you’re never going to be a painter so forget that stupid little dream.” He shook his head “Christ I can’t believe how fucking deluded you are. I bet you thought of some kids and a nice white picket fence as well right? Maybe some horses for the country lady as well.”

  He threw her arm down and she saw bruises already beginning to develop “Why would I want my own law firm in some backward little village where the only thing I will be doing is some old broads will when I’m at one of the biggest law firms in England already? Did you seriously think of me at all when you came up with this stupid idea?”

  “Of course I thought of you. I want you to come with me.” She could feel tears threatening to burst and fought them off. Steven would see them as weakness, as emotional blackmail and would sneer at her, laughing while he did it. Swallowing past the blockage in her throat Mary tried again “This is our chance to escape the city. To find a place we can raise kids away from all the problems and pollution and hectic pace of life. Isn’t that the point of working so hard?”

  Laugher, nasty and bright in its intensity bubbled from his mouth. “No Mary, not my point. Not once did you ask me if I wanted kids Mary. I don’t and I never did. Nasty snivelling little brats they destroy your life. Kids were always your dream, not mine. You need to choose Mary, Me and this life where you’re successful and have the life people would kill for or this stupid pipe dream of yours.”

  She looked around the apartment, at the shiny clean and sleek furniture and the expensive works of art on the wall seeing the pieces chosen by him but paid for by her. There’s no soul here. That was what struck her the most. This was not a home it was a place to exist. “If I choose you will you stop seeing Deborah? Will you be faithful to me?” She sounded small in the apartment with its emptiness, as if it was sucking her very spirit out of her.

  He shrugged “She means nothing so, yeah if you stop this stupid talk of selling your business and put some effort into our sex life we can just go back to the way we were. No talk of kids, no other woman. Just you and me and the holidays, the parties and the exclusive clubs,”

  You can still have this life with him. It’s not too late. She looked at Steven, knew he had lied to her. Does it matter? He always comes back to you. She hated that internal voice, that voice that promised things if she would just compromise, just give in to everyone else. It ran her life because she let it. Taking a deep breath she felt a huge pit of anxiety in her stomach as she decided her future and turning she walked over to the apartment entrance.

  “Even if you leave Mary you will be back. We both know it. Who else is going to put up with your stupidity? No one else will want someone who just lies there Mary, no one and when you come back to me you’re going to have to work hard to regain my love.” His voice followed her as she moved, chased her down and caused her to hesitate for the merest second before she reached for the door handle.

  “Tell Deborah to start looking for a new job. I hope you’re both going to be very happy together. Maybe she can make you happy.” Opening the door she finally let the tears escape as she left the apartment of the man who she had spent her life pleasing for the past four years.

  Excerpt from Wolf & Raven

  “Ho young wolf! Come on in, it is time for dinner.” He watched the young woman who practised with the sword. He had made it for her, and he knew it had been an indulgence. Women of the village were expected to know how to use a sword and axe but other duties called to them. Wife, mother, baker, crafter, all these and more were left to the woman whilst the men hunted, protected, farmed and looked after the village. Weapons were owned by the family to use, not by the individual.

  Still, his daughter was gladness personified to him and when she had told him she was going to be a great warrior, known in story and legend he had laughed and held her and treated it like any other dream. Yet she had been determined, following her dream with a single-minded determination that surprised them all.

  When the other village children had teased her, she practised harder. When the men had mocked her, she challenged them to fight and when she got knocked down, beaten and bloody; she got back up smiling from blood flecked lips. And when she had finally surpassed all in the village and was counted the best warrior they had, he felt pride.

  Sunlight arced through the air as his daughter moved, her arm swinging and he smiled to himself once more. How could one not have joy at such a daughter?

  “You have spoilt our child you know.” He turned to see his wife coming towards him with an equal smile on her lips. Although grey was beginning to show in his beard and the cold settled in his bones more frequently, the sight of her still lit a fire in his blood. “She will think she is destined for great things rather than the life this village can offer her. No good will come of it York. Mark my words.”
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  His wife was also gladness to him. She was strong and proud with hair the colour of winter hay. Snow settled in it now, but he loved her still. Strong and proud she was and he fought to win her heart, not with the strength of his arm but the strength of his love. On her finger still sat the betrothal ring he had made when he was still an apprentice. Purest gold with silver banding, it had her name inscribed around the inside. The letters of her name entwined with runes that had been brought together in a protection spell weaved by the village shaman.

  He had presented it to her and while many warriors had fought for her attention he had won her heart many moons ago with the strength of his art. “We all train with a sword and axe so we can defend the village from raiders Isolde. No one is exempt from that duty, woman or man alike. It is no great shame to me if my daughter can wield her own weapon better than all the men in this village.” His grey eyes watched his daughter’s movements as she went through drills. “She is meant for more than this village. I am sure of it.”

  “That maybe so but I worry York. She is past the age when she should be wed. Twenty-two summers she has seen and have you seen her with any boy? She practises each and every day and the few hours she is not practising or helping you in the forge she spends with that darkling Kari.”

  Isolde frowned, “Much as I am proud of her, she sends every man that would pledge their troth to her away with sharp words and if need be a sharper edge. At this rate she will never know the love of family or,” her hand tightened on York’s arm “The desire in the dark of night.”

  “She is still young, and you worry too much my love.” York turned to his wife and felt happiness in his heart despite her worried words. “When the right one comes she will know and she will know all we have and more. First though I suspect she has great deeds to accomplish.”

  “Well, that is for the spirits to decide and not foolish old men who dote on their daughters.” York felt her hand on his arm pulling him away. “Come husband. It is time to eat. She will come in when she is hungry enough.” He looked down into her eyes as she spoke. “I remember well what it was to be that age. She will come in when she is tired of it.”

  Together they walked back into the lone stone long hut in the village. Standing next to the forge it was a great honour to be the blacksmith he knew and he brought honour to the village as best he could. For fifteen summers York had been the blacksmith and had become well known for the finesse with which he crafted his goods. His hands seemed to work magic and his tools lasted longer, his weapons never seemed to break and his jewellery had caused traders to come from far and wide.

  Yet with all he had created, he considered his finest work to be not the ring with which he gained the love of his wife, but the sword which he had made for his daughter. It was lighter than a normal blade and made to fit her then tall eighteen year old body it shone with the skill with which she wielded it.

  Months he had searched for the right ores, the right materials. Silver to be added in the forging which normally would have made the blade brittle became stronger when he chanted the smith's songs. From the fire it came, reflecting the sun and glowing with the fire of its birth and when it was done had spent many more nights working on the blade. Inscribing, sharpening, chanting, it had been a labour of love and when finished he wrapped it in a clock of pure black to keep it from prying eyes.

  At her age of adulthood ceremony, he presented her with the blade. “The blade is named Sun-fire,” he had told her “A named blade for a legend to be.” At her touch, the blade had blazed with light and in her eyes he saw that same light reflected.

  Yes, he thought to himself as he walked back to the home he shared with his family. I may dote on my daughter, but I know she is meant for more.

  The young woman smiled as she heard her father’s call. I am no wolf yet she thought as she went through the steps taught to her long ago by the village headsman. Maybe one day I will be worthy of that name but not yet. Still, the nickname made her smile and redoubling her efforts she strained to perfect her balance, her stance and her warrior skill knowing that one day the raiders would come again and if they did she would be there to stop them.

  When she was young, she had dreamt deep and long, dreamt of a wolf with eyes of grey and a fight against shadows that she could not see. On awakening she knew that was her fate, to be a protector of the village, a wolf that would keep the darkness away. It was her everything and she had dedicated her life to it.

  Moves that were known blended seamlessly with moves she had created on her own and she moved in a dancing rhythm known only to her. Her blond hair braided in one long rope swung around, sometimes gently and other times violently as she twisted and moved in circles. Grey eyes scanned the floor for enemies only she could see and muscles toned from long hours practising bunched and moved under her tunic.

  “Yngrid,” She heard the low smoky voice of her friend and concentration breaking she turned too sharply. Losing her balance she fell to the ground and felt her ankle complain bitterly at her treatment. Looking up she scowled in pain as night dark eyes stared at her from feet away.

  “Kari, you surprised me!” Where Yngrid was fair and bright with hair the colour of the sunshine on fallen snow, Kari’s hair was unique in the village. It was the colour of the moonless night and it flowed down her back like a waterfall of starless skies. Yngrid had her father’s grey eyes yet Kari had neither her mother’s nor father’s, being shadowy enough to keep secrets and covered with lashes both long and dark. Yngrid was toned and muscled like a warrior; Kari was thin and willowy like smoke.

  They were as different as could be and yet Kari was her only real friend. They had grown up together, and Yngrid had watched Kari suffer for being different, had become fiercely protective of her friend. Now she felt out of place around the slight young woman knowing that compared to her she was big, clumsy and rough.

  The men of the village unsettled her when they came sniffing around her skirts. She was no innocent, had seen others in their act of wooing and it was something that had not called to her. Yet there was a pull to Kari she could not describe. It felt like something just out of reach and for once in her life she was afraid.

  Getting to her feet Yngrid slid Sun-fire into the scabbard made for her by her mother and rubbed her ankle. “You had better train harder. I doubt raiders would call out your name in warning. Not unless they wanted to pledge their troth to you.” There was no mockery in the voice that spoke to her, and she saw Kari’s mouth curve upwards impishly. “I heard you sent Wrolf the millers son away yesterday with a black eye. Do no men in this village meet your standards then Yngrid?”

  She shrugged as if it were the smallest thing in the world. “He would not accept my decision and pressed his troth a little too hard. I had to persuade him otherwise. As for the rest of the men in this village,” she smiled, “Why would they want a warrior for their wife? I am not one for crafting cloth or leather into goods after all and will likely die in glorious battle.”

  “Well, I can see why they come. You are certainly beautiful to look at Yngrid, like the sun on fresh snow.” Kari coloured and blustered “Well at least that is what I have heard the men say anyway.”

  Yngrid laughed out loud. “Now that is both of us flustered Kari.” Then she shook her head “I am not beautiful. My mother is beautiful. I am just a prize to be plucked for some of them so they can have access to my father’s goods. Not one of them has ever made me feel like I was worth fighting for. I am my mother’s daughter though and I will not be an afterthought.”

  Kari scowled “If they would treat you as an afterthought then they are truly not worthy of you.” Then she smiled and it looked like the passing of a storm cloud. “Anyway do you not remember the pact we made?”

  Nodding Yngrid dusted off her leather clad legs. “Indeed. I was to protect the village, and you would protect me from death. We were going to have songs made of us.” Reaching out she clasped Kari’s shoulder, felt the young woman tremble s
lightly “I am older now. I know no one can save you from death if fate wills it.” Dropping her hand she stretched and felt her muscles protest “Now what can I do for you Kari? I doubt you came to see me to talk about the men of the village.”

  Kari nodded and her face went serious. Yngrid suddenly felt hot and scratchy in her simple tunic as Kari took a step closer to her. “I have news. Raven has called me finally. I am to apprentice to the village shaman.”

  “Well, this is good surely? One day you will be a woman of power, of influence in this village. You have already made a name for yourself as a healer of the body. Now you will learn to heal the spirit as well.” Yngrid felt excited for her friend’s good news and yet confused at her friends distressed look. “Everyone knows you are Ravens. You were born with his colouring after all. Why does this not excite you?”

  “It is good Yngrid yet there are things I must say and yet find I cannot. I begin my training in two days time. Before that, I would like to speak to you in private. Can we meet tonight in our usual spot?”

  “Kari, you know you can tell me anything. I am your friend. If you need to speak, then speak and speak plainly.” It was not an unusual request. They had met many times, using a spot they both knew to give themselves some privacy as they talked and played like friends did. Kari looked like she was about to be sick and suddenly Yngrid felt apprehensive.

  Kari took another step closer and their bodies nearly touched. She could barely breathe as Kari stared up at her with eyes that bored into the centre of her. “Please, it’s important, and I think I will only have the strength to say it once. Meet me tonight when the moon is full in the sky and I will tell you then. Promise me.”