Hollowland

by Аманда Хокинг

  Tatum walked me back to my trailer, grumbling things about all the ass he was gonna have to kiss to get out of this. I apologized again, but every time I did, he brushed it off, as if it wasn’t actually that big of a deal.

  I didn’t realize we were at my trailer until he stopped walking, and I glanced up at the door and saw my house number.

  “Thank you,” I said.

  “Well, you’re just lucky I like you.” He smiled at me, playing it at as a joke, but it faltered, and the sincerity of his statement slipped through. Realizing this, he looked uncomfortable, and awkwardly patted me on the shoulder before excusing himself. “Stay out of trouble.”

  After he walked away, I went into the trailer. All the lights were off, except for a small one above the kitchen sink, and Lazlo sat in the dark at the dining room table. I didn’t think it was all that late, but Harlow had gone to bed, and he waited up for me like some kind of over-protective parent.

  “How did it go?” Lazlo asked, his voice devoid of any emotion. I expected him to be mad or jealous or happy that I was alive, but he didn’t give anything away.

  “It went,” I shrugged.

  “So you saw your brother?”

  “Yeah, I saw him.”

  In a sudden embarrassing display of emotion, I burst into tears. All of the fear and guilt came pouring out of me, and I couldn’t hold it in any longer.

  Lazlo got up and rushed over to me. He put his arms around me, holding me close, and I let him. I sobbed into his shoulder, and he kept telling me that it would be all right.

  Once I had calmed down enough to speak, he led me over to the couch. He held my hand when I sat next to him, and I told him all about how they treated Max, about the vials of blood and how skeletal he’d become. I told him how vibrant and smart and quirky Max had been before, and how I’d always done everything I could to take care of him.

  And then I told him how badly it hurt to know that I had failed so completely, despite all my best efforts.

  Lazlo put his arm around me and insisted that everything would be all right, and I knew it would be. I would make it all right, even if it killed me. I would not let Max live and die like that, like a scared animal in a cage.

  In the morning, I showered and got ready quickly. I had to find both Blue and Tatum if I had any chance of making this work. I wasn’t even sure if it was possible, but I had to try. I found Blue first, since I needed him more.

  As I went over my plan, he kept his face even, and I wasn’t sure what he thought. When he finished, he nodded once, almost to my surprise.

  “You’re really willing to do this?” I asked, making sure he understood what I was asking. I needed him, but I didn’t want to force him to do anything.

  “Yeah,” Blue nodded again. “Doctors take an oath. First do no harm.” He shrugged, as if that explained it all.

  We arranged a time to meet early the next morning, before the sun started to rise. Most people would be asleep then, and it would make it easier. I would’ve gone right then, though, if I didn’t know that Tatum needed time to get things together. Assuming he’d even have any part of it.

  Telling Tatum was much harder than Blue. In a weird way, Blue and I always seemed to be on the same wavelength about everything. And I was never exactly sure what wavelength Tatum was on.

  I caught him just before he went out to make his rounds around the perimeter, part of his penance for standing up for me last night.

  I had to tell him the truth about Max, and he got wide eyed, but he didn’t say anything. He trusted and believed me, and I was relieved.

  At first, he listened, but as I explained my requests, he got increasingly irritated. He wouldn’t make eye contact with me, and he kept shifting his weight around and crossing and uncrossing his arms. Before I even finished, he started shaking his head no.

  “That’s really stupid, Remy.” He chewed the inside of his cheek and stared off at the wall.

  “Maybe, but I don’t have a lot of options,” I said honestly. “And I’ll find a way to do this even if you don’t help.”

  “There is no way to do this without me,” Tatum pointed out. Without him, it’d be almost impossible for this to work.

  “I need you,” I said plaintively, and he finally looked back at me.

  “I knew it.” He shook his head. “The second I saw you out in that field, all covered in zombie blood, fighting like a damn maniac. I knew you were trouble.” He sighed resignedly. “Fine. I’ll do it. But I’m going on record as not liking this. It’s my job to protect people, not put them in danger.”

  “I know, and I appreciate everything you’re doing for me,” I said earnestly.

  “I don’t care if you appreciate it!” Tatum blew it off and looked at me intensely. “Do you understand what you’re doing? I want you to really think about this, Remy. Because I can only help you so much.”

  “Yeah, I do,” I nodded.

  “Just do me a favor. Think about this, okay?” It was his turn to plead with me, his eyes looking soft. “If you change your mind, nobody would hold it against you.”

  “I would,” I corrected him. “I have to do this.”

  Reluctantly, he agreed to the same time I had set up with Blue. When I walked away, I heard him complaining to himself about how stupid this all was.

  Maybe it was, but I didn’t have anything better, and so far, nobody else had come up with anything at all. The fact that Blue had signed on made me feel a bit better. Tatum probably wouldn’t feel so adverse to it if he didn’t like me. Then again, he probably wouldn’t get involved at all if he didn’t like me.

  I spent the day going through the motions. Bishop thought it was time I started pitching in, so I worked in the garden for a few hours. Lazlo was on dishes detail, so I thought I faired a bit better. By the end of the day, I was sore and tired, and grateful for it. It would give me something to take my mind off the morning.

  Harlow had already made friends, so after supper, she went off with one of them. I actually kind of hated how nice this quarantine was. I had always been opposed to being fenced in and locked up, but given the circumstances, this was about the best I could hope for in keeping Harlow and Lazlo safe.

  I stood at the kitchen sink, scrubbing the dirt out from my under finger nails. Lazlo stood in the middle of room, watching me.

  “So… I guess it’s just the two of us.” He smiled at me, but it didn’t reach his eyes. They were uncertain and didn’t meet mine, flitting about the room.

  “Yep.” I smiled thinly back at him.

  “I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty beat. And filthy.” He gestured to his clothes stained with food and dirty water. “I’m gonna go change.”

  “All right.”

  “Excuse me.” He slid past me, brushing up against me in the narrow walkway of the kitchen, and the brief touch sent flutters through me.

  He went back to the bedroom, sliding the pocket door shut behind him, and I turned off the water. Drying my hands with a towel, I looked down at my dirt covered clothing. I’d need to shower and change, too. A minute later, Lazlo came out of the bedroom, shirtless, holding a tee shirt in his hands.

  “This has grease all over it.” He walked over to me, but he never looked up from his shirt. “My mom always said you have to wash grease stains right away before they set in. Or at least I think that’s what she said. Maybe grease never comes out.” He chewed his lip, thinking, and his hair cascaded across his forehead. Sadly, he sighed. “God. I really should’ve paid more attention to her.”

  I don’t know how to explain it any better than it being a perfect storm. The thoughtful expression on his face made him strangely adorable. His bare chest and arms etched in tattoos made my heart skip a beat.

  I remembered the way his kisses tasted, and even though he was standing right in front of me, I suddenly missed him terribly. I liked him far more than I had wanted to admit to myself, and it finally occurred to me that I had to give him up.

  “It�
�s so weird the things you remember,” Lazlo continued. He finally looked up at me, his chestnut eyes resting on mine.

  Before he could say anymore, I rushed forward and kissed him. Even though I startled him, he didn’t hesitate to kiss me back. His lips met mine with equal fervor, and he dropped the tee shirt on the floor so he could wrap his arms around me.

  “Wait,” he breathed, moving away just enough so he could look at me. “What’s this about?”

  “I want to be with you,” I said simply. His eyes searched mine, looking for some hidden meaning or trick.

  Brushing the hair back from my eyes, he found whatever he was looking for, because he leaned in and kissed me again. It started slow and gentle, but that didn’t last long. His mouth felt hungry and needy, but there was nothing forceful or rough about it.

  He kissed me in the same frantic way he had before, and I loved it. Tangling my fingers in his hair, I pushed his mouth more eagerly against mine, kissing him until I couldn’t breathe.

  Without untangling myself from him, I pushed us back towards the bedroom. He stumbled over the carpet, freeing his mouth from mine long enough to give a nervous laugh.

  Then he was kissing me again, pushing me against the wall. His body pressed tightly against mine, the strong contours of his muscles against the soft curves of mine, and I could feel his heart hammering in his chest.

  When we finally made it down the hall to the bedroom, I pushed him back onto the bed. I climbed on top of him, straddling him between my legs. I loved the way his bare skin felt, hot and trembling against me, and I wanted to feel more of it. I sat up and pulled off my shirt, and Lazlo stared up at me with this awestruck wonder.

  “God, you are so beautiful,” he whispered, and I bent down, kissing him and pressing my bare flesh to his. He moaned against my lips, and I slid my hands down to start undoing his jeans.

  “Wait,” he breathed, gently putting his hand on my arm to stop me. “We don’t have to do that. I mean, I want to. But… we don’t have to.”

  “I want to,” I insisted.

  I wanted to feel close to him, I needed it. I wrapped my arms around him, pressing him to me, and pushed myself against him eagerly. That was all the encouragement he needed. Never taking his lips from mine, he rolled me over, so I was lying on my back, and he was on top of me.

  He still had his jeans on, but I could feel the weight of his body pressing tentatively against mine. Instinctively, my body pushed against his, and I tightened my fingers in his hair, kissing him deeper. Everything inside me trembled with anticipation. Wonderful hot tingles spread through me and my stomach fluttered.

  I felt his hand on my hip, and his fingers looped in my panties, sliding them down. They caught on the gauze wrapped around my bite wound, and Lazlo stopped kissing me to look down.

  “What’s that?” He looked back up at me. “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah, it’s just a cut. I’m fine,” I tried to reassure him. His eyebrows scrunched with uncertainty, and I smiled at him. “Really. I’m fine. It’s nothing.”

  He wasn’t completely convinced, so I slid my hand over the smooth skin of his stomach, and it trembled underneath my touch. I sat up kissing his chest and neck, and I pulled off his pants. His mouth returned to mine, kissing me as he slid down my pants. He propped himself up over me, his skin resting warmly against mine.

  Then I felt him, sliding inside of me, and my breath caught in my throat. I buried my fingers in his back and pushed him against me. He kissed my mouth, my neck, my shoulders, everything he could reach, and I moaned against him.

  “I think I love you,” he murmured, his breath on my ear.

  I wanted to say it back, but I couldn’t. The words were lodged inside, so I held him tighter to me, pressing my lips into his shoulder.

  I had never felt closer to anyone than I did with him then, and there was something almost painful about that. The intensity of being so vulnerable and so intimate with him. It would kill me to let him go.

  Gasping for breath, he rested his forehead against my shoulder and tried to gain some composure. When he gently kissed my shoulder, my skin quivered underneath his lips. So he wouldn’t put his whole weight of his body on me, he rolled off and lay on his back next to me.

  I rolled over with my back to him. It all hit me so suddenly, and I couldn’t contain my emotions anymore. Tears were pooling in my eyes, and I fought to keep them back.

  “Remy? Are you okay?” Lazlo sat up, putting one hand on my hip and peering over to see me. “Did I do something wrong?”

  “No,” I shook my head. I couldn’t elaborate more, because I would cry if I did.

  “Was… was that your first time?” he asked carefully.

  “No.” My first time had been with my high school boyfriend. We’d been crazy in love and we thought we’d be together forever. Then a zombie got him, but that was after we’d broken up.

  “So what’s going on?” He sat up more and pushed the hair back from my face, so he could really see it. “Remy? What’s the matter?”

  “I just… I’m gonna miss you,” I swallowed hard.

  “Rem, I’m not going anywhere.” He bent down and kissed my shoulder. “You can’t get rid of me if you tried.” When I didn’t smile, he figured it out. “Wait. You’re going somewhere.”

  I hadn’t planned to tell him anything, but I had to. I couldn’t let him think that this was his fault, that he was the one making me this upset. Taking a deep breath, I rolled over more so he could see my hip, all bandaged up.

  “Remember how I said this was nothing?” I peeled it back, so he could see my healing wound, and his eyes widened. “That’s a zombie bite.”

  “What do you mean?” His skin blanched. “You’re… you’re infected?”

  “No, I’m not. This bite is a week old.” I bit my lip and watched for his reaction, but he only got more confused and upset. “I’m immune, Lazlo.”

  “Why do you make that sound like a bad thing?”

  “It’s not.” I sat up and pulled the sheets over me, feeling self-conscious about being naked. “But… I’m gonna switch places with Max.”

  “What are you talking about?” By now, anger and fear had seeped into his words. Lazlo pieced together what I was getting at.

  “They’re killing him,” I explained. “I can’t leave him in there. I promised I would protect him, and I’m not. I have to do something.”

  “Right. So, let’s break him out and get out of here.”

  “No, I can’t do that either.” I shook my head. “First of all, they’d come after him with everything they had. But more importantly, the whole world is dying. And I might hold the cure. I can’t sit idly by and let everything be destroyed. Not if I can save it.”

  “But you just said they’re killing him!” He looked incredulously at me. “So if you go in there, they’re gonna kill you too!”

  “Maybe, yeah,” I admitted and looked away from him.

  “They’re not gonna find a cure. You know that. We just need to wait this thing out. The zombies will all die and the virus will die. It’ll just take time.”

  “Maybe. But people shouldn’t live like this!” I gestured to the trailer around us. “We’re not supposed to live inside a glorified cage! And the virus might get in here too! I can’t just let that happen. You and Harlow and Max and everyone deserve better than this! I want you to be able to have a long full life where there isn’t a risk of getting eaten by a zombie or infected with a crazy virus! My god, Lazlo, I care about you too much to let that happen!”

  “If you care about me, then just run away with me!” Lazlo pleaded with me. “What are you gonna do with Max, anyway? Just open the door to the building and wish him luck?”

  “No.” I looked away from him, knowing he wouldn’t react well when he found out that I’d talked to Blue and Tatum, but not him. “Blue and Tatum are helping me get in the building. Tatum is helping them break out of here, and Blue’s gonna take Max back to the compound with London.”r />
  “Blue is taking care of Max?” Lazlo tried not to sound hurt, but he was far too transparent.

  “Yeah. He’s good with a gun, he’s a doctor, and I didn’t want to put you in anymore danger than you need to be,” I said. “You and Harlow will be safe here.”

  “You expect me just to stay in this stupid trailer while they’re in that building, killing you?” He shook his head. “No way, Remy. No way!” He got up out of the bed, angrily pulling on his boxers. “I won’t let you do this! I can’t let you do this!”

  “It’s already done!” I shouted. “We’re going just before dawn.”

  “Tonight?” He gaped at me. “You’re going tonight?” I nodded. “Oh my god. You weren’t gonna tell me, were you?”

  “I just thought it would be easier,” I tried to explain.

  “Oh my god.” He ran a hand through his hair and looked away from me. “I just told you I loved you, and you didn’t say anything! You were just gonna leave me forever!”

  “Lazlo, it’s not like that.” I got out of bed, wrapping the sheet around me, and walked over to him. He stood with his back against the wall, refusing to look at me, and tears were standing in his dark eyes. “I didn’t want to hurt you.” I reached out to touch him, and he pushed my hand away. “Lazlo, please.” I put my hand on his chest, staring up at him with tears in my own eyes. “You’re going to be the last person I ever love.”

  “I don’t know why you say that like it should comfort me,” he said thickly.

  “Because it comforts me.” I felt his heart, beating erratically under my hand. Finally, he looked down at me.

  “I wouldn’t have survived without you. You saved my life like fifty times. Even when you weren’t literally dodging a bullet for me, you gave me a reason to keep fighting. What am I supposed to do if you go?”

  “You’re stronger than you think,” I forced a smile at him. “You saved my life, too.”

  “Remy, you can’t save the world,” he said plaintively.

  “I have to try. So many people have died, and I couldn’t do anything. If I didn’t do this, if I just let Max die, or if I just let everyone else die, I couldn’t live with myself. I can barely sleep as it is.” I looked up at him, begging him to understand. “I don’t have a choice. At least, not one that I can live with.”