Mary, Mary

by Lesley Crewe

“That’s fine. But soon, okay, sweetheart? Real soon.”

  The line went dead. Mary looked at the phone. Poor Aunt Peggy was losing her mind.

  Mary got dressed in a hurry because she knew Daniel would be leaving for work soon. No time like the present. She assumed he’d know how to get some dope since he played in a band. Wasn’t that a prerequisite?

  Mary stood in the kitchen window looking out for Daniel. She ate a bowl of cereal while she waited. Her mother came in and plugged in the kettle.

  “Who called you so early?”

  “It was a telemarketer.”

  “Those bastards.”

  Mary saw Daniel head out to his truck. She threw her cereal bowl on the table and scooted out the door, her mother shouting, “Where are you going?”

  “Daniel?” Mary headed down the steps as Daniel opened the driver’s-side door.

  “Good morning.”

  She raced up to him, looking around to see if they were alone. “Can I talk to you for a minute? Is Amber coming down?”

  “No, Amber’s upstairs. And I apologize for her comments last night. They were uncalled for.”

  Mary smiled. “Looks like she was right! I was waiting for you today. I have a question and I hope you don’t think I’m being presumptuous, but do you know where I can get some weed?”

  “Okay, I wasn’t expecting that.”

  “I know. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t automatically assume all guitar players have joints in their back pockets, but I want to buy some for a friend, and I didn’t know who to ask.”

  “A friend?” he smirked.

  “Honestly! If I told you who, you’d laugh your head off, but it’s kind of serious. It’s for pain relief.”

  “Well, I can get you some, as long as we’re talking ounces and not kilos.”

  “An ounce sounds about right. How much would that be?”

  “Hundred and fifty, just to be safe.”

  “Could you get some today and give it to me tonight? I can meet you on the front porch at eight…as long as Amber lets you out of the house.”

  Daniel gave her a grin. “I’ll be there.”

  “I owe you,” she smiled.

  “You do. Remember that.”

  He jumped in his truck and Mary ran up the back steps, waving as he backed up out of the driveway.

  “What on earth was that all about?” her mother wanted to know.

  “Nothing. Just saying hi.”

  “Wipe the smile off your face.”

  “Jeez, Mom.” Mary hurried to her room, her cheeks burning.

  At work Mary could hardly concentrate. Nothing this clandestine had ever happened to her. Then it occurred to her that maybe she should buy some dope for herself, but she quickly nixed the idea. She didn’t even drink coffee, so drugs didn’t loom on her horizon. In this respect she was the exact opposite of her female relatives; she must have inherited some laid-back genes from this Dave character in Alberta.

  Her mom and Gran were settled in and watching television at eight, so Mary quietly went out the back door and hurried to the porch. Daniel was there, as promised. She tiptoed up the stairs and stayed away from the living-room window.

  “Hi,” she whispered.

  “Hi,” he whispered back.

  “I feel like I’m in a movie. Danger lurks everywhere,” she said.

  “You’d make a great spy.”

  Mary grinned, “Do you have the stuff?”

  “Yep.” He looked around and took it out of his pocket. “One ounce of Sydney’s finest.” He handed her a baggie.

  She shoved it in her jeans pocket and handed him the money. “If it’s more, just tell me. I don’t want you losing out on the deal.”

  “I’m not losing out on anything. I get to talk to you for a few minutes.”

  Mary forgot all about the dope. “Really?”

  “I’ve been wanting to do this all day.” He reached out and took her face in his hands, kissing her for a long moment before letting her go. “I’m sorry. I have no right to do that. I’m not the kind of guy who cheats…just lately, things are a bit difficult and….”

  Mary wanted him to do it again, but she nodded. “It’s okay. Apparently I’ve made it more than clear to your girlfriend that I like you, and that’s not who I am either. We can be friends, Daniel. I don’t want to complicate your life. Thank you so much for this.”

  She ran down the stairs and around the side of the house, not making any noise as she let herself in. Then she popped her head into the living room. “I’m taking the car for an hour. Stacey at work wants to get a coffee. Her boyfriend broke up with her.”

  “Okay,” her mother mumbled.

  When Mary rang the doorbell at Aunt Peggy’s, Sheena opened it. She was in her pyjamas. “Oh hey, what are you doing here?”

  Mary held up a stack of magazines she had stopped for at the corner store. “Mom thought Aunt Peggy might like these. I also have a couple of chocolate bars.”

  “Okay. I was just about to jump in the tub.”

  “No problem. I’ll let myself out.”

  Mary softly knocked on her Aunt Peggy’s open door. She was engrossed with something on her computer screen.

  “Hi, Aunt Peggy.”

  Peggy looked up and did a double-take. “Hi! Fancy seeing you here so soon.”

  Mary walked over to her aunt’s bed and sat beside her. “Sheena’s taking a bath.” She pulled out the bag of dope and put it in her aunt’s hand. Peggy took it and put it under the covers.

  “I can’t thank you enough, sweetheart. And I feel terribly guilty that I even asked. I had no business doing it, but I’m desperate.” She reached over and pulled open her bedside table drawer. She picked up a roll of cash. “Now, how much do I owe you?”

  “A hundred and fifty.”

  “Nonsense. Last I heard, dope cost six hundred bucks.” She counted out the bills and put them in Mary’s hand.

  “But this is way too much.”

  “Buy yourself as many contact lenses as you need. And don’t say another word. Now kiss me and go.”

  Once Mary was home and behind her bedroom door, she jumped on the bed and hugged herself. What a day! She was a drug dealer and a homewrecker all rolled into one. Not that she was proud of that—but it sure made her tingle all over.

  And the thought of throwing her glasses away was the icing on the cake.

  CHAPTER SIX

  There is only so much you can do before a wedding, and then there is a strange lull. Nothing else can be done until the day of the wedding itself. It’s like a deadly calm before the storm. Everyone knows something is coming, but there’s no need for action until you see the actual tornado.

  The Henderson house was ready, thanks to an army of paid cleaners, florists, and a party decorator that was found at the last minute. Sheena hastily decided she needed balloons, so tanks of helium were used to create a white and cream wonderland, inside and out.

  On the morning of the wedding, however, grey skies grumbled overhead and the wind picked up considerably. It did a real number on the balloons lining the driveway, all of them waving hysterically in every direction.

  “Okay, this was a ridiculous idea,” Carole said. “Look at these poor souls running around.”

  As the Ryan women navigated up the driveway at eight in the morning, the party planners were frantically trying to tether balloons to weights.

  “It would have looked really nice if it was calm,” Mary said.

  “You always gotta plan for the worst,” Ethel told her wisely. “Then you’re never disappointed.”

  “What a horrible philosophy, Gran.”

  Ethel shrugged. “Works for me.”

  They had arrived early to help with the last-minute details. The wedding wasn’t until mid-afternoon, so they had lots of time to go over e
verything. Mary carried in their dresses and Carole had bags of hair supplies. While Sheena was still going to her hairdresser, Peggy had called Carole and said she changed her mind about driving to Glace Bay to get hers done. Would Carole mind doing hers as well?

  Carole did mind, but she kept her mouth shut.

  Only Sheena was up, which surprised the others. “Where’s your mother?” Gran asked.

  “I can’t wake her up.”

  “Wha?”

  “She’s alive! She’s snoring, that’s all. Can you guys give her breakfast? I have to go get my hair and nails done. And if I’m not back before the food people get here, just let them in.”

  Sheena raced out the door in a hoodie and leggings. Then she turned around. “What’s different about you, Mary? Did you get your hair cut?”

  “I’m not wearing my glasses.”

  “Oh. You look nice.”

  “Mom and Gran haven’t noticed.”

  Sheena continued on her way, but Mary chased after her. “Wait! Your hair will be set. How are you going to get your hoodie off?”

  Sheena dithered for half a second. “Shit! Oh, never mind. I’ll just cut it off.” And away she went. A perfect Sheena solution.

  While Mary started breakfast and Gran read the newspaper, Carole went upstairs to wake Peggy. She was surprised Peggy wasn’t awake on today of all days, but there she was, on her back, sounding like a locomotive in full throttle.

  Carole shook Peggy’s shoulder. “Peg. Peggy. PEGGY! Wake up!”

  Nothing.

  She decided to open the blinds and window to get rid of the stale air. The bedroom smelled a bit off, but she couldn’t place the scent. God knew what the woman was eating up here. There were dirty dishes everywhere. She leaned over her sister once more and shouted, “Get up, woman!”

  Peggy’s eyes popped open in surprise. “Wha? What’s wrong?”

  “It’s me: Carole. It’s Sheena’s wedding day. Why are you not up and freaking out?”

  Peggy struggled in the bedclothes. “I forgot. It’s not today, is it?”

  “I’m not surprised you don’t know what day it is, spending all your time in here. Mary is downstairs making breakfast and Sheena went to her hair appointment. Why don’t you have a quick shower and I’ll do your hair first, then Mary’s, and then I’ll worry about Ma and me.”

  “Okay, thanks.” Peggy sat at the edge of the bed. “I can’t believe my baby is getting married today. And her father isn’t here.”

  “Don’t dwell on that. I’m sure he wishes he were.”

  Peggy got up slowly. “I don’t care anymore.”

  Carole reached out and put her hand on Peggy’s shoulder. “Today is a happy day. You should be happy.”

  “I will be. In about twenty minutes.”

  Peggy staggered off to the bathroom and Carole went downstairs to the kitchen. “There is something wrong with that woman.” She reached for her cigarettes.

  Ethel pointed at her. “You better smoke those outside.”

  “It’s blowing a gale out there!”

  “Better than Peggy blowing a gasket in here.”

  “Jeez, Louise,” Carole grumbled as she headed for the back door. “Save me some toast.”

  By the time Peggy emerged from her shower and got dressed, she was in a much better frame of mind. She ate her eggs with gusto and laughed at everything Gran said, whether it was funny or not.

  Carole set up shop in the dining room, making sure to cover the table with a sheet they could whisk away before the caterers arrived.

  “So how do you want your hair? Up?”

  “Sticking straight up? I don’t think so. Can you imagine, Mary? Straight up?”

  Mary gave her aunt a worried look.

  “Of course not sticking straight up.” Carole sighed. “Do you want a bun?”

  “I want a chignon.”

  “Which is just a fancy word for bun.”

  “Sure…one of those.”

  As Carole got to work with the blow dryer, Peggy began to sing “Doe, a deer, a female deer,” and Mary chimed in to make it seem like Aunt Peggy was just festive and not off her rocker. Soon Carole and even Gran joined in. They went through the entire Sound of Music playlist. By the time they were done, Carole had finished. “What do you think?” She gave Peggy a mirror.

  “Fantastic! Why don’t I come to you more often?”

  “I have no idea. You should be supporting me.”

  Peggy got out of the chair and gave Carole a big hug. “I should. I really should. I’ve been a snob of the first order, but I’m here to say I’ve changed my ways and will hereafter only come to you and your marvellous little shop.”

  Carole stared at her.

  “Aunt Peggy, can I speak to you for a second?” interjected Mary.

  “Of course, my darling girl. What is it?’

  Mary hesitated. “I want to show you my dress. It’s in the family room.”

  Once Mary got her alone, she came straight to the point. “Are you okay? You’re not smoking too much, are you?”

  “Why on earth do you think that?”

  “Because you would never darken the door of Mom’s shop ordinarily and now you’re saying you’re going to have to go there forever.”

  “Damn, you’re right. Do you think anyone suspects? I only had one joint this morning. I was going to have more later.”

  “Maybe you should stick with Tylenol or something. Just for today. You don’t want to make anyone suspicious.”

  Peggy patted Mary’s head. “Good plan. I’m hungry.”

  She wandered off and Mary tried to get rid of the knot in her stomach.

  Sheena arrived back on the scene, Riley in tow, just as the caterers were unpacking the goodies. Her hair was glorious. Some of it was held back with a lace-and-rhinestone headpiece, and the rest fell on her shoulders in soft curls. As promised, she made Mary cut her out of her hoodie and then disappeared upstairs with Riley and the makeup girl. Mary hovered between floors, waiting for her turn to sit in the makeup chair.

  The photographer showed up and quickly became a pest. He wanted pictures of shoes and dresses hanging up and he had even snapped one of Gran dozing in a lounger. He tried to get into Peggy’s room but she screamed and told him to get lost. She was trying to pour herself into a pair of Spanx with Carole’s help. It wasn’t going well.

  “Okay, forget the Spanx,” Carole huffed. “You’re going to hurt your back more and all the progress you’ve made will be for nothing.”

  “Jesus! I’ve gained twenty pounds at least!”

  “Well, it’s no wonder. You have nothing to do but eat all day.”

  “Are you saying I have gained twenty pounds?”

  “Not twenty….”

  “But a lot?”

  “No, Peggy. You haven’t gained an ounce. I wouldn’t lie to you. Now just suck in or take it off.”

  There was one more big yank and Peggy somehow managed to hit Carole right between the eyes with her heavy cast. Carole fell to the floor and stayed down, looking dazed.

  Peggy hobbled over to her bedroom door and yelled out: “Help! I killed Carole!”

  Everyone came running and discovered that, although Carole wasn’t dead, she did have a big red mark on her forehead. The makeup girl said she’d be able to cover it up.

  Peggy was distraught. Nothing anyone said or did could calm her down. Eventually Sheena wound up and slapped her mother across the face.

  Everyone held their breath.

  “Thanks, honey,” Peggy said before she disappeared behind the bathroom door once more.

  Gran kept shaking her head and mumbled to Mary, “Somethin’ strange going on here. If I didn’t know better, I’d say Peggy’s come undone in the last six weeks.”

  Mary almost confessed then and there. />
  Just as things calmed down and order was being restored, the front door open and a loud voice called, “Is there a wedding here today?”

  “Uncle Ted!” Mary raced over to him. “It’s so good to see you!”

  Uncle Ted was looking rather good. He’d lost weight and had a nice tan. He looked years younger. “Hi, sweetheart.” He kissed Mary and gave her a big hug before shouting, “Where’s my daughter?”

  As they looked up the staircase, Mary wondered if Sheena knew how lucky she was to have a dad who would fly halfway around the world to be with her on her big day.

  Sheena came running down the stairs in a bathrobe with BRIDE embroidered on the back. She squealed and jumped into her dad’s arms. “Daddy! Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?”

  “I didn’t know until the last minute, and I didn’t want you fretting if my flights were delayed. I thought it would be better to be a surprise.”

  The photographer was all over this exciting development, and everyone was tripping over him.

  Peggy was in the bathroom with the fan on, standing in the tub with the window open, sucking on a joint and giggling. She knew she had to get it together, but this seemed the only way to go about it. Then she got a horrible feeling that maybe the photographer would creep in here and catch her in the act. She took one more haul off the joint and flushed the remainder down the toilet.

  When she sat down to pee she realized she was hallucinating. Oh God, she’d smoked too much. She kept hearing Ted hollering. What was she going to do? Staying calm was the main thing. If she remained poised and gracious, she could get through anything. This was Sheena’s wedding day, something Peggy had envisioned all her life. But she certainly never pictured sitting on a toilet unable to wipe herself because her too-tight Spanx wouldn’t let her knees open wide enough to do a decent job. Photos be damned. She shimmied the Spanx to the bathroom tiles and kicked them out of her way. The relief was amazing. And then she heard Ted again.

  She was overdosing! She needed air! Peggy threw open the bathroom door and rushed out of the room as fast as her back would let her. At the top of the stairs, she looked down and saw her husband standing there.

  “Surprise!” Ted yelled. “I made it!”