Mary, Mary

by Lesley Crewe

  At some point she must have dozed off because she was startled by an impatient knock on the bathroom door.

  “Are you gonna to be all night?” Gran shouted. “My back teeth are floatin’.”

  Mary hurriedly got out of the tub and wrapped herself in a towel. When she opened the door, Gran was squirming. “Outta the way!” She pushed Mary aside and slammed the door behind her.

  Mary was going to have to say something to her mother, so, resigned, she got into her pyjamas and went out to the kitchen. Carole was looking out the window, and for once she wasn’t smoking. Mary sat down and waited for the lecture.

  Her mother continued to look out the window. Which was worse than being yelled at.

  “I’m sorry,” said Mary sheepishly.

  Carole turned to face her. “What for? Falling for a guy? People do it every day.”

  “But—”

  “Look, Mary. I have a horrible track record with men, so I can’t offer advice on this score. Daniel seems like a nice guy.”

  Mary nodded. “He is.”

  “Then I’m happy for you.”

  “Thanks for coming to my rescue.”

  “What are mothers for? I saved you some pizza.”

  CHAPTER NINE

  Ethel was at Dotty’s Dairy picking up a box of tea bags. She knew Carole would have a fit because they were more expensive here than at Sobeys, but Mary was on the late shift and Ethel wanted tea now.

  “How’s she goin’?” Dotty coughed while she sucked on throat lozenges and sipped from a mug of honey and lemon. Today she had on her usual three sweaters, but also a scarf wrapped around her neck and a musty knitted tam on her head.

  “Better than you,” Ethel said. “Ya still got that lousy cold?”

  “Girl, I can’t get rid of it. Them jeezly kids don’t close that door properly and no amount of hollerin’ makes any difference. In my day, we’d take a belt to them, but nowadays if you so much as look at the little christers, their parents have the cops up your arse.”

  Ethel put the box of tea bags on the counter and opened her wallet. “I’ll take my usual scratch tickets too.”

  “Sure.” Dotty lifted the ticket ledger and picked out Emerald 7, Super Crossword, Onyx 8, Lotto Max, Bingo Extra, and Fruit Explosion. She rang up the purchases and Ethel passed her two twenties. “So I heard a rumour about your Mary,” said Dotty, trying to sound casual. “I didn’t believe it though.” Dotty passed Ethel her change.

  Ethel straightened her shoulders. “What rumour?”

  “That she was sleeping around with your tenant.”

  “What kind of filthy mind came up with that?”

  “Oh, there were a couple of gals here talking about their friend and they swore it was true.”

  “Who ya gonna believe? A couple of nincompoops or me?”

  “You don’t have to convince me!” said Dotty, putting her hands up. “Mary’s the salt of the earth. There’s just one thing I don’t understand….”

  “What’s that?”

  “How the hell she’s related to you!”

  The two of them had a great laugh over that before Ethel took her leave. She hurried as fast as she could to the house so her daughter wouldn’t see her through the window, but of course when she walked into the kitchen Carole was there.

  “Were you buying scratch tickets again?”

  “No.”

  “I don’t believe you.”

  Ethel decided the tea bags needed to come out of her purse. “I only bought this. We were out.”

  “I’m missing forty bucks out of my cash box.”

  “Maybe Mary took it.”

  “Ma, so help me—”

  There was a knock at the door and in walked Carole’s two o’clock appointment. “Hey, girls!”

  “Hey,” they replied.

  The customer pointed at her head and walked into the salon. “Look at this! My husband is starting to call me his old grey mare!”

  Carole had no choice but to follow the woman, but she turned back and pointed at her mother and muttered, “This isn’t over.”

  Ethel hurried into her bedroom and hid the scratch tickets under her mattress in case Carole decided to search her purse. It was pathetic that she couldn’t have one hobby in her life. What else was she supposed to do for excitement?

  After the exertion of her foray to the store, Ethel dozed on the couch in front of the television. The doorbell rang.

  “Ma! Get the door!”

  “Who was your servant last year?” she shouted back, before struggling to her feet.

  The door opened and it was Daniel, holding a bouquet of spring flowers. “Hello, Mrs. Ryan.”

  “Hello, Casanova. Mary isn’t home.”

  He went red in the face. “I actually brought these for you and Mary’s mother. To apologize for the other night.”

  Ethel decided to take pity on him. “Well, you better come in then.”

  He handed her the flowers, and she pointed at the couch with the bouquet. “Want something to drink?”

  “Oh, no thank you.” He sat on the edge of the sofa.

  “Ma! Who is it?”

  “It’s Daniel. Brought us flowers.”

  “Did he bring us a box of chocolates too?” Carole hollered.

  Daniel smiled nervously as Ethel sat on the other end of the couch.

  “So do you belong to the no-good son that always promised to do things for your grandmother and then never showed up?”

  Daniel looked confused for a second and then blurted, “Uncle Gus?”

  “Well, you’ve passed the first test.” Ethel reached for her tea. “Now tell me: is that crazy girlfriend of yours gone?”

  “Yes.”

  “Because if I see her around here again, I’ll take the broom to her.”

  “Don’t worry, Mrs. Ryan. She never wants to see my face again.”

  “Call me Ethel. And what are your intentions towards my granddaughter? You planning on marrying her?”

  Daniel looked startled. “Well, I—”

  “I’m only kidding,” chuckled Ethel. “But do you like her?”

  “Oh, I more than like her. She’s the sweetest girl I ever met.”

  Ethel downed the rest of her tea. “Okay, you’ve passed the second test. Now there’s just one more thing.”

  “Sure,” he said.

  She reached over and took the front of his shirt in her fist. “If you hurt that girl, I’m coming after you. I’m not here on Earth for much longer, so I’ll happily go to prison if I need to. Do you hear me?”

  “I hear you, Ethel.”

  She let him go. “Good. I don’t suppose I could borrow forty bucks?”

  Sheena packed the last of her things into her new Jeep. Peggy tried to help but she couldn’t lift anything too heavy, so she was in charge of Sheena’s pillows and comforter. Stripping them off the bed made Peggy’s heart ache. Looking around the bedroom and seeing it neat and uncluttered was like a knife to her chest. No more little girls would play in this room. How did one day slip into the next without her noticing that her baby was growing up? All the ordinary hours when mothers don’t think anything is happening or life is boring, and yet all along a miracle is unfolding right before their eyes. Why hadn’t someone told Peggy to pay attention?

  “Mom! I have to go!”

  Peggy felt her lip quiver but was determined to keep it together for Sheena’s sake. She didn’t want her driving on the highway distraught. She took a deep breath and down the stairs she went. Sheena grabbed the comforter and pillows and stuffed them into the back seat.

  “Have I got everything?” she fretted in the doorway. “My purse, my cell, my keys, my charger, and my sunglasses. Am I forgetting anything?”

  “I made you a lunch to take.”

  “Oh,
that’s okay. I’ll just grab a coffee and a doughnut. I’m too wired to eat anything right now.”

  “Are you sure? Because—”

  “Mom. I can’t eat. I’ll be fine.” Sheena took her hands and cupped her mother’s face. “Tell me you’ll be okay.”

  “I’ll be okay.”

  They hugged each other for a long time, squeezing tighter and tighter. They were both making a great effort not to break down. It was Peggy who finally pushed Sheena from her. “Go. Drew will be waiting.”

  Sheena got behind the driver’s seat, closed the door, and opened the window. “I’ll call you when I get there.”

  “Goodbye, sweetheart! I love you.”

  “Bye, Mama!” As she drove down the driveway, she waved out the window, and then turned right and drove out of sight, honking her horn. Peggy stood and waved even after she was gone. God knows how long she stood there before she realized her arms were covered with goosebumps.

  Into the house and straight to the kitchen. She took Sheena’s lunch out of the fridge and ate it at the kitchen island, pretending Sheena was in the other room. Then she tidied up and wandered around the house. It was so quiet. Morgue-like.

  “Hello!” she yelled.

  There was almost an echo. “Jesus. This sucks.”

  The only way to distract herself while waiting for Sheena to call was to put on Netflix and eat two huge bags of popcorn. She was almost through the entire first season of The Mindy Project when the phone finally rang. It was Sheena.

  “Hi honey! Are you there okay?”

  She sounded out of breath. “Yes, I made it, and you’ll never guess what. Drew found us an apartment so we don’t have to stay with his brother. I mean, we will for a few days because we have to buy some furniture for our place, but it will be so much fun picking out stuff.”

  “Do you need some money? Let me know.”

  “Drew wants to be independent. I think we’ll be fine.”

  “Why don’t you wait until you start shopping? You might change your tune.”

  “I better go. We have to unpack the car. But I love you and miss you already.”

  “Bye, honey. Call me when you get a chance. Love you!”

  Despite the cloud of loneliness, Peggy was pleased that Sheena sounded so upbeat and happy. Her daughter was a married woman now, with her own decisions and mistakes to make. But gosh, it did her heart good to hear the excitement in Sheena’s voice.

  The first time Mary went upstairs to visit Daniel, it felt awkward and scary, as if Amber was going to jump out of the closet and beat her to death. Even Daniel seemed a bit uncomfortable.

  “This is weird,” he said.

  “I know. I keep expecting your grandmother to pop out of the kitchen and give me a plate of cookies.”

  “I’m aware that your mother and grandmother are downstairs.” He took her in his arms. “Is it better to make some noise, or be totally quiet?”

  She kissed him. “I really don’t care.”

  “I do. Your grandmother said if I hurt you, she’d happily kill me and go to prison.”

  Mary laughed. “She said that? What a rig.”

  They heard a loud meow at the same time, coming from outside the apartment door. They looked at each other. “Roscoe.”

  Daniel ran down the stairs and opened it. Roscoe bounded up and sauntered into the living room. He gave Mary a quick body swipe against her legs and jumped onto the nearest chair.

  “He’s happy,” Mary smiled.

  “I wonder who he’ll live with?”

  “Don’t you dare try and take my cat, mister. That will be the end of this relationship.”

  Daniel took her in his arms again. “Can we not talk?”

  Roscoe eventually got annoyed that no one was paying any attention to him, so he jumped up on the sofa and interrupted the proceedings.

  “Roscoe, you’re messing with my mojo here, buddy.” Daniel pushed him to the floor, but Roscoe was not deterred. He jumped back up and snuggled into Mary.

  “Leave him alone.” She swatted Daniel’s hand away and grinned. “He’s my first love. I can’t abandon him.”

  “We’ll see about that.” Daniel jumped off the couch and walked into the kitchen. He grabbed a can of tuna and opened it with an electric can opener. Roscoe was under his feet in seconds. Daniel dumped the tuna on a plate, walked back to Mary, and then led her to the bedroom. He slammed the door shut behind them.

  “I will not be outsmarted by a cat,” he said.

  Then, much to Mary’s delight, he pounced.

  Peggy was so desperate for occupation that she made an appointment with her family doctor, who was a friend, and what a mistake that was. He made her get on the scale.

  “You’re over two hundred pounds.”

  “I most certainly am not!” She was trying not to faint.

  Then he took her blood pressure. “This is way too high.”

  Peggy decided to go on the offense. “I’ve been stuck in bed since January with a bum back and a broken arm. It’s not like I was able to jog or do aerobics.”

  “What were you eating in bed? Salad?”

  “Sometimes.”

  “Look, Peggy, I like you. I know your family does too. Do all of us a favour and lose some weight so we aren’t looking after you when you have a stroke.”

  “Why are you being such a shithead, Bruce?” Peggy snivelled.

  “I told you. I like you.”

  “Well, I didn’t even come in here for any of that. Ted told me to come and ask you about sleep apnea.”

  Bruce kept writing in her chart. “Okay, we can do that. I trust Ted. How’s he doing anyway? I admire him for walking the walk. But I’ll miss his annual barbecue this summer.”

  “You just called me fat. You wouldn’t be invited anyway.”

  He smiled and tore two pages off his prescription pad. “One is for the Snore Shop to have a test, the other is blood work. I want to see your sugars and cholesterol. I can make an appointment with the dietician if you want.”

  “I’ll think about it.”

  “I want to see you again in a week.” He patted her shoulder and walked out. Peggy picked up what was left of her self-esteem and exited the building. Since she had nothing else to do, she went over to the Snore Shop and filled out a questionnaire. Naturally they wanted to know how much she weighed. Jesus. Wasn’t it obvious that if you snored like a water buffalo you were overweight? She put down 180. They gave her a device that would measure her oxygen for the night. It was a strap with a box the size of a bar of soap attached to her forehead. If the house caught on fire, she’d have to burn with it because there was no way she’d want another human being to see her in this gizmo.

  Since she was only a few minutes away, she drove over to her mother’s house. Nothing like gloomy people when you’re in that kind of mood.

  The back door was unlocked so she let herself in. The place seemed too quiet, despite the blaring television.

  “Hello?”

  There was no answer. The kitchen table looked like they’d been in the middle of lunch. Peggy reached over and took out a handful of chips from the open bag on the counter. She crunched her way into the living room. The mystery was solved. Carole and Ethel were sound asleep on either side of the couch.

  Peggy took a good look at the pair of them while she finished her snack. It was too bad her sister smoked. She had wrinkles forming around her lips. But she was a lot thinner than Peggy, so she was lucky in that regard. Her mother was a round apple on stick legs, blue veins crisscrossing her appendages like a road map.

  Getting old was not for the faint of heart.

  Peggy reached over, grabbed the remote, and turned off the television. That woke them up.

  Carole yawned and smacked her lips. “What are you doing here?”

  “Not
hing.”

  Ethel stretched her skinny legs and moaned as she adjusted her position on the couch. “Why did you wake us up?”

  “Because I need someone to talk to.”

  Carole immediately reached for her pack of smokes on the coffee table and lit one. “Don’t you have any friends?”

  “No, I don’t. I had a million acquaintances when Sheena was little and involved in school sports and after-school activities, but then—poof!—they disappeared and I’ve been left feeling foolish and alone. And now my doctor tells me I’m too fat to live and I have to change my lifestyle.”

  “They’re always yapping about something,” Ethel grumbled. “They have nothing better to do than stick their noses and fingers in everyone’s business.”

  Carole blew a smoke ring. “That’s their job. Does anyone listen to them? I’m supposed to quit smoking, you’re supposed to eat better, and now Peggy has to go on a diet. But will we do it?”

  “Maybe we should,” Peggy said. “Maybe if we all did it together we could help each other.”

  The looks on their faces nixed that idea.

  “How do other people do it?” Peggy shouted. “The magazines are filled with stories of people losing a hundred pounds or suddenly running a marathon. They’re no different than we are.”

  “Yes they are,” Ethel said. “They want to improve. We don’t.”

  Now Peggy got worked up. “And why is that? Why do the three of us sit around and moan about our lot, but never try and improve it? And I’m sorry to say, but at least I have tried over the years to change some things about myself. You two are in a time warp.” She gestured around the cluttered living room. “Every time I walk into this place, it’s exactly the way it was the day before, just another day older and dirtier. The furniture is the same, the decor is the same, your clothes are the same, the food is the same. It’s so fucking depressing! How can you stand it?” She jumped up and paced back and forth. “And suddenly I’m starting to feel like you! I’m stuck in this hole and now Sheena is gone and Ted is gone and what do I do with myself? I know I can’t get much fatter, so eating can’t be my hobby anymore. What the hell do I do with my life? Where the hell did my life go? Why did we never have plans or dreams or goals? Why did we never discuss things or go on picnics or play games? It was always this! Just this! And when I think about that, it makes me so angry!” Peggy started to lose her breath. She saw herself outside her body and she knew she was on the verge of destroying a lot of things, but she was in a vortex of self-hatred and pity.