Mary, Mary

by Lesley Crewe

  Peggy and Carole had no choice but to leave the room. They were distraught. The social worker took them down to one of the sitting areas. “Fear of the unknown comes out as anger. She doesn’t hate you. But she needs someone to blame. So far Mary seems to be a calming influence, so at least we have that.”

  “But when we leave, what will happen?”

  “We know how to deal with it. We’ve had plenty of experience and she will be well looked after. This is one of the hardest things you’ll ever do. There’s no denying it. All you can do is your best.”

  Mary sat with Gran for the rest of the day. Peggy and Carole tried to come back in, but Gran kept telling them to get lost. They signalled to Mary from the hallway that they would get lunch and bring something back for her and Gran. Mary nodded.

  Her grandmother never let go of her hand. At one point Mary knew it had fallen asleep and she was aching to move it, but didn’t dare. Every time she thought about how she’d have to leave this bedside, her stomach tightened. It ran though her mind that maybe they shouldn’t have rushed to save Gran that day in the cemetery. Maybe they should’ve just let her go.

  Did anyone ever know the right thing to do?

  When the sisters came back with soup and sandwiches, Ethel let them come in. She was hungry. After half an egg sandwich and a few spoons of tomato soup, her eyes closed and she was breathing deeply.

  The nurse came in and suggested they go. They didn’t dare lean down to kiss her in case she woke up. All of them tiptoed out and walked wearily back to the car, but Mary kept going.

  “I need a minute.”

  She continued down to the water and stood there in the sunshine, trying to get her breath. Her chest heaved as she sucked in the fresh salt air and the aroma of grass and flowers. Why wasn’t her grandmother outside smelling this too? Of course her grandmother never went outside unless she had to, but still. That wasn’t the point.

  And to think that maybe someday in the future she might have to go through this with her own mother. Was it wrong to hope that someone just dropped dead or died in their sleep? What was worse, the shock of someone suddenly not being there, or the agony of long, drawn-out goodbyes?

  Why was life so hard? Why couldn’t people just stay in their own homes and when the time came go to sleep in their own beds? Humans made things so complicated. Animals knew to wander off when their time came and find safe, quiet places to rest their weary heads. They dissolved back into the earth with no fuss or fanfare.

  People could learn a lot from animals.

  But in the meantime, Mary still had to deal with her mother and aunt. She took a deep breath and walked back to the car. She could tell they’d been crying.

  “Thank God you were there,” Aunt Peggy said. “How do you do it?”

  “Do what?”

  “Always say the right thing.”

  “I suppose I just think about what I’d like someone to say to me.”

  “Well, you’re a genius at it.”

  Her mother nodded. “You are wasted in that grocery store.”

  “Actually, I think I’m going to apply to become an RPN at NSCC next year. I’ll have enough money saved by then.”

  “Frig that!” Aunt Peggy said. “Ted and I will pay your tuition. And don’t you dare say anything, Carole, because you know I have money and if it can help this girl, then it should. She’ll make a fantastic nurse.”

  “I wasn’t going to say anything,” Carole sniffed. “I’m over that. If you can help her, by all means, do it. And it would make Ma happy.”

  Mary was overwhelmed. “Gosh! I don’t know what to say. Thank you, Aunt Peggy. But I still can’t get in this year. The course is already starting.”

  “Never mind. The year will go fast enough.”

  Mary looked out the window going home. Two minutes ago she was miserable, and now she was happy.

  What a strange world.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  Sheena never got around to getting a job, because she always had something to do instead. She made new friends, the wives and partners of Drew’s employees. It was empowering to be thought of as the boss’s wife. Then they met the couple over the fence who’d moved in just six months before they did. Justin and Alisha were almost clones of Sheena and Drew. They dressed more or less the same, drove the same cars, and drank the same beer and wine. The couples barbecued together on weekends or went downtown on Saturday nights for dinner at their favourite Thai restaurant.

  Sheena was truly settling in to her new life in Halifax. She didn’t feel the need to go up to Cape Breton as often, and surprisingly her mother didn’t bug her to come anymore.

  Their first Halloween together in their new house, Drew helped her decorate the outside of the house with lights and cobwebs. Sheena had a lot of different pumpkins on her steps, all of them glowing with weird and wonderful faces she’d found on Pinterest.

  They even dressed up together as Baby and Johnny from Dirty Dancing. They were going to a party at Justin and Alisha’s once the trick-or-treaters stopped coming. While Drew was used to kids coming to his house in Sydney, children had never come to Sheena’s house because of the long driveway, so she couldn’t wait to pass out the candy. She looked at the enormous bowl of treats she’d accumulated and the boxes of chips on the floor. “Do you think we have enough?”

  Once five o’clock hit, the doorbell rang and never stopped until seven-thirty. They finally had to shut the porch light off because they didn’t have a single piece of candy left.

  “That was wild,” Sheena said. “My back is aching. Maybe we should just go to the movies next year.”

  Drew’s cell went off and he hurried over to the dining-room table to answer it.

  “Hi, Mom.”

  And then he didn’t say anything for ten minutes. Sheena could tell by the look on his face that it was something serious, so she sat on the living-room couch and watched him quietly.

  He eventually said goodbye, put the phone down, and then sat on the nearest chair.

  “My parents are getting a divorce.”

  Sheena’s heart sank. “Oh, Drew, I’m so sorry.”

  “Hey, it’s not like I’m surprised. I just wish they’d done it years ago, so we didn’t have to be in the middle of their fighting when we were growing up.”

  “I wonder why they decided to do it now?”

  “She wants to marry someone else,” Drew said dully.

  “Oh gosh, your poor dad.”

  He shrugged. “I think he has a woman too, so he’ll be all right.”

  Drew sounded matter-of-fact, but his face betrayed him. Sheena got up, walked over to him, and put her arms around his head as he sat there, his cheek against her tummy. He cried, and it killed Sheena to hear it. It must be a terrible feeling to have your parents divorce no matter how old you were. She was glad he felt comfortable enough with her to let it out.

  Sheena called Alisha and said something had come up and they couldn’t make the party. Alisha understood. Maybe next time.

  Mary shouldn’t have worried about having a cat and a dog. Weechee and Roscoe became fast friends, but they spent their time running around the apartment in a perpetual game of chase. It never stopped. Worse, they loved to jump on and off the bed at lightning speed. If you happened to be sleeping on your stomach, God help you. They had no regard for your comfort whatsoever. Even Daniel had to yell at them from time to time, and that was unheard of because Daniel didn’t think Weechee ever put a foot wrong.

  The only time Mary and Daniel ever argued was about their pets.

  “Roscoe was here long before this mutt, so he has rights. Weechee is the usurper,” Mary reasoned.

  “So if we have kids, whatever the first baby does is above reproach and the next kid will be treated like a second-class citizen? That’s your logic.”

  Mary threw a pillow at
him while she laughed. “It is not! But what happens if the second baby is a first-class moron? Do we still let him do whatever he wants? Even if he wants to jump out the second-floor window, like you-know-who”—she jabbed her thumb at Weechee— “the other day?”

  “You-know-who was having a fit because those idiots Will and Liam were chasing Roscoe around the yard. He was being a hero.”

  The two of them snorted with laughter. Mary wiped her eyes. “I can’t believe I fought my mother my whole life trying to have a pet and right now this house is like an ark. Mom’s got Jerry’s dog Ruth down there because she gets lonesome during the day. And she still has clients who come to see her despite all that. I’m not sure who’s loonier.”

  Carole decided she was going to be coy with Jerry. She wasn’t going to rush into anything, because God knew she made that mistake the last time someone took her to bed. Considering that was twenty-three years ago, maybe she should be in a hurry. But she’d managed without men her whole life and took a weird, resentful pride in that.

  Truth be told, she was more in love with Ruth than with her dad, but Jerry was an awfully nice man and the last time he came around for supper, he’d given her good advice.

  “So you say you’re thinking of opening a dog-grooming business?”

  “It crossed my mind. Sometimes I can’t stand the thought of cutting one more head of hair. It’s always the same thing. I could do it in my sleep. Maybe I need a change. I love grooming the boys, so it seems a natural progression.”

  “Do you have the money to renovate the place? I could always give you a quote. Anything done today isn’t cheap, but I could give you a good deal because this hamburger is delicious.”

  She wondered if he knew it was a frozen patty.

  “I was only thinking about it.”

  Jerry wiped his mouth with his paper napkin. “Seems to me you have a nice little set-up here as it is. You and the dogs always have such a good time together. Everyone at the park mentions it. How do you think your boys would feel having canine strangers demanding your attention eight hours a day?”

  Carole looked at the dogs. Her three and Ruth were sitting in a semi-circle around the table, eyeing every move, and now they thought scraps might be in the offing. All of them perked up.

  “You know, Jerry, you’re right. Why ruin a good thing? Thanks.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  “Would you like some dessert? I have an apple pie.”

  “Sounds wonderful.”

  She hoped he wouldn’t know it was frozen too.

  Peggy drove out to Glace Bay to visit her mother with a gift in hand. She’d sewn a throw cover for her bed in various shades of blue, Ethel’s favourite. Peggy selfishly longed to keep it herself. One day it would be returned to her when the inevitable happened, but Peggy didn’t like to think about what shape it would be in then or what kind of fluids would stain it in the interim. No, this throw would be staying in the manor.

  By now Peggy recognized some of the residents lining the hallway outside their rooms. They’d nod or try to get Peggy to come and talk to them. She always felt like a scoundrel when she’d pretend to be in a big rush. Too bad she wasn’t a nice person like Mary.

  There was one elderly lady who dressed like a prim librarian. She stood ramrod straight, too. Peggy wondered at first why she was in here since she seemed so put together, but once you talked to her for five minutes, it was pretty clear. The nurses said she knew everyone’s business. They affectionately called her the town snoop.

  Her name was also Ethel and she always remembered that Peggy was there to see her mother Ethel. This pleased the other Ethel to no end.

  “Hello!” Ethel waved her hand as Peggy approached. “Are you going to see Ethel today?”

  “Yes, I sure am.”

  “Did you know there are three Ethels on this floor?”

  “No, I didn’t.”

  “I’m Ethel, there’s your mother Ethel, and then there’s the Ethel who shits a lot.”

  Lord. Peggy moved on in a hurry. She poked her head around the door of her mother’s room. Her mom never ventured outside it. It was like she had lost the will to do anything, and Peggy’s guilt was suffocating.

  Ethel was in bed curled up on her side. Her eyes were closed, but that didn’t mean she was sleeping.

  “Hi, Mom.”

  Ethel opened her eyes and scowled. “Got nothing better to do than come in here and see me?”

  Peggy leaned over and kissed her mom’s cheek. “As I matter of fact, I came to give you a present. And you’ll never guess. I made it myself.”

  “Bully for you.”

  So it was going to be that kind of a day. Peggy sat on the chair and put the gift on her lap.

  “Would you like to open it?”

  “No.”

  “Mom, please. I’m so excited to show it to you.”

  “Do what you want then.”

  Peggy opened the tissue paper and proceeded to shake out the blanket. She had to stand up so it wouldn’t hit the ground. “What do you think? Do you like it?”

  “It’s nice.”

  “All your favourite colours of blue.”

  “I hate blue.”

  Peggy folded it up and sat down. “No, you don’t.”

  “I fuckin’ hate blue! Carole likes blue.”

  Poor Peggy was heartsick. “Really? I was sure it was…well, it doesn’t matter. It will still look nice on your bed.”

  “I don’t want it.”

  “Mom—”

  Her mother got up on her elbow. “I don’t want the fuckin’ thing. Give it to Carole. Why is it when a person is old and in bed that no one pays attention to what they’re saying?”

  “I’m sorry. You’re right.” Peggy folded it back into the tissue paper. There was no way this was going to end up a dog’s blanket. It was coming home with her after all.

  “So how are you feeling, Mom?”

  Ethel looked at her and Peggy didn’t ask again.

  “Ted made his reservations for his flight home. He’ll be here for Christmas. Only six weeks away. I can’t believe how fast the year went. Remember last Christmas?”

  “You mean when I was happy and living at home? Yeah, it rings a bell.”

  Peggy looked down at her lap. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry that this has happened to you. I don’t know what to do.”

  “You could take this goddamned pillow and smother me with it. No one would care, and I’d be eternally grateful.”

  Peggy tried not to cry but she couldn’t help it. This was unbearably sad. “If I wasn’t so afraid, I’d do it for you. But I can’t, Mom. I can’t.”

  Ethel turned on her back and sighed. “I know. How’s Sheena?”

  They talked a little about Sheena and Drew, and then her mother wanted to know about Mary and Daniel.

  “They are the cutest couple,” Peggy said. “They look happy all the time.”

  “They come to see me.”

  “Did you know Carole is dating?”

  Her mother gaped at her and struggled to sit up. Peggy had to help her. Once she was sorted, she looked more like her old self. “Tell me all about it.”

  Peggy told her what she knew.

  “Do you like him?”

  “Yes, he’s very nice. A quiet kind of fellow.”

  “How the hell did he get mixed up with Carole?”

  “They both own Newfoundland dogs. They met at the park.”

  Ethel put her head back on the pillow. “She’ll ruin it. She ruins everything.”

  Peggy felt a prick of resentment. “No, she won’t. She’s changed a lot over the last few months. Haven’t you noticed?”

  “The only thing she does when she’s in here is show me videos of those damn dogs. You mark my words; she’ll talk herself out of it. She’
ll think up some stupid excuse and send the guy packing.”

  “I don’t think you’re being fair.”

  Ethel pointed her finger at Peggy. “Now I’m not there, so you’re going to have to be on the lookout for it. Don’t let this guy slip through her fingers. It might be her last chance at happiness. She doesn’t think she’s good enough, but she is.”

  “Have you ever said that to her?”

  Her mother gave her a filthy look but then turned away. “Probably not.”

  “Why don’t you? While you still have time?”

  Sheena lay on her bamboo sheets and drew up a list. For a second she felt like her mother but then dismissed the terrifying thought. Drew was in the shower getting ready for work. She loved this time of morning, listening to Drew hum in his own off-key way. Over the last few months, she’d grown to really like him, not just love him. Now that he had his own home, he was more relaxed and playful. He enjoyed spending time with his brothers but was always grateful to throw his keys in the dish by the door, flop onto the sofa, and check his computer. Or snuggle up with her.

  It was a big decision as to whether they should go home for Christmas or spend it here in their new home, but Sheena was looking forward to seeing her dad and made the case that they would have lots of Christmases in this house. Drew agreed, thinking he should probably see both his parents, even though he was dreading it.

  “They sold our house so my brothers and I have nowhere to go. None of us wants to spend Christmas with the new partners. I’m glad I’m staying at your place.”

  “Once we come home we’ll have our first dinner party on New Year’s Eve. We’ll invite Justin and Alisha and the gang at work. It’ll be fun.”

  Sheena put two Pop-Tarts in the toaster and a coffee pod in the Keurig: breakfast was served. Drew always took it with him. She told him more than once that she could make a proper breakfast for him, but Drew didn’t like eggs, so Pop-Tarts it was.

  He gave her a long kiss. “See ya later.”

  “Bye, honey.” Now she did sound like her mom. Sheena took her list and sat down to call home on Skype. Her mother appeared on the screen. “Hey, what’s up?”