The Mourning Woods (The Tome of Bill Book 3)

by Rick Gualtieri

  Something about his tone told me that was only partially true. I could only imagine that, amongst supernatural beings with a penchant for violence, purely ceremonial could quickly turn into practical. Just great. Armor was fine for him, but if the talks suddenly devolved into combat, my winter coat wouldn’t do much to protect me.

  I knew Sally had her hand cannon, and Ed was openly carrying his shotgun. Tom was likewise unarmed, but I had little doubt his hell-spawn of a girlfriend would come to his aid if trouble broke out. That left me. Wonderful.

  Perhaps sensing my discomfort, Nergui matched my stride. I felt him press something into my hand. I looked down, it was a sheathed dagger.

  “Purely ceremonial?” I asked.

  “Of course,” he replied, quickening his pace again.

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  “Suddenly, I feel underdressed,” I said, seeing the large group of vampires standing before us on the trail.

  Whereas we looked as if we had just spent the night camping, which wasn’t too far from the truth, the party before us could have stepped out of a Hollywood soiree. Crisp suits, overcoats, and polished shoes stood out like a sore thumb amongst the foliage. Great, now I had to worry about the undead fashion police, too.

  I frowned as I recognized François and his contingent amongst the group. However, that frown almost immediately turned upside down as I finally saw a familiar face: James. He stood a bit away from François, their mutual dislike apparent even from a distance. Several vampires stood with him, a few of whom I vaguely recognized. He had brought some of his own people with him. Smart. Even smarter, I didn’t see Colin amongst them. Good. I had enough to worry about without that little ass kisser trying to gum up the works.

  Once we had arrived at the group, Grulg announced, “Grulg go ahead. T’lunta enter when announced. No sooner.” He gave us all a look of barely contained anger and walked ahead. Mind you, almost every look I’d seen him give us had practically screamed that, so maybe I was reading too much into it.

  Fortunately, lest I start to miss them, François was right there to continue giving me hostile glances. He gave my friends and me the once over. “So much for us putting our best foot forward,” he said with a haughty sniff.

  “Sorry. I didn’t get the memo about the dress code,” I replied.

  “I can assure you, it’s quite all right,” said James, walking up to all of us. “I sincerely doubt the Alma will be all too concerned with our attire.”

  “They will not be the only ones present,” spat François, oozing disgust.

  “I am well aware,” James answered evenly. “Just as I am aware that the majority of the witnesses present will not exactly be mavens of fashion themselves. I for one will be quite surprised if the au naturale participants do not outnumber the clothed ones by a good many.”

  François narrowed his eyes, but James held his gaze. Though François was older, the two were of the same rank. In the vampire community, to show any sign of weakness was to acknowledge the other as your better. Fuck that! Hell, I was little more than a piece of shit compared to either of them, and I wasn’t about to acknowledge some French Nazi dickweasel as my superior.

  Finally, François turned to me, a sneer on his face. “It ultimately doesn’t matter. Just do your job, Freewill. Sit at the head of the table, nod when you are supposed to, and let those far more qualified set the terms for this treaty.”

  “Right-o, chief,” I said glibly, eliciting a chuckle from both my roommates.

  He gave each of us a glare that said he would have gladly gutted us, and then turned on his heel. His lackeys ... err, negotiators immediately fell into step and began following him.

  Once he left, the tension eased considerably. James walked over and gave Nergui a hearty clap on the shoulder. “It is good to see you again, my friend.”

  Nergui nodded. “Her highness sends her regards, Wanderer.”

  James must have noticed me wince a little, because he smiled before addressing me. “Welcome, Dr. Death. I am happy to see you made it. I’m told that others were not so fortunate.”

  “Yep,” I acknowledged. “While still others seem to have benefited from that misfortune.”

  The smile dropped off his face and he got serious. “Yes, a most disturbing turn of events. I shall be monitoring things quite closely from my place on the sidelines. If François’s men do anything to jeopardize the peace process, whether purposely or through their own ignorance, I will be forced to become more involved.”

  “Isn’t that dangerous for you?”

  “Yes, but I place the good of the whole before my well-being. For now, though, I will trust François’s people to uphold the will of the First. However, should that change...”

  “I have it covered,” I said.

  A look of something close to panic came over James’s face. “No! Your duties have already been set in this matter. Do not overstep your authority. It would be unwise.”

  I gave Tom and Ed a quick glance. I opened my mouth to mention how there had been a change of plans, but then remembered Sally’s warning. I’d have to bring James up to speed when she wasn’t around. For now, I simply nodded.

  “Good,” he replied. “To do otherwise could be disastrous.”

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  “There shouldn’t be too much to worry about today, regardless,” said James as we walked along the forest trail. “I expect little more than introductions, some posturing, and a setting of the ground rules. Even François’s men should be able to handle that.”

  “Sounds pretty easy...”

  “There is one issue of concern, though,” he said.

  “Just one?”

  “A rather important one,” he stressed. “You have no doubt noticed Grulg speaking in English, correct?”

  “Kind of hard to miss.”

  “That is one concession they were willing to make for your benefit. You should know, though, that the Alma’s natural language is quite different than ours. Not all of their words translate well.”

  “Okay and...”

  “And, I cannot stress this enough, you must be utterly respectful to them, especially their leader, regardless of what they say.”

  I gave James a grin back. “Relax. We’ve all heard Grulg speak. I can handle a little broken English. Hell, I hear worse at some of the Chinese restaurants back home.”

  “I’m not talking about a little...” but I didn’t hear the rest.

  We stepped from the trail into a large clearing and well ... holy shit!

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  So maybe “clearing” wasn’t the right word for it. Hell, I don’t know what was. All I know is that despite being a vampire for nearly a year and having seen sights that would cause ordinary folks to piss themselves, I wasn’t even remotely prepared for this.

  “James Cameron, eat your heart out,” Ed whispered from behind me. Sure enough, what was before us looked more like a scene from some summer blockbuster than anything else.

  The trail sloped downward in front of us, into what appeared to be a shallow valley. The entire place was lit with dozens of torches. The sides had been carved into levels not dissimilar to stadium seating. Within each level, downed trees and rocky outcroppings acted as seats. That wasn’t the extent of the weirdness, though.

  It was the myriad creatures taking up the seats that threatened to blow my mind completely. A quick glance back showed the same wide-eyed look on my friends’ faces. Hell, even Sally seemed in awe. Only Nergui, James, and James’s contingent appeared to be taking it all in stride.

  For a moment, I just stood there gawking. It was like the greatest effects people in Hollywood had gotten together and decided to have a kegger. Beings – for that’s the best word I have for them – of all shapes and sizes stood, sat, and in some cases floated in the vast space before me.

  It was only after a few moments that another bit of strangeness occurred to me. Though I could see several of them ... err talking, I guess, there wasn’t any sound. Mouths o
pened and closed, flanges gestured, things rippled. We should've heard the commotion from a mile off, yet there was nothing but the silence of the forest around us.

  I turned and looked at James quizzically. Whatever warnings he had been imparting to me were gone. In their place was a wide grin. “Courtesy of our magic wielding guests.” He raised his hand and pointed. A short way off from us, standing at the top of the rise, a white robed figure – one of the witches from Christy’s group – stood with her arms in the air, a purple glow enveloping her. Turning, I scanned the area and noticed three more beings, none of them human like the first. They were standing symmetrically to each other at opposite ends of the open area. All had the same glow about them.

  “Look closer,” James said.

  I did, and for the first time noticed that the air in front of me had a slight shimmering quality to it.

  “It’s a fucking force field,” Tom gasped.

  “Not quite, but close,” James replied. “After you.”

  I stepped forward, the shimmer becoming more pronounced. I looked back, shrugged, and stepped through. In for a penny...

  There was a momentary tingling, and then suddenly the voices, hoots, hollers, and murmurings of the creatures filled my ears. Within the space of a second, things went from being a library to a high school auditorium.

  I voiced my amazement, but I’m pretty sure nobody heard me over the cacophony of sound.

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  Stepping forward, I got a better look at the bottom of the valley. It was roughly the size of a basketball court, oval in shape, and set apart from the ... err ... bleachers, for lack of a better term. A small platoon of Sasquatches stood at the perimeter of this space. Their purpose was pretty obvious: security. I found myself wondering whether I had stepped into a peace conference or a rock concert.

  What stood in the center of the clearing, though, was no stage. At first glance, it appeared to be a large, rough-hewn table. As I got closer I could see that it looked organic, as if it were some weird conference table/tree hybrid. I had once run a druid in a D&D campaign, and supposedly they had all sorts of organically grown furniture like this. But to actually see it for real, whoa! It wasn’t the prettiest thing in the universe, but I had little doubt it would be far sturdier than anything one could buy at Office Depot. Stumps surrounded the table, no doubt meant to be chairs for the participants of the talks. I immediately found myself wishing I had brought a pillow. Damn if they didn’t look like ass-crackers to me.

  Standing at the bottom of the aisle before us, looking quite impatient, were Grulg, François, and François’s minions.

  I turned to my friends, shrugged, and started forward.

  I took one step, and that’s when I heard Tom’s voice from behind me. “Bill, watch out!”

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  An undulating ... mass, I guess, lurched out of the crowd toward me. It moved, much more quickly than its mucus-like body would suggest it was capable, to a spot directly in front of me. I stopped dead in my tracks, not wanting to see if the movie The Blob was based on reality or not. I stood facing it, wide-eyed. In turn, it made bizarre gibbering noises at me and began quivering its body. Within seconds, the noises became more urgent-sounding. I raised my hands in a questioning gesture and took a step back. It followed. Oh crap.

  Instinctively – probably stupidly too – I drew Nergui’s dagger and brought it up. The blob lunged forward and engulfed my hand. Gross! When I pulled it back out the dagger was gone. That wasn’t exactly promising.

  Almost immediately, Ed was by my side, shotgun raised. “Back off, slime mold,” he snarled.

  Fortunately, before the situation could further escalate, James stepped in front of us. He approached the thing and began making what sounded like slurping noises. Ewww! I hoped he wasn’t planning on tasting that thing.

  Whatever it was he said seemed to do the trick, though. After a second or two, the blob monster moved back into the crowd.

  “Thanks for the save,” Ed said, lowering the gun. “Not sure this would have worked against it.”

  “It wouldn’t have,” James replied. “However, it’s a good thing you didn’t fire. Things are tense enough without us starting things off by shooting a food merchant.”

  “What?!” I exclaimed.

  “He was just trying to sell you some refreshments.”

  “Oh,” I replied lamely. “Well, what about my dagger?”

  “He thought you were offering him payment.”

  “But...”

  “All things considered, I think it best to let him keep it as a tip.”

  I didn’t argue the point. Our close call with Hell’s hotdog vendor over, we walked down to join the others. Most of them were trying, poorly at that, to hide smirks. Even François’s face held a bit of a grin, albeit it wasn’t a kind one. Apparently, he enjoyed seeing me act like an ass. Well if he loved that, I could only imagine how much he was going to love me overruling his lackeys if the situation called for it.

  But that would be for later. For now, the ceremonies were about to begin.

  What’s in a Name?

  As one, the Sasquatches standing at the edge of the arena – I couldn’t help but think it more resembled a coliseum than meeting hall – raised their heads and let loose with an ear-splitting screech. Fuck me! It sounded like someone had stuck a fork into the ass of every single monkey at the Bronx Zoo. It definitely got everyone’s attention, though. Within seconds, the various noises coming from the crowd ended. All eyes were on the center.

  “Okay, that was inter...” but I was interrupted before I could finish.

  There came the crack of thunder – odd, considering the forecast called for clear skies – and suddenly a bolt of green lightning descended from the heavens, striking the conference ... err ... tree dead center. Rather than blowing it to smithereens, as lightning is wont to do, there was a blinding flash. When it cleared, the table was still intact and everything was as it had been ... oh, except that a glowing green ball of energy now floated above it.

  “What the fuck?” my roommates and I sputtered in unison.

  “WELCOME!” a booming voice sounded. It was loud, completely drowning out everything else. As it faded, though, I noticed something odd. There was no echo and my ears weren’t ringing either. I was just beginning to wonder about that when I heard Ed from behind me.

  “Was that in my mind?”

  Holy shit! He was right. Whatever the fuck had just said hi to us had done so psychically.

  “WE, THE GATHERED, ARE HERE TO BEAR WITNESS...” the voice began. It was hard to concentrate with it pounding away like a bass beat on my frontal lobe. I turned to James and managed to ask, “What the hell is that?”

  He turned his attention away from the orb, and replied, “Neutral third party.”

  Oh, of course.

  “...HAVE BEEN ACCUSED OF BREACHING THE TERMS SET FORTH IN THE HUMBABA ACCORD OF THE YEAR...”

  Blah blah blah. Christ, supernatural ball of light or not, this thing sounded like my sophomore year history teacher.

  “...RITUAL COMBAT WILL THEN ENSUE...”

  Whoa. Hold on a second. What was that about ritual combat? God, I really needed to pay attention to these stupid monologues. I tried sending out a quick request with my own mind. Would you mind repeating that please? Unfortunately, the voice kept droning on. I guess it was set to send, not receive. Fucking asshole ghost orb.