Christmas and Forever

by Delilah Hunt

  Aidan clutched her to him and jerked his hips. “Don’t do this to me, Liya. Please, sweetheart. I’m begging you. I can’t do this again.” He didn’t want a second love.

  He lifted her head, pushed it back a notch and watched himself spill onto her tongue, thin whitish globs of semen that told him she had effectively milked him dry. Aidan touched her throat, his eyes misting as she swallowed every single drop. Her little pink tongue darted out, lapping at the droplet of cum that spilled from the corners of her lips.

  “Come here,” he said to her softly, stunned that a woman could be so innocent and explicit in her need at the same time. Her need for him.

  Aidan carried her with him to the sofa and seated her across his lap.

  “You didn’t have to do that.”

  “I wanted to. I liked it.”

  His eyes opened in surprise. No woman had ever told him she wanted his seed in her belly. “I wasn’t sure at first if you’d like having my taste on your tongue. But you wanted more.” He paused and gazed at her solemnly. There wasn’t a word to describe how it made him feel that Liya loved the taste of his cock and he wished he could feel her mouth on him every single day and give her all the cum her greedy little mouth desired. Instead he chose a safer route. “I wish I had something to give you for Christmas. I thought about it before I left to come up here, but I didn’t know how you’d react if I gave you a present. And I wasn’t sure if you wanted to see me again after the way we parted at the clinic.”

  “Same here. I actually went to the store and had something picked out for you, but––well. I didn’t want you to think I was coming on to you again. Like that day when I kissed your cheek.”

  He nipped her earlobe, wishing he could have changed his reaction to the aforementioned kiss. “You did nothing wrong, Liya. I was scared because I hadn’t expected to feel so alive from such a simple touch.”

  “I’m going to miss you,” she whispered, her voice shaky and tears sparkling in her bright eyes. “Just was never in the cards for us, right?”

  His chest tightened with pain. If he did give himself to Liya, would the powers that be act so selfishly as to take another person he cherished away from him? Aidan wanted forever, not just a few years.

  Still, he was afraid to voice his feelings. “I’ll miss you too, sweetheart.” He was a coward and an utter bastard. He felt physically ill. Tomorrow, Christmas day, was their last day together and then, like the coward he was, he would let her slip quietly out of his life.

  Chapter Nine

  The next morning, Liya glanced out the window of the cabin. Snowflakes fell on the panes of the windows, as a morning breeze swept across the land. Wisps of snow blew into the air, twirling in the open space. She closed her eyes and smiled. It was Christmas. Christmas with Aidan, to be exact. She snuggled into the warmth of his hard body lying next to her. If only every Christmas morning could be like this. Her lips pursed as she felt the steady rise and fall of his chest. There would be no other Christmas like this with him. She had meant every word and was going to keep to her promise. She took a deep breath and looked out the window. The fireplace in the bedroom sizzled, but already she was starting to feel cold with the knowledge that once she stepped back outside, that would be it for them. She and Aidan would go their separate ways, with only the precious memory of what transpired here. Every fiber of her being would treasure these moments. And Aidan, well, perhaps he would tuck it away in some hidden part of him that he was too afraid to reveal and revisit. Liya’s heart seized. Not even the love she had to offer him would ever be enough to compensate for his loss. Three days of sex seemed just meager and…Liya closed her eyes. She didn’t want to feel ashamed for their time together, but in the grand scheme of things what they had was just sex. They hadn’t made any earth-shattering memories. She really just needed to get over it and put on a brave face when the time came to leave him.

  Aidan rustled beside her. Liya felt his hand rubbing her backside before his warm lips touched her neck and his fingers delved between her labia, gently petting.

  “Good morning.” His voice came out a low rumble.

  Her heart twisted as Liya swallowed down the sorrow. This was the last time she’d be waking up to a ‘good morning’ from him. “Merry Christmas, Dr. Keegan.” She pressed her lips to his mouth. A glimmer of confusion tripped over his features. Liya wondered if he felt the same—Christmas sneaked upon them all too quickly. “Merry Christmas, angel.” He smiled at her quiet teasing.

  Unsure what to say, Liya rested her head above his heart. Stroking the top of her hair, Aidan kissed her temple. “I have a surprise for you.”

  Liya narrowed her brows and raised her head, a slow smile spreading across her lips. “What kind of a surprise?”

  He chuckled and once again she was taken aback, left breathless by how handsome Aidan was when he allowed himself a moment of pleasure. “It’s definitely not Santa stuck in the chimney, if that’s what you’re wondering.” He slid to the edge of the bed and grabbed his clothes off the floor. Liya curled under the comforter and watched him dress. It was such a simple act, one that shouldn’t amount to the dizzy sense of pleasure pumping through her. But there it was. Dragging her gaze away, she slipped on a shirt and panties. Other women had no idea how lucky they were to witness such a simple delight each and every morning with their man.

  “Come here,” Aidan said, reaching for her hand. Liya narrowed her eyes and lifted a brow. He laughed softly and squeezed her fingers. “I wanted to make this special for you. Well, as special as it can be up here, without planning.”

  They entered the living room. Liya planted a foot on the ground and clamped a hand over her mouth. “When? How did you do this?” She switched between Aidan and the large Fraser fir tree, adorned with shimmering blue and pale purple tinsel. Shiny ornaments hung from the ends of the pine branches.

  “I chopped it yesterday morning after you went out.” He scratched the back of his head and grinned. “I was crossing my fingers all day long that you wouldn’t go around the back and see it.”

  Of course. That explained why the door had been left open. But ... That had to mean Aidan had bought those decorations a long time ago, when he‘d envisioned spending Christmas here with his family. She pushed the thought away.

  Facing him, she stood on her tiptoes, tucked her arms about his neck and swept her lips over his. “It’s beautiful, Aidan. Thank you.”

  Liya held his hand as they headed toward the tree. On the fireplace mantle there was a golden star with the faint glow of an orange light within. Aidan reached for it. “Almost forgot… you have to put it up.” Aidan slid his hands around her hips and lifted her off the ground until she was eye-to-eye with the top of the Christmas tree.

  “How does it look?“ she asked, gesturing to the decked-out tree.

  He placed her on the ground. “Perfect. I’ve never seen anyone choose a more perfect spot for a Christmas star.”

  Laughing, she crooked her finger beneath his cheek and kissed him. “Whatever. The holiday must really be getting to your senses.”

  A sober looked flashed in his eyes. “It’s not the holidays.”

  “Then what is it?” Me. Us.

  Aidan held her close. “Too many things to talk about now. I’m happy that whatever scheming James was up to, brought us here together. I don’t believe I’m the same person who drove up here on Friday.”

  Liya frowned, unsure of Aidan’s words. “What do you see in the future for yourself, Aidan? What do you want out of life now?”

  “To move on. I see that it’s possible, now.” Her eyes flew open at his revelation. Silent, she allowed him to finish, awaiting the words she wanted so desperately to hear. “I want a fresh start. I won’t ever forget my two angels, but I need to move on. I no longer feel the crushing pain when I think of them, and that’s all because of you. You’ve shown me that it is okay to feel, to want to experience life again, and I want that so much, sweetheart.”

  She wait
ed still longer, up until the moment his lips brushed her temple and the soft words were whispered into her ear. “Thank you, Liya.”

  Her heart shattered into a million pieces. Somewhere in the world, perhaps in the city, she could hear the feminine laughter of a strange woman who would reap her rewards and claim Aidan Keegan for herself. And he had the nerve to look down and smile at her as if he hadn’t delivered a death sentence to her hopes and dreams for the two of them.

  Her lips stretched into a painful smile. “I’m glad I could help.”

  For the remainder of the day she tried hard to combat the glumness that shadowed her enjoyment of Christmas and being tucked away for a few more hours with Aidan. Sometime after lunch, when Aidan plucked her out of the armchair she had curled in beside the fireplace and led her outside to the sled he had chopped out of a fallen tree, surprise was an understatement. She had stared at him in astonishment and joy despite her sadness. He really meant it, about enjoying life. The old Aidan Keegan would never have suggested traipsing down a snowcapped hill, like a ten-year-old.

  As the day went on, the sorrow grew tenfold, yet she showed no hint of it. Liya glanced over her shoulder as he added more kindle to the fireplace. Everything about him was more relaxed and he had said she was responsible for it. Sighing, she placed the last of the dishes inside the dishwasher and set it to run. Well, you did get what you wanted, she told herself. Or at least what she thought she wanted three days ago, when she made the brazen suggestion of using sex to bring some joy to Dr. Keegan. It did nothing to lessen the pain or ebb the tide of her disappointment.

  “Come with me outside.”

  She wiped her hands on a towel and followed him out into the snow. The air felt thick and balmy, misting with each and every breath. Aidan clasped her hand to his. “So tell me, what did you really think of this place, and being up here with me?”

  Huh? He had to ask that. Weren’t her face and her words enough of an open book for him to read and sample at leisure? Maybe that was indeed her problem. She had been too open and honest with him, leaving no air of mystery or enticement.

  “I thought I made it clear on so many occasions.”

  He stopped beside her. “You made a lot of things clear, sweetheart, including the fact that you spent years taking care of your little brother and when he passed you had no one else to focus that energy and dedication on.”

  “What are you getting?”

  “I don’t harbor illusions about myself, Liya. I’m much older than you. I have a damaged arm and leg. It shouldn’t come as a surprise that I wonder just how much of your need to be a caretaker is driving you to think what you feel for me is more than friendship.”

  She allowed her hand to fall from his grasp. “Caregiver, Aidan? Is that what it means when you have sex with someone?” She laughed without mirth. “I suppose now that we’re about to get back to reality and the rest of the world, I’m relegated to chubby girl who can only be a friend or twisting my hands worrying about someone to take my mind off my own sad state, right?”

  He scoffed. “You’re perfectly fine.”

  She shook her head, half groaning and laughing. “If I pitied you that much because of your flaws, there’s no way I would have slept with you. If you don’t want to move on with me, that’s fine, but you don’t have to find excuses for it.”

  His hand shot out, capturing her wrist in a steely grip. “Look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t pity me. That you won’t feel a shred of embarrassment introducing me to your friends on my worst day with this leg?”

  “I’ll give you an answer when you can swear to me from this moment, this second forward I’m the only woman in your heart, that I won’t be second place, a stand-in, because you’ll never experience that ‘once in a lifetime’ love. I don’t want to be the woman you pass your time with until the day comes when you reunite with Sarah.”

  His features became impassive. If a stranger were to pass by they might think she had just requested that he lasso and bring her the moon.

  She broke away and walked slowly in the fresh snow. “Save your answer.”

  Footsteps quickened behind her. “You’re the only woman I want. I swear to you. You’re the only one.” Aidan’s voice sounded frantic, like a man terrified of losing again.

  Her heart ached for him. One thing was for sure—Aidan cared about and thought he needed her. Love. He was at the point of desperation and still he couldn’t bring himself to say the words. She touched his face and brushed her lips across his jaw. Although her face felt frozen and chapped from the tempestuous wind, her eyes stung from the pressure of holding in the tears. Aidan thought he needed her, but he didn’t. She had told him once that he made her feel safe, and now it seemed as if the situation was reversed. Aidan wanted her because she made him feel safe. With her there were no risks involved. He would have to lay himself bare, because she already knew what was inside him. She chuckled and wiped at her cheek with the side of her forefinger, chuckling when he looked at her in question.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing. Nothing. I think we’re both experiencing some lessons this holiday.” Except mine is going to hurt us both. You for a short time, me forever.

  She slung her arm across his back as they continued on the jaunt. She wondered if he would return to the cabin in the near future. Out of the corner of her eye, a large tree trunk caught her attention. For a brief second she had the childish urge to carve her name into it, leaving a physical presence so he would always be reminded of her. She averted her vision. It was too silly anyway, and Aidan did not need another person haunting his memories. Come tomorrow she would leave in silence, keeping to the deal they had struck. For now, she melted into him and allowed herself to be swept up in the emotions that would no doubt linger for years to come.

  Chapter Ten

  A month later

  Liya rubbed her hands together, seeking heat against the biting cold nipping at her skin. She quickened her steps away from the playground, briefly turning around when an excited voice called out, “Hurry up Ms. Em.” Liya grinned and waved to the little girls standing at the end of the slide waiting for her to help them build a snowman.

  Liya smiled to herself. Everything seemed to be moving so fast since the Christmas holiday. Well, everything except the love she felt for Aidan. That tender emotion was still a constant, refusing to budge an inch or diminish in light of their parting. She thought of him and the smirk that would shape his lips if he knew she were hurrying back into her classroom because, as usual, she had forgotten her gloves on one of the coldest days of the winter season.

  Liya sobered and dug her hands into her jacket pockets. It was still hard to think about him and the way she had left, sneaking away in the wee hours of the morning the day after Christmas, while Aidan slept. She wasn’t proud of it, but what other choice was there? She wanted Aidan to know she had meant every word she’d spoken at the onset of their arrangement.

  In the beginning, she hadn’t held out much hope that he would awake with a startling epiphany and realize he was in love with her as she drove down the bleak mountain path and a month later she knew the chance of ever hearing from or seeing him again was slim to none. As for Aidan, he was probably relieved to have awoken without her presence on the bed and in the cabin. No tears, awkwardness or false promises to assuage whatever guilt or regret he was feeling because of her admission of loving him.

  A dull ache settled in Liya’s chest as her mind strayed toward Aidan and how he was faring at the clinic with the little ones. She hoped he had found a new receptionist and that the clinic was running well. With her thoughts a mile away on Aidan and not the slickened walkway, Liya felt her feet skidding, losing grip on the ice. Arms flailing, she struggled to grab a hold of the brick barrier the children loved to walk across pretending to be acrobats. It was no use. The front of her boot slammed against a snag and Liya felt herself hurling forward. Everything happened so fast, there was no pain, no time to contemplate
the possibilities. Her head slammed against the stone and the world went pitch black.

  ****

  Aidan picked up the phone then set it down on his desk. This was the third time today he attempted to call Liya and lost his nerve. That morning, when he awoke to an empty bed and no sign of the woman he was losing his heart to, he’d been unable to keep at bay the hurt brought on by Liya’s abandonment although the rational part of him knew she was upholding her promise because he hadn’t been man enough to give her a reason to stay longer than the three days. Knowing Liya, she probably assumed he was happy now that she was no longer a physical fixture in his life. Happy? Never, but he was confused. Liya scared him and he was terrified to be with her. Waking up to the empty bed, however, and knowing she was gone made him realize that the connection they had would not fade into nothingness, no matter how much time had passed. Liya was officially ingrained in his heart and soul. And yet, he hadn’t worked up the courage to change the course of his life and put Sarah in the past.

  “I have to call her,” he said firmly. Aidan picked up the phone and dialed her number again. Instead of ringing, the phone went directly to voice mail. Aidan grimaced. It would serve him right if he wasn’t able to contact her. In fact, it would serve him right if every day for the rest of his life her face continued to haunt him, every single image of her and their time in the cabin. He never wanted to forget the sight of her on her knees in front of him, his penis brushing against her luscious lips as she told him, ‘I love you.’

  Raking a hand through his hair, Aidan checked the time. He had no idea what Liya’s days were like, but maybe there was the off chance that she was at her apartment. He had never visited it before despite driving by the building on a few occasions, hoping to get a glimpse of her without having to make up his mind about the future of their relationship. Another despicable and selfish move.