Lucifer's Game
Page 15
Eric rolls his eyes. “Fine. So what happens now?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t opened it again.”
“So don’t you think you should?”
“Why? It’s pointless isn’t it? Just pouring my guts into a book like I’m a thirteen year old girl.” I shake my head. “Nothing has happened since that… whatever it was.”
“Then what are we talking about? You think what? She’s been taken to another planet or something? You have to be realistic here. The book is awesome, but you can’t base everything on it. You still know nothing.”
I peel the label off my beer. Talking to him was a mistake. I knew it would be, but to keep all this silent is as much of a burden as trying to figure it all out. I stand up, drain the beer.
“I don’t know. I’m just going to go to bed, okay?” I toss the beer bottle and turn.
“Hey, I’m here if you need me, no matter what.”
I nod without looking at him and head to my room.
I stare at the book laying on my bed. What am I supposed to do, write in it again? I pick it up, flip it open, and Cora’s handwriting makes my heart stop.
I’m seeing things, surely. This book hasn’t left my room. I close it, open it again. There is it, the next blank page. Her fluid script fills the page.
She wrote me back. I trace the letters as if they are her, and laugh as tears fill my eyes. Her scent drifts off the page, flowery and sexy. Nothing smells like her. I collapse on the floor where I stand, and lower my eyes to the page as the smell of her floats around me.
If it’s a trick, I don’t care. For a moment, it’s almost like she’s here.
Andrew,
I don’t know how to start this letter. When I think of you, it’s like part of a child’s dream where the faces are blurred and you can only see fuzzy pieces. I feel as though I’m losing part of what I am here, and I don’t know what it is and I don’t even really care. It is what it is, and I just let it be. There’s nothing to fight and I can’t remember what I would be fighting for.
You said you are looking for me. I can tell you what I remember, what I know. I’m in a dark place. He calls it The Shadows. Xander told me that this is the place of angels and demons, the true world that humans can’t see. It’s so strange here. This murky place seems to have no sun, no moon, or any other source of light, or the passing of day into night except for the light that comes off the believers. I am holed up in his apartment, so I really don’t see them but, when I did, it was strange. Like people walking around glowing, oblivious to the things around them that they can’t see. I can see them, but they can’t see me. It seems that I can’t interact with anything they might see. I’m invisible to them.
That’s the thing, it’s like this hidden place in the world where the immortals live. Devin and Xander told me that it’s the sight of Eve that I’ve been blessed with. To see the true world is supposed to be a rare gift, at least that what they are saying to me. I guess it is. At first I was afraid, but now I don’t feel much of anything.
I should probably tell you the most important thing. Devin is a demon. He’s the demon of lust, and Xander is the Devil. I think it freaked me out a lot at first, but now I just feel, numb. Everything is fading.
I wish I could remember more, I really don’t even know why you are looking for me. But if it makes you feel better, I’m in Devin’s apartment. Even if you were here, you couldn’t see me, but that’s where I am.
Cora
I read through it again, slower this time. My heart pummels my rib cage. The letter generates more questions than answers, but my eyes are repeatedly pulled to one paragraph.
Xander is the Devil.
The Devil? As in the snake in the garden? I’ve looked right in his eyes and talked to him. He seems just like any other guy to me.
A Bible verse from my childhood pops into my head. “… for even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light.”
Holy shit.
I’ve looked into the eyes of Satan himself?
Devin, that guy that I found her with, he’s a demon? Lust. Everything clicks into place as I set the book on the floor where I’ve collapsed in a heap.
I knew that this wasn’t her. She’d never just sleep with someone like that, in public, just abandon me like she did when I confronted her. He had a hold on her.
Some sort of demon spell.
Fuck.
I look once more at the letter, hoping for some new clue as to how to get to her. Devin’s apartment. Demons have apartments?
I’m still in the same boat I was in before I knew all this. I still can’t get to her. I’m still helpless.
So I pick up my pen, and I write.
***
Cora
Dear Cora,
Your letter meant everything to me. I understand you can’t remember me, or what we are, but I was warned that this would happen. It’s okay, I can try to remind you. I have to stop every few minutes and smell your scent in this book; it brings you home to me for just that moment. I miss you so much. One way or another, I will get to you.
I guess I can start from the beginning, maybe it will help you. I met you when I was fifteen years old. I remember seeing you the first day and being knocked flat on my back by you. Of course, you never noticed me, not at first. I was just a tall, lanky basketball player then and you were this dark-haired beauty. We ended up in Geometry together and I sat behind you so I could stare at you. Your perfume would waft across my desk and your long hair would fall on my paper. I wanted to run my fingers through it so bad, but I figured you would think I’m a weirdo if I just started playing with your hair, ha ha.
At some point we met, talked a few times. You smiled at me and I thought that alone would kill me. You were so damn beautiful, even back then. It wasn’t until we graduated and I was nineteen that you finally noticed me. I ran into you in the grocery store one day. I was stopping in to pick up some stuff for my mom on my way home from college, and went around the corner and ran right into you. You had your hair in a ponytail and you laughed at me when I knocked over a whole display of toilet paper.
I looked into your eyes and I knew, you were the one for me. I know, it’s stupid right? How can one look do that? I don’t know why, but I knew. I asked you out. By then I wasn’t so scared anymore. You said yes.
Our first date, I took you to a movie. I don’t remember what we saw, I was too busy staring at you and hoping to God that you would let me kiss you.
You have no idea how bad I wanted to kiss you. It was all I could think about all night long. All through dinner, too. When I took you home, you bit your lip and smiled at me and I went for it. The second I touched you, I was yours forever. You might not remember, but you were my first. My only. I’ve never had sex with anyone but you. By the time we met again you were twenty. You said you had a fling or two, but I never cared about that. It was about six weeks after our first kiss when it finally happened. I was so damn in love with you, and when we touched, it was like a beautiful dream. It was more than I ever expected and, after that, we just couldn’t stop. It was amazing.
Hell, it’s still amazing. When we got back together after our separation, it reminded me of how much of a fool I was to ever leave. I can’t ever forgive myself for that. I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to make up for all these months.
Cora, you might not remember, but you are my love. My only love. There is a line in one of your favorite movies that I always secretly remembered, but never told you. It’s from one of Shakespeare’s sonnets.
Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove.
O no! It is an ever-fixed mark
It always made me think of you, not just because you love that movie, but because I always thought that this was us. Nothing could ever take our love away, like it was branded on my soul or something. Whatever happens, I’ll always love you. I’ll always look for you.
Ho
ld on, Cora. Just try not to fade away. I’m worried that when I find you, it will be too late and you won’t remember me, or what we were, or how much we loved each other. When my mom came to me, she told me that you would forget, and I would have to remind you. I’m scared.
Please don’t forget me.
Love,
Andy
I read the letters in the book again. I inhale the manly aroma that drifts off the pages. What a lovely memory he shared with me.
I wonder when Devin is coming back. I’m getting lonely again.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Andrew
While I work now, all I can think of is how to get back home, to the book. Checking for new letters from her, smelling her between the pages has consumed me. It’s my only means of communication with her.
If only I could see her. I think seeing me could make her remember everything. Who we are, who she is.
I’ve taken to eating lunch alone. About a quarter mile from my job is a duck pond. The last couple of days I’ve taken my fast food extravaganza of a lunch to a huge, old oak tree and sat beneath it. The tree looks an easy hundred years old. I sit alone and watch the water, and the kids come and go and feed the ducks. The soft sounds of wind in the trees and quacking is around me, and all I can do is think of her.
“God, what happens now?” I stuff fries in my face and shift in the grass. “I’m writing the letters. She’s still there and I’m still here. Something has to break here, doesn’t it?” I mutter to the sky.
Being patient is all there is right now. If not for the book, I’d be a mental case.
Eric has only asked me once about things. I just shrugged and he let it go. I honestly think he doesn’t know what to believe, which I can’t blame him for, since I’m really in the same position myself.
I watch a boy that looks about seven years old throwing something into the water to the ducks. Absently, I wonder where his parents are since he seems to be alone. I swallow the last bite of my double cheeseburger and wipe my hands in the grass. The boy stoops, picks up what looks like a handful of mud from the banks of the pond. He plays with it, seems to be mixing it in his hands. His skin seems to be bronzed by the sun, a lovely olive tone. Even from here I can see that his eyes are bright blue, not quite matching his otherwise dark coloring.
I glance at the time, and when I look back up he’s walking towards me. His hand holds the mud he was playing with. It drips slowly as he walks right at me.
I glance around. Maybe he wants me to help him find his parents.
I sit forward as he reaches me. He tilts his head slightly, his eyes boring into me.
“Hi there.” I offer, unsure of what to say.
The boy steps closer to me. “Seek her.”
I blink. “What?”
He swipes his muddy thumb across my forehead. “Seek, and you will find.” He touches his gentle, muddy fingers to my eyes, rubbing the dirt into my skin.
The world tips, and sways under me, and I fall into the darkness.
***
I awake in the same place. Under the tree, the duck pond. I’m on my back and my eyes flutter open to see a blackened sky with no sun. As if someone took a blow torch to it and burned it. It’s uneven and moves like water, the murky heavens.
Sitting up, I look around the boy is gone, making me wonder how long I’ve been unconscious. Cora’s letters come to mind, and my breath catches. Is this the Shadow Realm she mentioned? She said it was dark here with no sun.
The boy, did he send me here?
But where is Devin’s apartment?
And can I go back and get the journal?
I jump to my feet, and take off running towards my car. My keys already in my pocket, but when I get there I can’t touch the car. It’s like there is some funky invisible barrier preventing contact of my hand and the metal.
Shit.
I glance around. It’s a fifteen mile drive from Eric’s house. That’s going to be a nice walk.
If I can’t touch the car, can I touch the book? I run my hands through my hair in frustration.
I have to try, until I can find her. I have to have a way to communicate with her.
My boss walks towards his car, I shout his name. He doesn’t turn. The words in Cora’s letter remind me that he can’t see me. I can’t interact with anything that might change their world, because I’m not in their world. I’m in the realm of angels and demons now.
I get a chill, deep in my bones. The strange sensation of eyes on my back makes me turn, but there is nothing there. I guess it’s just the knowledge of where I am. I’m bound to run into something not human now.
That boy. He couldn’t have been human.
I shake my head, marveling at the memory of the child smearing mud on my face, and I take off in a jog towards the road that leads back to Eric’s house.
***
Cora
The letters have become my obsession. I suppose that’s mostly because I have nowhere else to turn for entertainment during my waking hours when Devin is not here ravaging me. I read them over and over, I inhale the scent of the words and wonder about the man that is writing them to me. I trace the script with my fingers and then turn the first page and read it all over again, waiting for the next word from him.
Devin hasn’t found the book. He has no reason to think I’ve been talking to anyone other than him and Xander. I keep the book hidden under the mattress when he’s here.
After a hamburger and fries, I sit on the couch with my feet tucked under myself, flipping the pages.
The new words on a blank page excite me.
My love,
A boy came to me and, long story short, he transported me here to this dark place. I woke up in the park by my job and walked back to the house to get this book. I must find you, but I don’t know where Devin’s apartment is. I’m so close, I’d run through fire to get to you. I can’t wait to look into your eyes and see your smile. I’m convinced that as soon as you see me, you will remember who I am. Please tell me where you are, I’m waiting.
Andy
I pick up the pen and stand up, heading for the door to get the apartment number. Trying the knob with a pounding heart, I find it unlocked. Slowly, I open it, peek at the number on the outside, and close it again.
To have someone to talk to will be marvelous. I can’t wait to meet Andy.
Andy,
I’m in an apartment complex on Pike Street. The number on the door is 1101. Devin can’t be here when you come, so be careful.
I can’t wait to meet you. I’ve been so bored in between his visits. It will be so nice to have someone to talk to.
Cora
I smile at the page and walk to the window to peek out. How long will it take him to get here, I wonder?
***
I’m half asleep on the couch, under the blanket from the bed, when I hear the front door open. It startles me, so I jerk and sit up. Is it this man, Andy? Do I finally get to meet him?
The door is thrown wide and Xander walks in. My excitement deflates, and I look away from the swallowing black void that is his eyes.
He sits beside me; the evil permeates the air around him like perfume.
“Hello, beautiful. I haven’t seen you in a few days. How is Devin treating you?”
“He’s fine. I have no complaints.”
“That’s good.” He pats my leg; his hand is hot on my thigh even through my jeans. “You seem almost disappointed to see me, Cora. What’s wrong?”
I start to look up, then remember and turn my head back towards the floor. “Oh, nothing. Just thought it was Devin coming in.” I lie.
Will he know I lied? He’s the creator of lies, isn’t he? I struggle to swallow my anxiety, in case he can sense it. I hate it when he comes to see me, it makes me so nervous.
“Oh yes. He’s very busy, as you surely understand. But you remain in his thoughts constantly. Now, I came here to speak to you about your friend, Marilyn. Do you remember her?”
I struggle with my memory at the mention of the name.
“Sort of, not anything specific.”
“As I expected. Well, I’ve got plans for her and I may be bringing her here to stay with you, in order to protect her. Would you have any problem with her staying here?”
I shake my head. “No, company would be nice. When is she coming?”
He smiles. “I don’t know yet. Depends. After she gets pregnant, I’ll bring her here to protect the child. They both need to be here for the pregnancy.” He pats my leg.
Pregnancy. The word, the image of a child stirs something deep inside me. Didn’t I want a baby? Sadness washes over me. I exhale, and push the feeling away, worried that he may pick up on it.
I just don’t know the depth of his powers. Is he like God? Can he read my mind and know my heart? Can he pick up on the sorrow that seems to sit in hibernation on my soul? Or the sickening terror that dances in the back of my mind every time I look into his eyes?
Not knowing the answers to these questions forces me to embrace the feeling of numbness that kills everything else struggling against it inside me. I don’t know what he would do to me if I “went against him,” as he has mentioned in the past.
“Whatever you think is best,” I finally say, after a moment.
He smiles. “Good. I knew you would see it that way. You are coming along nicely, Cora. Let me know if he isn’t taking care of you, understand?”
I nod.
He stands up and heads to the door, but he doesn’t leave. He opens it and grabs a big box and brings it inside. “Just a little something for your patience with him. For obeying.” He sets it in front of me.
“What is this? Thank you.” I smile, moving forward to open it.
“Of course. I told you, don’t defy me, and you will have everything. I’ll give you the world, my darling.” I look up and he winks at me, then walks out the door.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Andrew
Her last letter left a hole in my heart. Even as I turn on Pike street, walking towards her in this God forsaken place, it hurts. She has forgotten me.