The Wealth of My Mother's Wisdom: The Lessons That Made My Life Rich

by Terrence J

  Many kids today feel very entitled. They think they deserve to have everything, right away. That’s why humility is a value we all need to teach, and learn.

  Humility comes from being grateful: Grateful for the sacrifices that other people make for us every day. We only succeed because of the help and assistance we were given along the way. No one makes it totally on their own. When you’re given opportunities, you better be thankful, because they could have been given to someone else. You need to say thank you—to show your gratitude, to let people know I realize what you did for me and I’m humbled by it. I’m humbled, because you didn’t have to do it.

  And I believe this all starts with the mom. I could have been the type of mom who had to get my nails and hair done every week, go to the club every weekend. But I never did those things. I think Terrence realizes my mom did all these things for me, and I’m humbled and thankful. She sacrificed a lot for me. And when I go to see my own mom, and remember all the things she sacrificed for me, that humbles me, too.

  Moms, your kids need to see this. They need to see more examples of people acting with good behavior. A lot of kids today are followers—they do what they see other people doing. When we are doing good deeds, they will emulate that. They need to see us being humble and grateful and appreciative of what we’ve been given.

  * * *

  Trey Songz Talks About His Mom

  Trey Songz is a Grammy-nominated artist, producer, and actor. Unlike me, Trey was actually discovered by a record producer at a talent show while he was still in high school. (See, it’s possible!) He’s made five hit albums, starred in Texas Chainsaw 3D, and appeared with me in Baggage Claim. He took the time to share a few memories of his mom with me.

  My mom was strong and stern, yet kind and funny. She always taught me things and corrected me when I was wrong—anything from misbehavior to grammatical errors. She had me at seventeen, so all my life she’s been like a big sister as well. We always say we grew up together.

  She helped me become the person I am today by setting a great example. There were no men around in my adolescence, and the two that I would typically look to for an example of how to be a man—my father and stepfather—fell short time and time again. My mother would work job after job, and practically sacrificed much of her young life to be a good mother. I’m the man I am because she’s the woman she is.

  She was willing to make hard decisions for my benefit, ones that really shaped me as a person. After years of travel, she let me move back to Virginia for high school, and it provided the life experience, exposures, and environment I needed to later become Trey Songz. It also gave me my closest friends.

  The most inspiring thing she ever said to me was in the early days of my music career. I’d been scammed and turned down before actually being offered a real contract. She told me not to give up, that my time was coming, and to keep honing my craft singing anywhere they would let me.

  She was always there for me. I remember a day, when I was young, when we were at the water park and I had somehow slipped through the inner tube. My mom hopped in, clothes on and all, and swooped me up out of that water so fast. I’ll never forget that, ever. I have many memories like these, when my mom would show that she would undoubtedly do anything for me.

  Epilogue

  When my phone rang late last night, my first reaction was to let it go to voice mail—until I saw it was Tiffany on my caller ID. We hadn’t talked much in the past few months, both balancing and juggling our busy lives. I was pleasantly surprised to hear from her—even if it was the middle of the night. It’s amazing how much has changed since she first called me almost two years ago, freaking out.

  She was freaking out as I answered her call—but this time for a much different reason. “Guess what!?” she said, as if she had just heard some juicy gossip.

  “I have no idea. Just please don’t tell me you’re pregnant again,” I groggily scoffed back—joking, but not really.

  “No, loser,” she replied, and proceeded to update me on all of her news.

  “Tyler is doing fine. Healthy and happy. He is the true joy of my life and the greatest thing that has ever happened to me,” she gushed.

  Her aunts and cousins in Atlanta, the family of the mom Tiffany never really knew, have stepped up to give her a hand with Tyler. It takes a village to raise a child, and the trusted support of family has helped her out in ways she couldn’t have imagined. I have no doubt that with a mom like Tiffany, Tyler will grow up to be a king. Although things didn’t work out with Sean, he does send money to help her, visits when he can, and he and Tiffany have a working friendship.

  Tiffany was accepted and is currently enrolled in night classes at the Savannah College of Art and Design, a prestigious college that’s the perfect hub to nurture her talents. She’s taking a manageable number of classes and enjoying them, and she’s surrounding herself with positive, like-minded students.

  She also landed a part-time job at the Louis Vuitton store in the mall. Her store manager had taken a liking to Tiffany’s unfiltered honesty and keen eye for fashion. Although she works limited hours, her manager gives her tons of “creative control.” He recently asked her to design the fall looks window display, and in the pictures she sent, I could see the similarities to her sketches from way back when. Her sassy yet charming New York attitude, her unique perspective, and her complete knowledge of everything fashion quickly earned her a reputation as the “go-to” salesperson in the store.

  Unbeknownst to Tiffany, one of her repeat customers happened to be one of Atlanta’s top stylists, who had worked on a range of high-profile accounts—from Tyler Perry Productions and Screen Gems to TNT and CNN. (Today, Atlanta is a growing hub for entertainment productions and a prime destination for many top film and TV projects.) Tiffany had developed a relationship with this stylist, providing her with insightful feedback whenever she came in, emailing her when something of interest arrived, and holding a pair of limited shoes to the side from time to time.

  This stylist had recently been commissioned to be the head costume designer on a big-budget ensemble production that would be shooting in Atlanta. Tiffany’s work ethic, talent, skill at building relationships, and charm were starting to manifest into opportunity. Tiffany Brown, the young single mother from Brooklyn, New York, would be the new costume trainee, working in the wardrobe department for a Hollywood blockbuster. Tiffany’s personal legend is just beginning. She thanked me for being there for her and told me I had inspired her. We promised to keep in touch more before hanging up.

  As for me, I think it is her—and what she represents—that truly inspires me. And in many ways, my own personal legend is just beginning as well. Professionally, things are going in a great direction. Between movie, television, business, and writing this book, I really feel blessed. But, if anything, it is the time I’ve spent with Tiffany that has really opened my eyes to the most important things in life.

  I recently flew out to North Carolina and surprised my mom for Mother’s Day. It was such fun to see the shock on her face when she opened the door and found me on our doorstep. She still watches me every time she hears I’ll be making a TV appearance, but seeing me in person made her really light up.

  It was great to see her, because now that I’m living in Los Angeles, I don’t get to visit as often as I like. Physically, we’re farther apart than we’ve ever been—a full country between us—and yet I feel like we’re closer than we’ve ever been. Especially writing this book, I’ve come to understand her in ways I never did before.

  I’m not going to pretend that everything has always been perfect between my mom and me. My quick temper, my rush to judgment? That comes from her, too. We’re not always “besties.”

  But I’ve also realized that the things I fight about with my mom are the same things that make me stronger, help me form my own opinions, and make me the person I am. These moments help me turn the mirror on myself in order to see myself better. An adversary develops g
reatness—you gotta have someone to play basketball against or you’re just gonna be shooting free throws.

  And when my mom and I do have disagreements, we are always able to come back together eventually to talk it through, work it out. Of course we do. Because we’re a unit, a team—we have been since the day I was born, and will be long after we’re both gone.

  While I was in Rocky Mount, my mom and I talked about why I was writing this book. Writing it was a hard decision to make: I’m a pretty guarded person, and some of the subjects I’ve tackled here—my biological father, her teen pregnancy, our interracial household—are ones I’ve never really talked about before. So I asked her one last time, “Are you sure you want to do this? It’s not too late to stop it. I don’t want you to be embarrassed by anything I’ve written.”

  She looked at me and said, “If any of my stories about the things I went through can inspire or motivate or give courage to a young mother out there, it’ll be worth every page written.” Typically modest, she was flattered that I thought she was worthy of a book at all. “I feel like you’re really honoring me,” she confessed.

  It’s about time. Because the truth is, she’s the one who’s been honoring me with her presence my entire life.

  I love her more than I can possibly express in these pages.

  Acknowledgments

  Thank you to everyone who helped me out along this journey. There are so many people who have been instrumental in my life and I appreciate you all.

  There are a few people I’d like to thank who directly helped me with the making of this book. (Super-sorry if I forgot you here—I was rushing—I’ll remember you onstage at the Oscars.) In no particular order, thank you:

  To my parents and my family, Spanky (RIP).

  To Fred Whitaker, Travis Bond Roseboro, and both their families, and to Gussie and James Harvey and the Harvey family, Aunt Vicki, and Uncle Nate.

  To the greatest team in the business: Charles King, Darrell Miller, Amir Shahkhalili, Kirby Kim, Julian Petty, WME, Fox Rothschild, Michael Kyser, Daymond John, Chaka Zulu, Oronde Garrett, Kevin Liles, and the KWL family.

  To Will Packer, I can’t thank you enough. And to Heather Hayslett and the “Packer Posse,” Shayla Cowan, Larry Schwartz (you set me up for life!), Keenan Towns, Roderick Blaylock, and all the playmakers at Diageo, the Crown Life, Team Dolla.

  To my TLAM family, you are all like brothers, sisters, and/or drunk uncles to me: Clint Culpepper (you are a man of your word!), Tim Story (we got it!), Regina Hall, Kevin Hart, Romany Malco, Michael Ealy, Jerry Ferrara, Gary Owen, Meagan Good, Taraji P. Henson, Gabrielle Union, LaLa Anthony, Jenifer Lewis, Keith Merryman, David A. Newman, and the entire cast and crew, James Lopez, Valerie Sharpe, Scott Strauss, Glenn Gainor, Davia Carter, and the entire Screen Gems team—we did something special!

  To the entire fam: Steve Harvey and Rushion McDonald, Shakim Compere (thank you for believing in me), Queen Latifah, David E. Talbert, Zola Mashariki, Cassandra Butcher, Tashana Ventura, Antoinetta Hairston, Dave Joseph, Jocelynn Jacobs, Jamel Davenport, Rocsi, Chantel Christopher, Ryan Shaffer, Yusuf Neville, Alesha Reneé, Monique Hobbs, Lamorne Morris, Lashawn “Quiet” Ray, Kainon Jasper, Amber Rasberry, Jeanette Jenkins, Tracey Moore-Marable, Tony Shellman, Ludacris and the DTP family, Stephen Hill, Debra Lee, Penny Mac, Rick Grimes, Eric Watson, Jason Riley, Big Tigger, Noni Nicolas, Dawn Woodhouse and Derrin Woodhouse, Bryon Cooper, Nick Storm, Scott da Animal and Twizz, Simply Jess, Jared Nixon, Bu Thiam, Sean “Pecas” Costner, Clue, DJ Prostyle, Angie Martinez, Joey IE, Ellen Brandon-Calhoun, Andrew Fiet, Carmelo Anthony, T.I., Chris Paul and CJ Paul, Salim and Mara Brock Akil, Sean “Diddy” Combs (since day one), James Cruz, Reginald Hudlin, Bryon Phillips, Connie Orlando, Dwight Freeney, Idris Elba, Robi Reed, Tracy “Twinkie” Byrd, Kim Harden, Trey Songz, Javar Gholson, Jamie Foxx (thanks for allowing me at your house parties), Iyonna, Lance Gross and Vincent Martinez, Wayne, Harry, and the entire Hartbeat Productions team, Jump Shot Jay, Jack Nasty, Crystal Johnson, Latisha King, Lauren London, Malcolm Ray, Denaz Green, Juggie, Jeff Sanchez, Bradley Olah, Krystal Brown, Pooch Hall, Kobe, Tyrese, Michael Strahan, Tara August, Mike B, Jacki, and Keesh, Deirdre Maloney, J Rich, my 102 Jamz family, WNAA 90.1, and Soul 92.

  To all my Aggies, I love you. To all of my fraternity brothers and Greeks worldwide, especially the Bloody Mu Psi Chapter of Omega Psi Phi, Spring ’04. And to the 13 Mirror Images of Survival: Dimitri Yates, Donovan Caves, Richard Patterson, Darnell Reid, Billy McEachern, Jerome Butler, Uche Byrd, Tamario Howze, Charles Biney, Fred Boone, Eric Robinson, Korch Renner, Antreet Connor, and Larry King.

  To Janelle Brown (for putting up with me), Carrie Thornton, Michael Morrison, Brittany Hamblin, and HarperCollins/It Books for believing in my vision and helping me see it through!

  Photographic Insert

  My mother, Lisa, has always led by example. Here she is graduating from Springfield Gardens High School in Queens. (1981)

  My mom was seventeen years old when I entered the scene. I’m a few months old here in 1982.

  My mom and me on the balcony of our apartment in Queens.

  Who wouldn’t get excited over a twelve-inch Michael Jackson Thriller action figure? (New York, 1984)

  I loved the camera, even at four years old.

  My mom worked hard to give me a stable and fun-filled childhood. Here we are at Jones Beach on Long Island, New York. (1985)

  My mother and stepfather, Jaime, on their wedding day, May 3, 1983. (Calvary Baptist Church, Queens, New York)

  Thirty years later and still going strong, they took their first trip to Los Angeles to visit me in 2013.

  The house my mom and Jaime built together in 1997. My mother was determined to make the dream of owning a home a reality for her family.

  Our cocker spaniel, Spanky, and me. He was with me for all my big childhood moments. I still miss him. (1996)

  My stepfather, Jaime, taught me how to be a man. He’s been there for me and my mom every step of the way. (1997)

  Me and my Omega Psi Phi line brothers on graduation day in 2004. Going to A&T was an incredible experience for me—I earned a degree and built a support system of friends who have stuck by me. Bottom, left to right: (striped shirt) Melvin Heggie, Uche Byrd, Marcellus Foster, Darnell Reid. Top, left to right: Jonathan Harmon, Leonardo Mercer, me, Peter Brooks, Mario Lewis.

  My mom had always had a plan for my education. She helped me develop a love of reading from an early age—and even made a family crest for each of my books.

  My two best friends, fraternity brothers, and business partners: Fred Whitaker and Travis Bond Roseboro.

  BET changed my life. I went from running errands to interviewing A-list celebrities. Here are Rocsi and me on the couch with Denzel Washington and Jay-Z. It was unreal. (2007) © WireImage/Johnny Nunez

  Rocsi and I share a laugh with the always hilarious Jamie Foxx. (2009) © WireImage/Johnny Nunez

  After seven years hosting 106 & Park with Rocsi it was hard to say good-bye, but it was time for me to take my next step. (2012)

  Think Like a Man won the 2013 BET Award for Best Movie. Accepting the award, one year after leaving BET, was one of the most gratifying moments of my life. (2013) © Getty Images for BET/Mark Davis

  In 2010, Haiti was struck by a devastating earthquake. Four of my best friends and I went down to help with the relief effort. Here, a woman asked me to hold her baby so that she could carry more supplies home.

  The experience I had in Haiti completely changed my perspective on my life and on the world. We raised $10,000 in donations to help provide food and water for the people we encountered.

  Hollywood producer Will Packer took a chance on me and helped launch my career as an actor. Here we are on the set of Think Like a Man Too in 2013. Kevin Hart is in the background, stealing the scene as always.

  My mentor and fraternity brother, Steve Harvey. (Atlanta, 2009)

  In November 2012 I joined E! News as a coanchor with Giuliana Rancic. I couldn�
��t be happier. E! Entertainment has opened up so many opportunities for me.

  The cast of Steve Harvey’s Think Like a Man is like my second family. Here we are in Vegas on June 13, 2013, on the set of Think Like a Man Too.

  The coolest part of my job is getting to hang out with incredible people like Brad Pitt. (2012)

  I hope to have one of these of my own someday. (85th Annual Academy Awards, 2013)

  About the Author

  TERRENCE JENKINS, known as Terrence J, is an actor and the coanchor of E! News. Originally from Queens, New York, Terrence was raised in North Carolina and is a graduate of North Carolina A&T State University. Terrence was the host of BET’s hit show 106 & Park and starred in Steve Harvey’s Think Like a Man and the sequel, Think Like a Man Too. He lives in Los Angeles.

  Visit www.AuthorTracker.com for exclusive information on your favorite HarperCollins authors.