Nessa (Derelicts and Debutantes Book 1)

by Sara Jolene

  It took all the strength she had not to jump up from the couch she’d be directed to and run to him. She could see him, could smell him; she badly wanted to touch him. He was familiar and everything she remembered. She had dreamed of the moment she’d see him again for months. It had never looked like this. In her dreams, they’d been alone, or close to it. She’d be able to express to him how much she’d missed him. That she’d thought of him every day, and that she wanted no part in this new life if she couldn’t share it with him.

  She was shaking her foot and holding her breath. Oscar must have noticed. He tried to comfort her while they waited for the McCarthys to arrive. “I won’t leave your side.”

  Nessa turned to face him. She shook her head. “I appreciate that and adore you for it, but I’m going to need you to do the opposite.” She swallowed hard, trying to find a way to phrase what she needed to tell him. After all, the only reason he didn’t know yet was because the workers in the McCarthy house were sworn to secrecy. “You see, I basically grew up in this house. The woman you’ve been called to meet, we’re so close, I’ve only ever been closer to my sister.”

  Oscar’s mouth started to fall open. Nessa laughed. “I have friends here, and I’d very much like to be able to let them know I’ve returned from the West.”

  Oscar nodded. There was an odd gleam in his eye though. “Am I correct in assuming that you’ll approve of this particular female as a match for me, then?”

  Nessa couldn’t help but laugh. “You know, I never would have thought to put the two of you together but only because you’re so similar. I, at first, thought as your father does, that you needed someone to balance you, someone your opposite, but the more I think about it, the more I’m thinking that might not be the case. At any rate, the best part of Genevieve is that she can and will be what she needs to be. She can be the debutant your father wants, but I also know she’s tough and can handle you. She may actually be perfect for you and you for her.”

  “Nessa! You’ve come home to us!”

  Long, shiny blonde hair in a big, pale-yellow dress came hurling toward the couch. Nessa stood and caught the girl in her arms. The two let decorum fall completely by the wayside as they embraced and assured each other that they were all right and living their very best lives. Nessa made sure to tell Genevieve that she had a great deal of stories to tell her, and Genevieve whispered in her ear, quickly as her father’s voice boomed through the room, that Henry would be waiting outside the door when Genevieve gave the signal.

  “Why, Miss Dobbs, we haven’t seen you in a long while.” He looked around the room and spotted Oscar on the couch, right next to where the girls were embracing. “Genevieve, I believe that’s enough.”

  Nessa and her friend both dropped their embrace, and instead of reclaiming her seat right next to Oscar, Nessa moved to sit at the other end of the sofa and Genevieve sat with a straight back in the chair directly across from him, her father coming to stand behind her. “Mr. Straus, please allow me to introduce my daughter, Miss Genevieve McCarthy.”

  Oscar stood, and when he did, Genevieve did as well. The two met in the middle of the room, and Nessa watched closely as he took her hand and brought it to his lips, kissing it softly. “My pleasure.” The look he gave her could have set coals a flame without a spark. Even Nessa melted a little into the sofa. Genevieve stood strong though. She gave him an answering smile but then took back her hand. “Wonderful to meet you, Mr. Straus.”

  Nessa wanted to laugh. They were both trying to test the other. She wondered why they thought something like that would work on the other. The tension in the room was growing. She could feel the heat between them. If she didn’t know any better, she’d swear that Mr. McCarthy might finally get his wish. Genevieve looked down at Nessa and winked. It was awkward and seemingly didn’t have anything to do with her interaction with Oscar, so Nessa assumed that was the signal. She nodded in return.

  Genevieve focused her attention on her father. “Maybe Nessa would like to freshen up before dinner, Papa.”

  The gleam in Mr. McCarthy’s eye was unmistakable. He very much wanted Nessa out of the room, and this gave him a reason. “But of course, dear.” He looked to Nessa with a firm mouth and pointed eyebrows. “I trust you remember the way, my dear?”

  Nessa nodded and smiled. “Of course.” Her heart hammering against her chest, her mouth was already going dry. She was about to see Henry. She could barely contain herself.

  She took one last breath before winking once at Oscar and then again at Genevieve, adding a mouthed “thank you” to her oldest and dearest friend, before making her way out of the room.

  Having mostly grown up in that house, she knew if she exited to the left there was a small, dark corner that was created when the doors to the sitting room were closed. She’d said that Henry would be waiting. That was the only place she could think he’d be.

  Running now that the doors were closed behind her, she slid as she tried to stop when she saw his silhouette lurking in that darkened corner. She had no control over her breathing or her heart as his arms came around her to catch her, preventing her from hitting the wall.

  Nessa fell into his embrace and held on tight, as all of her emotion burst from her and tears rolled down her cheeks. She tried to speak but he held her tighter and whispered in her ear, “I see you, love.”

  Until that moment, she hadn’t realized that was the missing piece. She’d spent the last few months growing and changing. Learning all she could so she could support herself and help her sister. She had at one point thought that she’d marry Dutch and they’d be staying in Creede, but then Dutch had met Rachel, and she’d been relieved. She’d known from the beginning that she loved Henry. From the moment she’d met him, she’d been drawn to him. They’d always found ways to see each other, to spend time together. He knew her like no one else knew her. He was the one that encouraged her and made her start to see that she was more, could be and do more than what her family had ever given her credit for. He’d always seen the real Nessa. The deep parts that only that one person can see at first, those are the parts that make you better as a couple, because you’re each responsible for helping not only the other to see those things, but to reveal them to the world. That’s what she’d been missing most the whole time she’d been gone, someone that saw her. But no more. There he was, and she was never letting him go.

  Nessa wiggled from the tightness of his hold to look at his face. She waited no time. She wouldn’t ever wait again. She wasn’t letting anything get in the way of what she wanted this time. “I love you, Henry Collins, and I have missed you more than words can express.” She found the tips of her toes and stretched up on them, pressing her lips against his, sealing her promise with a kiss.

  She could feel his hesitation ease into acceptance as his lips softened and he pulled her closer to his body. She was flush and quickly becoming wanton. Knowing she should have been ashamed of herself wasn’t helping. She put her hands on his chest and pulled away. She had to get back. She knew someone would find them if she didn’t, but she had something she needed to ask. She looked up and captured his eyes with hers. “Henry…” She hesitated as nerves overtook her. She knew she didn’t deserve him but hoped beyond hope that she could prove to him that she could grow to. “Will you marry me?” Henry froze in her arms, either at her question or the sudden appearance of someone behind her. Nessa longed for an answer but also wanted to know who had interrupted them.

  “Well, I never!” The soft but angry voice floated above her head.

  Henry pulled her closer. “Now isn’t the time.”

  “Yes. I can see that.”

  Henry stared at whoever the woman was, and in a few breaths, Nessa heard footsteps padding away so quickly the girl had to have been running.

  “Who was that?” She breathed as all the excitement from earlier started to deflate.

  He shook his head. “No one of concern.”

  “Does she love you?”
<
br />   Henry looked down at her. She could see shadows in his eyes she’d never seen before. Usually when he looked at her, his eyes were bright and excited. She hated that she’d done that, that she’d caused those to appear. “I’m so sorry.”

  Henry pulled her closer to his chest, burying her head in the folds of his stiff suit. “Meet me in our spot tonight at eleven.”

  Nessa nodded against him as he placed a hard kiss on the top of her head before releasing her and disappearing into the darker shadows of the hallway next to them, leaving her standing there, broken.

  The darkness helped. He ran down the hall, his breaths stretching his lungs, making them ache. Finding the darkest corner, he slid down with the wall against his back and sat on the cold floor. She was back. She was back, and she’d kissed him. She was back, and it was almost as if she’d never left at all, but then the stinging returned. The parts of his heart that had been mutilated pained him, reminding him of every moment. But she’d asked him to marry her. That had come as a complete surprise. Marriage was one of the things they’d never spoken of. He’d always known it could never happen for the two of them and so had she. Her father would have forbidden it. Henry was of too low a station to be considered a good match for her.

  But now her father was dead. He wasn’t there to dictate whom she could be with and whom she couldn’t. But he couldn’t provide for her, and that wasn’t fair. She was used to a certain lifestyle and looked amazing in pretty dresses. He loved her too much to take her away from those things. She deserved all of them and more.

  The thoughts were bouncing around inside his head, making it hurt. He’d told her he’d meet her tonight, so for now he’d try not to think about it. Not about her, not about what she’d asked him, not even about the man she’d come to the house with. He ran his hands down his face.

  “What could you have possibly been thinking?”

  Henry looked up. Sweet Pearl was standing above him, her hips wide with her fists resting on them. “You are not who I thought you were, Henry Collins!”

  She started to stalk away. Henry jumped up and followed her, grabbing her by the arm and turning her around to face him. “You don’t understand.”

  She pierced him with her eyes, pinning him to the spot he as standing in. “Oh, I don’t? I don’t understand that I just caught you manhandling Miss Genevieve’s oldest friend. That the two of you were kissing in a dark corner. I don’t understand that you’ve been sweet to me since you’ve been here. I don’t understand those things?” She shook her head. “Right. It’s me that’s wrong here.”

  Henry hadn’t known until that moment that the attention Pearl had been paying him was because she fancied him. She was pretty and sweet, and he actually stood there thinking about how she was much better suited for him than Nessa was. He could make Pearl happy. They could have babies and raise them together in a way that they both understood. There was only one problem…he could never love her. Not the way he knew love could be. He loved Nessa. He loved her in a very raw and real way, and anything he had with anyone else would pale in comparison. It wouldn’t be fair.

  He sighed and took a breath. “I’m sorry that I’ve hurt you, Pearl.”

  He felt like a cad. He wasn’t a malicious person. He didn’t like to see people have hurt feelings, and he hated even more that he’d caused them. “I truly am sorry, but no, you don’t understand. You only think you do. You don’t know the whole story.”

  Pearl’s blue-gray eyes were becoming watery. She yanked her arm from his grasp, shaking her head. “Of course this is my fault.”

  Henry felt horrible that she was in so much pain. But he knew she’d be in more if he didn’t tell her the truth. “Pearl, Nessa and I have been in love for years.”

  That made her stop her babbling and shaking. “You’ve what? But how? You’ve only just met!”

  Henry shook his head. “No. I used to work for the Dobbs family before I came here. Nessa and her sister left to travel some months ago, and when they did I came to Genevieve looking for work. She and I knew each other because of Nessa. She convinced her father to hire me on. What you saw tonight was a reunion, not a meeting.”

  Pearl’s shoulders slumped, and a tear escaped. “So all this time that you’ve been nice to me?”

  Henry tried to offer her comfort. A soft smile. “I truly am sorry. I didn’t know where Nessa had gone. I didn’t know if she’d return. I wasn’t trying to be affectionate, just friendly. That’s my mistake, and I’m terribly, terribly sorry. Please forgive me?”

  Pearl stared at him a long while before nodding and turning to head back down the hall. Henry breathed a little easier when she was no longer within arm’s reach, but then she stopped and turned back to him. “Why did she leave?”

  Henry shook his head. “I’m not exactly sure, but she left the same day her father was killed.”

  Pearl’s expression was vacant, but she nodded again. Henry hated that he’d caused her hurt feelings. He truly hadn’t meant to. She turned once again and after a moment disappeared behind a corner.

  Chapter Seven

  Eleven o’clock couldn’t come fast enough. Nessa paced in front of the window of her room. The evening had been full of surprises and anticipation. Dinner had been amazing. It was wonderful to see her friend again, and it seemed as if Genevieve and Oscar were getting along, which was making Mr. McCarthy very happy.

  Nessa had always felt badly for her friend because of the way her father treated her. She would complain about it to Kara, whose response was always that their family had different obligations than ours and though it was too bad her father didn’t spend time getting to know her, he also had a right to ask her for certain things. Nessa and Genevieve had discovered shortly after meeting each other that they had a shared tragedy in that they’d both lost their mothers at young ages. Genevieve’s mother had contracted a severe illness and passed when her daughter was only three years old, where Nessa had never met her mother. She’d died giving birth to her second daughter.

  Nessa had grown up being pampered and babied by her sister and father, being told that their mother loved her so much she traded her life for Nessa’s. They never once blamed her or made her feel like it was her fault. They’d loved and cared for her so much that she’d not often noticed the absence of her mother. Things were different for Genevieve. Her father had doted on her mother. Adored her. He loved his daughter too, but she’d not ever been someone he wanted. He’d agreed to have children because it was his duty and because his wife had desperately wanted them. Though she wanted as many as possible, Genevieve was their only child, and when her mother had died, her father had made it clear that she was there to do a duty. Nothing more. He showed her no affection and very little care or concern other than to shower her with material things. Nessa knew that her friend wanted more. Oscar could give her that. He was a passionate man.

  Henry was passionate too. She’d thought about him and their kiss all through dinner. He’d walked around the table, serving them their meals, and she’d kept catching herself staring. She longed to know if he would answer her. She knew she had to explain to him everything that had happened but was hoping it wouldn’t take much convincing to get him to be her husband.

  Finally the time came, and after checking to be sure that Lillian was asleep, just like she used to long ago before her father had died and her life became her own, she slipped out the front door and ran down the quiet, dark street.

  Nessa slipped behind the old shed into the grove. Henry had found the spot one day when a mare had gotten loose from the stable. She’d wandered down to this place, lured by the smell of rotting apples. The grove was quiet and secluded. One could even forget they were in the City when inside. She pushed through the trees, and her chest tightened as he came into view. He was there waiting for her. She rushed to him. He scooped her into his arms and swung her around. “I’m so thankful you’ve returned.”

  Henry set her back on her feet, and the two of them star
ed at each other as the world shifted and melted away. They were there, just the two of them in that space and in that time, alone. Where nothing and no one could touch them. Nessa leaned into him, absorbing his heat and inhaling his scent. He smelled mostly of soap but faintly of horse and the outdoors. Just like he had before she’d left. It seemed to be the only thing that had stayed the same.

  “Did you have enough time to think about my question?” She asked him as she stared into his eyes, watching the shadows darken the longer he held her in his arms.

  He nodded. “Where did you go?”

  Nessa didn’t let her gaze drop. “Kara and I had to go. Please, Henry, you have to know that’s true. You were here after. You saw what happened.”

  He closed his eyes, and when he opened them the shadows had completely blocked the light from shining on her. He nodded. “I do. But where were you? Why didn’t you write?”

  “It’s a very long story.”

  Henry released her and took just one hand of hers in his own. He turned her so she could see that he’d laid out a blanket for them to rest on. “I’ve got time.”

  Henry sat listening to Nessa recount her tale, from the moment they’d left his sight in the carriage to the moment she’d found him in that darkened hallway earlier that evening. She’d told him everything there was to tell. Henry had stayed silent the majority of the time, only asking questions that filled big gaps or left open-ended questions.

  When she told him of her meeting with Mr. Nathan Straus, his entire body had tensed. He was glad to know that she and Oscar were just friendly even if his father had suggested more. Sitting there, holding her head in his lap as he stroked her hair and listened to the words flow from her mouth, he fell for her all over again, realizing that the Nessa that was before him was not the one that had left him. She was different. She had changed.