Pain Lived, Love Found

by Lake, Thalia

  Sarah was kicked out right then and there. Surprisingly, that was also the day my mother moved out of the bedroom she had shared with her husband for over forty years and moved to the guest bedroom upstairs. Even more shocking was that she never shared a bedroom with our father again.

  After that drama hit the fan, my relationship with Sarah became nonexistent. She distanced herself from me and avoided me like the plague. Carly tried her best to mend things between us, but it only made me become angry with her because she was always making excuses for Sarah and her sick behavior. Carly was Sarah’s enabler and always have been since they were little. She knew something was seriously wrong with our big sister. Something happened to her that had her emotionally unstable, and the older she got, the worse she became. Sarah still knew right from wrong, and instead of holding her accountable for her actions, Carly coddled her and made excuses for her. I refused to do it.

  When you live alone you have a lot of time to think about things. After eating dinner, I grabbed a bottle of red wine and sat on my sofa listening to the soulful sounds of Al Green and Aretha Franklin. As hard as I tried, I couldn’t stop thinking about my family and all of their sick behavior. The things we lived through was the stuff you saw on smutty talk shows like Jerry Springer. I rarely spoke about my family to my friends or co-workers, and if I did it was the same happy stories from my childhood between myself and my siblings. Everything else was too disturbing. I didn’t want anyone’s pity or sympathy. I simply wanted to go on with my life and distance myself from the drama my family always seemed to be in. The problem was no matter how much the acts of my family disgusted me, no matter how embarrassed I was by them; I still loved them - except for my father. I hated that man, and that will never change. He is nothing to me.

  I love my mother, but I hate her weak mind. I hate her selfishness. When you take an honest look at our family dysfunction, she is at the core. She had the power to stop a lot of things from happening, but she didn’t. That makes her just as guilty as our father for tearing our family apart. She might as well had been standing right next to him as he beat her sons senseless or when he molested Carly. As for the rest of my family, when you love people, their flaws and all, it’s hard to walk away completely. I am by no means perfect, nor have I ever claimed to be. I just want a better life than the one I lived growing up.

  Chapter Seven - My Career Is My Lover

  My career left little to no room for a love life. I dated here and there, but made sure that nothing ever got too serious. I wasn’t ready for it. I have this deep-rooted fear of falling in love with someone and becoming a doormat for mistreatment like my mother. I know this may sound weird since I went out of my way to be the complete opposite of my mother, but I was still afraid that I’d love a man so much that I’d forget all of my senses and put him before everything, including myself. When I look at my mother, I see a weak, insecure, low self-esteem woman who thinks verbal abuse is love. She doesn’t know the meaning of true love because she was never shown it by the men in her life from her father on down. She clings to her husband as though he’s her savior, and I guess to her he was. She lived a life of hell, and he was her escape no matter how awful of a person he was. In exchange, she willingly put up with his verbal abuse and cheating. Maybe this was her way of thanking him for ‘saving her.’ Maybe she thought this was the way to keep her man. She thinks its love, but it’s not love. It’s a toxic dependency, an emotional obsession with her abuser, and it’s not healthy.

  Work kept me from thinking about a love life. I immersed myself in my work because I enjoyed it. I love my job and the people I work with. Today is Monday, and it’s February, which means we’re in the death grip of winter in Detroit. You’d think I’d be used to this weather by now since I was born and raised here, but I’m not. I hate our winters.

  I had gotten to work early, as did my secretary, Eva, because we have a very important meeting with a potential new client to prepare for this morning. Today is our last chance to seal the deal. It’s also the day we find out if we get this huge account or not, and winning this multi-million dollar account would mean a lot to our company and our team. Promotions hang in the balance for myself and others who are looking to further their careers.

  Since Eva and I were at the office so early, I offered to go on a Starbucks run for the both of us – my treat. Starbucks was just across the street on the corner from our high-rise, so it was no big deal. Besides, I could use the blast of cold air on my face to help wake me up. I had on my warm Sorel boots that were lined with fur and came up to my knees for that extra warmth. My long North Face winter coat kept me nice and toasty as I walked the short distance across the street. I also had on my warm red crochet hat that Carly made for me and matching scarf. The wind was so cold and blowing so hard that the little skin that was exposed felt instantly frozen. I finally managed to get through the front door of the Starbucks before the wind sent me tumbling further down the street to who knows where.

  Two of the baristas yelled out as I walked in. “Good morning, Sloane!”

  Smiling and slightly out of breath I said, “Good morning Tina, good morning Max, how are you?”

  “Wonderful!” They said in unison.

  That was entirely too much happiness this early in the morning, but I loved them for it. They always put a smile on my face.

  “Are you having your usual?” Tina asked.

  “Yes, but I also need a Grande Chai tea latte,” I responded.

  “Coming right up,” Max said, as he began to prepare my order.

  It was fairly empty inside of the coffee shop, but in an hour that would all change with the morning rush crowd. I casually glanced around as I paid for my drinks when my eyes landed on a pair of ocean blue eyes staring at me from a corner table next to the window. His skin was naturally tan with olive undertones, and he had black wavy hair. His jawline was square with a small cleft in his chin. A copy of the day’s Wall Street Journal was sitting in front of him while he sipped on an espresso. His expensive looking black overcoat laid perfectly on him as he sat relaxed with his legs crossed. His black cashmere scarf was stylishly tied around his neck, making him look like a Hugo Boss model instead of a businessman. He had a slight smile on his lips as he nodded his head at me. I smiled nervously in return and quickly stood to the side to pick up my order, which made me stand closer to where he was seated. I kept my back to him but could still feel his eyes on me. “What is with this man and his constant staring? Do I have a booger hanging out of my nose? Is there toilet tissue hanging from the bottom of my boot?” I began wondering to myself.

  Thank God Max worked fast to get my drinks done. I was nervous and starting to sweat in my heavy-duty winter coat, hat, and scarf.

  “Here you go Ms. Sloane. Enjoy and have a great day,” he said smiling cheerfully. He had put my drinks in a carrier and handed them to me.

  “Thank you Max, and you do the same. See you later Tina,” I said before I turned to leave. “Have a good day, Sloane,” he said, with a small smirk on his full lips and a twinkle in his beautiful blue eyes. Looking at him head on was unnerving. The man was gorgeous! I could do nothing but smile back, and why did I like the way my name sounded on his lips so much? His deep voice was hypnotizing. I’m sure he was just teasing me. There’s no way he could be interested in me when I was wrapped up from head to toe with only a small portion of my face showing. He seemed harmless, nonetheless. Harmless, but ridiculously sexy.

  “Thank you. You too,” I said, in return before leaving out of the door. Once again, the powerful wind and I had a fight as I struggled to make it back to the second floor.

  “Man, I wish Starbucks would deliver. I’d tip them very well,” I said, as I handed a smiling Eva her chai latte.

  “Thank you, boss lady, I really appreciate this,” she said before she took a few sips of it.

  “You’re welcome, and you owe me.” I winked at her as I walked to my office. After I peeled out of my winter gear and took of
f my cozy boots and slipped on my high heels, I sat and enjoyed my cappuccino before I got down to business. I loved these quiet moments alone before diving into my work.

  The potential client we were hoping to acquire is the owner of one of the biggest construction companies in the Midwest, Santorini Construction. The company’s founder retired some years ago and left his sons to run it. We’re meeting with one of his older sons, Luca Santorini. I have never met him, nor have I seen a picture of him. I could care less about that. All I care about are the numbers and how we could mutually benefit each other. Eva made sure the conference room was set with copies of the proposals at every chair. The florist had already arrived with fresh flowers to put on the table on the back wall of conference room, and the caterer would be arriving in an hour with a light breakfast consisting of fresh croissants, an assortment of bakery, fruit, and a variety of juices and gourmet coffee.

  I stayed in my office checking all of the paperwork that would be presented at the meeting, making sure nothing was missed. An hour and a half had passed, and it was almost time for the meeting to begin. Myself, my boss and the vice president of our department James Mandelin, and the president and CFO of our division Bill Meyers, and four other members of my team had all made it to the conference room and taken our seats. We talked amongst ourselves as we awaited Mr. Santorini’s arrival.

  About five minutes later the receptionist walked Mr. Santorini into the conference room and announced him. Once I finally looked up from my notes, my eyes nearly popped out of my head. It was him—the handsome stranger from Starbucks. My heart began to beat rapidly, and my hands began to sweat. His gaze found mine immediately, and I could see the same shock in his eyes, only his look of shock quickly turned to amusement.

  Why did he find this amusing? Maybe I was taking this coincidence too seriously. It’s not like I had a one night stand with the man.

  Before his attention was taken away by over-enthusiastic greetings from Bill and James, I watched as a beautiful smile slowly spread across his face, while looking at me. Everyone stood to greet the client, but I was glued to my chair in fear. Finally, when I was brave enough, I stood up and made my way to him. His eyes were on me instantly as he took me in from head to toe. I felt hot under his gaze.

  I wore a black form fitting knit turtleneck dress that stopped at the knees with a white blazer. I kept my accessories simple with a long silver necklace that hung past my breasts and silver hoop earrings. I had on opaque black stockings and 4” black stiletto booties. I’m 5’6” and a half, so wearing 4” heels were to fulfill a wish of having more height. My thick, natural hair was worn down in a curly twist out that framed my face. Today I put a part in it on the right side for extra sass. I also had on my black Tom Ford cat eyeglasses so I could see the PowerPoint presentation. I loved the sexy librarian look, and from the look in his eyes, so did Mr. Santorini.

  “It’s nice to finally meet you Mr. Santorini,” I said when I was before him. “My name is….”

  “Sloane,” he said, beating me to the punch. His voice was deep. He took my hand inside of his large, warm one and call me crazy, but his skin felt amazing. Tingling goosebumps crept up my arms and my neck. Man, I wish I could record him saying my name. I’d play it over and over. I have never heard my name said in such a sexy way before in my life. Smiling back I said, “Yes, Mr. Santorini, Sloane Paris.”

  “Please, call me Luca, and it’s nice seeing you again,” he said smoothly, his eyes never leaving mine.

  Now I really felt warm all over. Not only was he distractingly handsome, but he smelled so good. I liked his style. His black Italian suit, which I’m sure cost thousands of dollars, laid on him in a way that only a seasoned tailor could make happen. He was at least 6’4” or 6’5”, and I had no idea he was that tall when I saw him earlier. He had broad shoulders and a rugged build. He oozed confidence, but at the moment he didn’t go out of his way to flaunt it. The way he carried himself commanded attention and respect. While I found him to be charming, I could tell that behind those smiling eyes was a man not to be trifled with.

  He held my hand a few seconds longer as he gazed into my eyes before he released it. Just that quickly our short conversation ended, and Luca Santorini went into business mode as he took his place at the conference room table across from me. Once everyone was seated, and indulging in breakfast, Bill started the meeting.

  “First we’d like to thank you for coming in this morning, Mr. Santorini. I know you’re a busy man so I promise we won’t keep you longer than necessary. Our analytics team, led by James Mandelin and Sloane Paris, worked tirelessly on this proposal, and we hope you found it to be agreeable.”

  As Bill continued to speak, I felt a pair of blue eyes staring at me the same way they did in Starbucks earlier that morning. I briefly glanced up and looked at Luca and gave him a small, nervous smile before looking away and giving my full attention to Bill again. Luca smiled back before returning his attention to Bill as well.

  After Bill spoke, James got up and went through the brief PowerPoint presentation that went into more detail about the numbers and then asked Mr. Santorini if he had any questions. Looking at me he said, “I do. Ms. Paris, how can you guarantee my return in profits to be the amount outlined in this proposal? That’s a very bold prediction.”

  I didn’t mind being put on the spot when it came to explaining my work to clients and potential clients, but I felt uncomfortable and a little ticked off that I was purposely put on the spot by Mr. Santorini. Oh trust me, he did this on purpose. I could see the challenge in his eyes. I may be a bookworm and a numbers cruncher, but I’m also very observant. Putting my personal feelings to the side, I showed Mr. Santorini exactly why I’m one of the best at what I do at Pricewaterhouse.

  “Well Mr. Santorini, history shows that companies like yours with this much capital can easily bring in a huge return in your investment, and even more when smart, decisive decisions are made. Other businesses with similar net worth have turned considerable profits as outlined on page eight in the proposal. If you’re looking for current examples, we have several clients that we’ve been able to help turn huge profits such as Hanson & Dodge and Lyndell Corporation. Both have become billion dollar corporations under our careful, step-by-step guidance.”

  His face was unreadable, but he seemed satisfied with my explanation. I was more than capable of going into deeper detail, but I didn’t want to bore him with numbers and percentages, nor did I want to prolong this meeting. The faster this meeting ended the faster he would be gone, and my pulse could return to normal.

  “Thank you for that informative explanation. I’ve noted the success of Hanson & Dodge and Lyndell Corporation, which is why I sought out your firm. My family and I demand the best and only do business with the best, so with that said Santorini Construction has decided to sign with Pricewaterhouse.”

  The entire time that he spoke he looked at me, as though I was in charge. I turned to look at Bill and James, who were both too busy smiling to notice what was happening.

  “You made a wonderful decision, one that I promise you won’t regret Mr. Santorini,” Bill said as he stood up to shake Mr. Santorini’s hand. Finally, the meeting was over, and while everyone stood around and chit chatted, I discreetly and quietly left the meeting and went back to my office. There was no need for me to be there, and I didn’t typically have a lot of client interaction. I was only in these meetings if questions about the analytics came up or if a more detailed explanation about numbers needed to be explained. I also needed to get away from Luca Santorini. I escaped to my office and closed the door. Plopping down in my chair I let out a huge sigh of relief and tried to focus on the rest of the work I had to tackle before the day was over. I was responding to emails when there was a knock at my door.

  Chapter Eight - Luca Santorini

  I was sitting in Starbucks early Monday morning killing time before I had to attend two very important meetings, one being with Pricewaterhouse. My father
was always resistant to taking our company to the next level with his old way of thinking. Times have changed, as I constantly told him, and we had to change with the times. I knew Pricewaterhouse was the company to help us make that move into the present. I’ve had many phone conferences and a few face to face meetings with the executives at Pricewaterhouse and expected this meeting to be with the same people.

  As I sat and enjoyed my espresso while reading the Wall Street Journal in the empty quiet of the coffee house, I was intrigued by the woman covered from head to toe in full winter armor as she fought the wind to get across the street to the safety of the coffee shop. I chuckled to myself as the wind almost took her away further down the street, but with will and determination she held on to the door and made it inside. Once I saw her big beautiful eyes followed by a beautiful, dimpled smile to the baristas, I was taken aback.

  She removed her hood to reveal a big red hat that someone she loved, no doubt, had made for her. Thick curls of hair stuck out from underneath. Despite the bitter cold and the wind, she had just fought, she still managed to smile. I was fascinated. I couldn’t stop looking at her. You’d think that was my first time ever witnessing a beautiful smile, but it was my first time witnessing hers. It’s amazing how something so simple and natural can make you feel a myriad of emotions. I had no clue what she looked like underneath that mammoth winter coat, but I did want to see her hair. I secretly hoped she would take off her hat so I could see her thick curly hair wild, beautiful and free.

  When she turned around and looked at me with those big Sophia Loren shaped eyes, I noticed her shyness right away. Her eyes were kind, but sensed sadness in them too. Secrets and sadness. I watched her interact with the baristas and could see that she was a regular here. I heard them say her name, and I liked it instantly. Sloane. I said her name over and over in my head. When she got ready to leave, and the baristas said their goodbyes, I couldn’t help but to say mine as well.