Pain Lived, Love Found

by Lake, Thalia

  I couldn’t have planned a better evening than the one we shared, nor could I have planned such a hot ending. I didn’t intend for our kiss to go that far, but the minute I tasted her lips all bets were off. I wanted to melt inside of her and become one with her sweetness. My feelings for this woman are strong and real, and now that I have her I’m never letting her go. She’s mine, and I’m going to be the man that shows Sloane Paris what true love is. I’m no expert in the love department, but for the first time in my adult life I’ve met the woman I want to experience it with.

  One thing that bothered me was her father. I don’t even know the man, but I know enough to know that he’s a rotten, no good son of a bitch. I know men like him and I hate men like him, and if I ever meet him there’s no telling what I’ll do to him. Sloane’s parents were at the core of the pain and sadness that lingered in her eyes. I’m anxious for Sloane to meet my family when the time is right. I’m also anxious to meet hers. I want to see what made her the woman she is today. I want to do everything in my power to make sure she never experienced that pain ever again. Right now, I hate her parents. I hate them because of the pain they caused Sloane. I hate them because they are the reason Sloane is afraid to love.

  Chapter Thirteen - I Can’t Stop Smiling

  I had to call Angie before I went to bed after my amazing date with Luca. Thankfully she was up, and the kids were in the bed and she had time for some girl talk with her bestie. I told her everything from start to finish. I prepared myself for her scream but heard nothing. Finally, Angie said, “That was the most romantic date I’ve ever heard about in a really long time. It makes me happy to hear you so happy Sloane,” Angie said as she tried to hold back tears. I knew what she was talking about, and I began to get choked up as well. The road to get to this point in my life wasn’t easy, nor was it easy for Angie. We knew the heartache and pain we each lived. She knew how I wanted to die as a child because I confided in her about feeling this way when we were kids. We’d hug each other and promise to run away together and get our own apartment together some place far away where the people who hurt us couldn’t hurt us ever again.

  “Thanks, Angie. The crazy thing is I wasn’t even looking for this. It just happened on some weird fluke just a few days ago. Now I’m giddy over this amazing man,” I said smiling.

  “That’s usually when it happens, when you’re not looking for it. Just take it slow Sloane and take the time to get to know each other before things get really physical. I can’t stress that enough. You have a lot of baggage that he knows nothing about. You want to make sure that he’ll stick around before you get in too deep. You also need to find out what his baggage is and if you want to still pursue a relationship with him. You both owe that much to each other. Honesty is the best policy.”

  I knew Angie was speaking from experience and wanted to protect my heart. She knew how fragile it was and didn’t want Luca to break it. Trust me, I didn’t want that either.

  “I hear you, and you’re right. It’s just going to be really hard for me to tell him certain things, Angie. My family drama….that’s some heavy stuff for anyone to hear.”

  “That’s why you take it slow. Luca doesn’t strike me as someone who scares easily. I don’t see him running for the hills after you tell him that you come from a highly dysfunctional family. I have a good feeling about him, Sloane.” Angie said confidently.

  “I hope you’re right. If he breaks my heart I might go Betty Jean on him,” I said.

  We laughed even though we both knew there was a lot of truth to that statement. I didn’t give my heart to just anyone, and I pray Luca recognizes how big of a step I’m taking when I agreed to date him. I know dating is give and take, and I can’t expect Luca to do all of the giving. I’m going to have to tackle the subject of my family sooner rather than later with him. In my heart, I know this, but this is definitely something that is easier said than done since I never talk about my family with anyone other than Angie. Angie and I chit chatted for a few more minutes and then we ended our phone call. I washed my face and put on my favorite t-shirt and went to bed….still smiling.

  Sunday I lounged and watched old movies. In between movies, I washed and folded clothes. Luca called me as I was bringing a load of towels up from the basement. I was out of breath when I answered the phone.

  “Hey you,” I greeted, as I tried to catch my breath.

  Luca paused a moment. “Hey beautiful. Did I catch you at a bad time?” His deep voice always made warmth radiate up my spine.

  “No, not at all. I was just bringing up some laundry from the basement. I heard my phone ringing and decided to run while carrying this heavy basket, and as you can hear I’m clearly out of shape.”

  Luca lightly chuckled. “No you’re not, you’re perfect the way you are.” That made me smile.

  “You’re sweet,” I complimented.

  “I’m honest,” he stated simply.

  There was a short pause.

  “I was thinking about you, and the more I thought about you, the more I wanted to hear your voice.”

  My face was flushed with embarrassment; his words were so sweet. “You sure know how to make a girl blush,” I said, smiling.

  “I told you, I’m honest,” he said, in a serious tone.

  “Well I’m happy you called because I love hearing your voice too.”

  My pulse was racing with excitement and nervousness. Little by little Luca was wrapping himself around my heart, and I felt powerless to stop it. Then a sick thought came to my mind: Is this how my mother felt about my father? Did he slowly wiggle his way into her heart, get her emotionally hooked and then once he got her he flipped the script on her? Now my nervousness turned to fear, and my fear made me want to run.

  “Why don’t you take a break from the laundry and have coffee with me? I can swing by and get you, and I promise I won’t have you out too long.”

  I almost let my fear and self-doubt get the best of me and told him no. Then I remembered Angie’s words to take things slow.

  “Coffee sounds great, but just so you know I’m coming as is. Sweats, pullover, and boots. My other clothes are still drying in the dryer,” I warned.

  “I bet you look amazing,” he said. I could see him smiling that gorgeous smile of his. “I’ll be there in ten minutes. Ciao, bella,” he said.

  “Ciao,” I said, in return smiling.

  I need to learn more Italian.

  Chapter Fourteen - Coffee and Fights

  Luca was at my door in five minutes, not ten. Someone was clearly speeding. He had on blue jeans and a Detroit Lions hoodie under a black leather jacket and some gray and white Nikes. He looked like a college jock. It made me smile how dressing down made him look so boyish, but still quite sexy.

  “You look comfy,” I said smiling up at him.

  “You look adorable,” he said before he leaned in for a sweet peck on the lips. My head was swimming with thoughts of our kiss the night before. Feeling his lips on mine again felt like heaven, and it could have easily turned into a continuation of last night, but we kept it tame. When he pulled back and looked at me with his hooded eyes, I knew he felt the same way. After I had locked the door, he took my hand as we walked to his car.

  I was surprised when he took us to a small café near my home. I had only been there once, and it was just an in and out thing because I was in a hurry, but I’ve never gone back – mostly because I’m a Starbucks whore. That place is addicting! There were a few patrons inside, mostly college students. We ordered our drinks and sat at a table in the back. We ordered the same thing, salted caramel cappuccinos, and they were delicious.

  “So what were you up to before you called me?” I asked.

  “I had just gotten back from visiting my parents. As usual my dad and I ended up talking business, and then my mom stuffed me with food before I could leave. Two of my brothers and their families were there, so it was fun seeing my nieces and nephews and catching up with everyone.”

&n
bsp; “I grew up envying families like yours that were close. That’s nice that you’re so close to your parents Luca,” I said with some sadness. Luca was watching me closely before he spoke.

  “We’re close, but we’re not perfect. We have our issues like most families.”

  I know he was trying to make me feel better, but there was nothing he or anyone could say to make me feel differently. I knew the problems in my family were well beyond ‘issues.’

  “Yeah well, some family issues are deeper than others. Be glad you don’t fall into the ‘others’ category,” I said, cynically.

  Luca gave me a look, a look that was confused and wondering why my attitude had suddenly turned sour. I honestly didn’t fully understand it either, but sometimes happy families were a sore spot for me because I envied them so much. It’s what I dreamed of and yearned for my entire life, and I never got it. I know it wasn’t his fault, and this wasn’t fair to him.

  “I’m sorry you didn’t come from a happy family Sloane,” he said sincerely, as he took my hand into his.

  Wait - was this his way of turning this on me to get me to talk about my messed up family? Now I’m really getting pissed. I snatched my hand away from his and said, “Who said I was talking about my family? I was just talking, in general, Luca. I told you at the club that I didn’t like talking about my family so don’t think I’m about to start now.”

  Frowning, Luca put his hands up and said “Whoa, whoa! Where is all of this anger coming from Sloane? You asked me what I was doing before I called you, and I told you I was at my parent’s house, and now we’re fighting about you not talking about your family? I didn’t ask you to talk about your family.” Luca said as he tried to keep his anger intact.

  “No, you didn’t ask but you want me to talk about my family,” I snapped. Yes, I know I’m being very irrational right now.

  “Of course I want you to talk about your family. It’s part of me getting to know you and where you come from; just like I want you to know me and where I come from!” Luca snapped back. His jaw was clenched tight, and his eyes were confused and angry. I know he thought I was some crazed lunatic with how quickly my demeanor changed.

  “This was a mistake. I’m going back home. Thanks for the coffee,” I said as I got up to leave.

  Luca sat there dumbfounded for a moment before he left the cafe after me. He caught me by the arm as I was walking down the sidewalk heading back to my apartment.

  “What the hell are you doing?” he asked angrily as he turned me around to face him.

  “I’m walking home,” I said, angrily.

  “No, you’re not. I’m taking you home so come on,” he began walking towards his car which was parked just a few feet away.

  “No, and stop trying to boss me around!” I said, defiantly.

  Luca stopped walking and turned around and pinned me with a cold, angry stare. He was pissed, and he had had enough. I had clearly pushed all the wrong buttons with this man, but I didn’t care. He wasn’t the only one with a temper.

  “I brought you here and I’m taking you home. Get in the car Sloane!” he demanded in a steely voice without blinking an eye.

  I decided not to test his patience any further. I could tell he wasn’t above slinging me over his shoulder like a caveman and stuffing me into his car, so I stormed to the car where he held my door open for me to get in. Once I was inside, he closed my door and got in beside me and drove me home without giving me a second look or saying another word to me. I stole a glance at him and anger had taken over his entire body. He was stiff; his back straight as an arrow and his jaw was clenched tightly. When I looked at his big strong hands, they had a death grip on the steering wheel. I had no doubt he was wishing the steering wheel was my neck.

  This was all my fault. As I replayed in my head how I completely overreacted to his innocent response to my question, I felt foolish. I was letting my hang-ups treat the person I cared about, in an awful way. He didn’t deserve that, and I wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t want to see me again.

  Moments later we were pulling up in front of my building. He parked the car and turned the engine off and got out to open my door. Despite being very angry with me, he was still a gentleman. He walked me to the door, only this time he didn’t reach for my hand like he did all the other times. My heart sank even lower. He stood several feet behind me looking off into the distance while I unlocked my door. I could feel the anger radiating from him. I turned around to face him before I went inside. “Luca, I’m sor...”

  “No, don’t you dare say it because I don’t want to hear it!” He said icily, before storming off. I didn’t go inside of the house because I was frozen with shock and shame when he cut me off and walked away. He got halfway to his car when he came stalking back.

  He stood in front of me again. “You know what pisses me off the most? You’re so quick to push me away and assume that I couldn’t possibly understand your life and how you grew up, but you’re not even giving me a chance to understand Sloane! I’m giving you your space; I’m not pressuring you to tell me anything because I want you to trust me enough to tell me on your own. But if you keep starting these fights and building up walls between us, we’ll never make it. Never. It’s up to you,” he said emphatically as he pointed at me.

  With that, he walked away, and this time he didn’t return. I was so eaten up with shame and guilt I didn’t know what to do with myself. What really made me want to cry was seeing how much I had hurt Luca. I saw it in his eyes, and I heard it in his voice. He was right. I started that fight because I was scared. I was sabotaging our relationship the same way I sabotaged all the others—before things got serious. The only difference being that things were already serious between Luca and me. I always said I would never cry over a man, and yet the tears flowed hotly down my cheeks as I closed my door and locked it behind me. I truly know nothing when it comes to matters of the heart, but I’m certainly getting a crash course in it now.

  Chapter Fifteen - Brotherly Advice

  It had been three days since my fight with Luca, and I feel miserable. Angie, Veronica, and Tracy tried their best to cheer me up. They all came by my loft and brought all my favorite ice creams, chocolate turtles, and salty chips to try to cheer me up, but it only worked while they were there. Once they left, I was alone with myself loathing thoughts again. As badly as I wanted to call Luca, I didn’t have the courage. I was afraid of being coldly rejected by him again. The next day my brother Michael came by to see me. He always did random drop-ins on me, and I always loved it when he came by to visit. He knew something was wrong with me the minute I opened the door.

  “Uh-oh. What’s wrong baby girl?” he asked as he gave me his back popping bear hug that he knew I hated.

  “You want a beer or something before I spill the tea?” I asked after I closed and locked my door and headed to the kitchen. I’m not a beer drinker, but I kept it around for those that did like to drink it like my brothers and my girls.

  “Yeah, I’ll take one,” he said from the couch, as he took off his coat and laid it to the side.

  I handed him his brew while I had a bottled water. He sat back and relaxed and observed me, patiently waiting for me to spill my guts.

  “Who is he?” he asked simply.

  My brother knows me so well it got on my nerves sometimes. I looked at his handsome face and shook my head. Michael is so ridiculously handsome and could be the biggest man-whore that walked the face of the earth if he wanted to, but thankfully he wasn’t. He is a very sweet teddy bear underneath all of his hard muscles. His body was his temple, and he took very good care of it. He was a gym rat and totally addicted to weightlifting. At one time, he was seriously considering entering professional bodybuilding. He began weightlifting obsessively while in prison and became extremely muscular and big. Michael did two stints in prison before he finally got his life together and cut ties with gangs, drugs, and a life of crime. He’s been out of jail for five years now and works as a per
sonal trainer at a small gym, and he’s a licensed barber. He has one child, a boy named Micah, who is the spitting image of Michael. He’s fifteen years old and doing very well in school. He lives with his mother, but Micah has always maintained a close relationship with his son, even while he was in jail.

  I’m so proud of my brother because he was the one we all feared would never live to see his twentieth birthday. He proved all of us wrong, especially our father who was the main one who said that Michael would never amount to anything. I’m so glad Michael proved him wrong more than anyone else.

  All of my friends from school, the neighborhood and college had crushes on him, including Angie, Tracy, and Veronica. His eyelashes were so long and dark that women would swear he wore mascara. His smile was beautiful with his perfectly straight pearly white teeth and big dimples in both cheeks. He had a perfect Clark Gable like mustache with a little hair on his chin that he kept well groomed. He’s rocking an amazing afro at the moment, but on a whim he’ll cut it all off and try some other style. He had on a long sleeved thermal shirt underneath his black leather jacket, blue jeans and Timberland boots.

  I told him all about Luca from start to finish. Michael didn’t say a word as he sat and listened to me intently. My brother loved to study people, learning what made them tick. I didn’t mind when he did it to me because I knew he would always tell me the truth, and that’s what I needed.

  “So you really digging this dude, huh?” he asked as he leaned forward looking me in the eyes.

  I was sitting across from him on the loveseat.

  “Yeah, I really like him,” I said.

  “You know you messed up right? You can’t be flipping out on dude like that because you got hang-ups with our moms, Sloane. That ain’t his fault; he has nothing to do with that. He’s just trying to get to know you, and I respect him for that because most other dudes would be trying to hit it and quit it. They ain’t gonna waste no time trying to get to know you.”