Pain Lived, Love Found

by Lake, Thalia

  Turning back to face me Luca said, “No child should ever wish they were dead Sloane. That’s not right. That should never happen. What the hell is wrong with your parents? If they didn’t want you and your siblings why didn’t they just give you up and let you be raised by a loving family? It’s like they had kids just to torture them! FUCK! I hate them, Sloane! I hate them for hurting you; I hate them for abusing you and your siblings!” Luca yelled.

  “I’ve spent my entire life trying to understand them, and I’ve come to the conclusion that two selfish, messed up people got together and had kids when they shouldn’t have. They both came from abusive homes, so abuse is all they know. Instead of breaking the cycle they kept it going. Instead of wanting better for their kids and doing better for them they wanted us to suffer and be miserable like they were. This is why I have no dealings with them till this day, Luca, because their drama is never ending. This is why I never want to see my father’s face again or hear his voice. My mother’s entire life revolves around that man, and I can’t deal with her either. She thrives off of the constant drama he brings to her life. I refuse to be a part of that, so in my mind I have no parents. Not in the way that it counts.”

  “I can’t wait for you to meet my parents. They’re going to love you, and you’re going to love them. I promise. My mother is itching to meet you,” Luca said, warmly.

  “I can’t wait to meet them, Luca. I can’t wait to meet the people who made such an amazing, wonderful, and kind man.” I got on my tippy toes and kissed him sweetly.

  I cupped his face and looked him in the eyes and said, “Thank you for listening. I know I laid some heavy stuff on you tonight about my family and I wouldn’t blame you if you had run off.”

  “I don’t know how many more ways I can tell you that I’m not going anywhere, Sloane. Your family doesn’t scare me. They make me want to take care of you and protect you even more, and that’s exactly what I’m going to do, I promise you,” Luca said, with so much emotion and conviction.

  He kissed me again and pulled me into another tight hug that warmed me to my bones. His arms felt like home. Luca was home for me. No man has ever made me feel this safe and secure, especially not my father. Luca didn’t know this, but that night he became the first man to own my entire heart.

  ***

  It has been a week since I confided in Luca. I told him that I was serious about going to counseling, and he set me up with one of the best family therapists in Detroit, Caroline Peters. My first appointment with her was Wednesday at six o’clock. After just one session with Dr. Peters I began to feel free and unburdened. Bringing up these old feelings and opening old wounds was hard. I cried, and I cried hard during some of the topics that we discussed, but I needed to get it out once and for all. I was carrying over two decades worth of pent up anger, frustration, and hurt, and I was finally letting it all go. My shoulders felt lighter; I felt relief, euphoric even. After several sessions with Dr. Peters, Luca saw the change in me and commented on it several times. He was so happy for me, and it put our relationship in a better place. We were closer and happier more than ever. Then I received a phone call from someone I hadn’t talked to in a very long time.

  “Hey, Sloane, how are you?” came my mother’s nervous voice.

  “Hi, Ma. I’m well, how are you?” I said, cautiously in return.

  “Oh I’m good, can’t complain. The weather is nice, and I’ve been out in the garden planting some things. Your father and I are going to go visit my aunt, Liz, in a few days. She’s been sick lately.”

  “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that about Aunt Liz. Send her my love,” I said, still waiting for my mother to get the point of why she was really calling.

  “Well your daddy wants to talk to you….” she said quickly, before I could say anything. I was boiling with anger and very tempted to hang up. She knew I never wanted to talk to that man, and he knew it as well because the last time I spoke to him I told him to his face that I never wanted to see or speak to him again.

  “Sloane! How are you, girl? You’ve forgotten you have a father, huh?” came my father’s disgustingly cheery voice. This was typical of Johnny Paris, to act as though nothing ever happened. He was so delusional it was pathetic.

  “I’m fine,” I said, coldly.

  “Oh….well that’s good, that’s good. So I hear you datin some white boy. From what I hear he’s rich too. That’s good girl!”

  Now I was really pissed. I should have known. I should have known this was the whole purpose of my mother calling. They pulled this scam all the time because none of us would willingly talk to him except for my brothers, so he has our mother call us with the guise that she’s checking up on us when really she’s just calling for him.

  “So that’s what you had your wife call for? So you can try to be nosey in my personal life? You have a lot of nerve,” I said calmly. I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of going off on him. He loved drama; he lived for getting a rise out of people and getting them upset. To him, that’s equal to having power over you, and I wasn’t about to give him any power over me.

  “You know I find out everything. At least I came to the source. I need to know who is trying to court my baby girl,” he said chuckling through the phone.

  “I told you the last time we talked to never call me again, and I meant it. Stay out of my business and don’t ever call me again! And tell your wife not to call me again for you either!”

  “You know I’m sick……” he started to say, but I hung up on him.

  I threw my phone on the couch and paced the floor. I know how he found out about me and Luca—Michael. I told Michael; Michael told Junior and Junior told our father. This is why I have to be careful of what I tell Junior because he runs and tells our father everything because he knows it makes our father happy. I need to remind Michael to stop telling Junior my personal business.

  Now I feel stupid. Why did I even allow him to speak to me? Why didn’t I just hang up? Why did I stand there and listen to that sick bastard spew his nosey filth to me? I knew better than this! UGH. I could just kick myself right now, but there was someone else that I wanted to kick hard in the butt. I walked to my couch and grabbed my phone and called Michael.

  “What’s up Bonnie?” came his happy voice.

  “Don’t what’s up Bonnie me! How many times do I have to tell you to stop telling Junior my business, Michael?” I yelled.

  “What? What happened?” he asked worriedly.

  “I just got a phone call from your parents. Mama called me out of the blue and talked to me for all of two seconds before she handed the phone over to the Spawn of Satan! Do you know that man had the nerve to say, “I heard you're dating some white boy and hear he’s rich too.”

  “Aww, shit……” Michael moaned.

  “Yeah, aww shit!” I yelled back.

  “Stop cussing girl! You know you don’t cuss,” Michael said.

  “Well in this case I need to cuss because y’all got this man thinking that he can just pop up in my life like nothing ever happened and be all up in my business! He don’t want none of Luca, trust me.”

  “I’m sorry Sloane. I forgot about Junior having diarrhea of the mouth when it comes to pops. I promise I’ll keep everything you tell me just between us. Junior and I were talking and drinking one night, and we were both talking about you and it just came out.”

  “It’s okay. I handled your father, but he’s crazy, so I know this won’t be the last of his attempts to be in my business. Cancer is going to be the least of his worries if he keeps messing with me,” I said, venom dripping from every word.

  Michael laughed. “Dang Sloane! Tell me how you really feel.”

  “Michael you know I don’t bother anybody. I mind my own business, and I stay in my lane. When people go out of their way to be in my business, I have a huge problem with that. I will finish this once and for all, and it won’t be pretty.”

  “Yeah, we all know about the wrath of Sloane. You ca
n be vicious, girl,” Michael said.

  “Only when pushed,” I said simply. “Look, I need to go. I’ll talk to you later, ok?”

  “Okay baby girl. I’m sorry, for real,” Michael said, regretfully.

  “It’s okay. Just watch your mouth, especially when drinking. Ain’t no telling what will come out when you get to drinking that brown liquor.”

  That made Michael chuckle because he knew I was right.

  “Love you girl,” he said.

  “I love you more,” I said and hung up.

  I called Luca and told him what happened. He reacted exactly the way I knew he would - angrily.

  “Sloane if he comes anywhere near you I swear I’m going to flip out on that man. I don’t care if he’s sick or not. You’ve told him to stay away from you, and he thinks he has the right to barge into your life whenever he goddamn, please? That’s some bullshit!” Luca roared into the phone.

  “Baby, I can handle him,” I tried to reassure him.

  “No, I need to handle him. I know why he’s doing this. He thinks because I’m white that I’m a pushover, and he thinks because I have money that he can sucker some out of me. I know his type Sloane. Your father isn’t just a piece of shit; he’s a con artist.”

  I had to think about that for a moment, and I quickly realized that Luca was right. Then I smiled. Come on Lucifer, keep messing with me. You’re in for a rude awakening.

  “You know what, you’re right Luca. That’s exactly what he’s up to,” I finally said.

  “And I’ve got something for him,” Luca said in a threatening tone. Dammit, if he didn’t turn me all the way on just now.

  Chapter Eighteen - Get Behind Me Satan

  Sloane and I were in a great space in our relationship. She was opening up to me more which helped me to understand her much better. Now I know why she was so scared of relationships, of falling in love, of giving herself completely to a man. Her father is a sociopath who doesn’t deserve to have any happiness in his life. He certainly doesn’t deserve to have a wonderful daughter like Sloane.

  When Sloane and I went to the beach that night, and she told me how her father molested one sister and how her oldest sister willingly had sex with him - I was beyond disgusted. What disturbs me the most is through it all, their mother kept this man in their house, around her kids. There was no guarantee that he wouldn’t do this again. How did she know he wouldn’t try something with his sons or with Sloane? That left me with a very bad taste in my mouth and no respect for Sloane’s mother. To me, she’s just as sick as her husband. I would love to meet Carly, Johnny Jr., and Michael. Evan is in jail so I guess I’ll meet him whenever he gets out. I have no desire to meet Sarah.

  Hearing that her mother called her just so her father could jump on the phone and ask her questions about me had me ready to blow a gasket. I wanted to hunt the man down, bust into his house and beat the shit out of him - in front of his pathetic wife. Sloane is mine, and I will take care of her, and I will protect her with my life. Have I become possessive of her? Absolutely, but not in a stalker or abusive type of way. I don’t want to control Sloane; I love her strength and independence and feistiness. I want her to know that she isn’t in this alone, that she has me to lean and depend on. Sloane may be his daughter, but she’s her own woman. Whatever she wants is what she gets, and if she says she doesn’t want anything to do with her father, then that is what is going to happen. No one, including Johnny Paris, is going to push themselves on my woman.

  I love her, and I will move heaven and earth for her. Yes, I love Sloane Paris, and I want her as my wife and the mother of my children. I need her more than I need food or water. Sloane is the joy, happiness, and light that has been missing from my life for a very long time. She makes me look forward to the future; she makes me laugh, and she makes me smile every time I see her. When I’m not with her, I’m miserable. When she’s sad, I’m sad. When she’s happy, I’m happy. We’ve become one on so many levels that I cannot wait until we become one in the most intimate way that a man and woman can become one. In the meantime, I have some unfinished business to attend to.

  I called my private detective and had him look into Johnny Paris. I wanted to know everything about him, past and present. Once Larry brought me the information I requested, I spent the night reading every despicable thing this man has done, including the court files of him molesting Carly. The more I read, the sicker I felt. The next day I went to Johnny Paris’ home, the place where Sloane grew up. The neighborhood was run down and bad. You could tell that once upon a time it was a decent place to live until the homeowners moved away or died. The Paris’ house looked small from the outside, but Sloane said it was very big on the inside, big enough to raise a family of six children. The house was white and trimmed in yellow. There were flowers planted neatly in the front of the house and along the stairs leading to the front porch of the house, no doubt the work of Sloane’s mother. The lawn was neatly cut and well maintained, and the house overall looked like it was well taken care of. I sat in my black Mustang a few houses down just waiting to see the man. Just then, I saw a dark skinned, bald headed man with a gray goatee come from the side of the house with a water hose. You’d think he was this big burly monster with the havoc he wreaked upon his family, but he wasn’t. He was average height, maybe 5’9” at the most and slim with a slight beer gut. He wore glasses that sat on the tip of his nose as he watched everything that went on around him as he watered his grass and the flowers.

  I got out of my car and walked up to his house and up his stairs. “Mr. Paris? Johnny Paris, Sr.?” I asked when I was standing in front of him.

  “Who’s askin?” he asked suspiciously as he looked me up and down.

  “I’m Luca Santorini. I’m dating your daughter Sloane,” I said, with a fake smile on my face. I watched as the old man’s face lit up like he had hit the jackpot. When he smiled he had the whitest teeth, I had ever seen, but his eyes held nothing but deceit and evil. As much as I hated to admit it, Johnny Paris, Sr. was a handsome man who looked like he was fifty years old instead of seventy. Sloane looked a lot like her father – a much prettier female version of course.

  “Well, it’s nice to meet you. My Sloane must have told you that I wanted to meet you. Why don’t you come inside,” he offered as he shook my hand. I felt dirty just being in his presence, let alone shaking his hand. I gave him an extra firm handshake on purpose and looked him directly in his eyes as I stood at my full height. I wanted him to have to look up at me. I saw him cower, and I saw the eagerness in his eyes turn to worry. I wasn’t smiling, and there was nothing in my eyes that conveyed that I was happy to meet him.

  “I don’t have time to sit and chit chat with you today, but why don’t you come down to my office tomorrow and we can talk. You can see my business and what I do for a living.” I plastered on another fake smile as I handed him my business card. He looked at me and then took my card.

  “How does noon sound?” I asked.

  “Noon is fine, I’ll be there.”

  “Wonderful. It was nice meeting you Mr. Paris, and I’ll see you tomorrow at noon,” I said before I left and walked back to my car. Johnny Paris was still staring at my business card confused about what just happened. Then he looked at me over his glasses as I pulled off and left. I couldn’t help the smile that came across my face as I drove to my office.

  ***

  Tomorrow couldn’t come soon enough. I didn’t share with Sloane that I was meeting with her father at my office, but I planned on talking to her about it afterward. I cleared my schedule and made sure that nothing would interrupt my meeting with Johnny Paris. It was now 12:05 p.m. and my receptionist announced that he had arrived.

  “Thank you, please send him in,” I instructed.

  He came inside smiling, dressed casually with some black slacks and a white short sleeve button down shirt that was tucked inside of his pants. He had on black loafers as well. At least he dressed up a bit I thought to myself. I
stood up from behind my desk and said “Mr. Paris, I’m glad you could make it,” he was in awe from the moment he stepped inside of my office with dollar signs in his eyes.

  “Oh, this is nice. Real nice….” he said as he made his way over to me to shake my hand.

  “Please, have a seat,” I said before I sat down behind my desk. Looking him in the eyes I said, “I’m going to cut to the chase and not waste any of our time Mr. Paris. I love your daughter. Sloane is very special to me, and I plan on marrying her in the very near future. Her happiness is all that I care about and nothing else. You inquired about me and what I do, or rather how much money I have, and as you can see I do very well for myself, which means Sloane and our future children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren will never have to want for anything. Now, was there something else about me you wanted to know or ask me about Mr. Paris?”

  Johnny Paris sat back in his chair with a sly smirk on his face. He still thought he had the upper hand in this when, in fact, he had no hand at all. Yet, I was curious to see if he had the balls to ask me for money, or try to extort money from me.

  “What makes you think I’m going to let you marry my Sloane? I’m not going to let her marry just anybody.”

  The man had the nerve to turn his nose up at me like I was nothing; like I was some funky bum off the street. But what amused me more was his use of the word ‘let.’ I chuckled outwardly each time he said it which made him angry.

  “What makes you think you have any say so in what Sloane and I do? Last time I checked she is a grown woman with her own career living in her own place and paying her own bills. She’s not four years old anymore,” I said in a steely voice with cold eyes and my own mocking smirk on my face.

  “She’ll always be my little girl!” Johnny Paris snapped.”

  “Well clearly in your warped mind, but that’s neither here nor there. I know what your relationship is with Sloane, and it’s nonexistent, but you seem to think that you can intrude in her life whenever the urge hits you and get her upset. I’m here to tell you that those days are over.”