Five Minutes Late: A Romantic Comedy

by Rich Amooi

Cedric finished chewing and set his fork down. “No, I don’t have a good woman. But if it makes you feel better, I don’t have a bad woman either.”

  “You’re going to meet someone soon, I know it.” Ana rubbed Cedric’s arm. “She’ll show up when you least expect it, you need to be open to it.”

  “I think I’ll just place an advertisement on a billboard. Wanted: Woman who cooks as well as Ana Garcia and is just as pretty.”

  Antonio let out a hearty laugh. “Impossible!”

  Ana kissed Cedric on the forehead. “Gracias, hijo.”

  There was a noise at the front door.

  Tony pointed. “That must be her, Cedric, your new love.”

  “Right,” said Cedric.

  Ana laughed as she got up and walked to the door. A few seconds later, Tofu sprinted into the kitchen and screeched to a halt in front of the cupboard below the sink.

  “Arf! Arf, arf, arf.”

  Ana opened the cupboard and pulled out a plastic container filled with rawhide treats.

  “Someone is spoiled,” said Cedric.

  Antonio’s phone beeped and he grabbed it from the table as Cedric watched with anticipation, hoping it was from Mr. Abbott.

  Antonio read the text. “You were right.”

  Cedric’s eyes opened wide. “About the property?”

  “The Abbotts lost the property after five years of unpaid taxes. They moved to Oregon just last week.”

  Cedric sat up in his chair and leaned forward. “Please tell me I have a chance to buy the place.”

  Antonio scrolled down on his phone. “He says the Tax Collector is going to sell it at auction, so yes, it looks like you have a chance.”

  “Good.” Cedric flopped back in his chair and smiled. “That’s what I wanted to hear.”

  Antonio smiled. “You’ll have a lot of competition for that land.”

  “True. But all I need is a chance.”

  “How much do you think it’ll go for?” asked Tony.

  Cedric shrugged. “Hard to say, I’m guessing two to three million. I’ll pay whatever they want. My promise to my mom is the most important thing in the world to me.”

  Ana smiled. “This is wonderful.”

  Cedric nodded. It was more than wonderful.

  He couldn’t help but wonder how much better it would be with a woman in his life.

  On second thought, he needed to scratch that thought from his brain.

  The last thing he wanted was his success marred by another tragedy.

  Chapter Two

  Ellie Fontaine beamed with satisfaction as she helped the eighty-year old man download his first audiobook—just one of the many things she enjoyed doing as a librarian at the Willow Glen Library. She loved helping people and felt she played a part in making the world a smarter place.

  The old man put in his earbuds and kissed Ellie’s hand. “Thank you, dear.”

  Ellie smiled again. “My pleasure.” She watched him walk away, wishing the man was fifty years younger. They sure don’t make men like that anymore.

  “My, my, my,” said Julio Cruz, Ellie’s coworker.

  Ellie rolled her eyes at him. “Don’t say it.”

  Julio ignored her. “A bottle of wine for you, a bottle of Viagra and a pacemaker for him, and you’ll be ready for a nice little chitty chitty bang bang.”

  Ellie held up her hand. “Stop. You know I’m visual.”

  “Is Julio torturing you again?” asked Peggy, smiling and setting down a stack of pamphlets and manuscripts on the service desk counter. Peggy Fleming was the Library Branch Manager and one of the most positive people Ellie knew.

  Ellie gestured to Julio. “He’s suggesting I get drunk and make it with an eighty-year old man on Viagra.”

  Peggy smiled. “Sounds like a lovely evening.”

  Julio stuck out his tongue and displayed his I-told-you-so smile.

  Ellie sorted through the pamphlets. “Call me picky, but I prefer a man born after the Jimmy Carter Administration.”

  Peggy laughed. “By the way, we need to talk. I have some news from the hiring committee.”

  Ellie clasped her hands together and let out a deep breath. “Okay.”

  She was finally going to find out if she got the promotion.

  “Just give me a minute. There seems to be a life-threatening situation at the vending machine.”

  Julio looked toward the machine. “Out of Coke again?”

  Peggy shrugged and smiled as she went to help.

  Julio turned to Ellie and grabbed her hands. “You are going to get the job!”

  Ellie hoped so. When Peggy announced her retirement a few months back, she encouraged Ellie to apply for her position and said she would do everything in her power to make sure she got the job. Ellie loved being a librarian, but felt she could contribute even more as Branch Manager.

  She looked over toward Peggy. “She would have said something, don’t you think?”

  “Not in front of me. She knows I would have screamed and she probably didn’t want me scaring everyone in the building.” Julio hugged Ellie. “You’re going to get it and you deserve it.”

  Ellie smiled. “Sure you don’t wanna get married?”

  “You know Hugo wouldn’t like that. Besides … you’re going to find your own man. Maybe tonight’s your night.”

  “We shall see.”

  Ellie could always hope. Tonight was the first of three dates lined up this week from the dating website.

  Peggy returned from the vending machine. “Crisis averted, just a stuck dollar bill. Okay, let’s talk.”

  Julio squeezed Ellie’s hand and mouthed “good luck” to her. She followed Peggy back to the staff office.

  Good news. Good news. Good news.

  When the door closed behind them, Peggy turned around. “Okay, here’s the latest. You and the other final candidate, Margaret Rossewood, both have the same amount of experience as librarians and your references are practically carbon copies. We’ve been at a standstill in the hiring process. Since the vote is deadlocked and neither side is willing to budge, the board has agreed to settle it in an unorthodox way.”

  “Mud wrestling?”

  Peggy laughed. “Keep up that sense of humor, you’re going to need it.”

  “Oh God, what is it?”

  “The person who raises the most money for the fundraiser will be the next Branch Manager.”

  Pickles!

  Ellie hated asking people for money, even if it was for a good cause.

  And this was definitely a good cause.

  “I have to beg for money,” Ellie muttered.

  Peggy nodded. “If you want the job.”

  The library had a recent break-in and the thieves targeted the children’s area, stealing one of the largest and most valuable collections of picture books in the state and vandalizing hundreds of other books. Eight computers were stolen as well. The fundraiser was to replace the books and computers and repair the damage. Ellie was heartbroken after the crime occurred. Still …

  “Can I sell a kidney instead?”

  Peggy laughed. “Good one.”

  “I’m not joking.”

  Peggy threw her palms in the air. “That’s what they came up with and I couldn’t think of a better way to handle it.” She squeezed Ellie’s arm. “You can do it, Ellie. Nobody works harder than you and I’ve always pictured you in my position.”

  Ellie had been picturing herself in the position too. One thing was for sure, she was going to have to step out of her comfort zone if she wanted a shot at it now.

  She left the staff office and found Julio on a stepladder, pinning up artwork from Willow Glen Elementary School on the wall. She stood there, deep in thought.

  Julio glanced down at her. “You need to turn that frown upside down.”

  Ellie forced a smile, shrugged, and told Julio about her conversation with Peggy.

  Julio climbed down and put his arm around her. “Then I guess we need to get you some money!”r />
  “Maybe we can just shake that tree and money will rain down over us.”

  Julio stared through the window at the giant oak tree in the courtyard and his eyes lit up. “Money doesn’t grow on trees. It grows underneath them.”

  “This would not be the first time you’ve lost me.”

  “I just read a story about a library in the Midwest that ran a brick fundraising campaign. They sold bricks that circled the base of a tree at their library, and people who donated had their name and message engraved on the bricks. A hundred dollars for a brick, and get this, they raised over ten thousand dollars!”

  “Seriously?”

  Julio nodded. “They even found a local contractor to donate the bricks and the labor to install them.”

  Ellie stared at the oak tree in the courtyard and smiled. “That’s a wonderful idea.”

  “I’m surprised you haven’t hugged me yet.” He tapped his toes. “I’m waiting.”

  Ellie lunged forward and hugged Julio. “Thank you. I’ll need to get approval, but I don’t think that’ll be a problem. This is good. Great, actually.”

  She finished up her workday and stopped by Nothing Bundt Cakes to pick up a treat for her grandpa Frank. He loved the cinnamon swirl cake with the frosted petals on top, and she never got tired of surprising him with one.

  *****

  Grandpa Frank swung open the door and smiled. He wore his usual outfit—a plaid shirt with khaki pants and a cardigan sweater. Ellie loved his solid white head of hair; it was elegant.

  “My princess,” he said. “What a surprise to—” His gaze dropped to the bag she was holding down by her side. “What do you have there?”

  Ellie smiled as they walked to the kitchen. “You know exactly what I have. That’s why you’re drooling.”

  They both laughed as Ellie pulled a plate from the cupboard. She took the cake from the plastic container, placed it on the plate, and grabbed a fork from the drawer.

  “You’re not going to have some?”

  “I have a date.”

  “I can save half for you, just in case you don’t make it to the main course like the other dates.”

  “Maybe tonight will be different. I have a new dating system in place.”

  They sat at the kitchen table and Grandpa Frank didn’t waste time, diving into his favorite treat. The pastry was disappearing right before her eyes. He nodded as he chewed. “The best.” Finally coming up for air, he asked, “A man you met online?”

  Ellie nodded. “He’s an accountant.”

  “An admirable career. And what’s this new system you’re talking about?”

  “It’s more like a filter. I put together a list of what I want in a man. Non-negotiable things.”

  “Really.” He didn’t look convinced.

  She pulled a piece of paper from her purse and handed it to him.

  Grandpa Frank nearly choked on the pastry as he read the title at the top. “The Perfect Man?”

  Ellie nodded. “I know there’s no such thing.” She stared at the paper for a moment. “Maybe I should rename it. Anyway, I make sure they have most of these traits before we meet, then the rest I find out in person.”

  “Wow.” He cleared his throat and pushed the empty plate away. “That’s … quite a list.”

  “You always told me I deserved the best.”

  “You do, but according to this list, the best does not have back hair.”

  Ellie blinked.

  Pickles!

  Grandpa Frank had back hair.

  “And what’s this … unibrow?” he continued. “Sounds like these are bad too …”

  Double pickles!

  He had one of those as well.

  Ellie grabbed the list from Grandpa Frank’s hand and placed it back in her purse. “Okay, okay, maybe I need to remove one or two items.”

  Grandpa Frank shrugged. “Things were so simple in my days. Your grandmother and I met at a malt shop in Anaheim. Have I told you this story?”

  Ellie loved the sparkle in his blue eyes when he talked about his marriage. “Tell me again.”

  “She served malts at the counter and I drank them.” He chuckled. “There was something special about her. I knew it the first time I’d laid eyes on her. Just one look and that was it. That summer I spent just about every single dime I had on malts, and I think I gained a few pounds too! But I felt comfortable with her and we chatted for hours about everything and nothing. I didn’t know what I was looking for, and I certainly didn’t have a list. It just felt right.”

  “That’s so sweet, Grandpa.”

  “And holy cow she could kiss like nobody’s business.”

  “Grandpa …”

  They both laughed.

  “It will happen when the time is right, sweetie. And maybe with someone you least expect.” Ellie nodded. “How are things at the library?”

  “God!” she groaned startling Grandpa Frank. “I can’t believe I didn’t tell you. They narrowed down the candidates to me and another woman, Margaret Rossewood.”

  “That’s great!”

  “Well, yes and no. They’re stuck now. Half the board wants me, and the other half wants Margaret. I’ve met her and she’s an amazing person, smart too.”

  “Can’t be smarter than you. Impossible.”

  Ellie smiled. “Thanks. It’s not an IQ competition, though. They decided the job is going to go to the person who raises the most money for the fundraiser.”

  Grandpa Frank scratched his chin and thought about it. “I guess there are worse ways to decide, like drawing a name from a hat. At least this way you can work as hard as you want for the job.”

  “True. Julio came up with an idea to sell bricks that will go around the base of the oak tree in our courtyard. Donors will have their names engraved on the bricks. One hundred dollars for a brick.”

  “What a wonderful idea.”

  “Yeah, but I still need to ask people to donate, and you know how I feel about money. It brings out the worst in people.”

  “And the best in people. Hang on, I’ll give you a good example.”

  He left the kitchen and returned a minute later with his checkbook and a pen. “I’d like fifteen bricks please.”

  Ellie put her hand to her mouth. That was fifteen hundred dollars. “No, no, no.”

  “Why? Not enough?”

  She laughed as her eyes began to tear up. “No, that’s not what I meant. It’s just …” She stood up and kissed Grandpa Frank on the cheek. “Thank you, you’re the best.”

  He wrote the check and handed it to her. “You’re welcome. And if you’re up for a challenge, I have a way you can raise more money.”

  Ellie narrowed her eyes. “What are you talking about?”

  Grandpa Frank laughed. “How many dates do you have coming up with men from this dating website?”

  Ellie had no idea where he was going with this. “Three. Why?”

  “Perfect. I challenge you to get to a second date with one of them.”

  Ellie cocked her head to the side. “What do my dates have to do with the fundraiser?”

  “It’s simple. If you make it to a second date with the same man, I’ll buy another five bricks for the cause.”

  Ellie’s mouth hung open. That was an extra five hundred dollars.

  “What?” asked Grandpa Frank.

  “You’re serious?”

  “You bet! I want you to be happy, Ellie, and you’re never going to be if you don’t give these guys a decent chance. It’s hard to get to know someone over just one date.”

  “You haven’t met some of these guys. It’s like they’re from another planet.”

  Ellie was up for the challenge, though. Three possible second dates meant a potential fifteen hundred dollars closer to getting the promotion. Not to mention, the possibility of meeting a great guy in the process.

  Still. Easier said than done.

  An hour later, Ellie waited in front of the giant pine tree near the post office, where s
he agreed to meet her date, Richard. She checked her watch as he walked up.

  Right on time. Good.

  But her smile faded—along with her hopes for an extra five hundred dollar donation from Grandpa Frank—after he uttered three little words.

  “Hi, I’m Dick.”

  Ellie blinked and tapped her fingers on the side of her leg. “What happened to Richard? Not too many people can say they have the same name as former President Nixon.”

  “His friends and family called him Dick.”

  Great. Ten seconds into her date and she already had a dilemma. Could she see herself introducing this guy to people in the future as Dick? Without laughing?

  Ellie searched for another angle. “Richard is very masculine.”

  His left eye fluttered like a moth stuck in her front porch light. “I prefer Dick.”

  Pickles!

  If the male-organ-name-change thing wasn’t bad enough, the guy was wearing polyester pants a size or two too small, putting his marbles and Dick Junior on display for the world to see.

  “My father’s a Dick too,” he continued.

  The conversation reminded Ellie of a bachelorette party. She was tempted to ask him how long they were going to talk about dick.

  “Traditions are sacred in my family, as you can tell,” he said.

  “I think traditions are lovely. Well, except my brother’s. He thought it would be funny to give me a wedgie every year on my birthday.”

  “Boys will be boys.”

  “Actually … he still does it.”

  Dick blinked.

  Great.

  No sense of humor.

  Strike one!

  Ellie had recently implemented the Three-Strikes Law on her dates; she’d give the guy three chances to screw up or display a quality she didn’t like. She didn’t want to hurt people’s feelings, but you had to draw the line somewhere. Her last relationship—with Vlad—turned into a nightmare. There were signs at the beginning, and she chose to ignore them. Never again.

  Dick pointed to the other side of the street. “Let’s cross.” He grabbed Ellie’s hand and pulled her sideways toward Rafael’s Steakhouse. She had considered giving him another strike for his manhandling until she was hit by the aroma drifting over from Rafael’s.