Five Minutes Late: A Romantic Comedy

by Rich Amooi

  He laughed as Ellie pulled the list from her purse and stared at it. “Do you think I’m too picky?”

  “Maybe a tad. I think you can meet someone without the list.”

  Ellie laughed. “Coincidentally, I did meet someone who didn’t match much on the list, and I can’t get him out of my head.”

  “You see!”

  “I keep running into him everywhere, but he said he doesn’t date.”

  “Well, give it time. You never know what life has in store for you.” He stared at the list. “I’d be happy to tear that up for you.”

  “Not yet. I’m going to try one more date with it. If nothing comes of it, I promise I will burn the list and try the Grandpa Frank approach.”

  Grandpa Frank smiled. “That’s my girl.”

  *****

  “What are you wearing?” asked Tony, before Cedric could say hello.

  Cedric stretched and switched the phone to his other ear. “Are you seriously asking me that?”

  “You know I love black.”

  “If you tell me you’re naked, I’m hanging up. What time is it?”

  “Hammer time.”

  “Oh God.”

  Cedric was pretty certain Tony’s mission in life was to drive him crazy, not to mention wake him up in the morning as many times as possible. Cedric made a mental note to start turning his phone off at night.

  He sat up in the bed and dropped his foot to the floor to scratch Tofu on his side. “Did you have a reason for calling or was it just to annoy me?”

  “Two things. One, the Tax Collector is on vacation. That’s good and bad. Good because he’s not going to sell the property until he gets back. And bad, since you can’t talk to him until he gets back. So, you just have to have patience.”

  “Patience is my middle name. So, what was the second reason for calling?”

  “I’m in a donut mood and was going to pick one up before I meet you. You want one?”

  “Chocolate old fashioned.”

  “Okay, you got it.”

  Tofu turned completely over on his back and extended his legs into the air.

  Cedric laughed and rubbed him again with his foot. “I want to be a dog. Tofu has a good life, don’t you boy?”

  “You just want to be a dog so you can lick your own balls.”

  “Can we have just one conversation where you don’t talk about private parts or sex?”

  “You need to get laid.”

  “I’m hanging up now. See you soon.”

  Saturday mornings meant the farmers’ market for Cedric in downtown Willow Glen. Compared to his regular customers online, he didn’t make a lot of money there, but he loved being around the people. So did Tony, who was always there with Cedric.

  Tony took one end of the banner and unrolled it with Cedric. They attached it to the two canopy poles with large clips. It was a bright green banner with images of garlic and white letters that said: Papa George’s Heirloom Garlic.

  Cedric stared up at the banner, deep in thought.

  “You remembered.”

  Cedric nodded.

  It was the anniversary of Papa George’s death. Some of Cedric’s fondest memories as a child were of him attached to his grandfather’s hip at the farm and at the flea markets as Papa George sold garlic to just about everyone who came by.

  “You were the youngest salesman in history.”

  Cedric smiled. When Cedric was five years old, Papa George allowed him to hand the bag of garlic to the customers. Not too long after that, he got to give them their change. At the age of ten, Cedric was pretty much running the show, stocking the display, taking money and giving change, and thanking customers as Papa George sat back, smiling proudly, reading the paper, doing crossword puzzles, and occasionally napping.

  “I couldn’t wait for each Saturday to arrive. It didn’t seem like a job to me.”

  “Does it now?”

  “No, but it was special back then. I do it today, in his memory. That’s why I want to get that farm back and make a garlic museum there. It’s the right thing to do, plus it’s what my mom wanted.”

  “It’s going to happen.”

  “I hope so.”

  When Papa George died, Cedric was crushed. Papa George left the business and his farm in Gilroy—everything—to Cedric. It was difficult at first for Cedric to focus on work. He would sometimes get caught up in the busy day of selling, then by habit turn around to see the smile on his grandfather’s face, only to realize again that he wasn’t there anymore.

  “A lot has changed since then,” said Tony.

  “Yeah, but I think he’d be proud of what we’ve accomplished.

  “Absolutely.”

  Cedric made sure there was no way he would ever forget his grandfather, so he added a caricature of him to the company logo, website, and marketing materials. He was an amazing man with a passion for garlic and he loved sharing it with people.

  Tony grabbed a crate from the back of the truck, and set it on the table. He pulled off the top, exposing the baskets of fresh garlic. He pulled the baskets out, one by one, and placed them on the table.

  A woman approached the booth, wearing a tie-dyed Bob Marley shirt and a giant triple-loop nose ring that hung underneath her nostrils.

  She stared at the garlic and smiled. “They look good. How much?”

  “Six dollars for a basket,” said Cedric. “We’ll be open in just a few minutes, if you don’t mind.” He smiled back at her.

  Tony leaned into Cedric. “She likes you, man. Did you see that smile she gave you?”

  “I’m pretty sure she was smiling at the garlic.”

  Tony stacked more garlic and continued to speak, but Cedric mentally blocked him out. All he could think about was Ellie. He couldn’t get her out of his mind. Her smile. Her feistiness. As Cedric picked up a garlic bulb he dropped, he looked over toward the next aisle, and there in front of a table of organic jam was a woman with her back to him. He had a strange feeling about her. She had wavy brown hair. Everything about her—including the green skirt—reminded him of Ellie. “No way.”

  Tony looked around. “What?”

  “Nothing. Start selling, I’ll be right back.”

  Cedric walked over toward Ellie, trying to figure out what he would say when he got there. Apologize again, that would be first thing.

  Don’t be an idiot. Remain calm.

  His heartbeat accelerated as he approached her from behind. He tapped her on her shoulder and smiled. “Hey.”

  She turned around. “Hi.”

  The woman wasn’t Ellie. Not even close. She was at least fifty years old and missing a bottom tooth.

  “Sorry. I thought you were someone else.”

  “That’s okay. I get that all the time. People think I look like Julia Roberts.”

  More like Julia Child.

  Cedric turned to walk back and saw Tony grinning as he approached.

  “Going for the older women now, are we?” Tony asked. “What’s going on?”

  “I thought she was someone else.”

  “Ellie?”

  Cedric didn’t answer. He started pulling cherries from the other crates and placed the baskets on the table. He straightened the sign that said: Cherries for Children. 100 percent of the proceeds go back into our community.

  “We can play this game as long as you want,” said Tony. “I have stamina and you know I’m right.”

  A man smelled a bulb of garlic and turned to walk away.

  “Impossible that you don’t like them,” said Cedric.

  The man stopped and turned around. “I know I’ll like them. Some other day, perhaps. I only have enough money for the apricot jam I need to pick up for the Mrs.”

  Cedric smiled and threw the man a bulb. “This is on the house. Come back and see me again.”

  “Definitely. Thanks.” The man smiled as if he’d won the lottery.

  “I thought you were going to stop doing that,” Tony said.

  “There
are worse habits to have.”

  An older man approached and Cedric waved. “Hey, Joe.”

  “Cedric. How’s the kindest man I know?”

  “Maybe I should be asking you that.” Cedric handed him a basket of cherries.

  “You’ll be blessed beyond your wildest dreams.”

  “I already am.”

  Tony watched the man walk away with the free cherries and sighed. “Okay, I’m going to pretend I didn’t see that. You could be missing the opportunity of a lifetime with Ellie. Why don’t you give her a chance?”

  “Let’s not talk about her anymore. I don’t want to … never mind”

  “What?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Tell me.”

  Cedric knew Tony wouldn’t stop pestering him so he decided to tell him. “Okay. Remember that woman I met at the meet-up for vegetarians?”

  “Of course. You said you liked her yams.”

  “No. You said that.”

  “Yeah, okay.” Tony nodded. “Maybe I did. Anyway—”

  “Anyway … after I told you I met her, she never came to the meet-up again.”

  “So.”

  “The same thing happened with the woman who owned the jewelry shop. I told you about her and then she sold the place and moved to Alaska.”

  Tony put his hands on his hips. “So, you’re saying that I’m jinxing you, is that it?”

  “I’m just saying—hell, I don’t know what I’m saying.”

  “Call her,” says Tony. “Quit being a pussy.”

  “I don’t have her number.”

  “Where does she work?”

  “The library.”

  Tony stared at Cedric in disbelief. “God no. Please don’t tell me she’s a librarian.”

  “Okay. I won’t.”

  “With sexy librarian glasses?”

  “She doesn’t wear glasses.”

  “It doesn’t matter. Get your ass down there and bang her. I’ll cover for you.”

  “That’s not what I want.”

  “Have you turned gay on me? That’s every heterosexual man’s dream … a quiet librarian by day, sexy nymphomaniac by night. She sets her glasses on the bedside table, lets her hair down, and BAM! Time to get busy.”

  “I told you, she doesn’t wear glasses. Plus, she’s not like that. And you are the reason why women think we only have sex on the brains.”

  “If you don’t go down there, I will.”

  “Calm down, I’m going there this afternoon.”

  Cedric had another training session today, a one-on-one session with a boy. He was looking forward to it, but just the thought of seeing Ellie again made his hands sweat.

  “Great. But take it slow and don’t worry so much. If by chance it doesn’t work out with her, I’ve already put Plan B in place for you.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “You’ll see.”

  “Tell me.”

  “Okay, I didn’t want to tell you yet, but … I signed you up for online dating last week.”

  Cedric froze. “Seriously?”

  “Man, you’re popular. You have a boatload of women who want to meet you. I’ve been communicating with them. Two or three hours a night. It’s fun.”

  “You’re pretending to be me?”

  “Consider me your agent or the middleman. I’m pre-screening them for you … then you can take over.”

  Cedric took a moment to mull things over. Now it made complete sense. That’s why Ellie acted that way in the library. She saw his profile online and thought he was dating. No wonder she was pissed off. Cedric paced back and forth, thinking about what Tony did. How could he? He didn’t even ask.

  “You screwed me over on this one,” said Cedric.

  “What are you talking about? This is a step in the right direction.”

  “No. This is a step into Hell. One of the reasons why Ellie is pissed at me is I told her I didn’t date. I also told her I didn’t believe in online dating. I couldn’t understand why she said I was lying and was so adamant about it. Now I understand, she saw my profile. She called me a lying bastard, because of you.”

  Tony ran his fingers through his hair and let out a breath. “Shit. Sorry.”

  “Take me off of the website. Now.”

  Cedric watched as Tony pulled his phone from his jacket pocket. He sat on the tailgate of the truck with his head down, working on his phone. Cedric helped a customer who bought three baskets of cherries and placed three new baskets in their place.

  “Okay,” said Tony. “I deleted your profile.”

  Cedric didn’t say anything.

  “Sorry. You know I only had the best intentions.”

  “I know.”

  “Just tell Ellie what I did. Or better yet, I can.”

  “No. I’ll figure out something.”

  “You like her a lot?”

  Cedric nodded.

  “Well, then don’t give up.”

  He wasn’t going to give up yet. He just hoped she hadn’t already done so.

  Chapter Eleven

  “This is disgusting.” Ellie sprayed the self-checkout machine with cleaner and wiped it down with a handful of paper towels. “It just seems like common sense to me that you don’t put your drink on top of a machine while you’re using it. Or even when you’re not using it!”

  “Since when do teenagers have common sense?” asked Julio.

  Ellie nodded. “Good point.”

  “Speaking of common sense, I think it’s time you threw away your list.”

  Ellie let out a deep breath. “Believe me, I’ve been very close to doing just that.”

  Her dates with “The Dick” and “The Buck” were a disaster. Maybe it was a good thing Swayze never showed.

  Then there was Cedric Johnson. Mr. I Don’t Date. Mr. Incredibly Kind and Generous.

  Cedric was driving her crazy and he wasn’t even there.

  Pickles!

  Her heart skipped a beat watching Cedric through the window as he approached the entrance.

  Ellie grabbed the spray bottle and paper towels and plugged the machine back into the outlet. “I’ll be back. “

  “Looks like your lover boy is here.”

  “He’s not my lover boy. What is he doing here?”

  “Volunteering, of course.”

  Ellie swung around to face Julio. “What?”

  “You didn’t know?”

  Hell no, she didn’t know.

  Julio smiled. “He’s sweet, isn’t he?”

  “Like sugar. Gotta run.” She turned and—

  “Ellie!” Peggy said, stopping her in her tracks. She glanced over Ellie’s shoulders and smiled. “And Cedric!”

  Ellie turned around and tried to avoid eye contact with Cedric. She pretended to inspect the spray bottle. Good quality plastic, that’s for sure.

  “You two have met, already, right?” asked Peggy.

  “Yes, we have,” said Cedric. “Nice to see you again, Ellie.” He held out his hand.

  Nice trick. Now they have to touch and her girly parts were going to twitch.

  “Nice to see you again too.” Ellie shook his hand.

  Twitch. Twitch. Twitch.

  Damn.

  Julio held out his hand. “We haven’t officially met. Although I did talk with you when you came in the other day. I’m Julio.”

  Cedric shook his hand. “Nice to meet you.”

  Ellie was pretty sure some part of Julio was twitching too.

  “I need to run to a meeting with the event director at the San Jose Museum of Art,” said Peggy. “I’ll try to check in on you later.” She turned to Cedric. “If you have any questions, ask Ellie. She knows the reading program better than anyone. She created it.”

  Cedric’s eyes widened, a smile forming on his lips. “I’m impressed.”

  Peggy nodded. “You probably don’t know this, but we had an amazing children’s area, but there was a break-in recently and hundreds of books were destroyed an
d vandalized.”

  “What a shame.”

  “It is. We have a fundraiser in a couple of weeks and hope to raise enough money to replace the books. Maybe you can attend?”

  “Sounds great.”

  “You are the best! Isn’t he something, Ellie?”

  Peggy winked at Ellie. What was she up to?

  Ellie forced a smile. “He certainly is.”

  “Do you have The Very Hungry Caterpillar?” asked Cedric. “It’s one of my favorites.”

  Ellie felt a flutter in her belly. “I love that book.”

  “Sounds like I won’t have to worry about you two,” said Peggy. “You’re the perfect match!”

  Did she just say that? Someone needed to wipe that grin off of Cedric’s face.

  A few minutes later, Ellie and Cedric sat on two small stools directly across from Jose, who was happily sitting on a Kermit the Frog pillow; his legs were crossed and his hands folded neatly on his lap. Ellie smiled at Jose and noticed his eyes were bright and wide open as he rocked back and forth. Must be in eager anticipation of the reading, Ellie thought. This was clearly a child who loved stories and couldn’t wait to get started.

  “I love books,” said Jose.

  “That’s what I heard,” said Ellie. “Are you ready, then?”

  “Yes please.”

  “Great, let’s get started.”

  As Ellie opened The Very Hungry Caterpillar, she couldn’t help but notice the clean, refreshing smell drifting over from Cedric, kind of like that white tea and jasmine body wash she used to use. She wanted to lean in for a closer whiff, but knew it wouldn’t have been appropriate.

  She read for a few minutes from the book, and then paused to ask Jose a question or two. Interaction was key to get a child’s imagination going.

  “The caterpillar sounds hungry, doesn’t he?” asked Ellie.

  “Yeah. Maybe he wants a hot dog with ketchup and mustard.”

  “Maybe he does.”

  “Or mac & cheese. I like mac & cheese.”

  “Do you?”

  Jose nodded.

  “So do I,” said Cedric.

  Ellie did a double take at Cedric.

  “Or a cookie,” said Jose.

  “Sure,” said Ellie. “A cookie is possible too.”

  “His mommy can give him a cookie, but he has to be a good caterpillar.”