Show Me

by Janet Dailey

  Searing hot fires leapt through her at Patrick’s implication and Tanya hurried to banish the image of her in Jake’s arms. ‘His bedroom is across the hall. We don’t —’

  ‘Haven’t you got those drinks mixed yet, Raines?’ Jake’s voice slashed out at them from his position just behind Tanya. She spun around to stare into the cold anger on his face.

  ‘My, but you two look guilty,’ Sheila declared with kittenish delight. ‘What were you whispering about?’

  ‘Scotch and water all right with you, Jake?’ Patrick asked, deliberately ignoring his sister’s jibe as he handed her a drink.

  ‘Scotch and water is fine.’ Tanya met his chilling gaze defiantly, refusing to feel the tiniest pinprick of guilt over her completely innocent conversation with Patrick.

  ‘What shall we drink to?’ Sheila demanded, darting a coquettish look at Jake over her upraised glass. ‘To your homecoming?’

  ‘Let’s make it something we can all drink to,’ he suggested dryly. ‘Shall we say — to better days and brighter tomorrows.’

  Their glasses made a semblance of touching before they were raised to their lips. The bracing swallow of liquor had little effect on Tanya, not with the way Jake kept watching her, that and the sullen silence from Patrick.

  They were still standing near the bar, so there was always someone stopping to have a word with Jake and eliminating the opportunity for any more double-edged exchanges. Tanya moved to the side, appearing to be a part of the quartet but holding herself aloof while deliberately avoiding any eye contact with her husband and wishing she had never written the letter that had precipitated his return.

  ‘Well, Jake,’ a man exclaimed with a good-natured slap on his shoulder. ‘What are you going to do with yourself now that you’re back?’

  ‘The first thing I’m going to do is spend some time with my family,’ he announced. Sliding a glance at the darting look Tanya gave him before breaking contact quickly, ‘and get acquainted with my son.’

  ‘It’s too bad he’s in school right now,’ Sheila murmured. ’You’re going to have a lot of empty hours during the day.’

  ‘I’ll think of ways to fill them.’ A twisted smile lifted the corners of his mouth as Jake stared into the veiled promise in her dark eyes.

  The man missed the interchange between Jake and Sheila as he laughed, ‘I imagine the little woman will have a lot of plans that will only include the two of you. Isn’t that right, Mrs. Lassiter?’

  The colour washed out of Tanya’s face as she met the arrogant and amused smile on Jake’s satirical features.

  ‘Jake makes the plans,’ she smiled, not caring that she sounded like a dutiful wife bowing to the wishes of her husband. He would know that what she really meant was his plans didn’t include her.

  ‘If only my wife were that amenable!’ The man widened his eyes expressively.

  ‘I never thought of Tanya as being amenable,’ Jake declared with a mocking glint in his eyes.

  ‘Jake, the Harrises are leaving,’ his mother touched a hand to his arm. ‘Come and say goodbye to them.’

  ‘Of course.’ He nodded his excuse to the gathering as he wound his way through the thinning guests towards the sliding doors.

  ‘Come on, Sheila. It’s time we left, too,’ said Patrick, reaching out to take his sister’s arm. His dark head inclined towards Tanya. ’I’ll see you?’ he murmured.

  A cold hand closed over her heart, making her feel unnaturally chilled. Her troubled eyes met his questing gaze. ‘Yes, Patrick,’ she nodded absently, acquiescing because her thoughts were too tangled to make any coherent protest. Sheila flicked her an amused glance as she bade her an airy goodbye.

  Their departure seemed to signal an end to the party and a general exodus of the remaining guests began. As she repeated the polite words of parting, Tanya kept glancing towards the doors, expecting Jake to return before the last of the guests left. But there was no sign of him when the final couple departed and she breathed a sigh of relief.

  There was still a sound of voices in the foyer and in the front of the house, indicating her mother and father-in-law were occupied, probably along with Jake. Tanya didn’t want to chance a meeting with him inside, so she busied herself with collecting the glasses and scattered dishes on the patio, placing them on a trolley to be later wheeled into the house.

  Not a breeze stirred the air. The silence of the night was broken only by the distant, eerie cry of a screech-owl. Tanya paused near the far edge of the patio, turning her face up to the midnight sky with its smattering of stars and shimmering pale moon, savouring the stillness of the moment before a dim red glow caught her eyes among the trees. As she turned towards it, she saw a dark form separate itself from the shadows to make its way to the steps, artfully constructed to appear like natural stone formations. Tanya stiffened when the moonlight glistened on the bronzed tan of Jake’s face.

  ‘I thought you were saying goodbye to the guests,’ she accused.

  ‘I slipped away when nobody was looking.’ He didn’t glance her way as he reached the empty patio and sank into one of the cushioned chairs, taking a last drag on his cigarette before crushing it out in an ashtray. He was still carrying his drink and held it in both hands to stare with a frown into its pale amber depths.

  ‘Why?’ Tanya demanded, feeling an uncontrollable urge to bait him the way he had done all night. ‘Were you trying to figure out ways to meet Sheila on the sly? It shouldn’t be too difficult. She usually spends the summers on Patrick’s houseboat tied up at one of the marinas. It should prove to be a convenient rendezvous spot for you!’

  Two shafts of cold steel bored into her until he blocked her out of his vision by swallowing the remaining liquid in his glass. ‘Actually I was tired,’ Jake said with thinly disguised impatience. ‘I’ve crossed quite a few time zones since I left Africa.’

  There were lines of tiredness increasing the harshness of his face, but Tanya could summon no sympathy for him. Instead she directed her attention to the empty glass in his hands.

  ‘Are you through with that, or do you want another drink?’

  A bitter grimace chased across his mouth. ‘One is my limit now.’

  ‘Really?’ she deliberately made her voice sarcastic as he rose to his feet to place the glass on the trolley in front of her. ‘That doesn’t sound like the Jake Lassiter I remember.’

  ‘No, it probably doesn’t. I recall a night when I got so drunk that I couldn’t remember a thing, and less than a year later a girl shoves a baby under my nose and tells me it’s my son. An experience like that has a very sobering effect on a man.’

  Her gaze fell under the austerity of his. Her stomach twisted itself into knots as she tried to appear as calm as Jake, but her hands were trembling visibly. Tanya clasped them together, vividly aware of the way he towered over her and the muscles that rippled under his jacket.

  ‘I’ve often wondered,’ Jake continued when his statement was only met with silence, ‘what you recall about that night.’

  Tanya stared at her hands for a minute more before defiantly tossing back her head to meet his bland gaze. ‘The mind is a compassionate organ. It blocks out the unpleasant memories.’

  He didn’t appear the least disconcerted by her biting voice, lazily meeting the contempt in her blue eyes. ‘Was everything about the evening unpleasant?’ he asked without giving her time to reply. ‘The whole night wasn’t completely blacked out for me by drink. The first part is relatively clear. I remember meeting a very lovely and shy young girl at the Sedalia fair and asking her to dance with me. I even remember how prettily she blushed when I told her that her hair reminded me of skeins of antique gold. We didn’t talk very much, though. I just held her in my arms and made a pretence of moving my feet so it would seem as if we were dancing while I stared into those topaz eyes.’

  His voice was like velvet, weaving a magic spell that turned back the clock to that night. Tanya had only to shut her eyes to have that deliciously heady
sensation take possession of her at the thrill of being in his arms. She remembered that first tender kiss and the second that had been filled with such fierce passion. That was when she had fled from him, frightened by her own response and the desire that flamed inside her. A steel door clanged in her mind, shutting out the rest of her memories of that evening.

  ‘What are you trying to make me believe?’ she demanded bitterly. ‘That you actually cared about me? That I meant something to you? Was I really any more to you than a one-night stand?’

  His hands captured her shoulders, giving her a hard shake. ‘Tanya, damn it! I —’

  ‘You were going to come and see me the following weekend — or so you said!’ she accused shrilly. ‘You never meant to, and we both know it.’

  ‘My brother was killed in a car crash. I couldn’t come,’ he ground out savagely.

  ‘That was convenient, wasn’t it?’

  There was an exasperated movement of his brown head at the sarcasm in her voice and he dropped his hands from her shoulders, running a hand through his hair. ‘I don’t even remember telling you I’d come back. But I intended to until Jamie was killed.’ The weariness in his voice was not caused only by lack of sleep. ‘To be perfectly honest, nothing seemed to matter very much after he died. I’d almost forgot you existed until I accidentally ran into you.’

  ‘That I can believe,’ Tanya agreed bitterly.

  ‘That’s why you hate me, isn’t it?’ He held her gaze, refusing to let her look away. ‘Your ego was hurt because I took you and forgot you. You couldn’t even forgive me for that when I married you. You felt I owed it to you to marry you, to partially pay for one imprudent night.’

  ‘That’s not true,’ she protested, stung by the heartless picture he had painted of her. ‘I never intended you to know about John, not until we met accidentally … I never wanted to marry you, but when you found out about John, you threatened to take him away from me. The only reason I told you about him was —’ the muscles in her slender throat constricted and she had to wait a moment before continuing. ‘I told you because I wanted you to squirm, to feel some of the guilt and shame that I had. I only wanted money to take care of the bills. But you wanted the baby! You and your Lassiter money and Lassiter power and Lassiter name! First I’m treated like some cheap little tramp and forgotten, and then I’m supposed to be forgiving when you make me marry you in order to keep John! You ask the impossible.’

  His mouth was drawn into a grim, forbidding line. ‘You’ve never tried. We have never treated our marriage as any more than a masquerade. For our son’s sake, it’s about time we did. You admitted that much when you wrote that letter suggesting I come back, even if you didn’t think I would come.’

  ‘It won’t work, Jake.’ He seemed too close to her and Tanya took a quick step backwards, some unreadable light in his eyes sending her senses reeling.

  ‘I never said it would work!’ he exclaimed with a flash of angry impatience. ‘I said we should try. No marriage will work if the two people involved won’t try. You’re a beautiful and desirable woman, and I can’t believe you find me totally repulsive.’

  If only she did. Tanya wished silently, looking anywhere but at the compelling male face. ‘What are you asking, Jake?’ She spoke quietly, the hidden fear showing in her eyes when she glanced at him. ‘That I go to bed with you?’

  A cynical noise that resembled laughter sounded in his throat. ‘I know you probably think I’ve been in the tropics so long that my blood always runs hot,’ he jeered. ‘The answer is no, I’m not asking you to go to bed with me, although it might be the ultimate answer. What I do want you to do — or suggest that we do — is to treat each other like friends instead of enemies. To try to get to know one another as we really are and not any preconceived notion as to what we think each other is like. Call it a trial period or a truce or whatever, but we need to bury the past.’

  ‘It’s an excellent theory,’ Tanya agreed, gazing out into the tree-shadowed darkness of the night so he couldn’t see the slight wistfulness in her eyes. ‘I might even have considered it if it weren’t for the contemptible way you treated me tonight.’

  ‘You mean when I caught you kissing Raines?’ Jake asked, lighting another cigarette with studied nonchalance.

  ‘He has a first name. It’s Patrick!’

  Her quick defense only drew an amused smile. ‘I probably do owe you an apology for the way I manhandled you. We may be man and wife in name only, but I still consider you to be mine. I suppose seeing you in his arms was a blow to my male pride, and your insolent coolness didn’t help.’

  Tanya was quick to note that Jake never actually apologized, only admitting that he should, but it did mollify her a bit.

  ‘Well? Will you consider a trial period?’ Jake repeated, watching her through half-closed eyes.

  ‘What about Sheila?’ she asked stubbornly, part of her knowing she didn’t dare agree to his offer.

  ‘She doesn’t enter the picture at all.’

  ‘Doesn’t she?’ She arched an eyebrow in his direction. ‘You seemed quite glad to see her tonight. And you must have got to know each other rather well when you were in Africa together.’

  He seemed to hesitate before replying. ‘As for Sheila, there are times when a man needs a woman, disgusting as it must sound to you, and that’s the only explanation you’re going to get.’ His admission of an intimacy with Sheila didn’t bring the least glimmer of remorse or discomfort to his expression. ‘But our agreement would be strictly between the two of us.’

  ‘Are you saying that you won’t see Sheila?’

  ‘Are you saying that you won’t see Patrick?’ Jake countered swiftly, his eyes narrowing on the rosy hue of her cheeks.

  ‘I told you I haven’t been seeing him!’ Her temper flared at his implication that she was as unprincipled as he.

  ‘After tonight, I don’t think he’s going to be satisfied merely to gaze at you from afar. The taste of honey is addictive,’ a sardonic smile touched his mouth. ‘But that’s beside the point. You still haven’t answered whether you’ll agree to my proposal for a truce.’

  ‘What happens at the end of this trial period if I still despise you?’ Tanya demanded.

  ‘If, at the end of two or three months, we don’t feel our marriage could be in any way successful, then we’ll have to explore the alternatives,’ Jake told her.

  ‘Divorce?’ Tanya wondered why the word seemed to stick in her throat.

  ‘That would be the obvious one.’ Not even the layered clouds of cigarette smoke could hide the piercing regard of his eyes.

  ‘And if I don’t agree to your so-called truce, what then?’

  ‘Then things will continue on exactly as they are.’ There was no mistaking the inflexibility in his words.

  ‘That isn’t much of a choice, is it?’ Her amber eyes smouldered with her outrage.

  ‘It depends on the way you look at it,’ he said smoothly. ’Think it over and give me your answer in a couple of days.’ The next instant Tanya was staring at his retreating back.

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  Chapter Four

  TANYA ROLLED OVER on her back, pressing a hand against the dull ache in her head. Golden ribbons of sunlight streamed from her bedroom window. She sighed wearily without knowing exactly why. An odd depression seemed to be casting shadows over the morning and only when she blinked her eyes open did she remember the cause.

  Jake was home.

  With a little moan she buried her head in the pillow, her memory racing back over the events of the previous evening. He was back with the intention of staying. No longer would she be able to ignore the existence of her husband. The worst of it was, she couldn’t summon any hatred for him, only a nameless fear of the repercussions his return could bring and the terrifying thought that living with her day in and day out might enable him to guess the secret she had guarded so carefully.

  The door to her room burst open and John came tearing i
n. He catapulted himself to the side of the bed, stopping there to catch his breath as Tanya pushed herself into a sitting position.

  ‘Is it really true? Is my dad really here? Grandma said he’d come home. Where is he?’ The rapid-fire questions were hurled at her with unrestrained eagerness.

  John was too excited to notice that Tanya’s smile was forced. ‘Yes, he is here. He’s in the other bedroom sleeping.’

  ‘I’m going to go and see him!’

  Before Tanya could reach out to stop him, he had whirled around and headed for the door. ‘John, wait!’ she called sharply, swinging her feet on to the floor and reaching for the layered white chiffon robe to cover the silk of her nightgown.

  By the time she could cover the same distance to her bedroom door, John was flinging open the door on the opposite side of the hall. He stood poised inside the door, one hand still holding the knob when Tanya reached him.

  ‘Don’t wake him, John,’ she whispered firmly, her fingers settling on his shoulders to draw him silently out of the room.

  Then her peripheral vision saw the reason for John’s transfixed stance. Jake was standing in the doorway to the private bath. Dark blue trousers moulded his thighs and hips, but his chest was bare and very tanned. His thick, tobacco-brown hair still glistened from a shower while the clean scent of soap permeated the air. Amused blue eyes took in Tanya’s dishevelled appearance as an uncomfortable feeling of warmth stole over her face. Then his virile gaze swung down to the boy standing in front of her.

  ‘Good morning, John. You are John, aren’t you?’ Jake asked with a decided twinkle in his eyes.

  The silken brown head nodded affirmatively as John continued to stare at the man whose presence dominated the room. ‘Are you my dad?’ his small voice asked, a hint of doubt in his words that indicated that he was bracing himself for a denial.

  Jake’s answer was a simple and unequivocal, ‘Yes.’ But he made no move towards the boy.