by Janet Dailey
There was consolation in knowing that love wasn’t really love until she had given it to Jake and had it returned. And she was determined that he would never know that she found him more than physically attractive.
Still, it was in the hope of finding Jake that Tanya slipped out on to the patio, trying to fool herself into believing that she only wanted to see him to thank him once again for the roses. But it was his father she found relaxing in one of the cushioned redwood chairs on the moonlight-bathed patio.
‘Are you looking for Jake?’ he inquired with a twinkle in his eyes, and didn’t wait for her reply. ‘He’s in the study looking over some blueprints and specifications on a new project. I don’t think he’d mind the interruption.’
‘No, I wasn’t looking for him,’ Tanya lied quickly, oddly embarrassed by J.D.’s acute perception. ‘John is in bed and I thought I’d step out for a breath of fresh air before doing the same.’
‘The air is free for the breathing,’ he noted blandly, tamping down the tobacco in his pipe before holding a match to it. He gestured towards a nearby chair. ‘Sit down. It’s a peaceful night.’
Tanya took the chair he had indicated and leaned against the cushioned back, finding he was right; it was a very peaceful night. For long moments they sat in silence; the fragrant scent of pipe smoke was the only thing that reminded her she wasn’t alone.
‘You and Jake seem to be getting along a great deal better,’ J.D. commented quietly through the bite of his pipe.
Instantly alert, she slid a quick glance in his direction to find him studying the bowl of his pipe. But his eyes flicked up to catch her glance.
‘You don’t hate my son any more, do you, Tanya?’
‘No,’ she replied without elaborating further. She tried looking the other way, hoping to end the conversation before it had begun.
‘When you first came here, I believe every breath you drew was a reminder to hate him for as long as you lived. Of course, time has a way of robbing the satisfaction from making life miserable for a man who made a regrettable mistake.’
‘Perhaps that’s true,’ Tanya sighed. ‘Or maybe time puts things in their proper perspective. A person can’t condemn a man all his life for one painful hurt.’
‘I’m glad you said that.’ There was a smile in the older man’s voice. ‘Maybe there’s a chance the two of you can make your marriage work the way it should.’
‘I wouldn’t count on that, J.D.’ Her face was clouded with a wistful sadness. ‘That’s asking too much of vows taken without love.’
‘Love is like a cedar tree. It can grow in the most unlikely places, places where it doesn’t seem to stand a chance of surviving. And a love like that, able to surpass all the obstacles, is a most precious thing.’
‘Don’t — please!’ The words were torn from the terrible agony in her throat. ‘I know you’re trying to assure me that something good can happen after seven years, but don’t raise your hopes.’ Tears were scorching the back of her eyes. ‘A love like that would be a miracle, and I don’t think God is giving them away this year.’
‘I didn’t mean to upset you, child,’ J.D. frowned, but Tanya was already rising from her chair to race inside the house. She couldn’t let his impossible dream take hold of her heart. Realistically she knew it didn’t stand a chance of coming true.
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Chapter Seven
THE VOICES of both small boys were clamouring to be heard at the same time. Jake finally put two fingers in his mouth, emitting a shrill whistle that brought instant silence. Tanya bit back a smile, knowing firsthand how lively two seven-year-olds could be.
‘The first place we’re going to go is to Grandfather’s Mansion,’ Jake decreed, holding up his hand as John groaned, ‘But I wanted to go to Fire-in-the-Hole first!’
‘Me too,’ Danny Gilbert chimed in.
‘Grandfather’s Mansion,’ Jake repeated firmly. ‘We’ll work our way around the park to Fire-in-the-Hole.’ His tone of voice brooked no opposition and the boys meekly gave in, setting off ahead in the direction of the general store. An eyebrow raised in amusement as Jake put a guiding hand on Tanya’s elbow. ‘What a pair!’
‘I wondered if you knew what you were letting yourself in for when you suggested that John bring a friend along to Silver Dollar City,’ she laughed.
‘You didn’t think I was going to take him through Fire-in-the-Hole, did you?’ Jake grinned.
‘I should have known there was a method to your madness.’
Her smile accented the already radiant glow in her face that had nothing to do with the warm June sun, nor with the fact that she looked very attractive in her slim-fitting blue slacks and the tightly woven lace blouse that hinted at the golden colour of her skin without revealing it. It was based on the warm friendliness of the man at her side and the easygoing relationship that had developed between them since the close of school and their more frequent outings with John.
‘That Danny is a very curious boy.’ Jake was watching with amusement as the two youngsters produced their tickets and entered the topsy-turvy fun house with gay abandon. ‘I had the impression I was being interrogated on the ride here.’
‘You were.’ Her gold-flecked eyes danced with merriment as she met his curious glance. ‘Danny Gilbert is the boy who had serious doubts that John had a father in Africa or that he had a father at all. Hence all the questions about lions and tigers and zebras.’
‘Don’t forget the elephants,’ Jake reminded her with an amused shake of his head.
‘And the giraffes. I think you let John down terribly when you told Danny that most of the animals were in game preserves,’ Tanya scolded him with mock dismay.
‘You should have warned me beforehand that Danny was the instigator of the letter that brought me home. I could have made up a tall tale of a safari into the jungle.’
‘I think John is quite satisfied just to have you home.’
Jake’s eyes travelled lightly over her face. ‘How about you? Are you glad I’m home?’ There was a watchful stillness in his expression.
‘There are moments when you’re handy to have around,’ Tanya replied, refusing to answer his question seriously. ‘You’re an excellent live-in baby-sitter for John.’
‘It’s nice to be useful,’ he commented with a teasing smile, not pressing for any other kind of admission. ‘Speak of the devil, here they come now.’
Danny and John burst from the side exit door with the same exuberance as when they had entered, dashing like a pair of whirlwinds towards Jake and Tanya.
‘Where to next?’ John asked in breathless excitement.
‘The candy shop,’ Tanya answered.
‘We have a sweet tooth in the crowd,’ Jake teased.
‘Not really,’ she demurred gaily. ‘I like to watch them make it, though.’
Over a quarter of an hour later, the foursome walked out of the shop, all munching on a sample piece of freshly made peanut brittle.
‘Can we go see the wooden Indians next?’ Danny asked. At Jake’s nod of agreement, he grabbed hold of John’s arm. ‘Come on. Let’s go over the swinging bridge.’
Jake and Tanya set out after them at a more leisurely pace. Two teenage girls came walking towards them, giggling behind their hands and glancing over their shoulders, not paying the slightest bit of attention to where they were going.
One girl would have walked right into Jake if he hadn’t put his hands out to stop her. She glanced up at him in surprise, her face turning a brilliant shade of red as she mumbled a stammering ’Excuse me.’
‘It was my pleasure,’ Jake winked, a wide smile on his face as he released his hold on her shoulders.
Tanya knew by the dazed look on the girl’s face that the Lassiter charm had made another conquest. She heard the awed exchanges after they had continued on their way and she smiled in secret agreement at the compliments they gave Jake.
‘What’s that smug smile for?’ he asked, his g
aze running possessively over her face.
‘Oh, those girls thought you were very handsome,’ she mocked, provocatively glancing at him out of the corner of her eyes, reaching out to put a trailing hand on the bridge railing. The boys were just ahead, their heads hanging over the railing as they gazed into the ravine below.
‘Do you agree with their opinion?’ he asked with lazy interest.
She pretended to study his face as though it hadn’t already been implanted in her mind’s eye. ‘I think,’ tilting her head to one side to get a better view of his artfully carved features, ‘you’re a bit too arrogant to be truly handsome.’
A low, rumbling sound of laughter followed her words as Jake reached out to enclose her waist with his hands. ‘Tanya Lassiter, you’re flirting with me,’ he accused. Rolling waves of warmth spread out from where his hands touched her.
‘I wasn’t,’ her breathy protest was enforced by her fingers moving out to touch the tanned flesh of his bare arms in an attempt to ward him off.
‘You were, too, and you’re going to have to pay the consequences,’ he averred, his gaze centred on her parted lips.
‘Jake, there are people watching.’ She glanced around quickly and couldn’t see a soul anywhere near them. ‘And … and I don’t see the boys.’
‘If those are the only reasons you have for not wanting me to kiss you, I’ll wait for a more opportune moment,’ he agreed, flicking a finger over the pink colour in her cheek.
They caught up with the boys at the woodcarver’s shop, lingered with the youngsters as they watched a woodcarver at work, strolled through the area where the carvings were for sale, and paused in front of the wooden Indian at the entrance door. It was every bit as tall as Tanya, dressed in buckskins and a feathered warbonnet, implacable and proud, his hands folded in front of him.
‘How would you like to have him guarding the foyer at home?’ Jake asked John, who was studiously studying every hand-carved detail.
‘I think it would be great, but I bet Grandmother wouldn’t,’ the silken brown head nodded sagely.
‘You’re probably right there, John,’ Jake agreed, ruffling the soft hair affectionately. He glanced at Tanya, an enigmatic expression on his face. ‘I do envy that Indian.’
‘Why?’ A curious smile etched in her face.
‘I don’t have a wooden heart like he does.’
Her pulse responded to the softly worded statement, pounding at a furious pace at the base of her throat. He was only flirting with her as she had done with him, but it disturbed her more than she cared to have him know. Luckily the boys were there and she could transfer her attention to them and remove herself from the disturbing gleam in Jake’s eyes.
‘Do you want to visit the Flooded Mine next?’ she asked, knowing she would be met by instant affirmation. Tanya turned a composed smile towards Jake. ‘I’d suggest the glass-blowing factory, but I’m afraid they’d be like bulls in a china shop.’
‘Oh, boy, the Flooded Mine!’ Danny yelped.
‘Are you two going to come along this time?’ John asked, looking hopefully at his father.
Tanya was about to agree when Jake put a hand on her shoulder, his sudden touch stealing away her voice. ‘No, you and Danny go by yourselves,’ he commanded.
Minutes later Tanya stood near the fence protecting the moat-surrounded, so-called Flooded Mine watching as John and Danny disappeared into the tunnel. Jake was standing directly behind her, the heat from his body almost as warm as the sun’s rays.
‘Do you?’ he asked cryptically.
‘Do I what?’ She half-turned to look at him over her shoulder. The light breeze blew a lock of hair across her cheek which Jake gently pushed back behind her ear.
‘Do you have a wooden heart?’
‘Of course not,’ Tanya laughed, trying to make his question a joke while her nerves vibrated from his nearness.
‘Supposing I fell in love with you, what would you do?’ Jake asked calmly. Her eyes widened in surprise overlaid with fear. ‘Don’t look so frightened,’ he mocked. ‘I didn’t say I was, only supposing I was in love with you.’
She turned abruptly away from him, her gaze searching wildly about her for some avenue of escape, even as her heart palpitated at the overpowering thought. ‘I never supposed any such thing, so I don’t know what I would do,’ she murmured.
‘I don’t know why you wouldn’t suppose it,’ Jake continued blandly. ‘You’re a beautiful and desirable woman. We’ve got along very well these last couple of months. I already know you’re an excellent mother. You have a decidedly old-fashioned outlook on things which I admire and respect. In fact, you have most of the qualities I would want in a wife. A real wife, I’m talking about.’
‘Now you’re the one who’s flirting with me,’ she teased, but her legs were beginning to refuse to support her.
‘Maybe,’ he agreed smoothly. ‘What I said is also the truth. Now that I’m home, I want to stay here. The idea of home and hearth and a pretty wife to bring me my slippers and paper is very appealing. When I look at John, I think it would be good for him to have a brother … maybe even a sister with tawny eyes and unusual streaked blonde hair.’ His breath was stirring her hair with a devastating effect on her senses.
‘Don’t … don’t talk that way,’ Tanya breathed, starting to move away before his velvet words could wreak more havoc, but his hands closed over her shoulders, bringing them back against his chest.
‘Why not?’ he murmured near her ear. ‘After these last few weeks, would you still find it so very hard to love me?’
‘No … I mean, yes …’ The nibbling caress on her ear was destroying all ability for coherent thought.
His low chuckle rippled over her. ‘Make up your mind. Is it yes or no?’
‘Please, Jake,’ she gulped, moving determinedly away in a desperate need to put space between them. ‘I can’t think straight when you do that.’
‘That’s a step in the right direction,’ he murmured with a lazy smile.
‘It doesn’t mean anything. Every human being responds to a caress,’ she corrected quickly. Deprived of his touch, she was fighting the withdrawal pains attacking her heart. ‘I like you. I think you’re a good father. You’re an attractive man as well. But I don’t think I want to complicate my life by falling in love with you.’
The frown on his face was a mixture of curiosity and amusement. ‘How would falling in love with me complicate your life? Surely it would simplify it, since you’re already married to me.’
‘You don’t understand,’ Tanya protested, finding herself caught in a trap of her own making.
‘I’m trying to,’ Jake answered patiently. ‘Perhaps you could explain it to me.’
‘No,’ she shook her head in desperation, ‘I don’t think so.’
‘Why not?’ His gaze had become sharp and the hooded look was back in his eyes.
‘I just don’t want to,’ Tanya shrugged helplessly. ‘Not now anyway.’
‘I’m not playing games with you, Tanya,’ Jake said quietly. ’I’m deadly serious when I tell you I want to make our marriage work. It hasn’t been easy, but lately we’ve been able to put the past behind us. Don’t try to hang on to that old bitterness of the past. It will only sour the future.’
‘I know,’ she sighed, a wistfully sad look in her eyes when she met his gaze. ‘But there are some things a person just can’t forget, no matter how hard they try.’
‘You’ve got to, Tanya,’ he said grimly. ‘You’ve got to, or else all this is in vain.’
‘You said yourself, Jake, that it would take time. Wishing won’t make it go, away,’ she murmured.
‘Do you believe that we have a chance?’ he asked softly. Tanya glanced up to see he had moved a step closer to her.
‘Sometimes,’ she breathed, gazing into his lazy, half-closed eyes. ‘Sometimes I do.’
‘I’m just going to have to change that “sometimes” into “most of the time”,’ he smiled, the co
nfidence in his voice indicating that he could do it with a snap of his fingers.
‘I wish you could.’ Tanya lowered her chin only to have him capture it in his hand and raise it back up.
‘All you have to do is meet me halfway. I’ve never asked you to do all the giving,’ said Jake. ‘But marriage isn’t a fifty-fifty proposition, as some people say. It has to be one hundred per cent on both sides to be a success.’
‘Have you ever considered that you might be asking too much from both of us?’ whispering the chilling question that put such a cold finger of dread on her heart.
‘Have you ever considered the possibility that you’re making mountains out of molehills?’ His teasing question was accompanied by a mockingly exasperated shake of his head. ‘You can question something to death, you know. Let’s take this whole thing as it comes and stop trying to rush the fences.’
‘Blind faith in the future?’ Tanya smiled.
‘Don’t you believe that I would guide you safely?’ But he seemed to sense her unwillingness to reply to that question, knowing it would require an admission that she wasn’t ready to make. Instead he reached out for her hand. ‘Here come the boys. Prepare yourself for the onslaught. Fire-in-the-Hole is the next stop.’
Fire-in-the-Hole, Tree-top House, the Float Trip — they made all the rides except for the Steam Train. They stopped to watch the construction of a log cabin, candles being made, and a potter at his wheel.
At the spinning shop, a woman demonstrated the use of a spinning wheel to make wool into yarn and showed them the weasel used to measure yarn into skeins. Forty turns of the weasel’s wheel equalled a skein. The woman pointed out the notched metal disc in the wheel, explaining that there were forty notches to save the pioneers from counting each revolution. On the fortieth turn, a block fell into place, preventing the wheel from turning. The woman smiled warmly, ‘Or to quote the nursery rhyme —“pop goes the weasel”,’ to the delight of the crowd.
